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In the Cheeky Bowl butchers put up a fight but in the end it was the cobra slithering through the defense to bury the game winner. 2-1 Math in OT. Math improves to 2-1 and the Butchers go to 0-3.

In a tightly contested defensive battle, it was the hookers putting in a goal late to improve to 3-0 with last year’s runner ups falling to 1-2. Lee Becker made sure to tell numerous people they’re the final team to have not let in a goal on the year. Someone please score on the Hookers. Please. 

In an #LOLShootout it was the rehabs avenging last season’s quarterfinal loss to Fuzz. After the game, someone was heard on the sidelines saying “we don’t like dick and we don’t like losing.” Rehabs move to 3-0 and Fuzz goes to 1-1-1.

In a game I don’t want to talk about due to my gambling problems, Mega ruined a lot of people’s Survivor pool entries and upset the gremlins 3-2. The Gremlins are now 2-1 while Mega is 1-1-1

No Gabe, no Ariel, a whole lot of problems. Biters take out Fresh Kills 4-0. In a positive, Probert was spotted at the courts so it’s safe to say he did not die in Minneapolis. Buyers join the 3-0 club while FK falls to 0-2-1.

In yet another shootout, Karma defeated WTP 3-2 crushing Rich Glanzer’s dreams of winning $30 in the survivor pool. In an act of pure asshatery he proceeded to take a brownie from Cat Tremble and drop half on the ground claiming #portioncontrol. The league calls #bullshit, give the man a spoiled meat. Karma moves to 1-2 while WTP ends the day 1-1-1.

The Lbs took Filthier to pound town. LBS 5, Filthier 2. Frey forgot the boxed wine so I have nothing left to write about this game. LBS join the 3-0 club, while Filthier falls to 1-2.

In #PooFight there was less ref shouting and more goal scoring this week. Poutine 3, Sky Fighters 1. Multiple captains were spotted watching this game. Infanti, guard your players like a hawk. Poutine moves to 2-1, sky fighters fall to 0-2.

In a D4 clash, the rainbows rainblew it, falling to 1-2 on the year. The Demons move to 3-0 and maybe it’s time to take them seriously? TBD.

In a battle for progress it was the riots coming out on top as a certain beautiful meatbox predicted. Goalie Becca was spotted half naked (shocker) after the game talking about “how hot it was” when it was 62 degrees out. Riots improve to 1-1 and Gut Rot falls to 0-3.

Corlears Hookers at Cobra Kai

By RG1 and Dana OG

Cobra Kai is back and they are chasing the perfect wave. I mean game. Or wait, do I mean wave? Will brought new players to the team – hereby known as Point Break 1 and Point Break 2 – and they mean business. Or at least their hair does. You can’t keep these guys from the net, they’ve got nothing to lose. Cobra’s biggest problem right now is that their Johnny Utah (wait, can we all just take a moment to think about the fact that a movie asked us to believe for 90 minutes that an undercover cop’s name was Johnny fucking Utah?) is undercover on the wrong team. You know him as James P and JAMES YOU ARE UNDERCOVER ON THE WRONG TEAM! Gary Busey (aka Will) just can’t control James – he’s a loose cannon and he’s going to get himself killed! Wait, no, he’s just going to score another goal. For a totally different team. But you can’t be mad, cause it’s JAMES and he’s so nice.

Olivier is walking around telling everyone that he looks EXACTLY like the star of the French Canadian version of Point Break but everyone keeps telling him that is not a thing.

Instead of bringing on new young surfer guys to improve their team, the Hookers have gone the opposite route and brought on some old bald guys. They’ve gone back to square one, bringing back the tried and true. I’m not sure if there is a good movie comparison here, maybe Grumpy Old Men? Golden Girls? Say what you will about these octogenarians, but when Jock or Sal wind up (only to the knee tho), it’ll send the most grizzled defenseman running for cover (sorry, Max – you had pads on). I’m not sure – maybe Dani is the real Johnny Utah here, she was last seen infiltrating Bullmoose’s playoff pool and drinking all of Dusty’s free tequila.

Prediction: Point Break by 1 – how can they lose?

Rehabs at Fuzz

By Meatbox

Few things in life are certain. Among them are death, taxes, and Alexa struggling to find refs for this game despite literally offering to pay anyone double who will ref it. However, once she does have those refs, it’s almost certainly guaranteed that this will once again be a great matchup. On the one side you have Fuzz who are hungry to avenge last week’s loss to WTP. On the other you have the Rehabs who came out guns blazing in week 2 and are looking to keep the momentum.

Let’s take a look at this rivalry over the last 3 years:

Week 17, 2016 Fuzz 4, Rehabs 1

Week 1, 2017 Rehabs 4, Fuzz 3 (OT) #fencegate

Week 16, 2017 Rehabs 6, Fuzz 2

Quarterfinals 2017 Rehabs 1, Fuzz 0

Week 18, 2018 Rehabs 5, Fuzz 1

Quarterfinals 2018 Fuzz 3, Rehabs 2 (OT)

It should be noted that for both Week 16, 2017 and Week 18, 2018, Fuzz was very short on players (Glanzer will make sure to let everyone know if I don’t print that). In any case, you’ve got a rivalry where 3 of the last 5 games have been decided by one goal. You’ve had players tribune pieces, fence shoves, late game comebacks, and overtime thrillers. If recent history is any indicator, this is most like the first of three matchups for these two teams this year, so who’s jumping out to a 1-0 season series lead?

Prediction: Glanzer avoids egregious (big word, look it up, Rich) turnovers in his own zone, but ends up with as many points in this game as his idol, Art Shamsky had hits in the 1969 World Series (0). Riding the coattails of Jeff, Gil, and Mike T to victory works for him most weeks, but not this one. Rehabs 3, Fuzz 1.

By Cat

As you would imagine I am THRILLED to find that the beef beat hit the presses before I started handing out participation trophies. Living for the drama. Was also living for the first beautiful court day on Sunday – BTSH at its finest, lots upsets and lots of day drinking. Well maybe ‘living’ is an exaggeration of my level of activity. As I said repeatedly to my wonderful editor when he was all like ‘where the hell are three stars’ – Manhattans on tap are a bad idea. I also legitimately don’t know why teams like the Dark Rainbows and Gut Rot are ever scheduled 12:30pm games. What do you think we do on Saturday night, drink water and go to bed at 9?

I can’t wait for Art Shamsky, 1969 NY Mets World Series Champion, my best friend, and newly minted New York Times Bestselling Author and lay down the law with Meatbox.

Third Star

Ed P from What The Puck

After betraying Diane, Ed proves his worth to What The Puck by holding strong against Fuzz. WTP scored all three goals in the first half and then tripled down on defense in the second, ultimately holding their lead and finishing 3-2.