![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/08\/JohnsonsSign.jpg\" "\\"Johnson's")
<\/a><\/p>\nAlthough BTSH is now in its second year of playing at Tompkins Square Park, the league returned to Corlears Hook Park this past Sunday for one final afternoon of hockey and good cheer at its old stomping grounds. The festivities, however, did not end on the sloped and cracked playing surfaces near Jackson and Cherry Streets. After the games, all league members were invited to relive old memories with another Johnson’s Olympics.<\/p>\n
At Corlears<\/strong> <\/p>\n Pool Tourney<\/strong> Arm Wrestling<\/strong> Flip Cup<\/strong> Ellery Slap and Pour Silent Auction For Charity<\/strong> Bar Napkin Love Poem Contest<\/strong> Phallic Fluffer Eating Contest<\/strong> Sharif Corinaldi Memorial Hot Legs Competition<\/strong> Written by fashion correspondent Abigail “Tayne” Meisterman<\/em><\/p>\n What Cobra Kai doesn’t know is that\u00a0its team name is one of my favorites in the league. One may think I have a massive crush on Ralph Macchio<\/a>, to whom fellow Denim Demon Mike Pereira bears a striking resemblance. But really, much like how it is for Barney Stinson<\/a>, it’s my love of William Zabka<\/a> that helps The Dojo in my estimation. The team’s slavish devotion to the 1984 hit movie warms the cockles of my heart. When I was told the team’s summer\/alternate jerseys featured dojo-master John Kreese’s karategi<\/a> emblem (a striking fist) on a stark white shirt, I was so impressed I pledged my love to Will Kuhns by performing an intricate fan dance with accompanying song<\/a>. While I was fond of the original jerseys (the camo background, a nod to Kreese’s army days and a cobra for, um, the name Cobra Kai), I appreciate the decision to use a white, possibly dry-fit shirt to survive playing in what has been a very hot and sultry summer. Sultry…like The Next Karate Kid<\/a><\/em>.<\/p>\n Note: Should Adam Rubens ever retire from captaining the Demons, I fully intend to take over and rename the team Wyld Stallyns<\/a>.<\/p>\n Note 2: References to The Karate Kid III<\/a><\/em> and The Karate Kid<\/em> (2010)<\/a> were excluded on purpose.<\/p>\n Note 3: Although, because of that third Karate Kid<\/em> movie, I cannot watch the cave scene in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince<\/a><\/em> without wondering if they’re looking for a tree from which to create a bonsai.<\/p>\n Note 4: Jackie Chan is no Pat Morita.<\/p>\n Note 5: I referenced them, didn’t I? Oh yes…Yes, I did.<\/p>\n Name:<\/strong> Joe Lops Who On Your Team Went To Tompkins? Although BTSH is now in its second year of playing at Tompkins Square Park, the league returned to Corlears Hook Park this past Sunday for one final afternoon of hockey and good cheer at its old stomping grounds. The festivities, however, did not end on the sloped and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[23],"tags":[132,22,98,124,42],"class_list":["post-3278","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-league-notes","tag-2010-season","tag-cobra-kai","tag-johnsons-olympics","tag-mega-touch","tag-news-and-notes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3278"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3278"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3278\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4351,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3278\/revisions\/4351"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3278"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3278"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3278"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nFor some of the more veteran players of BTSH, playing one final game at Corlears was a terrific treat to recapture the nostalgia of\u00a0the “Golden Age” of the league.\u00a0 Others, however, were shocked and appalled at the conditions of the league’s former home.\u00a0 Regardless of one’s opinion, everyone was happy about the addition of a vertiable smorgasbord of food and drink at courtside.\u00a0 Highlights of this appetizing spread\u00a0included the Anklebiters’ famous Booze Berries<\/a>, Jeremy “The Foot” Schumacher’s deep fried mac\u00a0and cheese, and Peaches’ mixed drinks with unknown ingredients.\u00a0 This, of course, was just the beginning, as “ring girls<\/a>” reminded league members of the Johnson’s Olympics\u00a0that evening.\u00a0 As a brief piece of trivia, the final game ever at Corlears Hook Park was the Mathematics’ 4-3\u00a0win over the Tompkins Square Riots.<\/p>\n
\nThe first event of the Johnson’s Olympics was the traditional pool tournament.\u00a0 Sixteen league members competed in a single-elimination bracket with one champion, Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri of the Elves,\u00a0emerging.\u00a0 The competition continued for most of the night in the back of the Johnson’s, even as other events took center stage near the bar.\u00a0 The tournament may have gone on a tad longer than was expected, as there was a lengthy delay while DiPierri and Harvey Jaswal of Mega Touch debated<\/a> whether to use American or Canadian pool rules,\u00a0as Jaswal was not familiar with the former.<\/p>\n
\nMultiple competitors also vied for the title of Arm Wrestling Champion.\u00a0 However, when the dust cleared, two combatants<\/a> rose above the rest.\u00a0 For the women, the Anklebiters’ Amy Kovner\u00a0retained her title as BTSH’s strongest female, while Scott of Gut Rot was the new men’s champion.\u00a0 The two also competed in a battle of the sexes exhibition bout, with Kovner notching the win for her gender, albeit with some alleged assistance.<\/p>\n
\nWith most of the other events focusing on individuals, the Flip Cup relay was a chance for three\u00a0teammates to compete together.\u00a0 In the finals, the Gouging Anklebiters proved their drinking prowess yet again with a convincing victory over the Happy Little Elves.\u00a0 However, the Elves’ loss may be largely attributed to Flip Cup coach Rich Glanzer, who made the questionable decision to bench Chris Adrahtas<\/a> for the finals, even though he had participated in all of the previous rounds.\u00a0 Glanzer noted, “I am to flip cup coaching, as Ben Chadwick is to hockey coaching.”<\/p>\n
\nThough not an official event, a silent auction was held for the right to slap Ellery “The Nature Boy” Gillette in the face and pour beer on his head.\u00a0 By the end of the evening, $150 was rasied for charity, and Gillette<\/a> was slapped thrice and had multiple beers poured on him.<\/p>\n
\nLove was in the air, as league members\u00a0showed their softer side\u00a0through their creative writing in a poetry contest.\u00a0 Five\u00a0writers presented unique,\u00a0humorous, and insightful pieces\u00a0to the adoration\u00a0of the crowd.\u00a0 In addition, Rich Glanzer and his second-grade level haiku were\u00a0soundly booed.\u00a0 In a tight\u00a0competition, the crowd selected\u00a0Patrick “Sven” Larsen’s poem<\/a> as the best.\u00a0 The Poutine Machine captain’s submission included numerous BTSH references such as beating the Demons, Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri’s slapshot, Ellery “The Nature Boy” Gillette’s pattern of speech, and Bob W’s rules.<\/p>\n
\nAfter years of a simple hot dog eating contest, BTSH upped the ante this year with a phallic fluffer theme.\u00a0 Contestants had to eat two meatballs and a raw hot dog, and\u00a0down a\u00a0shot of Bailey’s topped with whipped cream.\u00a0 With previous eating champion Dan “D.O.” Owens\u00a0(Filthy Gorgeous)\u00a0declining to participate, the field\u00a0(which\u00a0included btsh.org’s own Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb<\/a>)\u00a0was wide open.\u00a0 In the end, Danny Polinsky of the Denim Demons narrowly defeated teammate “Hacksaw” Jim Dandeneau.<\/p>\n
\nThe final event of the evening was the highly anticipated Hot Legs Competition.\u00a0 With the elite club of\u00a0previous champions\u00a0including Sharif “The Chocolate Buzzsaw” Corinaldi, Minkus, and Jason “The Hamburglar” Rosenstock, this was clearly the most prestigious showcase of the Olympics.\u00a0 While several souls were brave enough to partake, two stood alone as the clear cut finalists: the Butchers’ Ellen M. and the Mathematics’ Mike Smith<\/a>.\u00a0 Ellen dazzled the crowd with her renowned golden hot pants, while Smith’s white underoos drove the ladies wild.\u00a0 In the end, the hot pants won out, and Ellen was crowned as the first ever female champion.\u00a0 Naturally, bartender Brent Smith presented her with the first place cupcake<\/a> (not Mike Bartlett).<\/p>\nDirty Laundry<\/h4>\n
<\/a><\/p>\nKnow Your Neighbor<\/h4>\n
<\/a><\/p>\n
\nTeam:<\/strong> Mega Touch
\n(Kellerman’s) Suggested Nickname:<\/strong> Moose Leather
\nRejected Nicknames:<\/strong> The Maine Event, Loppy, Guido, Lopster, J-Lops From the Block
\nOrigin:<\/strong> South Portland, ME
\nCollege:<\/strong> University of Southern Maine; University of Westminster (England)
\nEarly Accomplishments:<\/strong> According to Lops family legend, at age three, Joe was able to consume three lobsters in one sitting.
\nCurrent Accomplishments:<\/strong> He recently got engaged while vacationing in Italy.
\nFirst\u00a0Job:<\/strong> Working as a fluffer for a production company that specializes in lobster porn
\nCurrent Job:<\/strong> Digital Production Manager at W.W. Norton & Company
\nHero:<\/strong> A tie between Tom Waits<\/a> and Mike Tuckman
\nReason to Love Him:<\/strong> He can grow a beard in five hours.
\nReason to Hate Him:<\/strong> Due to his refusal to wash his head and wrist bands for good luck, Joe frequently emits an unpleasant odor.
\nBest Known For:<\/strong> He\u2019ll always come out for \u201cjust one.\u201d
\nFast Fact:<\/strong> While courting his future fianc\u00e9e Beth,\u00a0Joe would wear V-neck shirts to dazzle her with his alarming amount of chest hair, while serenading her with love songs on his guitar.
\nFavorite Things:<\/strong> Fuzz Factory guitar pedals, mussels, The Big Lebowski<\/em>, wolf t-shirts
\n<\/a>Favorite Food Enhancer:<\/strong> Salt
\nLeast Favorite Things: <\/strong>Washing dishes, the Atlantic Yards proposal, shaving, multiple syllables
\nHockey Comparison:<\/strong> Stephen Weiss<\/a>
\nNon-Hockey Comparison:<\/strong> Jon Hamm
\n<\/a>Things The Media Will Continue to Overhype About Him:<\/strong> His impeccable physique, especially his calves
\nDown the Road:<\/strong> Irked by teammate Alex “Coop” Eben Meyer’s constant bragging about his fast gunslinging abilities, Joe challenges Coop to a duel.\u00a0 The two agree to meet at high noon at Tompkins Square Park prior to the start of games.\u00a0 However, before either can draw his pistol, former Mega Touch captain Eric Devlin runs on to the court and implores, “Wait, why are you doing this?”\u00a0 Since neither can think of a good answer, they call of the battle and head to Mike Tuckman’s roof for drinks.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"