{"id":26771,"date":"2022-05-12T10:53:47","date_gmt":"2022-05-12T14:53:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/?p=26771"},"modified":"2022-05-12T10:53:50","modified_gmt":"2022-05-12T14:53:50","slug":"week-2-previews-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/week-2-previews-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Week 2 Previews"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

by cat, glnzr, hicks, alex, steven, russo, jess, hornswoggle, cage <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Alrightyyy we’ve got a new way of doing previews this year where a handful of media members give their thoughts. Everyone was incredibly eager this week so what you see below is a clusterf*ck of media opinions; in the coming weeks it should be a bit more tame with the inevitable mid-season media fatigue (but no promises). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Poutine v Fuzz<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cat<\/em>: i missed week 1 to have a dionysian wine-soaked trip in italy so i have literally no idea who is even on poutine anymore but BOO FUZZ.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Glnzr<\/em>: I was about to say happy bday to you but now forget it. Beef back on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hicks<\/em>: Why is RichiePoo\u2019s Ref School after this game?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Alex<\/em>: Because there\u2019s a good chance that after this game, no one will ever want to ref again.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Steven<\/em>: If you leave poutine out too long, the cheese curdles and the fries get droopy and soggy.\u00a0 I think you can use the same words to describe the old men that play for Fuzz. Fuzz wins in a droopy and soggy game that breaks the league record for stick infractions.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Vertz v Rainbows<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Russo<\/em>: It\u2019s the MEDIA BOWL (sponsor pending). Co-editor v co-editor. How will we ever write a non-biased write-up for this?\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jess<\/em>: If you thought I wasn\u2019t going to comment on my own preview you thought wrong<\/em>. While I would love to say it\u2019s upset szn, the Rainbows have sustained a few injuries and absences right off the bat. With Mike S in goal and Dan finally back it should be a closer match.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hicks<\/em>: it\u2019s almost like Jess requested this matchup in a captains meeting.* Vertz in 5.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Glnzr<\/em>: We all were furious and livid when the Vertz stole our players**. But after their Week 1 performance, it appears all the players they stole sucked, and we should thank the Vertz. Thank you, Vertz! Rainbows 4-3.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hornswoggle<\/em>: Still waiting on Jack to \u201cdelete\u201d those emails so he can come back to Poutine. Ah wait, fuck it, he doesn\u2019t play defense anyway***, keep him. Camp counselor Cat to score OTW.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*editor\u2019s note: the Rainbows captains were insistent they would not be afraid of the Vertz in the captains meeting and this is what we get tbh\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

**editor\u2019s note: Andrea left fuzz on her own volition\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

***editor’s note: jack has terrible cardio<\/em> form<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bad Seeds v Karma<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cat<\/em>: i\u2019m a big fan of a successful rebrand, as Bad Seed seems to be pulling up with a new name\/new look\/and an easy victory at launch. However, media loyalty to ex-EIC Isaac compels me to root for Karma. I think Karma is also objectively still the more talented team at the moment and i suppose tEcHnIcAlLy previews are supposed to be about game outcome so like sure 3-1 win for Karma. fin<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hicks<\/em>: Karma should win this, but Steve Friedman is a Thomas Greiss fan which really makes me question his judgment in goalie quality.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cage<\/em>: Speaking as a different goalie that Steve is a fan of, I also question his judgment. However, that\u00a0 does not change the fact that Steve could win this without us in front of him. He\u2019s that good. 3-0 Karma.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Demons v Lbs<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hicks<\/em>: thinking about this game makes my ankles hurt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jess<\/em>: Last week the Lbs barely had anyone and yet the terrifying combo of Avery x Sam was enough to get it done. With a fuller squad I\u2019d anticipate an easier Lbs win. But they should all pray 4 their ankles re: jeff.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Alex<\/em>: There were other LBS players there too \ud83d\ude41 But yes as long as Avery and Sam survive LBS Dinner which happens to be the night before this game, I feel good about it.\u00a0 Speaking of which, can\u2019t ever miss an opportunity to insert this piece of gold from our last team dinner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Content warning: puke<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/a>
*editor’s note: he blackout cleaned it up all by himself\u00a0<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mega Touch v Anklebiters<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Glnzr<\/em>: If this goes to a shootout, my money is on Mega! But if it doesn\u2019t 4-2 Anklebiters.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cage<\/em>: Having last frolicked on the courts with you all during the 2019 season, I can say with a lot of confidence that I am probably not equipped to pass judgment on any games that I\u2019m not directly involved in. Fortunately for the Media, not knowing enough about something has never stopped me from having a take. So like any lawyer, I did a smack of googling and will base my preview off of an Arrested Development themed pre-covid BTSH preview (https:\/\/btsh.org\/media\/week-i-think-isaac-said-15-previews).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In one corner you have the biters as \u201cMaggie Lizer\u201d, \u201cbecause\u2026they aren\u2019t exactly what they seem. Sure, they are the fun, old school BTSH bunch that we have always loved, but underneath they are a venerable POWERHOUSE team, at this point.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unfortunately for Mega, in the other corner we have\u2026\u201dAnn.\u201d (Mega, sorry to @you like this\u2026blame the author of that preview: Bitcoin Rush). Incredibly, the author of that preview remembered Bland\u2019s last name and included it. I switched tabs and forgot it so here we are. I have nothing of substance to say about Egg\u2026neither did Bitcoin Rush (I\u2019m guessing\u2026 once again, I completely forgot what he\/she wrote when I switched tabs).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Since it\u2019s me, and I love Julia Louis Dreyfus, I have to go 4-2 biters. That is, of course, assuming that they remember they have a game against \u201c\u2026her?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Steven<\/em>: Cage, I love you but have no clue what you are talking about. VIVA SARAH MOORE scores the game winner. Biters 5 Mega 3.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hornswoggle<\/em>: Sarah will be fuming when the Blues concede the FA Cup Final to the Reds. So much so that she\u2019ll probably notch a Gordie Howe hat trick\u2014with the \u201cfighting\u201d simply as banter against the other team. Schuie\u2019s team gets the dub.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Riots v Hookers<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jess<\/em>: Coming off a 9-0 victory to The Agents it will be interesting to see what the Riots do when faced with a real challenge. I still think the Hooker take this one 5-1 but this may be a new and improved Riots team to shake up the lower divisions.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Alex<\/em>: The Riots are going to be one of the top D4 teams strictly on the basis of adding Ramirez, a top 3 goalie in the league.\u00a0 But the Hookers are just a much better team at every other key position.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know if they\u2019re scoring five on Eric but they likely won\u2019t give up more than 1 and should cruise to victory here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Steven<\/em>: I am not very good at math, but I do know this. (Amy Jones + Ramirez)\/Hookers with Injured Cheeky = A Riot on Our Hands. Riots 5 Hookers 4 in a close one.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Agents v WTP<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Russo<\/em>: Do we know anybody on The Agents yet? More like Secret Agents, amiright?? *buh dum tss*\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

With an unknown Captain, an unknown superstar, and an unknown all-around team, they\u2019re looking more and more like the Seattle Kraken. The most important factor in determining what the Media thinks of the new guys (and gals) is can they hang? If you\u2019re on The Agents, identify yourself and what type of beer you like\u2014see you courtside!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cat<\/em>: yeah i wouldn\u2019t count on a redemption week for the agents, especially after WTP put the Vertz in their place on opening day, but who knows??? And russo\u2019s right it\u2019s time to haze i mean welcome the fresh meat with courtside beers because ~that\u2019s what it\u2019s all about~<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Glnzr<\/em>: Jesus Cat, why don\u2019t you give them a star? Newbies buy the beers not us.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hornswoggle<\/em>: \u201cAgents\u201d? More like age ain\u2019t an issue. Seems their \u201cde facto\u201d captain is a noticeably older gentleman who, in Week 1, wasn\u2019t afraid to delegate responsibilities and dig in the trenches despite the shellacking. They\u2019ll likely get another L, but not without developing a bit more chemistry than they did in the last game.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cat<\/em>: glanzer, if friedman emails me to give the agents a star, i will give them a star.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Filthier v Skyfighers<\/strong>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Glnzr<\/em>: Hope Filthier forgets they can\u2019t wear their blues and it\u2019s mass confusion. Either way, 5-2 win by Sky assuming Wes shows.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jess<\/em>: We neglected to report on a very important off szn move by Rockoff, his friend, and Cody (who I am now going to refer to as the Salt Boyzz 2.0) to Filthy. I\u2019m going to disrespectfully disagree with Rich and say Filthier takes it by 1 goal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hicks<\/em>: I\u2019ll break the tie by siding with Glnzr. Skyfighters take this one in OT.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Alex<\/em>: If this league had an official sportsbook this would be an amazing game to bet on: Filthier would be favored due to public perception, name recognition and the offseason pickups of the \u201cSalt Boyzz 2.0\u201d and I would absolutely hammer a scrappy and motivated Skyfighters team to pull the upset.\u00a0 Now that Glanzer and Hicks rudely picked Sky before I even had the chance to open this god forsaken Google Doc, I\u2019m not sure if I can really call it an upset, but I\u2019m sticking with this team of young D5 vets to finish top 10 in the standings for the 2nd straight year.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Steven<\/em>: Emily and the Skyfighters come out swinging and knock Filthier around like a llama shaped pinata filled with nips of tequila. Skyfighters 5, Filthier 0.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fresh Kills v Butchers<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Glnzr<\/em>: Overused Simpsons Meme<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Steven<\/em>: This sounds like a violent match up. A team with \u2018kills\u2019 in their name versus a team named after killers. To the dismay of all the fun people in the league, Fresh Kills draws first blood and the Butchers can\u2019t stop the bleeding. FK 7, Butchers 1<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cat<\/em>: really bad slasher film crossover energy tbh<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cobra Kai v Gremlins<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cat<\/em>: the new girl on CK is a phenom, neutralizing Campbell\u2019s notoriously bad vibes. Is jamie back?!?!?! Regardless, gremlins need to shake off last season still. I don\u2019t see a win for yellow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Glnzr<\/em>: Screw Sig. 2-0 CK. (I had 3-0 but he just sent me a mean text so I deducted a goal from CK.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Steven<\/em>: Rumor has it that the Gremlins may have lost their way last season. How do they get back on track? Would suggest the following three step program:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1- Allison must log more minutes than Walker<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2- Sign big dude free agents that are bald and wear fitted baseball hats while playing<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3- Pay the scheduler to cancel the game against Cobra Kai<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dojo wins 5-0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hornswoggle<\/em>: I\u2019m disappointed that Charlotte left me, now I\u2019m the only Jersey kid left on my team. I hope Erich is back so CK gets beat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We hope you enjoyed this circus! See you Sunday.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by cat, glnzr, hicks, alex, steven, russo, jess, hornswoggle, cage Alrightyyy we’ve got a new way of doing previews this year where a handful of media members give their thoughts. Everyone was incredibly eager this week so what you see below is a clusterf*ck of media opinions; in the coming weeks it should be a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6604,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-26771","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-league-info"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26771"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6604"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=26771"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26771\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":26775,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26771\/revisions\/26775"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=26771"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=26771"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=26771"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}