btsh.org

by Ash K

Dingle’s 90’s themed around the league struck a chord of nostalgia so this week’s previews are all about the original 151 Pokemon. 

Butchers vs Riots

The Butchers are clearly Marowak. Adorable but deadly, just like Akhil! The Riots, true to their Tompkins heritage, will be the most hawk-like pokemon, Pidgeot. In a typical fight, Marowak beats Pidgeot and the Butchers beat the Riots 4-0.

Fuzz vs Rehabs

Rehabs are Nidoqueen, need I say more? Yasss (Nido)queens. Fuzz is Graveler because, well, look at him!!! Nidoqueens are more agile than a buff pile of rocks (no offense, Rich). Rehabs win 3-0. 

Lbs vs Karma

Gonna give Karma Raichu. Not a third evolution but the only evolution for pikachu and still pretty powerful. LBS is Mew Two because they’ve lost two finals (heheheh). Mew Two still beats most pokemon (except for Ash’s pikachu but that’s a whole other story) so Lbs eeke by 3-2.

Ankle Biters vs Fresh Kills

With 4 arms, Machamp is probably a lean, mean, goal scoring machine—just like the current FK team. Also just looks absolutely terrifying in general. Raticate, the evolved form of Rattata, are the Ankle Biters not only for its obvious penchant to bite, but due to its scrappy nature and being the 20th pokemon in the pokedex (kinda like how Phil has been in the league for so long). FK wins it 4-0 (one for each arm). 

Rotten Math vs Sky Fighters

I’m not going to take the easy way out and give Sky Fighters an arial Pokemon. No, they are Wartortle and they will fuck you up. Also look at that calculating grin and tell me that’s not Emily. I can’t put my finger on why but Math Rot gives off big Mr Mime energy. Weird, agile, just crazy enough to sometimes pull off a successful attack. A strange matchup that makes for an interesting battle but Wartortle is on the warpath and Sky Fighters win 4-2.

Filthier vs Hookers

Filthy is Persian (the evolved form of Meowth) and the terrifying personal Pokemon of Giovanni, the head honcho of Team Rocket—needless to say this big cat means business. Hookers are Zubat mostly because it appears a lot of their dudes have a big wingspan. A giant, merciless cat chomps on a pesky bat any day. Filthy 2-0. 

Demons vs Poutine

Poutine is Poliwrath and Demons are Tentacruel. These high level water-type pokemon are gonna cause quite the clash. And this hot headed matchup is gonna cause some tempers to flare on both sides. Lots of cheap shots, 3-3 tie, and Poutine prevails in OT. 

Cobra Kai vs Mega Touch

Now that I’ve gotten to the end of this writeup I’m fairly certain I did this themed preview a few years back but I’m just gonna keep going because hopefully there’s no evidence of it on the old site. The dojo is Arbok for obvious snake-induced reasons. Mega is Butterfree—looks non threatening but will fuck you up. (Editor’s note: I have a fear of butterflies thanks to an incident at the zoo when I was 6). Tight game but Cobra Snakes get the W 3-2. 

Gremlins vs Dark Rainbows

Alright so Rainbows are clearly Wigglytuff and Gremlins are Kadabra. Fairy vs Psychic is an interesting matchup but Psychic just might prevail in the final moments of battle. 4-3 Gremlins win.  

Bonus: WTP is Dragonite. A more adorable version of charizard imho. Still dangerous tho. 

by Glnzr

This Sunday, we say goodbye to two of our greatest people, Ann and James. James started BTSH in 2004, and probably is either first or second (next to Karstan) in goals in BTSH history. Suvin and James are probably the best pair to ever play in this league.

 But after 17-years…we’ve said all there is to say about James, and given him all the stars. Unlike non-HOFers like Liam, when James P. gets a hat trick, he gets a star.

And boy did he get one when he married Ann. There is no bigger star in this league than Ann. Ann met James in 2013 and quickly fell in love….with hockey. In 2015, Ann joined Filthier full time and in her first season, won the BTSH Championship. In 2016 Ann decided she wanted to run the NYC Marathon. Unfortunately, thanks to two rainouts, the semis/championship game had to be moved to the NYC Marathon. Through constant harassment that included subtle threats at first, to death threats of Hero, she was able to get the semis/finals moved to the week after the Marathon, where I can only assume Ann won.

Sadly, Ann’s winnings ended at Filthier and presumably the 2016 NYC Marathon. She saw one Islanders game with James and for some reason was hooked…not on the Penguins but the Islanders. Her love was pure, and it was instant. James says, “When we first met the Islanders were in the playoffs and she would watch the games with me. After explaining offsides rules (20+ times), line changes, etc. she quickly fell in love with the end to end action.” During the pandemic, Ann could be seen with James, either on the little TV’s that the networks put for their most rabid fans, or at the Coliseum cheering them Long Island losers on. I mean let’s be real, outside of Gil, there’s not a lot of good hockey being played in LI.

James has provided fun facts about Ann. I’ll include some of my own. Let’s do bulletpoints bc they are fun!

·         Her goal is to be the GM or 4^th line player/coach for the Islanders.

·         She cannot stand when the refs or lineseman don’t pick up the broken sticks on the ice (and I agree…I don’t get this at all?!?! Are they lazy?)

·         Ann joined the Beasts in Feasterville, and when they played the other BTSH team the Shortis in the finals, Ann had one of the best games she’s ever played. Here is a picture. The people circled are the best people. 

I’ll end with this. Ann Mathews is exactly what BTSH is supposed to be about. She’s passionate about the hockey, made life-long friends and put a smile on everyone’s face that she encountered. Safe travels James and Ann, we will miss you. 

by cat

The problem with being BTSH’s favorite 3 stars writer is the burden. Like, ok, being better liked than Rich? Low bar. Being funnier? Also low bar. Being cuter and better at hockey than Rich? Ok now I’m just piling on. Writing these quickly enough so that Jess doesn’t yell at me? Nearly impossible!

It was a big game day this past Sunday. Certainly people were crowding the streets not to watch soccer through bar windows, but to watch beer league hockey. We are a month in now and while the Skyfighters are still apparently so new they’re still getting a high sticking whistle every 30 seconds, on the whole each team is really starting to come into their own and we’re seeing how everyone stacks up against one another.

Now we just need to host the BTSH Olympics to figure out who the true competitors are. Apparently weed is now a performance enhancer. Should we be adding drug testing?

Onward!!!

Third Star

Brianna from Karma scored a goal wearing a Mets hat. The one thing Rich and I agree on!!!!

THAT’S BASEBALL BABY!!!!!

Second Star

Giving second star to Mia for not putting up with bullshit and for Marcella for being an ally and distributing DEFENSE badges. As someone who does identify as part of the AAPI community that’s some rad shit.

FIRST STARRRR

After years (perhaps a full decade?) off from BTSH, one of the league’s OG players GG made his return this season on the Butchers. Sunday up against the What the Puck, he was given a proper BTSH welcome aka an errant high ball crash landing into his face. After taking a moment to ice his new shiner, GG got back on the proverbial horse and scored on his next shift.

by Dingle McCringle

No rain, no yelling at refs (mostly) and no shortage of late ’90s/early 2000’s pop music. Shoutout @matkastella

Cobra Kai said No Scrubs allowed and beat the Hookers 3-1 (or 4-1). Few show-up to the 12:30 games to watch, so apologies for not having the exact score. No hat trick for Liam.

Rehabs told Lbs. to “Say my name, say my name” as they beat-up on an undermanned and underwomanned Lbs. team to the tune of 6-2. At least Frey and Hicks could dance it off post-game.

GDR said Bye Bye Bye as Riot’s goalie, but it made no difference to Poutine as they made it Hot in Here putting up a six-spot in the second half to shut out the Riots, 6-0.

Le Colby Kills got jiggy with it and put up yet another six-goal game today against Tim K and Filthier.

In true Livin’ La Vida Loca fashion, Mega Touch pulled off the upset against Instant Karma, winning 3-2 in Karma’s first game of the day.

Rainbows were caught chasing waterfalls against Skyfighters and SF flew like a bird to a 3-1 win. 

Walker didn’t go -4, but the ageless wonder Gil still said U Can’t Touch This, and sniped a beautiful goal for Fuzz’s second of the game.

Craig was a Wonderwall for those pesky Anklebiters as he and the rest of the team blanked Rotten Math 4-0.

Bit of a Bittersweet Symphony for Butchers as they couldn’t pull off the win against WTP. Baby Got Back-to-back wins for WTP. 

…Baby One More Time, is what Karma asked for as they played their second game of the day. This time, they proved victorious against the Demons, 3-1.

Last but not least, Italy beat England in a (lol) shootout, 2-1, leading to Queen Elizabeth “losing her religion” (that one was a stretch). 
And that’s The End of the Road. Dingle out.

by 23 and Mia

It was sickening to hear the hate speech “China Virus” used Week 3 on the West court. To think, one of our own doesn’t give a f*ck that propagating such phrases has proven, profound consequences and that it endangers people one might consider friends. 

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, Asian American and Pacific Islanders (AAPI) make up about 14% of the population of New York City. While we make up way less than 14% of BTSH, we do exist, and the uptick in AAPI violence is a very real concern. Phrases like “China Virus”, “Kung Flu” and “Wuhan Virus” contribute to an “othering” that puts us —especially those who are female— in very real danger. 

In the U.S. justice system, racist based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, street hockey players who’ve experienced vicious offenses are members of an elite squad. These are their stories:

• I’ve been spit on twice. One of those times, I wasn’t fast enough to dodge, and had to go home with phlegm on my eyebrows, dripping into my eyes and sticking to my mask.

• While volunteering for a grocery service that delivers to senior citizens, a frail, grandfatherly type accepted his delivery with, “This in no way makes up for what YOU PEOPLE have done.”

• A van was trying to beat a yellow light and when I stopped him from doing that, he leaned out the window and called me a “f*ckin chink!”

• In broad daylight, a man twice my size verbally accosted me, yelling in my face for me to go back to my country (I‘m a native New Yorker). Two construction workers had to intervene. I now carry mace.

• I definitely have heightened awareness on the subways. When I’m on the platform, I make sure not to be by the edge so I don’t get pushed in or some sh*t.

• Someone inside a car grabbed my hair and slammed my head against their car window before driving off. 311 said because there’s a chance the person did not see my face it does not count as a hate crime.

• I’ve found myself putting up my hoodie to hide my hair, adjusting my mask to look racially ambiguous and changing the way I move around the world out of caution. There have been too many times I’ve had to stand a little bit taller and in a wider stance to make myself look less vulnerable. All of this sucks and it’s not okay.

All of this sucks. And, it’s not okay. If the pandemic has taught us anything, it should be how dependent humans are on one another for our wellbeing. Hate speech and other discriminatory behavior don’t do much to make a person feel included or respected and they have no place in this league. We just got back together… let’s think about how our words and actions impact each other and keep that sh*t in check.