![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/FTCChamps.jpg\" "\\"FTC")
<\/a><\/p>\nAfter three years of utter failure and disappointment, captain Rich Glanzer achieved his boyhood dream when the Happy Little Elves finally captured their first prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup last Sunday.\u00a0 The Cup, which is awarded annually to the winner of the triangular series among the Elves, Dark Rainbows, and Unicorns, was presented to Glanzer, co-captain Ben Chadwick, and guest captain Eli “The Calculator” Kazin following the Elves’ 5-3 win over the Rainbows.\u00a0 The team also defeated the Unicorns 4-3 in a shootout two weeks ago to open the 2011 series.<\/p>\n
This prestigious (yet imaginary) trophy completes an unprecedented triple crown for the Happy Little Elves, who now possess the Fairy Tale Cup, the Barnacle Bowl, and less importantly, the BTSH championship.\u00a0 Captain Glanzer boasts, “The Elves are the Secretariat of BTSH.\u00a0 No one can catch us.\u00a0 I’ve dreamed about this day for 15 years.\u00a0 I’m especially proud of the Barnacle Bowl!”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Elves forward Ryan Nakahara was named the MVP of the 2011 Fairy Tale Cup series for his outstanding play in both of his team’s victories.\u00a0 He had a shootout goal against the Unicorns and scored both the tying and winning goals against the Dark Rainbows.\u00a0 This performance continues a trend of big game heroics for the Elves’ brunette sophomore.\u00a0 Nakahara also had two goals in the 2010 BTSH championship game.<\/p>\n
However, Ryan’s flaxen-haired teammate–and all around good guy–Trevor “T-Beau” Beauclair is not concerned with the imaginary Cup.\u00a0 He explains, “I don’t care about this fairy tale crap that Glanzer promotes. A win is satisfying enough for me regardless of the rivalry. Rich can create all the fake trophies he wants to keep himself interested but it’s the game between the lines that excites me.”\u00a0 Despite these views, Beauclair was happy to join his teammates for a post-game celebration at Ace Bar, where cold beer was served directly out of the (imaginary) Cup.<\/p>\n
Due to Kazin’s role as a guest captain in helping the Elves secure this elusive honor, the media have claimed the imaginary Cup as their own possession.\u00a0 For the next year, it will reside at the media’s home offices in the Upper East Side of Manhattan alongside their awards for the investigative report<\/a> on the Gouging Anklebiters’ hazing violations, the Matt Workman<\/a> edition of the Know Your Neighbor series, the first Tuques Hockey<\/a> commercial, and several others for general<\/a> journalistic<\/a> integrity<\/a>.<\/p>\n Third Star:<\/strong> Courtney, Unicorns<\/em>.\u00a0 Coco excelled off the court this week, namely in the back of Ace Bar on the skeeball machine.\u00a0 She scored a 410 in an intense team matchup against the Corlears Hookers to lead her team of Unicorns and Derek Tagliarino to victory.\u00a0 This is the highest skeeball score ever recorded in the presence of the media. This year, due to a series of stupid bets made by Happy Little Elves goalie Shaun deLacy, the media will track his goals against average over the course of the regular season.<\/em><\/p>\n Goals Allowed This Week:<\/strong> 3 (vs. Dark Rainbows) Shaun’s goals against average remained relatively stable, as it only rose by one one-hundredth this week.\u00a0 He allowed three goals to the Dark Rainbows in the Elves’ Fairy Tale Cup win.\u00a0 In his next game, he will face a resurgent Filthy Gorgeous squad, which has won its last five games.\u00a0 Although Filthy has averaged a mediocre 2.5 goals per game this season, the team has scored 20 goals during its winning streak.<\/p>\n In order to determine who is a better “Skee*T*Ball” player, Happy Little Elves captains “The Chairman” Ben Chadwick and Rich Glanzer engaged in a heated game of Trivial Pursuit on Sunday.\u00a0 Each player answered the same 32 questions from the categories of history and sports & leisure from the 1981 GENUS I edition.\u00a0 Whoever answered the fewest questions correctly would pay for a competitive round of “Skee*T*Ball,” a beer for the winner, any cost in purchasing the Trivial Pursuit cards (up to $10), and get captaincy of the Elves.\u00a0 The extremely likeable and handsome Trevor “T-Beau” Beauclair also answered the questions, but was not part of the bet.\u00a0 In the end, Chadwick defeated Glanzer by a score of 13-11, making Glanzer the undisputed captain of the Elves, much to his lament.<\/p>\n Written by bar correspondent Abby “Tayne” Meisterman<\/em><\/p>\n Former Black Top Street Hockey league bar and home to the \u201cJohnson\u2019s Olympics,\u201d Welcome to the Johnson\u2019s<\/a>, suffered a stroke on June 17. Originally, the cause of the stroke was attributed to the bar choking on its own tongue-in-cheekiness. However, the LES-ordered not-dead-yet autopsy discovered that the establishment served one too many U-21<\/a> BTSH and NYSSC kickball players and their fans. Attempts to revive<\/a> the beloved drinking hole continue as the LES struggles to find a heartbeat. Should the bar fail to make a complete recovery, it will be survived by ex-bartender Brent Smith, Craig LaCombe\u2019s plaid jacket, a misshapen cupcake, and several unidentified stains and odors.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Way Too Many Elves After three years of utter failure and disappointment, captain Rich Glanzer achieved his boyhood dream when the Happy Little Elves finally captured their first prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup last Sunday.\u00a0 The Cup, which is awarded annually to the winner of the triangular series among the Elves, Dark Rainbows, and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[23],"tags":[153,146,30,42,54],"class_list":["post-4485","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-league-notes","tag-2011-season","tag-fairy-tale-cup","tag-happy-little-elves","tag-news-and-notes","tag-stupid-bets"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4485"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4485"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4485\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4512,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4485\/revisions\/4512"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4485"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4485"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4485"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Three Stars of the Week<\/h4>\n
\nSecond Star:<\/strong> Brendan “Dutch” Kearney, Corlears Hookers<\/em>. Dutch Fever is back!\u00a0 Sort of.\u00a0 Kearney tallied a hat trick in the Corlears Hookers’ 6-2 win against LBS, Inc.\u00a0 However, this will be his last game for a while, as he is getting married before games resume in July.
\nFirst Star:<\/strong> Suvin “The Guru” Malik, Filthy Gorgeous<\/em>.\u00a0 The Guru recorded five points in Filthy Gorgeous’ 6-4 win over Mega Touch.\u00a0 He scored four goals to bring his season total to 10 and assisted on linemate “Gentleman” James Pereira’s goal as well.\u00a0 Filthy is now on a five-game winning streak.<\/p>\nShaun deLacy GAA Watch<\/h4>\n
<\/a><\/p>\n
\nGoals Allowed Previously:<\/strong> 23
\nGoals Allowed This Season:<\/strong> 26
\nGames Played:<\/strong> 9
\nGoals Against Average:<\/strong> 2.89
\nNext Opponent:<\/strong> Filthy Gorgeous (2.5 goals per game)<\/p>\nStupid Bets<\/h4>\n
<\/a><\/p>\nObituaries?<\/h4>\n