{"id":7627,"date":"2013-06-21T09:43:33","date_gmt":"2013-06-21T13:43:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/?p=7627"},"modified":"2013-06-21T11:39:27","modified_gmt":"2013-06-21T15:39:27","slug":"week-10-game-previews-part-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/week-10-game-previews-part-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Week 10 – Game Previews – Part 2"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/a>\"andyanddan\"<\/a>
Gouging Anklebiters at Gut Rot<\/strong>
3:00 pm, Tompkins Square West
by Bill “Laissez Faire” Tucker<\/em><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Note:\u00a0 Due to some personal issues involving a rhino, three parakeets and a sloth named Sugar Bear, Dr. Hunter S. Tompkins will be taking over for Bill in writing this week\u2019s preview.<\/em><\/p>\n

Zounds!\u00a0 Much like the Super Bowl, the World Series and the Culver Country Regional Dart Tossing Competition, Biters \/ Gut Rot is the pinnacle of sport.\u00a0 A grand display of alcohol tinged athleticism, this game isn\u2019t so much a rivalry but the coming together of like-minded squads.\u00a0 Known for combining fine hockey skills with drunken hootenanny, the Gouging Anklebiters are the BTSH equivalent of Patrick Kane, without the fraternity style douchebaggery.\u00a0 With superstars like Joe. P and Sarah Moore providing the offense and the ever inebriated Craig tending the net, the Yellow and Gold have more than deserved their sparkling 6 -1 record.\u00a0 Not that they care.<\/p>\n

Gut Rot has also seen some hockey success along with their legendary revelry.\u00a0 With a stifling defense and timely scoring led by Tom Caldwell, Tommy Cho and the Gilligans, Gut Rot is no longer the laughing stock of the league.\u00a0 Led by Annika \u201cThe Anvil\u201d Sweetland, Heather \u201cI Brew It, You Drink It\u201d Aspegren and Diane \u201cScrew The Tuques\u201d Johnston, the Rotters feature one of the best female squads in BTSH.\u00a0 Despite the best efforts of goaltender Bill Tucker to ruin things by showing up hammered every week, the Smashing Stomach Biles have worked to a solid 3-4-1 record.\u00a0 Not that they really care.\u00a0<\/p>\n

And that\u2019s the beauty of this game. Two teams, holding fast to the old school notion of good times before standings, Gut Rot \/ Anklebiters is what BTSH is all about.\u00a0 Maybe there will be whiskey shots at center court.\u00a0 Perhaps the goalies will face off.\u00a0 There\u2019s a chance both teams give the game a miss and go out for Bloody Mary\u2019s in the early summer sun.\u00a0 Whatever happens, this contest will be a shining example of exactly how to spend a Sunday chasing around a plastic orange ball.<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong>Filthy Gorgeous at Gremlins<\/strong>
4:30 pm, Tompkins Square East<\/strong>
by Monica Russo<\/p>\n

<\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong>There are few pains greater than that of a woman losing her goalie.\u00a0<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n
FG had some goalie messiness in its infancy, it’s true. Sometimes we had many goalies who never showed up. Sometimes we had unsatisfactory goalies. Sometimes we borrowed. Sometimes we scrambled. For a little while, we had James Stein.\u00a0<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
But like a beacon of blonde, volunteer-firefighting light, Dan-O emerged from the depths of the earth (a.k.a.\u00a0Saturday\u00a0morning scrimmage). He has been, in my biased opinion, one of the best goalies in the league, but more importantly, he has been a true Filthy, which is something that may be tough to explain, but, to me, it’s very valuable.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
He also brought us Caroline, who, as these things go when you’re engaged to someone, is leaving, too. As much as I’ll try to replace her in my heart with Joanne Provencher (blonde French Canadian for blonde French Canadian, you feel me?), it won’t be the same.\u00a0<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
D.C.’s gain is for sure our loss. I know I speak for the league (and at the very least, all the Filthies), when I say that we will miss you both so much.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Oh, and we play the Gremlins this week. Sorry, Gremlins.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Someone find me a goalie.<\/div>\n


<\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong><\/strong>Editor’s Note: Monica forgot to mention that Dan is also a competitive eater. I feel like this may be what he’s best remembered for.<\/p>\n

<\/em><\/em><\/em>Just kidding. If there’s such a thing as a trophy goalie, Dan-o is it. Everyone was jealous when Monica got him for Filthy and they all looked for similar qualities in their goalies. Talented. Reliable. Tall. Able to get Quebecois to shut up. Who wouldn’t want that on their team? <\/p>\n

Dan-O and Caroline helped put the Gorgeous in Filthy Gorgeous and they made BTSH a better place to be every Sunday. Bonne Chance, mes amis!<\/em><\/em><\/p>\n

<\/em><\/strong><\/em>Corlears Hookers at Rehabs<\/strong><\/strong>
<\/strong>4:30 pm, Tompkins Square West<\/p>\n

<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong>Hookers and Rehabs. It sounds like a TRU reality series. Or a Saturday night at Jon Feldman’s place (booya!).\u00a0<\/p>\n

<\/strong>But seriously, folks, there are teams in this league that can stop the buzzsaw that is the 2013 Corlears Hookers. Unfortunately you won’t find any of them outside the top division. And that includes the Boys and Babes in Black. <\/p>\n

We’re not completely ruling out an upset (something the Rehabs are known for) but it is a long shot. With the Hookers realizing that they need some players to actually show up between May and September and the emergence of Danilo as their go to scorer, the wannabe Habs look pretty unstoppable.<\/p>\n

Our prediction: Hookers 6 -Rehabs 2

<\/strong>
<\/em><\/strong><\/em>Dark Rainbows at Mathematics<\/strong><\/strong>
<\/strong>5:30 pm, Tompkins Square East<\/strong><\/strong>
by Abby “I’m actually going to write about the game this week” Meisterman & Eli “Coachable”Kazin<\/p>\n

<\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong><\/em>Abby’s Take –<\/strong><\/strong>\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong>Sooooo, Mathematics are 7-1. Not to say they didn\u2019t always have talent, but I doubt a lot of you saw this coming all those years back.You go, Glen Coco… I mean, Mathletes<\/a>.<\/p>\n

But let\u2019s talk about those Dark Rainbows for a second. The Rainbows have been in this league since 2004, won the championship in 2007, and then half the team went off and had families (or just felt maybe the\u00a0time had come to talk of other things<\/a>). The following season (2011) was rocky, as the team was cobbled together from players inside and out of the league and they finished at the bottom of the league. However, this season they\u2019ve already won more games than they did the whole of last year. Goalie Ari Kipnis has been standing on his head, often garnering multiple shut-outs in one day. The Carson sisters have been reunited, proving confusing and challenging to opponents as they appear to be everywhere when both on the court. Many say that\u00a0John Neilsen is unexpected<\/a>\u00a0so you\u2019d think he\u2019d be expected by now, yet his elusivity remains. Veterans Rudd and Brown consistently prove why 2007 was the Rainbows year. And though they\u2019ve been plagued with injuries (foot surgery, ankle sprains, low attendance, back wrenching, hangovers, wedding attendance, etc.), the team has been soldiering on (and well).<\/p>\n


<\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong><\/strong>The last time these two teams met was the season opener, with 3-4 to the Mathematics. But, to be fair, the Rainbows didn\u2019t have their regular goalie and the Norris matriarch wasn\u2019t on the court. Will Pratt want a win on his way out? Probably. Will the Rainbows want to even the score? Sure thing.<\/em><\/em><\/em><\/p>\n

<\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong>Eli’s Take<\/strong> – BTSH is currently comprised of 20 teams and close to 400 players, but back when the league started in the spring of 2000, it consisted of only seven teams and approximately 60 players. Just a handful of those 60 are still with the league today, and after\u00a0Sunday, their ranks will dwindle further, as Andy Pratt, after 14 glorious seasons, has but one more game to play before moving to San Francisco. 14 seasons, let that sink in for a little bit. Back when BTSH started, the Columbus Blue Jackets, Minnesota Wild, Brad Richards, Marty Turco, and both Henrik and Daniel Sedin all had yet to play a game in the NHL, and Bill Clinton was still the president. Andy not only played during and after BTSH’s so-called “Golden Age”, but also before it, and was also one of the seven original captains. And yes, there is still one original captain left besides Andy. Bonus points if you can name him or her. The league has changed dramatically since its founding, but players like Andy are what connects the league of today to its simpler past.<\/p>\n

<\/em><\/em><\/em>Editor’s Note: When I joined the league in 2005, the floppy-haired Bandy player who scored all of Henry Motion’s goal was inarguably the most-talented player in the league. Through eight seasons I’ve had the pleasure of playing against Andy, occasionally playing with him on tournament & all-star teams, watching him become a husband and a dad, and having him as a friend. Andy’s a terrific hockey player. But more importantly he’s a terrific human being. he represents the best of BTSH and he will be sorely missed. Good luck to Andy, Sarah, Donovan and Elliott as they start the next chapter of their life in San Francisco!<\/em><\/em><\/em><\/p>\n

<\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong><\/em>La Famiglia at Happy Little Elves<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong>
<\/strong><\/strong>5:30 pm, Tompkins Square West<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong>
by Rich “Tuques Forever!” Glanzer<\/p>\n

<\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong><\/strong>I was asked to write about the Tuques vs. the Elves, but honestly, there is someone that can do it better. And its my good friend, the only person in the history of BTSH to play for the Tuques and the Elves, The Great (Bearded One) Brian Ferry! Now spoiler alert, I’m sure Brian is going to talk about the time when the Elves shocked the BTSH Universe and won their inaugural game (Elly calls it the true, “Miracle at Moffo”). And you should listen to Brian when he talks about that game, because its the truth. But that’s when you should stop listening. Because he’s a no-good freakin liar. Yes he’s a good friend but that doesn’t mean I like him. He’ll probably talk about a game in 2009 where he played net and they won 5-2. It NEVER happened!\u00a0<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n
As for this week, unfortunately Brian is out after suffering some sort of injury, and the Tuques have been really depressed about this. I don’t see how the Tuques will beat us.\u00a0<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Denis has been so upset he’s only benching 450 pounds, Shafiq has been binge eating and has went from 145 pounds to 147. Hanwa threw away \u00a0the extra “a” in her name. Their goalie Tim who just celebrated his birthday told Elly to fuck off when Elly wrote, “Happy birthday Tim!”<\/p>\n

No, the Tuques were still suffering from their 2008 loss and now the crippling injury to Brian has all but deflated them. Its not even going to be close, 4-3 Elves!<\/p>\n

Guest Reporting by\u00a0Brian\u00a0“Elfapictus Emeritus, Famiglimaximus\u00a0Domesticus” Ferry<\/strong><\/em><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Like the sound of Pierre McGuire telling NHL players to “have fun out there,” Rich Glanzer’s stories of the days of yore have long grated on the nerves of BTSH players and fans alike.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
“The Elves beat the Tuques in their first-ever game!” “The Elves won the BTSH Championship in their third-ever season!” “Jan Erixon!” “John Stearns!”<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Like his beloved Mets, Rich has been spending too much time focusing on past accomplishments. Let’s take a brief look at some of the Elves’ recent missteps:<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\u2022 Following their inaugural season, the Elves allowed a bearded three-position RFA to be snatched up by their rival Tuques. Said free agent went on to start in net against them in 2009 and beat them, including denying a late-game breakaway by Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri.<\/div>\n
\u2022 The much-hyped and grossly-mismanaged Glanzer Dome construction project has yet to be completed, due to cost and schedule overruns, public complaints about the blinding electric green facade, and countless OSHA violations.<\/div>\n
\u2022 Elves netminder Shaun “too big for his britches, which are really freakin’ big” deLacy not only loses his 2.00 goals-against average bet with the BTSH Media during the 2011 season, his numbers are so high the Media Photoshops a beach ball in the net behind him.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Here’s another thing the Elves have done poorly: they’ve always underestimated La Famiglia. Sure, the Green Monsters have a respectable 2013 record at 5-3-0-0 while the Octopi have yet to find their stride at 3-4-0-1. But Azzurri Hockey has undergone a lot of changes this year. Gone is long-time Godfather Ladanyi, dividing his empire across many capable hands of co-captaincy. In are several new stud players, both men and women, who may help turn the tide of The Family’s reputation for strong regular seasons and weaker post-seasons. Could injured teammates Angela Vicari and yours truly make a quick enough recovery to help La Famiglia play the part of the 2012 Los Angeles Kings?<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
The Elves and La Famiglia face off in head-to-head match-ups in Weeks 10 and 11. One team may win both games, or the season series may be split, but one thing’s for certain: only one of these teams has peaked.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n


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Gouging Anklebiters at Gut Rot3:00 pm, Tompkins Square Westby Bill “Laissez Faire” Tucker\u00a0 Note:\u00a0 Due to some personal issues involving a rhino, three parakeets and a sloth named Sugar Bear, Dr. Hunter S. Tompkins will be taking over for Bill in writing this week\u2019s preview. Zounds!\u00a0 Much like the Super Bowl, the World Series and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":529,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[33],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7627","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-weekly-previews"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7627"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/529"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7627"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7627\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7638,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7627\/revisions\/7638"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7627"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7627"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7627"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}