{"id":5186,"date":"2012-03-05T12:00:49","date_gmt":"2012-03-05T17:00:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/?p=5186"},"modified":"2012-08-29T22:48:09","modified_gmt":"2012-08-30T02:48:09","slug":"2012-season-preview-gouging-anklebiters","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/2012-season-preview-gouging-anklebiters\/","title":{"rendered":"2012 Season Preview: Gouging Anklebiters"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Color: Electric Blue & Yellow (Leap Day colors!)
\nYear Founded: 2001
\n2011 Regular Season Finish: 5-12-0 (4th, Hackett Division; 18th overall)
\n2011 Playoff Result: Lost to Corlears Hookers in Round of 16
\nConference: Kazin
\nDivision: Glanzer
\nTeam Song: “Wonderful Tonight” – Eric Clapton<\/a><\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/strong>Roster<\/strong><\/p>\n

Amy Barrett (A)
\nCourtney Butler
\nZoya Craig
\nCharles DeFranco
\nAlex Derhohannesian (AA)
\nPhil Donohue (C)
\nNick Gardella
\nJen Harlan
\nCraig LaCombe (G)
\nNicole Lanctot
\nSarah Moore
\nCaroline Morrisey-Bickerton
\nAlex Owen
\nZack Papper
\nJoe Polowczuk
\nPeter Prohaska<\/p>\n

Mike Ross<\/p>\n

Annika<\/p>\n

Zach Weiner (A)
\n<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

LOVE.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s what the 2012 Anklebiters are all about.<\/p>\n

Now, the.Org hears your derisive laughter and snide comments:<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, the Anklebiters LOVE beer.\u201d
\n\u201cPhil Donohue sure LOVEs the Johnsons.\u201d
\n\u201cWhen I think of the face of LOVE, it\u2019s Jeremy Schumacher.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mock all you will. But while you were spending your off-season working on conditioning and stickhandling, the Hockey Hounds employed a different strategy. They all got hitched (or at least engaged, often to each other. Phil & Amy, Zack & Jen, moustache Zach, Pete. The trend became so popular even Anklebiter alumni were getting in on the act (congrats Guvs & Sascha). All that conjugal bliss is just a by product of the newfound maturity of what is now a veteran GAB lineup.<\/p>\n

Yes, the the team that once had \u201cHook up at the Johnsons\u201d as the first page of their playbook has grown up and settled down (at least a little bit). And while we all might make fun of these former gadabouts, there\u2019s no question that they\u2019re one of the closest teams in BTSH. From bowling & broomball to holiday and house parties, the Anklebiters are constanly hanging out together. In short, they\u2019re a family.<\/p>\n

But team captain Phil Donohue has taught enough high school science classes to recognize the biggest threat to any tight family unit.<\/p>\n

INBREEDING.<\/p>\n

In an effort to keep hemophilia out of the Pooches\u2019 bloodline (and maybe improve their record), Phil and co. opened the Anklebiters\u2019 hearts to three refugees from the Fairy Tale Kingdom. Thanks to their warm hearts and seemingly endless roster spots, Craig LaCombe, Courtney Butler and Joe Polowczuk are now part of the Canine Crew.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s right, the three players who put the \u201cCor\u201d in \u201cUnicorns\u201d are now Puck Puppies and as a result, GAB\u2019s lineup looks radically different.<\/p>\n

GAB\u2019s former goalie, Mike O\u2019Connor was one of the most underrated goalies in the league. But his inconsistent attendance often left Donahue and Co. struggling between the pipes. In BTSH, they have an industry vet and top 5 goaltender, the Dominik Hasek of BTSH netkeepers. Donohue\u2019s Dogs are hoping that he\u2019s more Red Wings era Dominator than Senators era Hasek but there\u2019s no doubt, LlaCombe will be coming ready to play. Plus he just got married too so he fits in well with the Dogs paired up locker room.<\/p>\n

CoCo is another skilled performer and steadying influence. She\u2019s elusive on the court and should be able to fill a mentorship role for any of her teammates who are still uncomfortable in their newfound positions as responsible adults.<\/p>\n

And Joe P. provides the first legitimate scoring threat for the Blue and Yellow since Eric DiPieri first got kicked out of a game for ref abuse.<\/p>\n

Donohue may have already won GM of the year for picking up these players while keeping the rest of his lineup intact. GAB has always been an extremely capable foe but with these upgrades Phil may have turned his team from an \u201cAny Given Sunday\u201d franchise to a \u201cGunning for You This Sunday\u201d juggernaut. If nothing else, there will be three more players who can finish off the extra shots at the bar.<\/p>\n

So remember BTSHers, the next time Amy Barrett laughs in your face or Zack Weiner twirls his moustache at you, they\u2019re not doing it with malice.<\/p>\n

They\u2019re doing it out of LOVE.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t you just hate them already?<\/p>\n

Entity They Resemble (According to Rich Glanzer)<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Tony Soprano can suck it. Johnny Dangerously was the best Mob Boss of all time. The GAB declared Fargin War on all of us by picking up Craig, Coco and Joe P. While I have nothing good to say about Craig except no good set of balls ever get past him, and nothing bad to say about Coco, I am mixed with Joe P. On one hand, he’s a great player and a really good teammate. But on the other hand, much like Johnny Dangerously’s notoriously sick mother, Joe lands on the injured report. A lot. When asked about Joe P., Jo-Ann Provencher says, ” Joe P. est plus doux que le papier hygi\u00e9nique Charmin. Mec a toujours bless\u00e9s. ”<\/p>\n

Still … this Hidden Heel will bring a few more W’s to the GAB. As someone with an 0-3 career mark vs. the Anklebiters, I think this team just got a whole lot better. Both in the courts, and at the bar.<\/p>\n

Fun fact<\/strong>: Caroline Morrisey-Bickerton has never beaten me at Skee*T*ball or scored a goal against me in broomball. True story.<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  Color: Electric Blue & Yellow (Leap Day colors!) Year Founded: 2001 2011 Regular Season Finish: 5-12-0 (4th, Hackett Division; 18th overall) 2011 Playoff Result: Lost to Corlears Hookers in Round of 16 Conference: Kazin Division: Glanzer Team Song: “Wonderful Tonight” – Eric Clapton Roster Amy Barrett (A) Courtney Butler Zoya Craig Charles DeFranco Alex […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":529,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[159],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5186","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2012-team-previews"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5186"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/529"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5186"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5186\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5198,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5186\/revisions\/5198"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5186"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5186"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5186"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}