{"id":8970,"date":"2014-05-06T22:50:03","date_gmt":"2014-05-07T02:50:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/?p=8970"},"modified":"2014-05-07T00:51:14","modified_gmt":"2014-05-07T04:51:14","slug":"the-real-stars-of-week-5","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/the-real-stars-of-week-5\/","title":{"rendered":"The *Real* Stars of Week 5"},"content":{"rendered":"

So yesterday we put up stars 4-6 of Week 5. We at The Authority felt they played great and deserved our love. But the backlash that you, the BTSH Universe, gave us has been unprecedented. You only want the top 3 stars.<\/p>\n

\"Gil<\/a>

Gil (“Gil’s Son’s Dad”) Valdes\u00a0demands that we show only the top 3 stars of the week. Especially in a week where he gets a goal and three assists.<\/p><\/div>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

3rd Star ***<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"No<\/a>

No Anshu, Tiffany, Sarah, and most importantly, no Noelle for the Hookers? No problem, as Jackie was the lone Hooker female.
Jackie, who is typically a defender, played a few shifts at offense and scored a big goal in front of the net.
After the final whistle blew, the Hookers led 2-1. Unfortunately, the Mets bullpen came in and then blew the game, even after it was technically over.<\/p><\/div>\n

2nd Star **<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Spoiler<\/a>

Spoiler Alert: If a member of The Authority ever pots two goals and his team wins, he is going to get a star. And if I do it, it will be the first star.
Here, Elly makes sure Derk spells his name right in the notebook. (He didn’t)<\/p><\/div>\n

First Star *<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Here<\/a>

Here is a picture of the Valdes sperm. Gil (“Gil’s Son’s Dad”) is the middle one and his son, Michael (Gil’s Son) \u00a0is the one on the far left.
The Elves\/CK game was a nail-biter, 0-0 at the start of the second. But that all changed after one shift, when Michael scored two goals (on assists from Gil), and Gil scored a goal (on an assist from Mike).
Despite being the oldest player in the league, Gillie Howe still gots it.<\/p><\/div>\n

Angry Rant<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"When<\/a>

When asked how he felt sharing the first star with his Dad, Gil’s son had this to say.
“WTF?!?!? I get a hat trick and an assist and you make me share the first star? I SCORED A FUCKING HAT TRICK?!? I’m sick of the old man riding on my coattails. Do the Tuques have a roster spot? Why does The Authority still call them the Tuques anyways?”<\/p><\/div>\n

Sad Karsten<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Karstan<\/a>

Karstan had a hat trick and leads the league in goals but all he got was this stupid logo. [Which is even spelled wrong, since Karsten spells his name with an E, but I doubt Rich realizes that.-ED] [Glanzer note: That’s why the logo is stupid, Derk.]<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So yesterday we put up stars 4-6 of Week 5. We at The Authority felt they played great and deserved our love. But the backlash that you, the BTSH Universe, gave us has been unprecedented. You only want the top 3 stars. \u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":692,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[229],"tags":[201,26,30,35,315],"class_list":["post-8970","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-three-stars","tag-2014-season","tag-corlears-hookers","tag-happy-little-elves","tag-mathematics","tag-three-stars"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8970"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/692"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8970"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8970\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8988,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8970\/revisions\/8988"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8970"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8970"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8970"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}