{"id":26291,"date":"2021-06-04T08:36:15","date_gmt":"2021-06-04T12:36:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/?p=26291"},"modified":"2021-06-04T08:36:17","modified_gmt":"2021-06-04T12:36:17","slug":"week-1-previews-were-back-baby","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/week-1-previews-were-back-baby\/","title":{"rendered":"Week 1 Previews (We’re back, baby!)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

written by JW<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well, none of us have any idea who the hell is left on what team, or who instead decided to move to Antarctica, but here we go\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Denim Demons vs. Gremlins<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ok, I do know that the Demons got a new goalie this season. I met him at the free agent scrimmage, and can attest that he is a nice guy and a solid goalie. They also added at least one skilled forward. Other than that, I can\u2019t say if Popack is just camped out outside Boston Garden for every Bruins game, or if she will be in attendance on Sunday. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Conversely, the Gremlins will not have Jamie in net, as he apparently joined the Canadian Royal Mounted Police. We wish him well in his new venture, but this will surely make this a tougher matchup for the Grems. The Gremlins have added new players as well, though, so only time will tell. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

While I do not care about my birthday, BTSH finally returning is the greatest birthday gift I could ever receive. Sadly, Tracy, I will not be able to celebrate with Fudgie The Whale, nor Cookie Puss, this year.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prediction:<\/em> Jamie returns from Canada just in time to suit up for this game, and it tops BTSH returning as the greatest birthday gift I\u2019ve ever received. (Ok, that is less of a prediction and more my wishful thinking.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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The good ol’ days. <\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Fuzz vs. Lbs, Inc.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This rematch of the (incredibly asterisked) 2019 final likely involves some type of absurd bet between Rich and Alex where the loser has to go streaking through the quad (Zisser will do so regardless of who wins or loses). But more importantly it involves the UN<\/strong>retirement of legendary goaltender and the only BTSHer left who was born in 1800s, Coach. Coach and Tim are going to split time in net for Fuzz this season, and while I actually have no idea which one of them is playing this game I had to mention Coach\u2019s triumphant return. Hmm, it also just occurred to me that I am curious what the inevitable wager between Boylan and Rich will be\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prediction: <\/em>Zisser doesn\u2019t actually go streaking through the quad after the game, but instead just starts the game buck ass naked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Gouging Anklebiters vs. Rehabs<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Craig is back, that I know. Hopefully Phil and Amy are too. Probert has brought some young talent to the Biters in recent years and it has paid dividends. They\u2019re a cohesive and skilled team who still always put fun ahead of hockey, the BTSH way. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As for the Rehabs, I remember when the Rehabs were Blandi, Kehoe, MDF, Sena, Welch, etc. I don\u2019t know a lot of their newer players, but I know Sena is still here, and presume that Welch is too. I also know that as a team they bring the heat, and can beat any team in the league handily on a good day. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prediction:<\/em> This one comes down to a goaltending battle, as each team has incredible skill between the pipes. Either Sarah M. or Cherie with the game winner in OT. Who you got?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tompkins Square Riots vs. Instant Karma<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know nothing about what’s new with the Riots, but I do know that Dave GDR is starting his 20th (!!!) year in the league this year. (It would be 21, if last year hadn’t been cancelled.) I could make a joke here that Dave’s tenure in the league is older than some of the new players, but that would be low hanging fruit, even for me. So instead I will just give him big ups for the staying power, and try to learn more about the Riots’ roster for the next preview. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instant Karma look very strong this season, and Isaac’s recruiting pool of former ECHL, former NWHL, and current NHL players is going to be difficult to contend with for any team. Steve is always solid in net, and the whole team is a friendly and skilled bunch. But we still miss Nicole and Chadwick. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prediction: <\/em>Karma know how to party, and know how to light the lamp. They’ll be doing both, in reverse order, this Sunday. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mutt Rot vs. Poutine Machine<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The big story of this season is the only team merger, that of Gut Rot and Mathematics. Both teams lost a few members, and had many members with uncertain attendance this season, so Diane and Zach decided to join forces. Makes sense, right? (Oh…they’re married, for you new jacks.) These two teams get along incredibly well off the courts, but will they gel together on the court? That remains to be seen. But also it doesn’t really matter because BTSH is only like 10% about hockey. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hmm, but they are playing against a team who seems to think that BTSH is 90% about hockey. Interesting dichotomy, here. However, the real story of this game is that McGinty is playing against his old team (or, umm, half his old team?). Having left Mathematics for Poutine after the 2019 season, his first game with Poutine is a (coincidental?) matchup. Will he remember which net to shoot at? (Maybe.) Will he shotgun beers and do push-ups both before and after the game? (Yes, definitely.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prediction: <\/em>Poutine win, and really care about it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Gut<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Butchers vs. Corlears Hookers<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I do not know much about the Butchers’ roster for this year, but I am not even sure they know? I do know that Tim Burke is back (hmm, I am sensing a theme that I only know about the goalies), and I know that Rachel, Arthur, Georgine, Pete D. are back in action. I mean, they’ll probably have enough players. All of us will PROBABLY have enough players…..right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As for the Hooks, Lee has moved to New England but will apparently still be commuting in for every game. I assume Danilo is still on the Hooks so we’ll keep an eye on the Danilo vs. Arthur matchup in this one. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prediction:<\/em> The various shades of maroon and purple jerseys all blend together and no one knows what’s going on. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dark Rainbows vs. Mega Touch<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s no secret that these are two of my favorite teams. But I’ve long belabored that point, and I keep forgetting that we may actually have new readers this year, yet even they won’t wanna hear it. So let’s instead start with some basics for the new people. The Rainbows are the pink team. Mega are the gray team. Go hang out with the Rainbows if you want someone to be nice to you (Tia), if you want cute dogs, and if you want bad pizza (is Baker’s even still open? Let’s hope not.). Go hang out with Mega if you want someone to give you candy (Julie), if you like v-necks and jorts, and if you can appreciate deep and biting sarcasm (Alex). This is all you really need to know. Oh, and apparently Tarny left the ‘Bows this year. But that’s a story for another game preview…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prediction: <\/em>The new people flock to watch this game. All they heard was \u201ccandy\u201d. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Cobra Kai vs. Fresh Kills<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s been so long that I forget what everyone even looks like, and who people are. I am going to assume that “LJ” is former NFL defensive end Lawrence Jackson, and that Will “Green” is the team’s mascot, based on their team color? One thing no one can forget is Russell’s chirps. I’ve been hearing mixed stories about whether Campbell is back, but if he is it won’t be easy going for Fresh Kills.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For FK I heard a rumour that Meg is bringing in some Colby talent. I know that Ariel is still around and up to his old tricks. Is Gabe’s daughter enough to play yet? This pandemic certainly made it feel like that much time has passed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prediction: <\/em>In terms of actual hockey skill and a tight matchup, this could be the game of the week. But more importantly: someone please shut Russell up. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What The Puck vs. Filthier<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Has anyone in BTSH history ever poached more players than Hogg has? I mean this guy is a bigger headhunter than Dave St. Jules\u2019 shot (like 3 people get this joke). First it was Ed, and now this year Becca and Tarny. Before we know it every player in the league will be on WTP and WTP will have no other teams to play against. Hmm, wait, then every player in the league would win a championship. How did we never think of this before?? Speaking of Ed, will fatherhood slow him down at all? Will it even matter with Hogg and Tarny each averaging like 3 points per game?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When it comes to scoring a lot, Filthier is a name that comes up often. I saw Danielle scouting at the free agent scrimmage, so I guess they have still yet to figure out a way to clone Suvin. Despite that, I am going to venture a guess that they still have that scoring knack. Also, as long as Tim K. can remember how to play without rollerblades they\u2019ll have strong goaltending. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prediction:<\/em> Ann and James take a break from being the face of Islanders\u2019 televised broadcasts to make an appearance on opening day. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

written by JW Well, none of us have any idea who the hell is left on what team, or who instead decided to move to Antarctica, but here we go\u2026 Denim Demons vs. Gremlins Ok, I do know that the Demons got a new goalie this season. I met him at the free agent scrimmage, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1401,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-26291","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-league-info"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26291"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1401"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=26291"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26291\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":26299,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26291\/revisions\/26299"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=26291"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=26291"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=26291"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}