{"id":3191,"date":"2010-07-27T22:15:14","date_gmt":"2010-07-28T02:15:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/?p=3191"},"modified":"2010-07-27T22:17:22","modified_gmt":"2010-07-28T02:17:22","slug":"week-12-news-and-notes-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/week-12-news-and-notes-3\/","title":{"rendered":"Week 12 News and Notes"},"content":{"rendered":"<h4>Anklebiters Caught!<\/h4>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/derho.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-3205  aligncenter\" title=\"Anklebiters Hazing\" src=\"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/derho.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"450\" height=\"449\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/derho.jpg 1000w, https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/derho-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/derho-300x299.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 450px) 100vw, 450px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Disciplinary Committee Chair Haanwa Chau has finally completed her thorough investigation into alleged hazing violations against the Gouging Anklebiters. She has put forth the following report:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>The following charges are brought:<\/p>\n<p>First, that the\u00a0Gouging\u00a0Anklebiters did knowingly violate the rules governing\u00a0free agent\u00a0recruitment by serving alcohol to new players during scrimmage weeks and after established drinking hours.<\/p>\n<p>Second, that for the fifth consecutive season, the Anklebieters have achieved a deficient knowledge of league rules and guidelines.<\/p>\n<p>Third, that the Anklebiters routinely provided dangerous performance-enhancing drugs to its players during the playoff\u00a0weeks.<\/p>\n<p>And most recently, that a Roman toga party was held, from which\u00a0I have received two dozen reports of individual acts of perversion so profound and disgusting that decorum prohibits listing them here.<\/p>\n<p>These are the charges as recorded this day July 27, 2010.\u00a0 Faithfully submitted,\u00a0Haanwa Chau,\u00a0Disciplinary Chair.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>After consulting with former Disciplinary Chair, Jeremy &#8220;The Foot&#8221; Schumacher, Chau has placed the Anklebiters on &#8220;double secret probation&#8221;.<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<h4>Dirty Laundry<\/h4>\n<p><em>Written by Fashion Correspondent Abigail Meisterman<\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/coachshirt.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-3202  aligncenter\" title=\"Coach\" src=\"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/coachshirt.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"388\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/coachshirt.jpg 1000w, https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/coachshirt-300x290.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Obviously, writing this week&#8217;s edition of Dirty Laundry could be considered a conflict of interest. However, I will do my best to maintain my journalistic integrity by simply stating the facts about the Denim Demons&#8217; new shirts.<\/p>\n<ul style=\"list-style-type: square;\">\n<li>The shirts are red, as every Demon shirt always has been and always will be.<\/li>\n<li>The team name, &#8220;Denim Demons,&#8221; is centered on the shirt in an <a href=\"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/demonsshirt.jpg\" target=\"_blank\">old-fashioned script<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Below the name is the tagline &#8220;Purveyors of olde-tyme hockey since 2002&#8221; in a different, flowery, old-timey script. The Demons started in the league in 2002 and in their early years as a team, they garnered the reputation of being rough, violent players (probably due to their losing record and to the fact that half the team were groupies of the puck-rock band, <a href=\"http:\/\/www.twomanadvantage.com\/\" target=\"_blank\">Two Man Advantage<\/a>,\u00a0which made up the other half*). Because of this rough-and-tumble approach to hockey, some later team members (coughLenaMoyBorgencough) adopted the phrase &#8220;<a href=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=QILn1G8zaqc\" target=\"_blank\">old time hockey<\/a>,&#8221; as exclaimed by <a href=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=dW1Grq1r3l0\" target=\"_blank\">the Hanson Brothers<\/a> in the excellent movie <a href=\"http:\/\/www.imdb.com\/title\/tt0076723\/\" target=\"_blank\"><em>Slap Shot<\/em><\/a>, as their motto. The use of the phrase on the t-shirt is a self-deprecating yet celebratory nod to the Demons&#8217; history.<\/li>\n<li>There is a curlicue underneath it all.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>The reason for such simplistic t-shirts, baby doll shirts, tank tops, and dry-fit shirts, is that this year, the Demons also purchased team jackets that are emblazoned with the symbolic biker hat** that has graced most of their gear.<\/p>\n<p>See, that was pretty un-biased, right? I, and my team, love you all and think we should have a league picnic where everyone brings\u00a0his or her\u00a0favorite stuffed toys and we sing songs and braid each others hair and share <a href=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=B2uJoVEwbmc\" target=\"_blank\">the love we all feel for one another<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Or something.<\/p>\n<p>* The only remaining member of Two Man Advantage on the team is goalie Aaron &#8220;Coach&#8221; Pagdon.<\/p>\n<p>** Both the biker hat and the team name comes from the band <a href=\"http:\/\/www.turbonegro.com\/home.asp\" target=\"_blank\">Turbonegro<\/a>, a Norwegian punk-leather band whose &#8220;faux-mo-erotic&#8221; lyrics can be found <a href=\"http:\/\/www.musicsonglyrics.com\/T\/turbonegrolyrics\/turbonegrodenimdemonlyrics.htm\" target=\"_blank\">here<\/a>.<\/p>\n<h4>Know Your Neighbor<\/h4>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/langer.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-3197  aligncenter\" title=\"Langer\" src=\"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/langer.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"399\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/langer.jpg 1000w, https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/langer-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/langer-300x299.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>Name:<\/strong> Adam Langer<br \/>\n<strong>Team:<\/strong> Mathematics<br \/>\n<strong>Suggested Nickname:<\/strong> The Animal<br \/>\n<strong>Rejected Nicknames:<\/strong> Target, The Broker, Langer, Powder Keg<br \/>\n<strong>Origin:<\/strong> New City, NY<br \/>\n<strong>College:<\/strong> State University of New York at Albany<br \/>\n<strong>Early Aspirations:<\/strong> To make it to the East side of the Hudson River<br \/>\n<strong>Current Aspirations:<\/strong> To compete in the <a href=\"http:\/\/www.westchestertriathlon.org\/webforms\/wp_main.aspx\" target=\"_blank\">Westchester Triathlon<\/a> on September 26<br \/>\n<strong>First\u00a0Job:<\/strong> Carousel operator at the <a href=\"http:\/\/www.palisadescenter.com\/\" target=\"_blank\">Palisades Center<\/a> mall<br \/>\n<strong>Current Job:<\/strong> Associate broker\u00a0of commercial real estate at Zelnik and Company<br \/>\n<strong>Hero:<\/strong> Donald Trump<br \/>\n<strong>Reason to Love Him:<\/strong> Adam got in an altercation with league disciplinarian Jeremy &#8220;The Foot&#8221; Schumacher during one of his first BTSH games.\u00a0 At the time, he was unaware of Schumacher&#8217;s role, though The Foot probably deserved it.<br \/>\n<strong>Reason to Hate Him:<\/strong> With Adam&#8217;s short fuse, you may be next.<br \/>\n<strong>Best Known For:<\/strong> Being the &#8220;fast, sort of tan guy, with somewhat long hair&#8221; on the Mathematics<br \/>\n<strong>Fast Fact:<\/strong> When fellow real estate broker <a href=\"http:\/\/www.corcoran.com\/agents\/profile.aspx?userid=GJP&amp;region=NYC\" target=\"_blank\">Georgine &#8220;Mulva&#8221; Paulin<\/a> was on the Mathematics, she and Adam would frequently hold joint real estate seminars.<br \/>\n<strong>Favorite Things:<\/strong>\u00a0New York Rangers, Phish, scarves, drumming with his nephew<br \/>\n<strong>Favorite Team Event:<\/strong> High tea with Andrew Lu<br \/>\n<strong>Least Favorite Things: <\/strong>Clarkstown South High School, the Tappan Zee Bridge toll, cold necks, disallowed goals<br \/>\n<strong>Hockey Comparison:<\/strong> <a href=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=2qS4DjrG6LY\" target=\"_blank\">Ryan Callahan<\/a><br \/>\n<strong>Non-Hockey Comparison:<\/strong> A gazelle<a href=\"http:\/\/twitter.com\/maryse0uellet\" target=\"_blank\"><br \/>\n<\/a><strong>Things The Media Will Continue to Overhype About Him:<\/strong> He&#8217;s part of the Mathematics&#8217; &#8220;youth movement&#8221;, along with teammates Scott Lee, Meagan Vincent,\u00a0and Sean &#8220;$howJu&#8221; McClain.<br \/>\n<strong>Down the Road:<\/strong> For the third consecutive year, Adam misses the playoffs in his own fantasy hockey league.\u00a0 His downfall occurs when a hang nail ends first round pick Marian Gaborik&#8217;s season after only four games.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Anklebiters Caught! Disciplinary Committee Chair Haanwa Chau has finally completed her thorough investigation into alleged hazing violations against the Gouging Anklebiters. She has put forth the following report: The following charges are brought: First, that the\u00a0Gouging\u00a0Anklebiters did knowingly violate the rules governing\u00a0free agent\u00a0recruitment by serving alcohol to new players during scrimmage weeks and after established [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[23],"tags":[132,19,21,35,42],"class_list":["post-3191","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-league-notes","tag-2010-season","tag-denim-demons","tag-gouging-anklebiters","tag-mathematics","tag-news-and-notes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3191"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3191"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3191\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3208,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3191\/revisions\/3208"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3191"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3191"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3191"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}