{"id":5282,"date":"2012-03-18T12:00:38","date_gmt":"2012-03-18T16:00:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/?p=5282"},"modified":"2012-03-16T17:05:09","modified_gmt":"2012-03-16T21:05:09","slug":"2012-season-preview-not-the-unicorns","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/2012-season-preview-not-the-unicorns\/","title":{"rendered":"2012 Season Preview – Not the Unicorns"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Color:\u00a0<\/strong>Yellow?
\nYear Founded:\u00a0<\/strong>2012
\n2011 Regular Season Finish:\u00a0<\/strong>NA
\n2011 Playoff Result:\u00a0<\/strong>NA
\nConference:\u00a0<\/strong>Kazin
\nDivision:\u00a0<\/strong>Larsen
\nTeam Song: “Beautiful Stranger” – Madonna<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Roster<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ryan Mills – Captain<\/p>\n

Mark McAdam<\/p>\n

Dr. Cathy Cho<\/div>\n
Rod Sherwood<\/div>\n
Luke Berg<\/div>\n
Iannis Tourkalis<\/div>\n
Caitlin Ervin<\/div>\n
John Walker<\/div>\n
Jon Rick<\/div>\n
Charlie Mackenzie<\/div>\n
Jamie B<\/div>\n
Athena Curry<\/div>\n
Amber Ross<\/div>\n
Alison Shilling<\/div>\n
Sudeep Banarjee<\/div>\n
Chad Pitman<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
While Unicorns may be only the purest white this new team is the season’s real dark horse. What do you do when your Captain, goalie and top scorer succumb to the charms of a roguish leperchaun and leave the team? What do you do when wearing a Golden Girls shirt just doesn’t take away your crippling emotional pain? What do you do when things stop being mythological horselike creatures and start getting real?<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
If you’re Ryan Mills and the rest of the core of one of BTSH’s founding franchises you pick yourself up and rise like a Phoenix from the ashes.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Ryan doesn’t see it as a completely new team though. “We’re taking a Hollyood approach to this,” he explained. “Don’t think of it as a rebuilding so much as a reimagining. It’s like we’re starting the series over with some hot young actors and a fresh take on the franchise.” \u00a0It’s a nice idea but the jury is still out on whether this will be Star Trek<\/em> or Star Wars: Episode 1 <\/em>(sorry, we know the old Unicorns were more Lord of the Rings than LucasArts but we couldn’t come up with an appropriate analogy). Will Ryan and co. rise to new heights or has the magic left along with the Unicorns name. Heck, are they even still eligible for the Fairytale Cup?<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Who knows?<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
It looks like everything is going to be a gametime decision with this team.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
We can tell you that John Rick and Charlie Mackenzie had some nice chemistry together in the past. Ageless wonders Mark Macadam and Caitlin Ervin can still bring it when needed. And\u00a0Iannis Tourkalis was heavily scouted by the KHL before agreeing to another year with the new BTSH franchise.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
But there are still more questions than answers.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Will Dr. Cathy Cho live up to the high standards set by fellow highly educated BTSHers Dr. Alfred Liu and Dr. Jean Hebert?<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Is Chad Pitman a real guy or the “phony” from JD Salinger’s timeless classic Catcher in the Rye?<\/em><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
What does the “B” in Jamie B stand for (Our guess? “Booyaa”)?<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Does this team have a goalie?<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Does this team have a name?<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
In one week all these questions will be answered. Until then “Not the Unicorns” remain a mystery wrapped inside of an enigma, the BTSH equivalent of “Lost”.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Maybe Glanzer can figure out what’s going on …<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Entity they Resemble (According to Rich Glanzer)<\/strong><\/em><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\n
Entity<\/strong>: $howt!m3<\/em><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Y’all remember $howt!m3 right? The former Unicorn, Rehab, Mathlete and current Dark Rainbow is very reminiscent to the Uni’s. $how left the Rehabs for a better life at Math, and then realized there is nothing worse in life than playing with Mike Smith (Hippie) every week.<\/em><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
The Uni’s were once a prestigious franchise, had a loyal captain in Coco, a great goalie in Craig and Joe P. A highly talented yet oft-injured forward\/defensemen that once told Courtney, “my pinkie looks a little bruised. It feels fine, but it looks bruised.”<\/em><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\u00a0$howt!m3 eventually regretted leaving the Rehabs and Math. A forced retirement is never any fun. League Commissioner Adriano Bratta who has said publicly that his legacy is tied to the prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup has ruled that they are no longer eligible, since they are not actually Unicorns anymore. Much like $how…the Uni’s will regret the name change, and the loss of three excellent players. \u00a0My prediction….they will rival the Happy Little Elves, circa 2008.<\/em><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Color:\u00a0Yellow? Year Founded:\u00a02012 2011 Regular Season Finish:\u00a0NA 2011 Playoff Result:\u00a0NA Conference:\u00a0Kazin Division:\u00a0Larsen Team Song: “Beautiful Stranger” – Madonna Roster Ryan Mills – Captain Mark McAdam Dr. Cathy Cho Rod Sherwood Luke Berg Iannis Tourkalis Caitlin Ervin John Walker Jon Rick Charlie Mackenzie Jamie B Athena Curry Amber Ross Alison Shilling Sudeep Banarjee Chad Pitman While […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":529,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[159],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5282","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2012-team-previews"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5282"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/529"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5282"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5282\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5302,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5282\/revisions\/5302"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5282"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5282"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5282"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}