Archive for the ‘general interest’ Category

Weekly Previews – Semi Finals

Saturday, October 19th, 2013
Fresh Kills, again?

Fresh Kills, again?

As the three of you who eagerly wait for these previews every week have already noticed, we’re late getting game write ups out this week. What’s the reason for the delay? Is it frustration over the fact that these days Ryan Callahan gets injured more often than Showtime? Is it the offer of more lucrative work from Bleacher Report (and by lucrative work we mean minimum wage)? Or is it a silent protest against the league commissioner getting himself assigned to the defending championship team (what is this? the KHL?).

While any of the above would be a valid excuse, we have to admit to a certain amount of writer’s block due mainly to the inevitability of this years playoffs. No real upsets, no great story lines, not even a nice Claude Lemieux like inciting incident to create bad blood (although What the Puck did their best to make that happen last week). No, the 2013 Playoffs have all the drama of this season’s version of BIG BROTHER. And like that CBS institution, even Glanzer is barely interested anymore.

Still, if you look real hard, there are some story lines to follow in this week’s match ups:

#6 Corlears Hookers at #1 Fresh Kills
3:30 PM, Tompkins Square West 

If familiarity breeds contempt, then these two teams must really dislike each other. That’s because they’ve met twice in the last month or so and they’ve also met numerous times in the playoffs.

For the Hookers, the Kills have been dream killers, beating them out in the finals a few years ago (in a game that Mike Sokol refers to as “the start of our dynasty”) and then repeating that effort in 2011. Dustin and co. are starting to feel like the Buffalo Bills and K-Fos is starting to look like Troy Aikman to them (or at least Jimmy Johnson). But there are glimmers of hope on the horizon. When the Kills were looking to notch the perfect season in league history, it was Danilo, Sarah and company who stepped up and said, “Not on my watch.” If they can find that same fire again, it’s entirely possible they may find themselves in the finals again.

For the Kills, the biggest concern is over-confidence. That’s why it may help them to play the only team that dealt them an “L” in the regular season. The other letter they need to be concerned about is “C”. As in injured captain, Dimitri “Dave” Sokol. It was clear in last week’s quarter-finals that Sokol was faking a bum ankle as a psychological motivating tactic for his sometimes listless superstars. Witness his epic sprints towards the referees in the second half of the game. Those are not the moves of a disabled player. Still, Sokol may play that card once more and keep himself out of this Sunday’s lineup. The key factor in that game time decision may be the return of Scott “Quick-Lee” Lee from his tryout with Canucks (who’ve been treating BTSH like their farm team of late. Good luck, Seth!). If the “Asian Rocket” is in the starting lineup expect Dave to sit out the game and focus on a war of the words with Hookers mouthpiece Peter “Don Cherry Jr.” Putka.

#4 Denim Demons at #2 LBS, Inc.
3:30 PM, Tompkins Square East  

The key to this game is the LBs. goalie controversy. As in will they have one? Rumor has it that Adam Rubens is objecting to the Lacoste Lovers request to use heckle wall favorite Tim Brown in nets. If that’s the case then what are the alternatives for the Preppie Puckhandlers?

1) BRIAN BARRETT – BB is certainly big enough to fill the net and cause problems for the Demons shooters. Playing goalie also may be the only way for Barrett to not get called for high sticking during the game. However, expecting Brian to stay focused on anything for 50 minutes is probably asking too much.

2) ERICA LEE – There’s a prevailing belief in hockey that most goaltenders are a little bit crazy. There’s a prevailing belief on other teams that Erica is a little bit crazy. Of course, that rumor that has been spread mainly by Karen Erickson. We think it’s a tactic to give the talented Lee more space on the court. But if there’s any truth to it, she might be a good fit between the pipes.

3) TOMMY CAPOTOSTA – TC is fast. In fact, he’s so fast that he could probably play in net and still contribute to the LBs. offense. We’ve never seen a goalie join the rush before. But Capotosta could pull it off.

4) AARON “COACH” PAGDON – The best solution may be to put the Demons in the same boat. The LBs. are a good looking team and might just be able to seduce the dynamic but sometimes lonely DD keeper. Sure Ken and Sascha may be married now. But one of them should take one for the team. We knows Guvs would understand.

Of course, if none of the above inspires you, there’s always the Barnacle Bowl.

Coach Kids Street Hockey!

Friday, October 18th, 2013

NYR Street Hockey
Message from the Parks Department & the New York Rangers:

“Hi all!
 
My name is Sarah Cantatore and I coordinate the Rangers Street Hockey program at NYC Parks. We are gearing up for the next season of street hockey and as always we would love and appreciate your support of the program. We need volunteers to help us lead the instructional clinics at our sites and you have volunteered in the past or have expressed interest in coaching.
 
Please email me at sarah.cantatore@parks.nyc.gov if you are interested in volunteering this season. We have Volunteer Orientation on Saturday, November 23 at Chelsea Recreation Center (430 W. 25th Street in Manhattan). Go Pass will be on hand to fingerprint anyone who has not been processed already and staff from the Rangers will be there to go over the program “curriculum” with you and Parks staff. There may even be a volunteer vs. staff scrimmage…
 
All interested volunteers, whether or not you have participated in the program before, should email me for more information.
 
Thank you again for your interest and we hope you will be able to help us engage more kids in this fun sport!
 
Best,
Sarah
 

Sarah Cantatore

Sports and Fitness Fellow

T 212.360.3300
F 212.360.3314
E sarah.cantatore@parks.nyc.gov

NYC Parks

Arsenal North

1234 Fifth Avenue, Room 203

New York, NY 10029

nyc.gov/parks

THIS DAY IN LIME-TOSS HISTORY (#3) – October 9, 1984

Thursday, October 10th, 2013

btsh_mario_lime
THIS DAY IN LIME-TOSS HISTORY (#3) – October 9, 1984

by Brig. Lieut. Dr. Byron Clavicle, PhD & TAPOAFOM 

The year was 1984 and worldwide tensions were tense worldwide. Canada’s new prime minister Brian Mulroney pledged to establish a subcommittee by 1986 to summarize a study on trends in the trade of beige rubber-coated paperclips. Here in North America, meanwhile, the CIA introduced crack cocaine to relieve the expense of normal cocaine. A team of Nicaraguan Sandinistas, funded by the Pentagon and led by Ayatollah Khomeini, began designing the arcade classic “Contra.” 

Little did the Contra team know that the video arcade would almost nearly be sort of a thing of the not-too-distant future past, just 29 years later, all because of a little five-hundred year old megacorporation transitioning into consumer electronics from their original line of business (chocolate-covered panties). Their new product: the Limendo Entertainment System. 

The original L.E.S. came with two games sharing one cartridge. The first was called Super Mario Brothers and allowed the player to live the life of a struggling Italian plumber who gets mixed up in a regional drug war and ends up strung out in the metaphorical castle of his own decaying psyche, reliving a bad trip until his body succumbs to mushroom abuse. The game didn’t fare too well with kids; its outdated countercultural themes in the tie-and-blazer Reagan era doomed its audience to paranoid HAM radio operators and literature professors. 

But the other game, Lime-Toss, proved so popular that entire families starved rather than tear themselves from the screen. Taking the ancient tradition of “Old Timey Lime-Toss” and transferring it into the digital era, players manipulated an electrified lime to control a retriever tasked with catching limes. Points were scored for style (not for actually catching the lime), as is traditional, so players were rewarded for spastic hand motions. Crushed limes and juice-squirted faces were familiar throughout America’s rec rooms, and trillions were spent on replacement controllers from neighborhood fruit stands. 

btsh_Limendo Final(1)1984 advertisement unearthed by Zardoz K. Norristrophy

The runaway success of 8-bit Lime-Toss changed the face of America for all eternity. Children would never leave their homes again, and their fingers would never smell the same. It also led to a decline in participation for the original, non-digital game, until its chance rediscovery at a retoxification retreat for degenerate middle-aged teenagers in Maryland [1]. This quickly led to the founding of the NLTA and the NLTAPA which licenses the likeness of Lime-Toss superstars in modern video game adaptations such as Lime-Tosser 2 Turbo Champion Edition and Matt Workman’s Lime-Toss!!

What does the future hold for video Lime-Toss? Scientists speculate that by 2014 we will be driving “virtual limes” down the “information superhighway”, operating these vehicles through direct electrocortical stimulation of neurocitric phlogisthon waves. Nobody can say for sure, but one thing’s for certain: the future is bright for the electric lime!

[1] Some have proposed renaming the game to “Artisanal Limmy-Lommy” and they should be soundly beaten about the face and neck.

Quarter Finals Playoff Schedule

Tuesday, October 8th, 2013
creamyknees

Take care of those knees, Creamy! The Butchers are going to need you this weekend.

Here is the schedule for this Sunday, October 13.  Playoff games will start promptly at the times indicated.

12:30 PM    East     Tompkins Square Riots at Filthy Gorgeous
12:30 PM    West    Cobra Kai at Gut Rot
1:30 PM      East     #14 What The Puck at #1 Fresh Kills
1:30 PM      West    #8 Happy Little Elves at #4 Denim Demons
2:30 PM      East     Mega Touch at Sky Fighters
2:30 PM      West    Rehabs at Mathematics
3:30 PM      East     #10 Butchers at #2 LBS, Inc.
3:30 PM      West    #6 Corlears Hookers at #5 La Famiglia
4:30 PM      East     Dark Rainbows at Gouging Anklebiters
4:30 PM      West    Poutine Machine at Gremlins

Playoffs – Sweet Sixteen Schedule!

Monday, September 30th, 2013

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 6TH!
NOTE EARLIER START TIMES!!!

12:00 PM    East     #12 Sky Fighters at #5 La Famiglia
12:00 PM    West    #13 Rehabs at #4 Denim Demons
1:00 PM      East     #11 Gremlins at #6 Corlears Hookers
1:00 PM      West    #9 Dark Rainbows at #8 Happy Little Elves
2:00 PM      East     #14 What The Puck at #3 Mathematics
2:00 PM      West    #10 Butchers at #7 Gouging Anklebiters
3:30 PM      East     #15 Mega Touch at #2 LBS, Inc.
3:30 PM      West    #16 Gut Rot at #1 Fresh Kills
4:30 PM      OPEN SCRIMMAGE