Glnzr:<\/strong> Before we get started, I invited Jess because I feel we need a women\u2019s touch, and also someone who will over-rate teams like the Riots, who are doing great, but in a lower division.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Jess: <\/strong>ignoring the lightly sexist comment, I\u2019m also here to correct your grammar. It\u2019s a woman\u2019s touch<\/strong> not women, the plural form of woman. Also, I missed a slam dunk on making some joke about you and a woman’s touch BUT I DIGRESS.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Glnzr: <\/strong>Before we start, I think I\u2019m going to put the Vertz at 19.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Alex: <\/strong>I think you ranked the Vertz too high.\u00a0In all seriousness, I am going to take this assignment seriously as if this writeup was being read by people who actually care about hockey rankings even though I know Jess is rolling her eyes as we speak.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some good players but not people (except Ryan Hughes) play on these teams<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Alex: <\/strong>Like the Tampa Bay Lightning, I don\u2019t expect them to really start playing their best game til the playoffs start. And until someone knocks them off or Jeff finally moves to Florida, they have to stay in the #1 spot by default – everybody knows the rules. And if they really do add the NBHL ringer goalie from NJ to their playoff roster, we are all fucked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Rich: <\/strong>Jeff and Alexa have a beautiful home in Jersey. Stay out of our real estate issues, unless you know of better condos in Ronkonkoma. Hicks: <\/strong>do we still do the \u201cfuzz!\u201d thing on social media or is that over since they\u2019ve won three in a row? Asking for Eli. Alex: <\/strong>we are sexy Hicks: <\/strong>if Lbs win it all this year, we need \u201cwelcome to pound town 2022\u201d shirts made asap. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Also a contender to win in 2022<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Alex: <\/strong>an uncharacteristically poor start to the season but all their losses have been to top teams and attendance issues have plagued them. Don\u2019t care what their record is, they\u2019ll step it up come playoff time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Rich<\/strong>: Old victories and excellent roster are carrying them to this 4 seed. Karma\/Biters deservedly pissed. Hicks: <\/strong>\u201cthey could cruise to the finals if they can avoid two of the top three teams on their way there\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2026 so can most teams in the top ten? C\u2019mon Jessica.\u00a0 Jess: <\/strong>What I mean is I think only Cobra Kai and Lbs could beat Fuzz if it really comes down to it. FK and Biters could give Fuzz a run for their money but I\u2019m not as confident in that matchup. BUT I\u2019d anticipate a Dojo loss against FK\/Lbs. SO yeah an early Fuzz matchup would be preferable. Enjoy this “math” chart below:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Cobra Kai > Fuzz<\/p>\n\n\n\n Cobra Kai < Fresh Kills \/ Lbs<\/p>\n\n\n\n Cobra Kai < Biters <\/p>\n\n\n\n Not contenders but can win<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Hicks: <\/strong>to quote Jahk McGinty, \u201cthey don\u2019t ask how (you score), they ask how many\u201d. DONT LET THE VERTZ STAY HOT. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Rich: <\/strong>Before the season, someone said the Vertz should be in division 1 and the Biters should be in 2. I immediately texted this person and admonished him. The Biters play hard every game and hustle is the #1 killer of opposing teams’ talent. They beat FK and took 3 of 4 points from Fuzz. How they are ranked 7th is a testament to Frey\/Jess\/Hicks absconding their duties. Rich: <\/strong>You people are idiots. Probie was the one who said the Vertz should be higher. I told him he was wrong. The Anklebiters beat FK WITHOUT Probie, and the Biters took 3 of 4 points from us. Probie scored zero goals against us in Game 2. If you know hockey, you know hustle is the #1 killer of talent. The Biters hustle. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Hicks: <\/strong>Hogg in net should solidify that position for them and make them much tougher to score against but I am genuinely curious how taking your best scorer off the rink will work out for them. Alex: <\/strong>rich man\u2019s Demons; roster looks sick on paper but results don\u2019t quite match the promise. Still, no one will want to face them in the playoffs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Rich:<\/strong> I think Mega is better. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Hicks: <\/strong>I think the hookers are consistently underrated given the talent they have on paper, but it\u2019s hard to argue with the results (plz don\u2019t use this logic on the Vertz because we are hot right now and everyone knows the first 5 games for a new team don\u2019t count).<\/p>\n\n\n\n Good season but not 2022 ready<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Hicks: <\/strong>we need a jorts + raspberry week asap.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Hicks: <\/strong>does anyone have phone numbers for some Scandinavian women? I hear they love ball hockey.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Hicks: <\/strong>this team could give any team in the league a scare in the playoffs, it\u2019s just hard to see them pulling off the 4 scares needed to win a title. Also please stop being mean to their goalie, Jessica. Hicks: <\/strong>credit where it\u2019s due, this team has been much better than I anticipated them being after last season. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Hicks: <\/strong>PUT SOME RESPECT ON HIS NAME<\/p>\n\n\n\n Jess: <\/strong>ah, Gene, good for their hockey image, terrible for their PR image.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Rich:<\/strong> He got into an altercation with someone from the Butchers last week. So much has changed in my life but the Demons getting written up has always been my constant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some good people but not players (except Dana T.) play on these teams <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Jess: <\/strong>challenge accepted re: your cold dead hands. Give us 2 more seasons and then it\u2019s #comebackszn<\/p>\n\n\n\n Rich<\/strong>: Now that Mega is wearing pink, you should switch to black. Alex: <\/strong>some tough personnel losses have dropped 2019s semifinalist to bottom 4 position. On the bright side, Walker\u2019s getting all the playing time he can handle these days.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Rich: <\/strong>A little creepy but the Gremlins are the opposite of this. https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=9gWtrnb4KjU<\/p>\n\n\n\n Jess: <\/strong>The Gremlins have played together for a really long time but they play a slower game these days that just can\u2019t keep up with the top half of the league. <\/p>\n\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/Screen-Shot-2022-07-20-at-2.52.50-PM.png\")
<\/a>
Jess: <\/strong>I would like to enact a league-wide ban on NJ-ers and Long Islanders and see what happens for fun.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Jess: <\/strong>no and thank you for reminding me to leave their fan page <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Rich: <\/strong>Sam\/Avery are best 1-2 punch in league. Roberts is great role player. Kelsey\/Hilary are tight on D and of course Cherie. Liz stole $7.
Jess: <\/strong>Rich how could you forget Scott\u00a0<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
Jess: <\/strong>Alex knows how much I love rooting against the Lbs but I think they\u2019re one of the few teams that could actually beat Fuzz this year (talent + determination + penchant for chugging sangria at Patrizia\u2019s) and win the cup. I hope it happens for the sake of Frey\u2019s mental health and so we can all publicly dunk on Fuzz in the media next season.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/span>Rich: <\/strong>Breaking news. This reporter heard Gabe offer to fly Meg back if they make semis\/finals. And then he went from offering to fly her back to paying for only half of it. No (hicks edit: lol, it\u2019s know, rich)<\/em> your worth, Meg. That said, this team is insanely good. When Ariel is your worst guy\u2026well it\u2019s better than Fuzz\u2019s worst guy. If they ever won any games, I\u2019d rank them higher.
Alex: <\/strong>a sick collection of young talent and grizzled vets like Ariel and Gabe (sorry Gabey, you\u2019ve ascended to old man mentioned alongside Ariel status and yes I know you\u2019re only one year older than me). That said the losses of Meg and Ryan are huge and Lily has ghosted more people at this point than actual ghosts.
Jess: <\/strong>Frey, you keep adding 2 spaces after your periods and it\u2019s really annoying to correct. Did you use a typewriter or something, you can\u2019t be that old?? Anyways yeah FK is really good and if Louis is the \u2018worst\u2019 of the Fresh Boys then that should give you people some idea of how annoying it is to play these guys. But I will say sometimes they forget this isn’t ice hockey or whatever the rules are in Canada and it costs them some plays.
Alex: <\/strong>I’ve never used a typewriter!<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
Jess: <\/strong>Whether it\u2019s Casca or Campbell in net their defense will be locked down. Not many weak points on this team as both the men and women on this team are sharpshooters. They could cruise to the PBR cup finals if they can avoid FK or Lbs in previous rounds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Rich<\/strong>: I guess if they play us in first round, Fuzz is screwed!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/span>Rich: <\/strong>I asked some people where I should rank them. Hicks said 1, Cutler said 19, Cutler\u2019s Burner said 12th. Anyways, they have a super solid core, an overrated and over sensitive to honorable mentions goaltender, and Elly. I\u2019m super torn because Cutler wins wherever she goes but Hicks loses. But since Hicks can bench 3 times more than her I\u2019m going with the loser. Also, I think it\u2019s crazy the Biters aren\u2019t ahead of them. (I have the Biters ranked 5)
Alex: <\/strong>an absolutely bizarre start to the season but as Hicks has been telling me basically nonstop for 5 months, don\u2019t let the Vertz get hot.
Jess: <\/strong>Tim is the best goalie in the league and it shows in how many games he\u2019s kept them in. Not to gas Hicks up any more than he needs to be but when the Vertz are<\/em> hot it is tough to stop them. I think they\u2019ve finally figured out their chemistry but there\u2019s still a lot of individual play happening and the teams ahead of them in this power ranking can pass like some sort of freakish hive mind. +1 for Cutler Burner.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
Alex:<\/strong> to quote Jahk McGinty, \u201cI had a dream I was practicing in net and I asked someone to film me on a few shots so I could see my angles, form, etc.\u00a0 when they played the film back, I was Marc Andre Fleury.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<\/a>
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/span>Rich: <\/strong>They get hurt bc I\u2019m not sure if Derek and Austin will play for them in playoffs. I\u2019d put them 4 based on their record if I knew they were. I think if they make semis they can guilt Derek back from Florida but I think Austin will be at base camp on K2 and not receiving texts. Also having a pair of siblings like the Vernoia\u2019s and those other two sisters is pretty cool.
Alex: <\/strong>they would rank higher if not for Derek living in Florida and Austin moving to god knows where in a month or so. Derek will prob fly in for playoffs; we may never see AK again. 6 feels fair for all the uncertainty going on with their roster.
Jess: <\/strong>they still have Braun and Kevin (and Isaac and Stabel) and solid goaltending from Steven makes them a viable threat but not quarter-finals worthy imho.
Hicks: <\/strong>“save us Dr Oopie” -Steve, probably.
Alex: <\/strong>the only thing Braun is saving is himself for marriage<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<\/a>
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Alex: <\/strong>\u00a0this team is a nightmare matchup and can beat anyone on any day of the week as they just showed with a gritty 3-2 win over Fuzz.\u00a0 But Probie still has to shoulder too much of the scoring load for me to rank them in the top 6.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
Jess: <\/strong>Let the record show I had the Biters ranked at #4 so you can stop being overtly nice to Probie now, Rich. As someone who needs a calculator to figure out tipping, y\u2019all made me<\/em> do math and maybe<\/em> I got it wrong but the discrepancies in ranking between the 4 of us placed the Biters at #7. BUT I DIGRESS. Biters are a sick team and I\u2019m anticipating a lengthy playoffs run.
Alex: <\/strong>Rich is just sucking up to Probert so he doesn\u2019t get fired from his front office gig with the Green Street Hooligans.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/span>Rich: <\/strong>From a reliable source\u2026they added one of the best players in the country. I hope they enjoyed their 2019 Schlitz (they did), bc they\u2019ll never see that tourney again. They just became a very dangerous team to the rest of the league.
Alex: <\/strong>Hogg\u2019s done an admirable job despite a rash of injuries and retirements.\u00a0 Their week 1 victory over the Vertz was one of the upsets of the year.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
Jess: <\/strong>unclear if the guy Rich is talking about is that dude Phil but Meg glanced over at their bench last week and said \u201cthat guy played at Colby\u201d and if there\u2019s one thing we know, Colby delivers grade-A players to this league. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/span>Rich: <\/strong>We all know their girls but they have a couple of guys we don\u2019t know who are really good. Yes, I don\u2019t expect them to win but I\u2019m glad there\u2019s an outside chance of it. However if anyone realizes Tash can move laterally and don\u2019t just run straight towards her (Jess, Yehuda), Mega will never win again. At least Julie is pretty.
Jess: <\/strong>I\u2019m just flattered you think I\u2019m as fast as a 20 year old.
Alex: <\/strong>best women in the league, bar none.\u00a0 Sadly the guys haven\u2019t quite caught up and although I like their roster, I don\u2019t see them winning more than one playoff round.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
<\/span>Rich: <\/strong>Gotta give it up to Mikey. They lost a lot of people but they are a fun team that still plays hard. I think they are in midcard hell, meaning they\u2019re too good for the Schlitz but not yet ready for the PBR Cup. Jerome likes Quirdle.
Alex: <\/strong>after losing half their roster in the offseason (Jack, Otis, Russo, Sully, Charlotte, Nico and Dickie), things looked shaky in Poutine land.\u00a0 Luckily for fans of gritty hockey, gritty reboots and 13th Step, Mikey has executed a tip-top rebuild that has Poutine, shockingly, pretty much in the same place in the power ranks where they\u2019ve been the past few seasons.\u00a0 Daly, Lyons and the Hamilton girls have been spirited additions while Jeff Green can steal any game he\u2019s in (just keep him away from Scandinavian women).\u00a0 And with McQuade back and seemingly on his way to making five games, it\u2019s an impressive turnaround and a great underdog story.\u00a0 And if you disagree, Mikey will probably call you a scumbag.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
<\/span>Rich: <\/strong>With Wes in the league\u2026a super nice Canadian who is good at hockey, I really don\u2019t see the reason why we are keeping Gabe from FK. We don\u2019t need two of these and Wes is younger. Also, Emily loves Hero so I\u2019m a fan of this team.
Alex: <\/strong>a scrappy group built for the playoffs but they need one more star scorer next to Wes (and arguably Hopper) to jump to the next tier.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
Jess: <\/strong>I\u2019m not the one who made James getting scored on the cover photo!!! And I was out of town for BOTH our games I will not stand for this slander.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Rich: <\/strong>The league MVP goes to Eric. There was a battle to see if he was a BTSH HOFer. I said yes, not everyone did. Credit to Suz as well for building a tough team around him.
Alex: <\/strong>when they added Ramirez I said that one roster move might be enough to win the division. They\u2019re now only one point back of the lead after an lolshootout win over the Sky Fighters.
Jess: <\/strong>as a d4 player, the Riots were never a \u2018guaranteed\u2019 win but I agree, with Eric and some new blood it\u2019s become even more of a battle within our division.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
Alex: <\/strong> a very stealthy rebuild centered around the Salt Boyz has somewhat dulled the pain of losing BTSH legends James & Ann. Still a few pieces away from contender status but way ahead of where I expected they\u2019d be at this point.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
<\/span>Alex: <\/strong>this team has too much talent to be ranked this low, but I\u2019ve also seen too many underwhelming performances to rank them any higher.\u00a0 On the bright side Gene is back and, if his back holds up, will likely whip their asses into shape by playoff time.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
<\/span>Alex: <\/strong>Mike and Nico have been great additions but they\u2019ll need to poach Joel from my cold dead hands to move up any further in the rankings.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
Jess: <\/strong>Don\u2019t get me started!!! I was thinking gray with maroon\/red. #cancelmega.<\/p>\n\n\n\n