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In honour of none of us playing in that darn cool hockey OC tournament this weekend, a “Ned Flanders” quote to describe these belated box scores…

“A plain slice of bread with a glass of water for dipping on the side.” That gosh darn prediddlyictable.

One week ’til (our) HockeyBeach! On to the box scores…

Filthier 1 @ Pounds 2

Filthier – OP James (9)

Goalie Loss – Tim K

Pounds – Roberts x2 (7)

Goalie Win – Mike Sizzler

Evil Dojo 2 @ Evil Turfed Park Hookers 3

Cobra Kai – Russ Flow Provider Hammyman (3), Rachel L (2)

Goalie Loss – Ryan M

Hookers – Danilo (2), Cro (3), CJ (6)

Goalie Win – Dustin O

Pig Knifes 0 @ Biters 5

Goalie Loss – Tim Brk

Biters – Wurky McParty (2), Bob Probert x2 (11), Jason Bourne (4), Phil the Thrill (1)

Goalie Win – Craig “used shoe salesman” LaC

Game Notes: A box score where all the nicknames make sense? Is it possible?

Rotters 2 @ Rioters 8

Gut Rot – Becca (1), Akhil (4)

Goalie Win – Sam S

Riots – Dave F x3 (6), Kevin Zed (2), Dave Not the Goalie L (2), Mia via Sky Fighters, Katie S (also poached via Sky Fighters? :O) x2 (4)

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR

Game Notes: The Becca Mehta sibling rivalry is not enough to propel Gut Rot to victory (yet again).

Advncd Anlytcs: Also, why does Akhil have (THREE!!!) more goals than you Becca?!

Dendems 2 @ Touches 4

Demons – Rubens (2), Reznick (3)

Goalie Loss – Zach L

Mega – Julie (3), Yuriy (1), Jeff B x2 (4)

Goalie Win – Eric D

Game Notes: Eric tender helps get Mega back in the win column with a show stopping performance leaving a high scoring Demons team with only 2 goals on the day.

Habs 4 @ Maths 0

Rehabs – Michelle U x2 (3), Ben M x2 (2)

Goalie Shutout Win – Eric R

Goalie Loss – Max of Moscow

FK 2 @ FZ 5

Fresh Kills – Tom R (4), Meg F (1)

Goalie Pile – Barch

Fuzz – Miles x3 (7), Gil (5), Jeff (6)

Goalie Commish – Tim Bwn

Karma 5 @ Dark Powder ‘Bows 3

Karma – Derek Zed (11), Scory Cory (4), Shaina (1), Big Ben Clavicle (2)

Goalie Win – Max of Moscow

Rainbows – Bryan L x2 (8), Yetter (6)  

Goalie Loss – David G #MyHotLegs2018 #MyFSTOW15

Sky 0 @ Poutine 5

Goalie Loss – DeLacy via Poutine Anglophone waivers

Poutine – James McQ (4), Christina L (2), Mike Pags x2 (5), Hornswoggle (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – RJ F

Grems 1 @ Pucks 3

Gremlins – Iannis (1)

Goalie Loss – Jamie B

WTP?! – Annie A (2), The Dude (4), The Ball Hogg (8)

Goalie Win – Goalie Ed P

Game Notes: Annie’s goals in back to back games propel pucks to another 2 points. The man they call mccauley quietly had 3 (primary) apples.

Advncd Anlytcs: Walker -3. MINUS THREE. “Worst game ever” Too [much] (time put into finding) subs”.

By Mario, Luigi, and Wario

Instead of complimenting each team in this week’s previews we’ll be saying which pizza they are and why- and maybe some hockey stuff at the end or whatever. We apologize if this is too.. cheesy for you.

Filthier v Butchers

Filthier is a classic cheese pizza. Consistently delicious, often overlooked for no apparent reason, and when compared against more expensive or elaborate pies, is often the one you’d prefer to have. 

The Butchers are a buffalo chicken pizza. Between RG1 and Cheeky, there is more than enough sass to make this team one of the spicier ones in the league.

Prediction: In the end, the classic pie beats the heat. Cheese 5, Buff Chix 2.

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Before Cat B was handed her walking papers by Glanzer, this is one of the last articles she worked on. We hope you enjoy it.

By Cat B and Jess D

Is BTSH a hockey league with a drinking problem or a drinking league with a hockey problem? Old school or new school? Hot dog or sandwich?

Just for a moment, let’s put our differences aside, and focus on what really matters: hair.

BTSH Media is back baby with top notch investigative journalism* getting to the bottom of the timeless hockey question of who has the best flow.

*running around at the courts making various people pose for portrait mode photos

A BTSH rock n roll classic, here we have Mike D. His 80’s locks can be spotted from just about anywhere on the court and not just because he wears a bright orange jersey. When asked how he brushes his hair, he replied “What’s a brush?”

HEY REMEMBER THAT TIME HE PICKED UP A PIGEON.

Rock on, man.

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By Richiehero

Not Third Star

Gouging Anklebiters

Welcome to the League of Assholes, gentlemen. While most of our league filled with you dullards will root and cheer for the underdog Anklebiters, just realize they beat Fuzz, the Rehabs, Fresh Kills and even Instant Karma, who no doubt used ringers from all those teams as they often do. Their only two losses are in OT/SO. In other words, much like the slime over at Cobra Kai, you’re not fooling me. You guys are not Cinderella even if Schuey dresses like her on Tuesday nights.

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By Richiehero

Third Star

Roberts from LBS, Inc.

Here’s some inside media baseball. 

There were two good suggestions, and a plethora of terrible suggestions. Here are some of the plethora for third star.

Kate for scoring a shootout goal from Filthier. Kate is great…but this is why we fired Cat.

SBJ for shadowing and reffing for the first time. He’s still yet to make his first call.Steve for shutting out Mega on zero shots. Hell, Alexa made a good pass lets give it to her!

No. Yes Roberts got a star last week but he scored the GWG this week when hardly anyone else did anything. Plus he can deadlift more than you (unless you’re Hicks and 2015 Richie)

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