![\"Sven\"](\"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/03\/sven2009.jpg\" "\\"Sven\\"")
<\/a><\/p>\nColor:<\/strong> Brown <\/p>\n Mighty Squirrels new Ass Captain Jesse Kalb submitted the following summary of\u00a0his team’s prospects for the 2009 season<\/em>:<\/p>\n The Mighty Squirrels’ 2009 season started off on an inauspicious note when, at the league captains’ meeting, Squirrel leader Rachel “A-Korn” Greene tried out her new dance move, the “Avenue A Face-Plant.” Aside from her pride, no serious injuries were sustained.\u00a0Although he was not present for the mishap, new Squirrel Ass Captain Jesse Kalb was still held partially responsible since his main duty is babysitting Greene.<\/p>\n Despite this incident, there is reason for optimism at Squirrels HQ. Four straight years of cellar-dwelling and the resulting high draft picks temporarily paid dividends in 2008 for the nut hoarders, as they raced out to a 7-0-3 start before\u00a0collapsing down the stretch. This year, some key free agent acquisitions are likely to improve team consistency and maintain momentum throughout the season. Locker room chemistry is likely to improve as well, as the Squirrels have swapped last year’s goalie, a Devils fan,\u00a0for a more NYC-appropriate Rangers fan.<\/p>\n As excited as the Squirrels are about their new blood, they return a solid and veteran core.\u00a0 Fan favorites Gary Kowalski and Marie Marberg have made the Squirrels one of the toughest teams to score on and will once again hold down the fort on defense. The much-hyped “Martha” scoring line of Arthur “Lil Weezy” Revechkis and Mike Mincelli, as well as the mercurial scorer and official team ingenue Nicole Lanctot,\u00a0is back with high expectations. Team trainers believe Revechkis is due for a big year after his rigorous off-season conditioning program, called “40s, Blunts, and Hos.”\u00a0 Finally, while last year’s rookie call-up Kirby Ruffner was brought in mainly to keep her fianc\u00e9 in line, she has proven to be an energetic spark plug, both on the court and at the bar.<\/p>\n Tim “(S)crappy” Gray spent the winter in his garage, trying to fix the rejuvenation machine and rediscover his mid-1990s athleticism. Best of luck with that, Timmy.<\/p>\n Food They Closely Resemble:<\/strong> Trail Mix<\/em>.\u00a0There\u2019s a good mix of serious and fun stuff in here, but in the end, it\u2019s mostly just nuts.\u00a0 This good-natured combination is a good accessory no matter where you are. ROSTER<\/strong> Sven’s Expecting A Flood Color: Brown Year Founded: 2005 2008 Regular Season Finish: 7-7-3 (11th place) 2008 Playoff Result: Lost to Dark Rainbows in first round Division: Schloeder 2009 Marketing Slogan: “How do you like deez nuts?” Key Additions: Emily Allen, Ian Driscoll, Lauren Greene (All Free Agents) Key Losses: Z.Y. Kesselman, Tommy Mayoros<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[122],"tags":[123,15,18],"class_list":["post-733","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2009-team-previews","tag-2009-season","tag-mighty-squirrels","tag-team-previews"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/733"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=733"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/733\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":938,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/733\/revisions\/938"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=733"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=733"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=733"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nYear Founded:<\/strong> 2005
\n2008 Regular Season Finish:<\/strong> 7-7-3 (11th place)
\n2008 Playoff Result:<\/strong> Lost to Dark Rainbows in first round
\nDivision:<\/strong> Schloeder
\n2009 Marketing Slogan:<\/strong> “How do you like deez nuts?”
\nKey Additions:<\/strong> Emily Allen, Ian Driscoll, Lauren Greene (All Free Agents)
\nKey Losses:<\/strong> Z.Y. Kesselman, Tommy Mayoros<\/p>\n
\nFast Fact:<\/strong> Lauren Greene put herself through college by\u00a0harvesting bees and selling their honey on the side of the Jericho Turnpike.<\/p>\n
\nEmily Allen
\nEric Breitman
\nScott Brower
\nJason “Cheek” Cheek
\nEric Cole
\nIan Driscoll
\nRitch Duncan
\nRob “Mungo” Gorden
\nLauren Greene
\nRachel “A-Korn” Greene (C)
\nTim “(S)crappy” Gray
\nJesse Kalb (A)
\nGary Kowalski
\nPatrick Larsen
\nNicole Lanctot
\nMarie Marberg
\nAmanda Melson
\nMike Mincelli
\nDave Paglia
\nArthur “Lil Weezy” Revechkis
\nKirby Ruffner
\nAndrea “Vegetable Lasagna” Schloeder
\nMary Simmons
\nMiky Wolf
\nDerrick<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"