{"id":26680,"date":"2021-10-20T08:50:25","date_gmt":"2021-10-20T12:50:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/?p=26680"},"modified":"2021-10-20T08:50:26","modified_gmt":"2021-10-20T12:50:26","slug":"goodbye-to-hicks-herr","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/goodbye-to-hicks-herr\/","title":{"rendered":"Goodbye to Hicks & Herr"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

by christo_the_hawk<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you’re like me, you were lucky enough to come into this league while it was being run by Brian and Sarah. If you’re old as hell like Rich, you’ve seen a lot of things in terms of league management. Some good, some bad, but none as hashtag efficient as this dynamic duo who are ending a 2 term (that’s 4 years!) stint.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Non hockey garb…I know, it’s unsettling<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I remember seeing some guy in an Egyptian Pharaoh hat halfway through my first season thinking…wow that guy…is interesting. It was Hicks. Imagine my surprise to find out he also ran the league. Meeting Sarah instantly quelled my fears that my newly beloved hockey league wasn’t going to be run into the ground.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s no small feat to be the commissioner of a ~500 person hockey league. It’s also no small feat to undertake the job when you just started dating your co-commissioner. They’ve changed the league a lot and made it more efficient\u2014and even got married when they had a free weekend away from hockey. I could go on but I’ll leave some room for y’all to actually read the interview.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Please briefly regale us with the story of how you met, for old times sake.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hicks: <\/strong>Like most things in life, it\u2019s Glanzer\u2019s fault. Week 1 of the 2017 btsh season, my team at the time (Fuzz) blew a 3-0 lead in the second half to the rehabs. In OT, the rehabs scored at which point Welch wooed with open arms towards our bench. As anyone who knows Rich knows, he HATES wooing (it\u2019s more unforgivable to him than if the NL added the DH). So Rich chased Welch down and shoved him into the fence. This process took a while because as you know, Rich doesn\u2019t have a very high top end speed so he basically had to wait for Welch to slow down. Because of this, Rich was suspended for two games. But let the record reflect that had he been a bit faster, he probably would\u2019ve been suspended for less, but the DC clearly felt his speed was so offensive it merited a second game. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anyways, fast forward three weeks and I\u2019m at the courts before my game. Rich is making his glorious return and is reffing. Flawlessly I might add. Absolutely beautiful form with the hand raise on delayed calls. He looks like he\u2019s even gotten faster from all the CrossFit he did during his two week suspension. I start cheering him on and letting him know how flawless his reffing is. An attractive girl who happens to be vertically challenged looks back to see who this Rich fan boy is and smiles. We make eye contact. Sparks fly. I make a note that there is a cute girl in the league I haven\u2019t seen before, but I\u2019m currently chugging pre workout and blasting hype up music so introducing myself will have to wait. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

About a month later, May 21, 2017 to be exact, we played tonsil hockey at ACE Bar (us being there is also Glanzer\u2019s fault as he demands the league go to his birthday at that bar after games one Sunday in May. every. single. year.). True love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SPH:<\/strong> This is how we met, but it\u2019s worth noting that despite having my phone number, it took Brian another three months to actually ask me out. My baby brother (yes, for those who know him, Gardie) subbed for Math one Sunday, and not knowing that I had brother, Brian mistook my much taller and blonder brother for my boyfriend, and he was devastated. He finally asked me out in the always atmospheric Parkside Lounge, amidst the romantic background noise of Beer Olympics. He also had a Duck Dynasty beard at the time, and no one \u2014 including me \u2014 can believe I said \u2018yes.\u2019 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Aforementioned duck dynasty beard<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

What made you want to become joint commissioners? Did you have any hesitations about sharing it with someone you recently started dating?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hicks: <\/strong>Popack bamboozled me & Diane bamboozled SPH. Once we realized we\u2019d both agreed to run for the same job we chose to do it together. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

SPH<\/strong>. By bamboozled, he means bullied. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hicks: <\/strong>I think there were some reservations at first, but we\u2019re both pretty good at identifying the other person\u2019s strengths and letting them have that space to operate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SPH<\/strong>: We both knew that we were either going to work well together or we weren\u2019t, and if we weren\u2019t, wasn\u2019t it better to find out sooner rather than later?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What do you think is each other’s best quality as a commissioner? <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hicks:<\/strong> Sarah\u2019s best quality is her ability to write emails that convey her annoyance with anyone who questions her ruling style and therefore dissuades people from arguing. Really saves us a lot of time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

SPH<\/strong>: I\u2019m forever grateful for Brian\u2019s math and reasoning skills. One time, I tried to be helpful and make the opening and closing schedule \u2014 not even the real schedule \u2014 and I messed it up. Badly. Brian had to redo it. Making this season happen was a lot of work, but writing a schedule for 19 teams definitely would not have happened without Brian, beer, or the University of Michigan\u2019s engineering school. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What has been the most challenging part of this job? <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hicks:<\/strong> If I have to pick something, it\u2019s probably the weather and dealing with all of the amateur weathermen and weatherwomen in the league. It\u2019s even better when the weather stuff happens during playoffs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A close second would be the skateboarders and their toys.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SPH: <\/strong>If I\u2019m being snarky, people confusing the commissionership with a full time job, with benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If I\u2019m not, the time and personality management. Everything got easier once we knew the personalities and the sometimes not-so-personal histories of people in the league. Also once we learned about the Governing Document <\/em>sometime during our third year. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What’s one thing you wish you knew before becoming Commissioner?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hicks: <\/strong>being commissioner doesnt fast track you to the HOF, you still need ten years of playing, per Rich\u2019s rules. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

SPH: <\/strong>Everything that\u2019s in the aforementioned Governing Document.<\/em>  Also, what the heck, Rich? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What’s one thing you’d tell someone who signs up for the job next season?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hicks: <\/strong>Run.* Also check out the feature most emails have that lets you send emails at specific times. It\u2019s ideal for when you\u2019re hungover and don\u2019t wake up early to send the league email.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Or just marry someone who will write the league email (sorry about the few weeks there wasn\u2019t one cause she was out of town). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also, set up a glanzer filter on your commissioner inbox, your personal inbox, and your work inbox. Just do it. Change your cell number too. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

*Editor\u2019s note: I\u2019m not sure if he means \u2018run for commissioner\u2019 or \u2018run away from the thought of signing up for this role\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

SPH: <\/strong>It\u2019s all fugazi. If it\u2019s not in the rules or the governing document, make the captains vote or use your judgment (unless you\u2019re Rich, in which case use Eli\u2019s judgment). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What\u2019s one project\/new feature in the league you\u2019ve implemented that you\u2019re particularly proud of?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

SPH: <\/strong>Improving communication and transparency between league management, captains, and the league as a whole. A lot of people before us worked hard to standardize the rules, ensure we were appropriately incorporated as the correct kind of non-profit (501c-7, tax nerds), write the bylaws and more, but there wasn\u2019t much administrative infrastructure. When I joined the league, people only knew about league events if their captains bothered to tell them. Instituting things like distribution lists, the Captain\u2019 Manual, and the weekly league emails were all done to help improve communication across the league and make it easier to know what was going on, and it\u2019s my hope that it also makes things easier for the next commissioner(s). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hicks<\/strong>: Getting attendance into a more digital state (albeit with the help of a pandemic) was something I\u2019ve always wanted for the league, so it was cool to see that start to happen this year. My only regret is that we never implemented BTSH Bracketology.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you could create a brand new team what would you name it and pick 1 person from each team in the league to be on it.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hicks: <\/strong>The Perverts. Jack McGinty gets the A.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m also taking Moe from the rehabs because that\u2019s my linemate. From Karma, give me AK so we can crush Taco Bell together before games. Give me Craig from the biters so we can win a title together unlike our beloved lions. From Fuzz, I\u2019ll take Rich but only so I can cut him after week 1. From lbs, give me Frey so I can consult him on how we can circumvent rules. From filthier, I\u2019ll import the Annimal back from Austin. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

From the hookers give me Cheeky so that we can have weekly dumpling bets and from cobra Kai I\u2019ll take Russ. Full credit to him for this expansion team. From fresh kills, give me Lily, but I\u2019ll probably have to text her that she\u2019s been selected since she never replies to my d5 emails. From what the puck, I\u2019m taking Hogg ? and from the butchers, give me Akhil.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From the gremlins, give me Marcella so that she can be freed from Walker\u2019s +\\- tracking. Demons, I would take d ro and Sammy, but I\u2019m worried their dog will show up and yap at me all game, so I\u2019ll take popack instead if she promises to not talk about the cowboys. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rotten Math- gotta take the wife. Happy wife, happy life. I\u2019m taking Eli too cause I need an enforcer and there are only 19 teams. From the riots, I\u2019ll take David. From Mega I\u2019m taking Shelly (duh) and from the sky fighters, I\u2019ll take Westley. From rainbows I\u2019m taking Jess so that we get positive media coverage since we know she\u2019s the one running the show. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

SPH<\/strong>: I don\u2019t know how to follow that response, so I\u2019m not going to. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you could make up a random rule in the league for a day, what would it be?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hicks: <\/strong>if you\u2019re in the semis or finals this year you have to wear a costume. MAKE THIS HAPPEN.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SPH<\/strong>: Refs can make people who yell at them run Herbies. And those people have to ref the next game. Preferably while wearing costumes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What’s something underrated but super appreciated that players in the league can do to make your jobs easier?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hicks: <\/strong>stop yelling at the refs<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SPH<\/strong>: stop yelling at the refs and volunteer more. The same 6% of the league does all of the work. If more people did a little bit, things would be a lot easier for everyone.*<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*Editor\u2019s note: hmu if anyone wants to VOLUNTEER to be part of the media next year…<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

What’s your favorite part about being Commissioners? What will you miss the most?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n