{"id":26460,"date":"2021-07-22T15:05:09","date_gmt":"2021-07-22T19:05:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/?p=26460"},"modified":"2021-07-22T15:14:39","modified_gmt":"2021-07-22T19:14:39","slug":"week-6-previews-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/week-6-previews-3\/","title":{"rendered":"Week 6 Previews"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By Stoop Dogg<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Good afternoon BTSHers, it\u2019s your friendly neighborhood DJ Stoop Dogg coming at you live from my studio apartment and thank heavens for that, because 100% of what I have just been googling would have been blocked on my work computer and 1000% would have been escalated to HR if anybody saw me googling it on my phone. I am pleased to say this was a very educational and enlightening article and I can\u2019t wait for the targeted ads I\u2019m going to start getting.  Anyway onto this, in the word\u2019s of Frey, \u201cVery Sexy,\u201d article. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

LEGALLY REQUIRED DISCLAIMER: If you are under the age of 18 or the young and impressionable Sweet Baby James, you must stop reading immediately!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
SBJ, I\u2019m serious. Stop scrolling.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

What the Puck vs. Dark Rainbows<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Bullet Vibrator, every young woman\u2019s first vibe – it\u2019s small, it\u2019s discrete, unsuspectingly powerful, and always gets you over the goal line. What the Puck, I dub thee The Bullet Vibrator. Huzzah!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dark Rainbows, despite your name, you are a very lively, playful, and colorful group. You work hard, put in maximum effort, and earn every win. So for that, you are the Sex Position Coloring Book\u2026 fun and educational!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Lbs vs. Butchers<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lbs could easily be every sex toy under the sun. Maybe it\u2019s Frey, maybe it\u2019s knowing that some of you are super into eating booty, I DON\u2019T KNOW! But y\u2019all are freaks and I say that with the utmost love and respect. Anyway, hockey wise, you\u2019re really high level, you usually win, and then most of you stay and get weird after you play. Without further ado, you are the Cowgirl Premium Sex Machine with the Buckwild Double Penetration Attachment. Imagine a horse saddle, with a dildo glued to the top of it, that vibrates. Wow. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sex Swings. They sound like a good time, I mean, regular swings were always a blast, add in sex, it\u2019s double the fun! The swing also probably adds a little spice, a little je ne sais quoi, to those closed door naked activities, and maybe some needed leverage? This is guess work here. There\u2019s another very aspect of a good swing, for sex or otherwise, and that\u2019s a strong foundation. Butchers embody the sex swing – they\u2019re fun, they\u2019re spicy, and rock hard, I mean solid. Rock Solid. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Denim Demons vs. Gouging Anklebiters<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Demons, you are 50 feet of red colored Hemp Bondage Rope. Resourceful, creative, and a little too hardcore sometimes. You just have a real Bondage rope kind of vibe. Maybe it\u2019s the Russian factor. But, I mean, you named yourself the Demons. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019ll take \u201cEmbodying Butt Plugs\u201d for 500, Alex.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cName the BTSH team that is simultaneously a pleasure and a massive pain in the ass. Hint: they are very nice off the courts, a team you want to party with, but during games, they go hard and sometimes can be a bit irritating to play against.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat is Gouging Anklebiters?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat is correct, Gouging Anklebiters is correct.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Filthier vs. Poutine Machine<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Filthier, feels like you should be something super dirty, and not just because of your name. You\u2019re a good team but you are also an under the radar physical team. That\u2019s why the  \u201cIntermediate Bondage Kit\u201d seems rather fitting. It\u2019s pretty, it\u2019s pink, and it matches your uniform!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Poutine Machine, you are the POCKET PUSSAY! Ehm, Pocket Pussy. The end. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Corlears Hookers vs. Skyfighters<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hookers, you are like the second string QB. You\u2019re good, but you\u2019re not great. You have some insecurities, but are still rather outgoing and because you aren\u2019t the GOAT, you have to put in a little extra effort when picking up the honeys and between the sheets. So, you are the Dual Pleaser Vibrating Cock Ring. For his and her pleasure. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019re a solid team, who is nice and not polarizing. You hang out at the courts and are a great add to any event. Rarely, if ever, the butt of jokes in the media or a source of drama. Skyfighters, you are Lube. Much like the slippery substance, you are under appreciated and make everything better. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rotten Math vs. Mega Touch<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

They\u2019re liked by all (or most anyway), as close to classic, OG BTSH as you can get, skilled if not older than average. Yes, it\u2019s true, Rotten Math is none other than your classic 80\u2019s porno. Sweet \u2018staches, real tits (such a friendly word)<\/a>, and full bush all around!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They\u2019re not necessarily known for their hockey prowess, but frankly skill isn\u2019t what counts in this league. It\u2019s about who best embodies the spirit of BTSH, and that would be Mega Touch. They\u2019re fun to play with, they\u2019re fun to play against, they\u2019re silly, they\u2019re colorful in personality, their jerseys have a  bunch of hands outstretched to touch you. I\u2019ll just come out and say it – Mega Touch, you are Edible Body Paint. When they touch you, they touch you Mega, and always with consent. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Gremlins vs. Instant Karma<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

They\u2019re mouthy and really enjoy sideline reffing. Wouldn\u2019t it be nice if there was a way to silence that\u2026oh, wait, there is! Gremlins you have won yourselves the Ball Gag!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instant Karma, you don\u2019t take yourselves too seriously. You like to play hockey and win games but you like to drink and party way more. This makes you the perfect candidate to be awarded the Sex and Mischief Enchanted Feather Tickler. Saucy, silly, and magical good time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Fuzz vs Fresh Kills<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fresh Kills can never seem to keep their sticks down clearly making them the \u201cPegasus Curved Realistic Harness Set\u201d aka a Strap-on that is always up.. It has a wireless remote with 15 vibration patterns and 6 intensity levels. Bummer, it doesn\u2019t seem to come in their team color. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you guessed Fuzzy Handcuffs for Fuzz, you guessed right! In their heads, they\u2019re tough, bad ass, HARDCORE! In reality, they\u2019re just some soft, fluffy restraints. It\u2019s in the name. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Riots vs. Cobra Kai<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

While I don\u2019t want to label one team more Feminist or better Feminists than another team (all of you are great Feminists, if this were Brownies or Boy Scouts, you\u2019d all be able to sew your Feminist patch onto your sashes, A+ work guys), however one team who has always been very loud & proud about it would be the Riots. So, for that reason, your sex toy is ** drum roll please ** the Cock Cage! Keeping those men and their hormones in line. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nipple Clamps, so much pleasure in so much pain, or at least I think that\u2019s the case\u2026either way, Cobra Kai, you\u2019re Nipple Clamps. You bring the pain, and you take pleasure in it. Quick Q, do the clamps cause chafing or cracking? Message Direct with answers, plz. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Rehabs – Bye-week: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yeah, like I\u2019d miss an opportunity to give Rehabs their sex toy\u2026I have said it before, I\u2019ll say it again. They\u2019re a team of strong, badass ladies. If they were rappers, they would all be Cardi B\u2019s and Meg Thee Stallions. Oh, and they have a bunch of dudes (who are confident enough in themselves to have & champion these ladies) who love ladies. Rehabs, for all that pussy power, lady loving, vagina empowering, your sex toy is The Clit Sucker\/Stimulator. Talk about macaroni in a pot, WAP WAP WAP.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Oh, realized I never bothered to predict any of the games: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What the Puck to slip in a win over Rainbows. 4-2. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lbs will take the Butchers to Pound Town, and only one team will enjoy themselves. Classic. 6-1. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Demons will get really close to finishing with a W, but Biters will beat them out for the Win. 3-1.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019ll be tight, they\u2019ll go a few rounds, but with James & Ann gone, Poutine will end up dominating Filthier into submission for that Win. 6-3. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hookers know how to turn some tricks and if they have enough stamina, will bang out the win over Skyfighters. 4-2. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Battle of the well-liked teams, they\u2019ll be sweet and soft, put the moves on each other (a little yawn & stretch), but Classic Rotten Math wins out over fun and flirty Mega Touch, but they\u2019ll both enjoy themselves and fist bump after. 3-1<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instant Karma will use their Karmasutra moves on Gremlins and take them sensually, and then win, win, win! 2-1. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Back Seat, windows up, that\u2019s the way FK likes to work, rough play, will make Fuzz hurt, in Tompkins square park all in the dirt..oh and then Fuzz will lose. 7-6. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Riots will give it their all, but ultimately predicting a real spanking from Cobra Kai. 8 – 1. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rehabs, well it\u2019s your week off, so you\u2019re likely at home watching a little game tape, maybe having a little 1×1 time, watching the video of your last BTSH Championship win. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Stoop Dogg Good afternoon BTSHers, it\u2019s your friendly neighborhood DJ Stoop Dogg coming at you live from my studio apartment and thank heavens for that, because 100% of what I have just been googling would have been blocked on my work computer and 1000% would have been escalated to HR if anybody saw me […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6603,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-26460","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-league-info"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26460"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6603"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=26460"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26460\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":26463,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26460\/revisions\/26463"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=26460"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=26460"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=26460"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}