{"id":26368,"date":"2021-07-01T12:34:35","date_gmt":"2021-07-01T16:34:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/?p=26368"},"modified":"2021-07-01T12:34:37","modified_gmt":"2021-07-01T16:34:37","slug":"if-every-team-was-a-firework","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/if-every-team-was-a-firework\/","title":{"rendered":"If Every Team was a Firework"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By christo_the_hawk and Dingle McCringle<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What\u2019s that? No games this week? That means it\u2019s time for\u2026.FILLER CONTENT. Which firework each BTSH team is and why. Please leave all complaints by tagging Russo. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Firecrackers. <\/strong>These are The Hookers. Easy to light up (kind of like how Fuzz lit them up 8-1 last week) and tend to make a lot of noise (kind of like Lee). There\u2019s so many different kinds that range from playful to deadly (like the M-80)\u2014just like playing this team, have fun but watch out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Smoke bombs- <\/strong>Fuzz are smoke bombs because they\u2019re the only Suffolk County Police Department approved 4th of July \u201cfirework\u201d (besides sparklers). Always fun to make a ton of smoke, but once it clears, you\u2019re left standing going, \u201cNow what?\u201d I have it on good authority that smoke bombs are Hero\u2019s preferred lack of fireworks anyways.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Novelty fireworks<\/strong>– There isn\u2019t one type of novelty firework\u2014they come in all shapes and sizes. Which is fitting for Lbs., because with a roster of 37 in 2019, they too came in all shapes and sizes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Fountains<\/strong>– MEGA TOUCH! Because if you Mega Touch a firework, your fingers are going bye-bye. Also, being one of the older teams age-wise in BTSH, Mega Touch must\u2019ve found the FOUNTAIN of youth to continue to battle it out every week in close games. Bum dum tss.   <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Ground Spinners- <\/strong>A unique firework that stays on the ground and shoots sparks in a circular motion, Rehabs get this one for their O-zone passing. Easy to tire opposing teams out when you\u2019re able to move the ball around the horn like they can. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Sparklers<\/strong> Gonna give this to the Rainbows. They\u2019re fun, a fan favorite, and can burn you if you\u2019re not totally careful. Also, no offense, but the team is getting a little OLD so the nostalgia of sparklers pairs nicely with the aging dudes on the team. Also this is Jess so you can\u2019t get mad at me for saying it guys. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Poppers-<\/strong> The Demons. These things scare the shit out of me and people 1000% still use them to throw at each other like assholes. I don\u2019t even consider these fireworks, just incredibly effective torture devices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Roman Candles<\/strong>– It\u2019s advised you avoid holding these while shooting them but we all know there\u2019s plenty of dumbasses who only want to hold them and shoot them because iTs MoRe FuN tHaT wAy. And those dumbasses are Poutine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Bottle Rockets- <\/strong>Bottle rockets are like a scarier version of roman candles. So it makes sense this goes to Fresh Kills, a scarier team with more Canadians than Poutine. Much like FK, bottle rockets are incredibly dangerous. And much like the FK Canadians once their green cards get checked by an anonymous caller, they\u2019re also banned in several states.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Parachutes<\/strong> There are multiple \u2018fun\u2019 and \u2018safe\u2019 fireworks in this lineup but I\u2019m going to give this one to the Gremlins because the esteemed fireworks article I read said these were also \u2018boring\u2019 and…has anyone ever heard Walker drone on about a movie from the 80s? Salt boys and crew luckily make up for it and add to the \u2018fun\u2019 part. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Aerial Repeaters<\/strong>– Sky Fighters. Not only for the name, but these fireworks are a fun bundle of multiple, smaller fireworks that pack a punch (kind of like Emily). A backyard crowd favorite that usually makes for a good time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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3, 2, 1 Boom! is what Emily says to a team before she scores<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Peony<\/strong> When people think of fireworks they usually picture a Peony, the convention big ass firework. Peonies are a crowd pleaser and usually get it done, much like Filthier. No frills but a big display of power.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Girandola <\/strong>What the Puck is a Girandola? These firework names are getting ridiculous. Girandolas spin up in the sky leaving a long trail in their wake. Just like WTP\u2019s fast and cut-throat rise towards the upper divisions these past few seasons.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Chrysanthemum- <\/strong>A beautiful firework with a big bang, faded trails, and unique burst patterns, it sounds just like Riots. They embody all the ubiquitousness Tompkins has to offer, with skilled players, wily vets, and drink-you-under-the-table wildcards. Beautiful to watch, hard to replicate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Flying Fish- <\/strong>Sounds like a Karate Move so Cobra Kai is \u201cThe Flying Fish\u201d. These fireworks have colorful stars and resemble swarm-like movements of fish in the water. And the always colorful Russ would like everyone to know Liam had a hat trick in Week 1. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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The Willow- <\/strong>The Willow resembles the long limbs and canopy of a Willow tree, which ALSO resembles the lucious flow of Stephen and Derek\u2019s hair. Instant Karma are…The Willow. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Comet- <\/strong>Anklebiters are the Comet because they\u2019re out of this world!!! (I\u2019ll show myself out.) But also, Probie is fast. Ta-Daaaa!!  <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Crosette- <\/strong>With a Crosette, you get the best of two fireworks\u2014the Peony and the Comet. And with Rotten Math, you get the best of two teams! Once Rotten Math has a chance to vibe with their new teammates, look for them to light it up like a Crosette. <\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Skyrocket- <\/strong>All of these firework names sound like they could be for Skyfighters. However, Skyrockets are so obviously the Butchers. Noted as a \u2018great choice if you want to build up to a bigger display\u2019, The Butchers always seem to build as the season progresses, being most dangerous in their final(s) form.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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how fast Akhil thinks his shot looks<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By christo_the_hawk and Dingle McCringle What\u2019s that? No games this week? That means it\u2019s time for\u2026.FILLER CONTENT. Which firework each BTSH team is and why. Please leave all complaints by tagging Russo.  Firecrackers. These are The Hookers. Easy to light up (kind of like how Fuzz lit them up 8-1 last week) and tend to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6604,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-26368","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-league-info"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26368"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6604"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=26368"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26368\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":26369,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26368\/revisions\/26369"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=26368"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=26368"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=26368"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}