![\"Alpha](\"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/07\/alphamale.jpg\" "\\"Alpha")
<\/a><\/p>\nLBS Goes Corporate<\/strong> <\/p>\n Next Time El Guapo Will Have To Use The Buddy System<\/strong> Know Your Neighbors<\/strong> Name:<\/strong> Brian Barrett Captains’ Commendations<\/strong><\/p>\n Bad Touch:<\/strong> As the only two females in uniform, Jennifer Nedbalsky<\/em> and Elizabeth Moy<\/em> were on the court from start to finish. If You Were On LBS, You’d Be Smiling Too LBS Goes Corporate When you’re an elite\u00a0conglomerate like LBS is, simply being called a “team” is not enough.\u00a0 LBS is far more than a loose a collection of hipsters who get together on Sundays like the rest of BTSH.\u00a0 Instead, their ranks include\u00a0stock brokers, government officials, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[23],"tags":[10,95,84,94,42],"class_list":["post-330","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-league-notes","tag-2008-season","tag-alpha-male","tag-grandmaster-b","tag-lbs-inc","tag-news-and-notes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/330"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=330"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/330\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=330"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=330"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=330"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nWhen you’re an elite\u00a0conglomerate like LBS is, simply being called a “team” is not enough.\u00a0 LBS is far more than a loose a collection of hipsters who get together on Sundays like the rest of BTSH.\u00a0 Instead, their ranks include\u00a0stock brokers, government officials, and other community leaders who you aspire to be.\u00a0 As such, the board of directors\u00a0of LBS has declared that–effectively immediately–you must now refer to them as LBS, Inc.\u00a0 Ken “The Alpha Male” Poulin explains, “We’re more than just a team.\u00a0 We’re a brand…a brand that people widely recognize as the\u00a0gold standard\u00a0of BTSH.\u00a0 Kind of like Mr. Clean.”\u00a0 As a result of this change in marketing direction, captain Sascha Puritz shall now be known as the CEO, Karsten Pichon shall be the CFO, Molly Jacobs shall be the\u00a0Vice President of West Coast\u00a0Operations, and Sam Anthony shall be the Director of Investor Relations.\u00a0\u00a0Seth Wachtell has been reassigned to\u00a0the mail room.<\/p>\n
\nAfter a slow start to the season, Gouging Anklebiters captain Phil “Sandy” Donohue decided to boost\u00a0morale with a team trip to the Bronx Zoo. However, what began as a fun day trip to escape the stresses of hockey finished as a catastrophe. Almost immediately, since he had no adult supervision, Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri separated from the group and was lost. Fortunately, a helpful zookeeper found him, so Donohue could (reluctantly) recover his teammate in the lost and found. The normally reticent Charles DeFranco had to be ejected from the premises after getting into a twenty minute shouting match with Sven, the chimpanzee. Amy Kovner also had her share of misfortune as she became a tad overzealous at the snake pit and fell in. Thankfully, the snakes\u00a0were not poisonous. The day ended when the Anklebiters fled the zoo, after Zach “Cryme Tyme” Weiner accidentally unlocked the lion cage.\u00a0 They are not welcome to return.<\/p>\n
\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/p>\n
\nTeam:<\/strong> LBS, Inc.
\nNickname:<\/strong> Grandmaster B
\nSuggested Nickname:<\/strong> B-Squared
\nRejected Nicknames:<\/strong> Stinky, Weasel, Buddy, Screech, Ski
\nOrigin:<\/strong> Suffern, NY
\nCollege:<\/strong> Siena College
\nEarly Aspirations:<\/strong> To escape the dull, suburban streets of Suffern and pursue a lucrative hip-hop career
\nHero:<\/strong> Vanilla Ice
\nReason to Love Him:<\/strong> He\u2019s a big fan of the blog.
\nReason to Hate Him:<\/strong> He has most likely grabbed your ass (we’re talking to both genders here).
\nFast Fact:<\/strong> Brian scored a perfect 1600 on his SATs.
\nFavorite Things:<\/strong> New York Jets, Sarbanes-Oxley Act of 2002<\/a>, lacrosse
\nFavorite Historical Marker:<\/strong> Rochambeau Encampment, at Lafayette\u00a0and Washington Avenues in Suffern, NY
\nBest Known For:<\/strong> Joining forces with Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri to form the most despised team in league history
\nHockey Comparison:<\/strong> Mike Komisarek
\n<\/span><\/a>Non-Hockey Comparison:<\/strong> Wooderson<\/a>
\n<\/span>Things the Media Will Continue to Overhype about Him:<\/strong>\u00a0He likes to wear a baseball cap while playing.
\nDown the Road:<\/strong> Brian rejoins forces with Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri to form a new team named “Haterade”.\u00a0 Also on the team are the following players: Ellery “The Nature Boy” Gillette, Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri, “Hacksaw” Jim Dandeneau, Gina Hackett, Rachel “A-Korn” Greene, Albert “Al” Huang, Heidi “The Maple Leaf Muscle” Karst, Peter Oblamski, Eli Kazin, Derek Tagliarino, and Minkus as the\u00a0goalie.\u00a0 They finish third in their inaugural season after half the team is suspended by Schuie (who was not let on the team).<\/p>\n
\nCobra Kai:<\/strong> Ara “6-1-9” Arnn<\/em> registered his first BTSH point with an assist.
\nCorlears Hookers:<\/strong> Kelly Buchanan<\/em> showed up to cheer on her teammates…”and everyone who wore a helmet<\/em>“.
\nDark Rainbows:<\/strong> “K.C. Fisher<\/em> gets the commendation for getting out of the kitchen.” – Sean Reynolds
\nDenim Demons:<\/strong> Emily Carson<\/em> played her first game ever in the monsoon.
\nFilthy Gorgeous:<\/strong> Chris Baker<\/em>, because “four near misses are almost as good as a goal”, according to Monica Russo.
\nFresh Kills:<\/strong> “Patty Fernandez<\/em> can never play, but she played today.” – Amy Jones
\nGouging Anklebiters:<\/strong> Jenny Miyasaki<\/em> “drew first blood”.
\nHappy Little Elves:<\/strong> Marc Surchin told captain Ben Chadwick<\/em> that\u00a0Chadwick played a great game.\u00a0 The Elves’ fearless captain\u00a0freely admits that this commendation is self-serving, but since the game was a blowout, he will take what he can get.
\nLBS:<\/strong> Erica Lee<\/em> was the only active female in attendance for LBS, and thus, played the whole game.
\nMathematics:<\/strong> Sharif “The Chocolate Buzzsaw” Corinaldi<\/em> played a surprisingly decent game, despite biking all the way from Fort Greene in the rain.
\nMexican Standoff:<\/strong> “I want to thank the LBS<\/em> for playing in the rain and down a woman.” – Jefferson Hendricks
\nMighty Squirrels:<\/strong> Mike Mincieli thought Mary Simons<\/em> had a good game, and Rachel “A-Korn” Greene agrees.
\nRehabs:<\/strong> Rob Nitschke<\/em> from the Happy Little Elves lent his goalie pads to Hector “ShowT!m3” Melendez.
\nSky Fighters:<\/strong> Patrick Borelli<\/em> actually came to the game.
\nUnicorns:<\/strong> Courtney<\/em> ran into the swamp behind the net without hesitation.
\nWhat The Puck:<\/strong> Roderick “Guy LeDouche” Cruz<\/em> sported new goalie pads.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"