{"id":7685,"date":"2013-06-27T15:48:39","date_gmt":"2013-06-27T19:48:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/?p=7685"},"modified":"2013-06-27T21:38:21","modified_gmt":"2013-06-28T01:38:21","slug":"week-11-game-previews-part-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/week-11-game-previews-part-1\/","title":{"rendered":"Week 11 – Game Previews – Part 1"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"seth\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Editor’s Note: It’s the dog days of BTSH. The weekends where the team with better attendance usually wins. And it becomes hard to tell goalies from homeless people (we hear Mike Tuckman made $50 in spare change last week). But fret not, ball chasers. After this Sunday, we’ve got a two-week break! In the spirit of the season we asked our correspondents to not only prognosticate on this week’s matchups but also find out what some of these teams plan for their summer vacation. The answers may surprise you!<\/p>\n

<\/strong><\/em>Happy Little Elves at La Famiglia<\/strong>
1:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
<\/strong><\/strong>by Abby “In the Know” Meisterman\u00a0<\/em>
<\/strong><\/strong>
Perhaps it\u2019s Dave Ladayni\u2019s absence that is hindering La Famiglia\u2019s ability to rise in standings. It\u2019s not a lack of talent, that\u2019s for sure! This is a team that boasts Hanwaa Chau\u00a0and\u00a0Angela Vicari\u00a0and\u00a0Lisa Harrington. And everyone knows about Denis Micelleto\u2019s wicked shot and Shafiq Perry. But perhaps that\u2019s the problem:\u00a0everybody knows<\/a>! Perhaps the media has done them in.
<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

That doesn\u2019t seem to be affecting the Happy Little Elves, though. The roster is pretty well known for various reasons. (Heels, all of them heels!) Honestly, I thought the \u201cKnow Your Neighbor\u201d feature had been retired, but a special edition was made just for Elves-fans\u2019 favorite,\u00a0T-Beau<\/a>. Jenna Cruff and Ben Chadwick were even\u00a0featured on CBS news<\/a>! Perhaps the media is only fuel for their fire. If we ignore them, will they start losing?<\/p>\n

Since this is a rematch of last week, it\u2019s likely La Famigilia will be looking for revenge as they were beaten 5-3, with only Miceletto scoring. However, now that we\u2019ve talked about both teams, it\u2019s also likely we\u2019ll see a repeat of the Elves pushing La Famiglia further down in the standings.<\/p>\n

Editor’s Note: Since Abby completely ignored her assignment (typical), we’ll mention that most of the Fam will be attending their annual reunion. Like all of their events it’s mostly an opportunity to callously remove deadweight from the organization (just ask Dave “why’d you all bring tire irons to the team picnic” Ladanyi). Hopefully, the team will be able to curb their homicidal urges to mercy killing Ant Ventolieri and Brian Ferry. <\/p>\n

The Elves are all decamping to Long Island, mainly due to the fact that Ben Chadwick started a rumor that Rich has a pool. In fact, it’s a the cover for a palace coup by Chadwick, Cruff and power behind the throne Gil Valdes. A word to the wise, Rich. There’s no such thing as a free pass to Action Park.<\/p>\n

<\/em><\/em>Rehabs<\/strong> at Lbs<\/strong>
2:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
<\/strong>By Rich”the $howtime Enabler”Glanzer<\/p>\n

<\/strong><\/em>The Rehabs and Lbs. are two teams with vastly different skill sets. For instance, the Lbs. are really good at scoring and winning hockey games.\u00a0<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n
The Rehabs meanwhile are really awesome at ruining other teams cheers, and fun by screaming Reeeeeeee-haaaaaaaabs.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
But these guys do more than just chant. No team is ever going to out-hustle \u00a0the nWRehabs. With GaT0rAidT!M3, Feldman, Welch, Alex, $h0wJu, and that other forward who contributes nothing offensively but sometimes backchecks it wont be easy for the Lbs. to score their usual dose of goals.\u00a0<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
So while I’ve rightfully been given a million accolades for predicting Math to upset the Demons and the Elves to upset the Tuques in back-to-back weeks, am I going to go for the Chadtrick and pick the Rehabs over the Lbs.??<\/p>\n

No, I’m not stupid. Maybe the Lbs. will give up a goal, maybe they wont, but they wont give up two. And Karstan, Ken and Sam are going to score, so my prediction is 3-1 for the Lbs.\u00a0<\/p><\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
As for what their summer vacation plans are??? Fuck if I know. I assume Sasha will fire a few unproductive employees, Brian will get them rehired, Karstan will pose for the body issue for ESPN with Beauclair, and Ann will wrestle an alligator in Texas.<\/p>\n

As for the what the Rehabs will do for their summer vacation, I really don’t care since the Rehabs Suck. What I really want to know is who is the scoring leader in BTSH this season? Is it Jeff Kamen of the Demons, is it Mr. Double Hattrick Karstan, is it me? (Its not me!)\u00a0<\/p><\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
Sven has given us as many updates as Poutine victories! #GiveJeromeback<\/p>\n

Editor’s Note: I take it back, Rich. That trip to Action Park sounds like just the ticket for you. It took us 9 weeks to fix standings so I don’t know why you think we’d have scoring stats before September. Let’s just assume that Karsten’s six-goal game has probably got him top of the charts. #GiveUsChadwickToo\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Denim Demons at Gremlins,<\/strong>
3:00 pm, Tompkins Square Park West<\/strong>
by Eli “I Miss Camp” Kazin<\/p>\n

<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

So what are the Gremlins doing for summer vacation? Captain Ryan Mills is taking his team to sleepaway camp for a week, and while the primary purpose is to build more team unity, he also wants his players to have fun, relax, and enjoy some childhood nostalgia. John Walker is looking forward to roasting some smores around the campfire, while Iannis Tourkalis can’t wait to spook out his teammates with one of his patented ghost stories. Jenny Grant really wants to get in some tennis matches, but Rod Sherwood would rather spend most of his time swimming in the lake. Jamie Batuwantudawe just wants to get one of the top bunks. Luke Berg, because he is currently on the disabled list, will have to spend most of his time in the arts and crafts center, but wait until you see the popsicle stick art he produces.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
The Denim Demons are also going to camp, but captain Adam Rubens is taking a more serious approach and bringing his team to training camp. Rubens has already put together a full agenda that includes daily stretching sessions<\/a>, two-a-day practices, film study, nutritional seminars, and Demons team history. Of course, numerous Demons are already grumbling about the rigid design of the training camp. Jeff Kamen is looking for ways to sneak contraband items into the relatively spartan accommodations. Jennifer Popack and Tracy Miller are questioning the benefits of trust falls and other team-building exercises. Dave Shyu claims to already know all there is to know about the Demons. Nevertheless, Rubens remains steadfast that this approach will improve the Demons both physically and mentally and prove beneficial in the long run.<\/p>\n

Editor’s Note: This theme thing may not be working out. Game prediction, Eli? It’s the league’s hottest offensive player (Jeff K.) vs. the league’s hottest goalie. Look for the Demons to pick up another “W’ with a 4-2 victory.<\/p>\n

Here’s what Gut Rot does on their summer vacation (for purposes of this exercise, we’ll assume that the entirety of Gut Rot is one entity):<\/em><\/em><\/p>\n

Gut Rot at Cobra Kai,<\/strong>
4:30 pm, Tompkins Square Park East<\/strong>
by Monica “Cut the Crap” Russo<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n
Here’s what Gut Rot does on their summer vacation (for purposes of this exercise, we’ll assume that the entirety of Gut Rot is one entity):<\/p>\n

Has a baby<\/p><\/div>\n

Moves to Austin, TX<\/div>\n
Gambles<\/div>\n
Appears on a Netflix-only critically acclaimed series<\/div>\n
Watches Jeopardy (possibly because I’m doing so right now)<\/div>\n
Repeals DOMA<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Here’s what Cobra Kai does:<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
No idea. Sorry, guys, but most of the things I wrote for GR are actual things that they do (it’s true. Tommy Cho single-handedly repealed DOMA), but I don’t know you guys very well. Perhaps you watch the Karate Kid movies on loop, including the ones with Jaden Smith and Hillary Swank (that happened).<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Here’s what neither of them do:<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Play hockey.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Get on it, guys.<\/p>\n

Editor’s Note: So that would be a 4-4 tie? Sure, let’s say that’s what it’s going to be.<\/p>\n

<\/em>Butchers at What the Puck,<\/strong>
5:30 pm, Tompkins Square Park West<\/p>\n

<\/em><\/strong>We all know the Butchers don’t really try and win a game until around Week 16. Up to that point it’s really more about making Ben look good, not embarassing Eric and trying to keep Ashley “Mad Dog” McMasters from facing the DC or serious prison time. <\/p>\n

Meanwhile, the WTP squad are usually worrying about whether it’s Mother or Father’s Day, a double header at Citifield, or the lawn needs mowing (all “legitimate”reasons team Captain Larry Zimmer has given as reasons to miss a game). Even Romeo is usually hanging out at the Jersey Shore to attend summer games (although giving us the awesome new MTV reality series “Romeo and Jwowette” really makes up for it).<\/p>\n

In short, these two teams have been on summer vacation since Memorial Day.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Call it a 3-2 victory for WTP based on who’s in net for the Orange Crushes and how well Michelle’s wedding plans are going.<\/p>\n

Goddammit, is it September yet?<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Editor’s Note: It’s the dog days of BTSH. The weekends where the team with better attendance usually wins. And it becomes hard to tell goalies from homeless people (we hear Mike Tuckman made $50 in spare change last week). But fret not, ball chasers. After this Sunday, we’ve got a two-week break! In the spirit […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":529,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[33],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7685","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-weekly-previews"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7685"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/529"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7685"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7685\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7691,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7685\/revisions\/7691"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7685"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7685"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7685"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}