btsh.org

Biters put the league on notice with their win over the Rehabs.

The Ladies of Karma propelled them to a win over Mega Touch.

Fuzz won the Money In The Bank match against Math.

The Riots nearly pulled off the upset against Poutine.

The Demons righted the ship against the Sky Fighters.

Goalie Becca strapped on the league pads for her Gut Rot and only gave up two goalies, however, Jamie gave up zero for his Gremlins.

Fresh Kills found their mojo at the expense of the Hookers.

LBS needed the late heroics from hungry man Roberts to snatch the W from the Butchers.

Filthier got revenge on Cobra Kai by taking them out in an LOL shootout.

The Pucks and Rainbows played the most entertaining game of the day that featured several lead changes and a crazy shootout with the Pucks taking the two points.

Breaking news!  The DNC came across a very well-read website and started asking: what is this league and why is their media so much better than CNN and MSNBC’s, being able to draw at least 100 article views per story?  By their own bylaws, the DNC had to disclose to each of the 2020 Democratic Presidential candidates of their inquiry into BTSH.org’s media strategy and viewership. And, within 7-8 minutes, the BTSH Media’s inboxes were swamped by every candidate’s team wrangling for endorsements.

By Sam N0rr!s

Bill de Blasio’s Rehabs v Gouging Anklebiters endorsed by Amy Klobuchar

1:00 pm EAST

“Hi, I’m Bill de Blasio, and nobody really likes me.  People always say, just drop out of the race and leave us all alone, like the team I endorsed, but look what I’ve done to NYC’s scene.  I’ve pissed off the police, act as a democrat, but use developers to build up areas of Brooklyn that are perfectly fine, so that we can continue making more parts of NYC unaffordable.  But you know who’s really killing the American Dream? Amy Klobuchar. She looks like one of those disgruntled PTA mothers saying that they can’t afford to keep sending her kids on the MTA to host bake sales for their public school teachers’ supplies because we keep raising the subway fares.  It’s Cuomo who’s at fault with all of this, not me! Not me! If I see that bitch on the courts, I’m going to ram my team’s hockey sticks down her throat so far, she’s going to wish she had Beto O’Rourke’s neck to stomach the blows. Then I’ll pee in her eyes like I do to the poor of this city.”

“I am Amy Klobuchar and a representative of the Biters, and I take offense at Bill’s words.  You may not know me, but I take pride in looking like a PTA mother, which is why I endorsed the Anklebiters.  They have so many strong mothers on their team that are going to rip Bill de Blasio’s band of boners through and through.  And that Probie guy. And that Andy guy. And that Phil guy, and, ohh… Derho guy… My little PTA buns tremble when I see that Derho guy… We’re probably of the same nationality because no one knows how to say either of our names.  He can call me ‘Klo’ and I’ll call him ‘ho’, and we’ll be doing the Minnesotan Twirl before… [inaudibly, jubilant murmurs]… Well, I lose track of what I was going to say because I am not really qualified to run either, but looking to get a seat somewhere in the White House or the social committee.”

Klobuchar starts off strong, going a few percentage points up between the polls, but the NYC Developers fight back, tie it up, and this race goes into a shootout!  Bill de Blasio and the Rehabs win because Craig sucks a fat one.

(more…)

By Jess and The Meatbox

Third Star

Nicole and Chadwick from Instant Karma – The Trivia Connection

A very much missed Nicole was just what Karma needed to get the W over the Rainbows when her and a hungover Chadwick connected for the game winner. Some chalk it up to friendship, others chalk it up to a deeply engrained trivia connection. Win off the court at bar trivia win on the court at hockey as I always say.

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After forgetting what week it was and not posting the box scores on time…these are coming in hot (then cool substantially half way through)…on to the box scores.

Fuzz 1 @ Rehabs 0 F/OT (Makeup game played in lieu of September 29)

Fuzz – Jeff (3)

Goalie Shutout Win – Tim Bwn (third shutout this season)

Goalie OT Loss – Eric R (held a SO through regulation)

Game Notes: After an uninteresting regulation session, Sig got his knockdowns for 2019 off to a late start to help clear some space for Jeff to finish his own breakaway rebound (does that even count as a real goal? C’mon man) in the extra session and passed some salt the habs’ way.

Fuzz 6 @ Mega 1

Fuzz – Teets McGee x2 (7), Jeff x2 (5), Caitlin via FA, Walsh (1)

Goalie almost shutout win – Tim Bwn (5-5, 3 shutouts, GAA 2.06)

Mega – Jeff B (2)

Goalie Loss – Eric D (0-3)

Game Notes: Fuzz got out to an early lead and forgot to play defense in the second half, leading to a lost goose-egg for ol’ pony tail Timmy boy!

Advncd Anlytcs: Sig had 1 more knockdown assist in this game. Good thing I don’t post these on fb, so it can save Jeff his annual fb comment for one of those btsh posts that will complain about shortis bringing ringers to Ocean City (again).

Rehabs 6 @ Gut Rot 0

Rehabs – Cherie (6), Monique (6), Joshua K (1), Hicksy (7), Joey Bats (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Eric R (3-3, 1 shutout, GAA 1.29)

Goalie Loss – Peter Parker via FA

Game Notes: On what btsh post can I find out if Joey made it to a third episode on Dating Kate (plus 8)**?

Advncd Anlytcs: **Walker stop salivating, it’s a reality tv show about a woman who has 8 kids, not a plus/minus.

Sky Fighters 2 @ Hookers 5

Sky – Moe H (1), Mo (2)

Goalie Loss – DeLacy via Happy Little Elves

Hookers – Sam M (1), Clark (5), CJ (5), Cro (2), Pigozzi (4)

Goalie Win – Dustin O (7-1, 2 shutouts, GAA 1.22)

Game Notes: Former BTSH Olympics arm-wrestling champ Sam got in his first game of 2019, and said before the game “we’ll try it, hope it goes well” and went out and scored the first goal of the game. Good to see you back out there, Sam.

Filthier 4 @ Dark Rainbows 1

Filthier – Thomas W (3), JJ (1), OP James x2 (8)

Goalie Win – Tim K (8-2, 2 shutouts, GAA 1.39)

Dank ‘Bows – The Funny Hiker Guy (2)

Goalie Loss – Greenwald (2-9)

Pounds 4 @ Riots 1

Sterlings – Scotty K the 2^nd x2 (2), Roberts x2 (7)

Goalie Win – Sizzler (7-1, GAA 1.75)

Riots – Mike Danton’s Fave Player Agent (3)

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (2-7)

Game Notes: No one knows it because these aren’t posted on fb, but Roberts keeps scoring goals (see game notes two games below) for a depleted Pounds roster.

Butchers 2 @ What the Puck?! 3

Butchers – Georgine (1), Chris Creamsicle (1)

Goalie Loss – Tim Brk (2-5)

WTP?! – Hoggystyle x3 (7)

Goalie Win – Goalie Ed (5-5)

Game Notes: A tight contest where leads lasted no more than 5 minutes in length, with the game tied for the majority of play, the Pucks scored an unassisted goal late to steal 2 points at the hands of some butchers. And one would think a pig knife would trump a wild hog(g). Shame.

Advncd Anlytcs: Much like last year’s Olympics day, WTP?! rocked their alternate white v-necks, beat a higher division team, the current captain had a 3-point game, and the breakfast bagel sandwich population took a big hit.  

Poutine 3 @ Cobra Kai 0

Poutine – James McQ (3), Mike Pags x2 (3)

Goalie Shutout Win – RJ (4-4, 3 shutouts, GAA 1.10)

Goalie Loss – Ryan M (0-3, GAA higher than any goal total Campbell gave up in 2018 but for the finals)

Game Notes: Where is that facebook post from 2018 we can bump where Tim K tells Cobra Kai (read: Eff Gil Ween) to settle down and talk about a winning record when they are in the top division (or better yet, conference)? Roberts, I’ll break your mojo and post these box scores on the fb group if you can’t find it.

Demons 3 @ Fresh Kills 2 OT/SO

Demons – Bar Down Brad x2 (2)

Goalie Shootout Win – Zach L (5-3, 1 shutout, GAA 1.79)

Shootout Winner – Zach (obviously)…Fine

Fresh Kills – Tom “the R stands for (coming out of) Retirement” Rush x2 (3)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Shawn H via FA

Math 2 @ Gremlins 1

Math – Elly (2), Jackpole (6)

Goalie Win – David L (5-4, GAA 2.42)

Gremlins – Marcella (3)

Goalie Loss – Jamie B (6-5, 3 shutouts, GAA 1.59)

GANK 5 @ IK 1

GANK – Derho (3), Bob Probert (9), Chris B (4), Joe P (3), CoCo (2)

Goalie Win – Craig LaC (8-1, 3 shutouts, GAA 1.41)

IK – Derek (10)

Goalie Loss – Steve F (3-4)

Game Notes: I told you this post substantially cooled off halfway through.

HEY! Are you a player or friend with benefits in BTSH?

Do you like money and want more?

Do you want to do your friends a convenient service while drinking and still make money?

Then email Alexa (alexa at btsh.org) and volunteer to ref games. $20 per game, $30 for opening or closing games!