Three Stars of Week 16
THIRD STARS
Cory, Alex and Instant Karma
by Chadwick
Well, by Chadwick or the artist formally known as ¯\_(?)_/¯ as he was supposed to have written this piece, but much like his approach to captaining, he holds the title while someone else does all the work.
Best of luck out west, Alex!
It has been a rough two months for Karma; dropping 3 or 7 in a row by only a goal or 3 and losing the lead in the second half a couple of times to boot, there wasn’t much going for us. This past Sunday when it appeared that there was about to be more of the same bad luck, Cory said: ‘f*ck that, we’re getting it done this week.’ He proceeded to score the game tying goal early in the second half and also the shootout winner finally breaking Karma’s shit streak. It was bittersweet as Alex, who was playing his last game for Karma before packing up talents (and maybe his family too) and heading out west, blanked the opponent in the shootout and was rushed by his teammates while (finally) savoring that sweet taste of victory.
SECOND STAR
BTSHing
80 Beers At The Courts
by Arya Stark
Losing in a shootout is never fun but some things are more important than wins and losses (particularly since every team makes the playoffs anyway). So it was with a heavy heart and an apprehensive liver that the LBS decided to wash away the sting of that game by going to the supermarket (because thriftiness is important) and coming back with over 80 beers and assorted sparkling wines to celebrate Roberts’ birthday with the league. He was last seen at Percy’s about eight hours later, eyes rolling back in his head like a mix between The Undertaker and a relapsing heroin addict, ripping whiskey shots and debating the likelihood of group sex going down in Ocean City, a conversation he probably didn’t remember until reading this star just now. Happy Birthday Roberts; next year, we’re getting a keg.
Return of the Heckle Wall(s)
by Isaac
With the ladies of Gut Rot and Friends in peak and surly form, they made their way over to the westside dugout to provide obscene commentary and imaginative catcalls during the FK/Filthy game. I wonder where they learned how to attempt to inflate the players and refs egos while at the same time making them feel a little self-conscious? Much to the crowds disappointment, Tom R. kept his shirt on during the shootout attempt. (Perhaps next time y’all)
HEEEECCCKKKLLLEEE WAAAAALLLLL!!!!!
Later in the day, led by Ambrose Burnside (see below) with other members of the Biters and random Touches, the sideline Heckle Bench freely spoke their minds during the SF/Butchers game. Encouraging refs to make calls that weren’t there, asking the players if they thought that is what passes as hockey, and pleading for ideas on how to stop hiccuping.
FIRST STARS
James, Tim and Filthier
by Isaac
The game this past Sunday against a division rival was an instant classic. James and Co. set the tone early by clogging the neutral zone, back checking and crashing the net that resulted in early dividends with a goal by Kate. Never falling behind throughout the contest or faltering when the equalizer was given up, Filthier frustrated their opponent with a full court press.
Not very gentlemanly. (video credit: Eric R.)
In overtime and in the shootout, Tim was stoic in net, stopping every shot he faced and daring Ariel to use his signature move. Going into the fifth round of the shootout it was James who finally put it in net while gracefully toppling over the goalie. Ass over end, is how you get the job done my friends.
Honorable mention:
by Cheeky
An honorable mention goes to Matthew “Ambrose Burnside” Workman for his luscious, although mildly pedophilic, sideburns and mustache he was sporting on the courts this past Sunday. He took throwback to a whole new level (although is it really a throwback if he was alive when that look was popular?).
Worky Burnside
Tags: Three Stars