btsh.org

By Oscar the Grouch

Maybe it’s because the season is winding down or that football is winding up, but this past weekend nothing crazy happened. Keeping on theme with this past week’s fantastic previews and focusing on the hard hitting ball hockey journalism you come here to read, please accept this incredibly trash 3 stars. If you don’t hear from me after this week I’ve been axed by Glanzer.

Third Trash

Everyone who won their games in a shootout! If I’m being honest, stars should be given out to teams for simply winning hockey. And that’s what all these people did! Go team(s) !!!!

(more…)

Prom is this Saturday, Sept 21st in midtown. The theme is 90’s and the safe word is “Donna.” We will be back with more details soon. 

To the thrift stores, everyone!

The Demons’ cinderella season continued against the Riots

The Biters calculated Math to the eff degree.

Gut Rot put forth a valiant effort, but the Pucks winning streak climbed to 11(!).

LBS were just the latest team to get the better of Fresh Kills.

The surging Sky Fighters were just too much for the puttering Gremlins.

Poutine witnessed the strength of German hockey with Karma’s bro Flo scoring in the sixth round of the shootout.

Rehabs looked damn scary good against Filthier. Like PBR Cup favorite scary.

Don’t look now, but Fuzz has strung together two wins, both against uber quality teams (Hookers and Karma).

Cobra Kai’s efforts came up just short against the Butchers and Dana, who is the mother of sandwich stealer.

The Dark Rainbows didn’t win by 11. In fact they didn’t win at all as Mega Touch’s Nate went H.A.M.

We had 11 games to report in total after coming back from the HockeyBeach and Labour Day hangover/break from BTSH!

Thank you to the #GoalieUnion for all the shutouts and making this update fairly swift for us! On to the box scores…

What the Puck 6 @ Sky Fighters 1

WTP – Paul P (3), Justin M (2), McCauley (2), Hoggystyle x2 (10), Dave Mac (2)

Goalie Win – Goalie Ed

Sky – Dana L (4)

Goalie Loss – OG James (3-4, 2.25 GAA)

Game Notes: WTP finishes off Sky Fighters right where they left them 3 weeks ago in the soggy rain; in their own end chasing the ball from their opponents.

Poutine 0 @ Pounds 3

Goalie Loss – RJ (6-5, 4 Shutouts, 1.25 GAA)

Pounds – Roberts (9), Davis A (2), Tori (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Sizzler (10-1, 1.55 GAA)

What the Puck 2 @ Fresh Kills 0

WTP – Capalbo “69” (2), McCauley (3)

Goalie Shutout Win – Goalie Ed (8-5, 1 Shutout, 1.95 GAA)

Goalie Loss – Zak Casca via Demons

Game Notes: After not allowing any goals in the made up portion of their Sky Fighters matchup played earlier in the day, Ed kept his goose egg on the day by shutting out Fresh Kills (his first on the season).

Dank Bows 3 @ Evil Dojo 2

Rainbows – Dan C (4), Ryan M (2), Jess(ica) D (2)

Goalie Win – Greenwald (4-11)

Cobra Kai – Pete G (4), Russ “Yetter Joke Provider” Hamilton (4)

Goalie OT Loss – Casca via Demons via Veto’d subs

Sky Fighters 1 @ Rehabs 4

Sky – Matt (3)

Goalie Loss – Sizzler via Casca via CK vs Rainbows

Rehabs – Ramy (2), Mo (7), Josh (2), Cherie (7)

Goalie Win – Peter Parker via FA

Math 2 @ Demons 4

Math – Jackpole McG (9), Bradley S (2)

Goalie Loss – David L (5-6, 2.70 GAA)

Demons – Neil Zed (14), Zach Fine x2 (7), Miles S (8)

Goalie Win – Casca (2-2, 1.90 GAA)

Game Notes: Casca kept playing until he finally won a game. And he did after 3+ hours straight and took the rest of the day off to cool off at a local watering hole serving Demons Kool Aid. The real question is whether or not Neil is really drinking it?

Advanced Analytics: Can Neil, Zach, and Miles start heating up again? After their strong start, they were looking like Teets McGee, Jeff, and Miles (and we didn’t even mention Gil’s son’s dad!) for fuzz last year who all eclipsed the double digits mark in goals early last year. This might be the game that gets them going with 3 more weeks of BTSH later this month.

Gremlins 0 @ Filthier 5

Goalie Loss – Jamie B (7-6, 4 Shutouts, 1.73 GAA)

Filthier – Jaime D x2 (7), Ryan McL (3), Danielle (3), OP James (10)

Goalie Shutout Win – Tim K (11-3, 4 Shutouts, 1.20 GAA)

Game Notes: 5. Not a minus 5 for Walker, but that’s the number of emails he sent to Danielle and Jamie talking about how bad he played instead of talking about how awesome the comedy show was on Monday night.

Mega 0 @ Butchers 2

Goalie Loss – Eric D (1-4)

Butchers – Brendan C (4), Creamy (2)

Goalie Shutout Win – Tim Brk (3-7, 1 Shutout, 2.55 GAA)

Riots 0 @ Hookers 6

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (3-9)

Hookers – Eleni T x3 (6), Sarah N x3 (5)

Goalie Shutout Win – Hoggy via WTP?!

Game Notes: “Who even let’s Hogg sub?” – JW. Someone nice enough to let both WTP goalies get shutouts on the same day John, that’s who.

Advanced Analytics: JW would also like to know if this is the first time two girls have had hat tricks in the same BTSH game. Well done ladies!

Fuzz 3 @ Karma 2

Fuzz – Eiton x2 (2), GilF (8)

Goalie Win – Tim Bwn (8-6, 3 Shutouts, 2.25 GAA)

Karma – Abby (1), Derek Zed (14)

Goalie Loss – Steve F (4-5, 2.72 GAA)

GANK 3 @ Rotters 1

Anklebiters – Chris B (5), Jared P (8), Shannon S (1)

Goalie Win – Craig LaC (12-1, 5 Shutouts, 1.13 GAA)

Gut Rot – Heather (1)

Goalie Loss – Charlie O’D via FA

By Cat

Denim Demons vs. Tompkins Square Riots

When I first moved to New York, I watched the complete Buffy the Vampire Slayer series on Netflix every single night when I came home from work, because I didn’t have money to do anything else and also I’d never seen it because I thought it was “too scary” in middle/high school. In Buffy, vampires are just like, a variety of demon that inhabit humans, and like aside from the usual vampire symptoms (scary teeth, blood lust, yada yada yada) they for some reason get really wrinkly foreheads. What if you knew it was like, the Denim Demons time to play hockey because they just got wrinkly foreheads. Or wrinkly jeans? I think the Brosens would make a really top notch vampire villain brother duo. Someone alert Joss Whedon!

I feel sorry for the Riots because the skateboarders fucking won (!!!!) before they got to riot in TSP on Saturday. I hate a missed punk rock opportunity.

Prediction: Demons 5, Riots 0.

(more…)