![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/lbsinc.jpg\" "\\"LBS,")
<\/a><\/p>\nGAME OF THE WEEK<\/strong> <\/p>\n Fresh Kills (6-1-1) at Filthy Gorgeous (4-4)<\/strong> Rehabs (1-6-0-1) at Sky Fighters (4-2-1-1)<\/strong> La Famiglia (5-0-1-2) at Tompkins Square Riots (2-6)<\/strong> Happy Little Elves (4-2-0-2) at Corlears Hookers (5-3)<\/strong> * Yes, as a stat-keeper, I am considered an official. Unicorns (4-2-0-2) at Dark Rainbows (5-2-0-1)<\/strong> Butchers (5-3) at Mega Touch (3-5)<\/strong> What The Puck (6-1-0-1) at Denim Demons (5-2-0-1)<\/strong> HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (National Telecast)<\/strong> HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (Regional Telecast)<\/strong> This Is An Optical Illusion.\u00a0 They’re The Same Height. GAME OF THE WEEK LBS, Inc. (5-2-0-1) at Poutine Machine (5-2-1) Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM All-Time Series: First Meeting Game Notes: Few circled this inter-conference matchup as a potential Game of the Week when the schedule was released in February.\u00a0 LBS, Inc. logged a pedestrian […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[33],"tags":[153,94,137,308],"class_list":["post-4366","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-weekly-previews","tag-2011-season","tag-lbs-inc","tag-poutine-machine","tag-weekly-previews"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4366"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4366"}],"version-history":[{"count":20,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4366\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4427,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4366\/revisions\/4427"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4366"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4366"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4366"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nLBS, Inc. (5-2-0-1) at Poutine Machine (5-2-1)<\/strong>
\nLocation:<\/strong> Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
\nAll-Time Series:<\/strong> First Meeting
\nGame Notes:<\/strong> Few circled this inter-conference matchup as a potential Game of the Week when the schedule was released in February.\u00a0 LBS, Inc. logged a pedestrian 8-7-0-1 record in 2010, resulting in a demotion from the Rubens Division to the Hackett Division.\u00a0 Poutine Machine, in its inaugural season, finished 16th in BTSH with a 6-9-0-1 record.\u00a0 However, fortunes have changed this year, and both teams have surpassed expectations.\u00a0 The Corporation, after opening the season with two losses, has responded by winning five of its last six games and sits just two points out of first place in the ultra-competitive Hackett Division.\u00a0 Poutine Machine needs just one more win to equal last year’s total and maintains a comfortable lead in the MacNeil Division.\u00a0 Will LBS, Inc. be that win?
\nKeys To The Game:<\/strong>
\n1. LBS, Inc.’s newest hire Lawrence Goldstein has been a revelation both on and off the court.\u00a0 He has bolstered the Corporation’s scoring attack with five goals this season and recently impressed CEO Sascha Puritz with his PowerPoint presentation on\u00a0 how the team can effectively reduce its overhead.
\n2. Poutine Machine owes the bulk of their success to the performance of goaltender Tim Brown.\u00a0 He has recorded four shutouts on the season to lead the league, including three in the team’s last four games.\u00a0 Brown is tied for second in the league with a 1.38 GAA.
\n3. In one of the season’s biggest upsets, Poutine Machine defeated the Denim Demons 1-0 in Week 3, proving the team can compete with the league’s elite.\u00a0 Another win against a Weyersberg Conference team would establish Poutine as a viable championship contender.
\nEli\u2019s Pick:<\/strong> LBS, Inc.\u00a0 Majority shareholder “The Alpha Male” Ken Poulin is not happy that Poutine Machine unveiled a new white alternate jersey last weekend.
\nDerek\u2019s Pick:<\/strong> Poutine Machine.\u00a0 This week, they remove all doubt that they’re for real.
\nWatchability:<\/strong> 4 Provenchers.\u00a0 This scale is compensation to Jo-Ann, who did not actually lose to Arnold Sanchez in basketball.\u00a0 The media assumed this based on their genders.<\/p>\n
\nLocation:<\/strong> Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
\nAll-Time Series:<\/strong> Filthy Gorgeous leads 5-0
\nGame Notes:<\/strong> After a less than satisfying tie against than the Sky Fighters in last Sunday’s Game of the Week, Fresh Kills will look to take out their frustrations on a resurgent Filthy Gorgeous.\u00a0 Although Filthy struggled towards the beginning of the season, the team enters this game riding a three-game winning streak.
\nEli’s Pick:<\/strong> Filthy Gorgeous.\u00a0 Since his return, “Gentleman” James Pereira has four goals in two games.
\nDerek’s Pick:<\/strong> Fresh Kills.\u00a0 They boast one of the deepest scoring attacks in the league.
\nWatchability:<\/strong> 4 Provenchers<\/p>\n
\nWritten by Hackett Division correspondent Dr. Byron Clavicle<\/em>
\nLocation:<\/strong> Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
\nAll-Time Series:<\/strong> Sky Fighters lead 6-3
\nGame Notes:<\/strong> While a flea-brained buffoon might expect the Rehabs to be thoroughly thrashed and pegged<\/a> in this historical mismatch, predicting the outcome isn’t as simple as the records suggest. You have to look at some advanced statistics of a mathematically intense variety contrapuntal to the meager, perfunctory records archived within this digitally journalistic milieu. Instead of \u201cFighters good, Rehabs less so,\u201d consider the pairings — Sky Fighter Ivo Mocek’s stellar Corsi rating (3.282) versus Rehab Gary Kowalski’s GAOFF\/60 (2.53) — there’s more information on fancy records here<\/a>. Likewise consider the long-standing pattern of aggression between Stacy S. Kehoe and Stefan Danicich and \u2026 okay, that oughta do it. Everyone has stopped reading except us chosen ones, the People of the Golden Yak. So here’s the plan, everyone. Next Sunday, June 19, we will stop what we are doing at exactly 1:47 PM, face the sun, fasten on our Holy Velcro Sun-Spectacles, and then chant the traditional hymn to Lord Skronus. The prophecy foretells an eclipse and rivers of expired mayonnaise.\u00a0 As the bony fingers of darkness spread fear across the earth, we shall feast on the spleens of our enemies, then hitch a ride on the next comet bound for Saturn. It’s a long trip, so please pack a picnic lunch. Reveal our secret plans to nobody!!<\/em> Okay, returning to the program: hockey, hockey, goals, MDF, crease, net, slapshot, etc.
\nByron Clavicle’s Pick:<\/strong> Sky Fighters, because their name is an anagram of Kegs Shitfry. Donald \u201cKegs\u201d Shitfry was my high school guidance counselor.
\nWatchability:<\/strong> 3 Lord Skronuses<\/p>\n
\nWritten by Donohue Division correspondent Monica Russo<\/em>
\nLocation:<\/strong> Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
\nAll-Time Series:<\/strong> La Famiglia leads 1-0
\nGame Notes:<\/strong> La Famiglia has the edge this week, as they’ll surely be riding the high of having their newest member, Haanwa Chau, in Slovakia, playing for the official USA ball hockey team. Amy Jones and the crew will be guns a’blazin, however, after their 5-0 loss last week.
\nMonica\u2019s Pick:<\/strong> La Famiglia per la vittoria<\/em> (Adriano Bratta, is that a thing? Did I do that right?)
\nWatchability:<\/strong> I use this spot to thank Derek and Eli for letting me get this in late. Watchability should be mezzo mezzo.<\/p>\n
\nWritten by Rubens Division correspondent Abby “Tayne” Meisterman<\/em>
\nLocation:<\/strong> Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
\nAll-Time Series:<\/strong> Corlears Hookers lead 4-2
\nGame Notes:<\/strong>As many of you know, I moonlight as an official* in the Mofo league. Which means that this week I watched Bullmoose, which is comprised of many Hookers, dramatically spank a newer team. How dramatic? 15-0. Ouch. When the Hookers are on fire, they are like a California brush-fire<\/a>. Though they’ve had many victories this season, they aren’t laying waste as they often do. Last season, the Elves instituted the NEDI, which led them to many victories and probably part of the reason Trevor Beauclair “won”** the “Golden Boot<\/a>” award. (BTSH should call it the Golden Balls award… or maybe the Golden Stick award. Wow… no matter how I word that it sounds vaguely sexual.) After their triumph over the Hookers in last year’s finals, the Elves fell to the Hookers in the first week of the season. The Elves will be looking for revenge; the Hookers will be looking to win. (Do they look for anything else?) You should be looking for goalie Shaun deLacy\u2019s impression of Mr. Furious<\/a> and Peter Putka\u2019s impression of a homeless man (Get it? They both mutter strangely off-putting statements… Oh, fine…).
\nTayne’s Pick:<\/strong> As much as I love the Elves, the Hookers.***
\nWatchability:<\/strong> 4.5<\/p>\n
\n** Tied with Denim Demons’ Zack Tinkleman!
\n*** I expect a full media boycott from Glanzer and a strongly worded comment from deLacy.<\/p>\n
\nLocation:<\/strong> Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
\nAll-Time Series:<\/strong> Unicorns lead 6-5
\nGame Notes:<\/strong> This is the second leg of the triangular series among the Happy Little Elves, Unicorns, and Dark Rainbows for the prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup.\u00a0\u00a0 Last week, in the first leg, the Elves defeated the Unicorns 4-3 in a shootout.
\nEli\u2019s Pick:<\/strong> Dark Rainbows.\u00a0 A win is pivotal to maintaining possession of the Cup.
\nDerek\u2019s Pick:<\/strong> Dark Rainbows
\nWatchability:<\/strong> 3.5 Provenchers<\/p>\n
\nWritten by MacNeil Division correspondent Sven Larsen<\/em>
\nLocation:<\/strong> Tompkins East, 4:30 PM
\nAll-Time Series:<\/strong> Butchers lead 1-0
\nGame Notes:<\/strong> While some see this as just an ordinary BTSH matchup, those in the know see this game for what it really is … a battle for the title of hippest team in the league. Will Alex Eben Meyer’s striped socks trump Ben Bloom’s ever changing facial hair? Will Eric Devlin’s glasses beat out the Butchers’ Misfits tribute t-shirts? Is MT’s ironically non-hip Italian Adriano Bratta more ironically non hip than the Butchers INH Italian Chrtis De Motta? This Sunday … it’s like, you know, whatever, I don’t really care, let’s get Vietnamese sandwiches.
\nSven\u2019s Pick:<\/strong> The Butchers take it when Katz and co. realize that actually being good at sports that aren’t bowling may get them thrown out of Williamsburg.
\nWatchability:<\/strong> 3 and a half Pampelmouses<\/p>\n
\nLocation:<\/strong> Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
\nAll-Time Series:<\/strong> What The Puck leads 11-4
\nGame Notes:<\/strong> Apparently, these teams don’t like each other.
\nEli\u2019s Pick:<\/strong> What The Puck
\nDerek\u2019s Pick:<\/strong> What The Puck.\u00a0 I hope it doesn’t get too rough for the sake of Brock Bosacker.\u00a0 I worry about him.\u00a0 He’s little.
\nWatchability:<\/strong> 4 Provenchers<\/p>\n
\nWritten by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb<\/em>
\nCobra Kai (4-2-1-1) at Gouging Anklebiters (1-7)<\/strong>
\nLocation:<\/strong> Tompkins East, 5:30 PM
\nAll-Time Series:<\/strong> Gouging Anklebiters lead 6-2
\nGame Notes:<\/strong> Cobra Kai, locked into a 3-way tie for second in the Donohue Division, is part of what is shaping up to be a very tight race, with four teams separated by 3 points (only the Hackett Division has a tighter field). Along with the Butchers and La Famiglia, the Dojo is part of a group of upstarts knocking on the door of the league\u2019s elite. The Anklebiters, however, have fallen on hard times. Just 1-7 overall, with the league\u2019s worst goal differential, and a 4-game bender of a losing streak. In an effort to boost team morale, improve the flagging attendance at games, and make the fan experience better, team officials announced the following measures: Anthony Weiner Blackberry Bobblehead night, Disco Demolition Day, and introduction of this<\/a> as the new official team pump-up jam. Desperate times, desperate measures, and so forth.
\nVegas Line:<\/strong> Cobra Kai by 2.5
\nJesse the Greek says:<\/strong> Lay the points
\nWatchability:<\/strong> 2 anchovy slices from Sal\u2019s Famous<\/p>\n
\nWritten by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb<\/em>
\nGut Rot (1-7) at Mathematics (2-5-1)<\/strong>
\nLocation:<\/strong> Tompkins West, 5:30 PM
\nAll-Time Series:<\/strong> Mathematics lead 1-0
\nGame Notes:<\/strong> The epic, tragic, roman-fleuve that is the story of Gut Rot continues this week as the team squares off in a MacNeil Division tilt against the Mathematics. This game is definitely winnable for the the scrappy but undermanned Rots, but they need better execution and will have to time their hangovers perfectly (not easy in a 5:30 PM game) to have a chance. After a solid start, the Abaci have lost 3 straight. Hosting Gut Rot could be the shot of 5-Hour Energy they are looking for.
\nVegas Line:<\/strong> Mathematics by 1
\nJesse the Greek says:<\/strong> Math. Gut Rot might just have a Father\u2019s Day run in them, but do you really want to have money on it?
\nWatchability:<\/strong> 2.5 Bodega egg-and-cheeses<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"