btsh.org

Written by Tony Orlando and Dawn

So, is this still the Michaliga division even though Michaliga is no longer in this division?

I digress…..let’s get right into it.

Dark Rainbows

The big news here is that there has been a peaceful transfer of power from former captains Tia, Cat, and Greenwald to new captains Jess-with-an-ICA Deutsch and Mike “I’m still a free agent” Yetter. How will these two sophomores handle the responsibilities of captaining? Thus far it seems to me that they are dedicated to maintaining the Rainbows’ status (forged by the previous captains) as the team everybody loves to love. That said, no one loves the Rainbows more than they love each other. THEIR ALTERNATE JERSEYS HAVE THEIR TEAMMATE WES’ FACE ON THEM. If that’s not love, then I don’t know what is.
All the love is great to see, and we here at the Media look forward to seeing how these two shape the team in the months to come.

by Arya Stark and The Meatbox

Arya: Ok, so it looks like we’ve been tasked with previewing the 2nd division and unlike last season when it was pretty obvious Fuzz was going to actually play hockey as opposed to whatever the hell they (you) were doing in 2017, there’s a bunch of teams that could conceivably win it  Cobra Kai is strong as ever for now but will obviously be facing a world of hurt come June – can they build enough of an edge before then to keep the 1 seed?  Has Probie recruited any more of his ice hockey friends to the Biters?  The Hookers are supposedly adding an elite girl and a solid enough guy player which is fitting as that seems to be their MO as a team.  And the Butchers and Math are always tough to count out with enough top talent to beat any team on any given week.  Fuzz, with their 2nd overall seed, has moved up to the top division while the Skyfighters have been ravaged for a 2nd consecutive offseason and will move down to D3.  This is a tough one to handicap but I’d probably have to go:

• Cobra Kai (+220)
• Gouging Anklebiters (+280)
• Corlears Hookers (+320)
• Butchers (+480)
• Math (+700)

The Season Opening Party is set for Friday, March 29, 2019 (sorry Rich) starting at 9 pm at the Crown Rooftop, located at 50 Bowery Street (just one stop from the B/D/6 trains).

Come hang out, meet some new people, dance to cheesy music, wake up next to a random league member and still have a full day to figure out if it was a mistake or not…what could go wrong?

When: Friday, March 29, 2019

Time: 9 PM

Where: Crown Rooftop, 50 Bowery Street

Who: BTSHers!!!

Specials: $6 Beers until 10:00, one free beer per person for everyone that arrives before 10, assorted food platters and an ice luge that takes no prisoners and doesn’t care about your feelings

by Richiehero

If you like soccer scores, the Katz Division is the one for you.

Poutine Machine

Every game Poutine has ever played ends 2-1, usually with Jerome doing some weird style kick to start his shootout, even though it does absolutely nothing. He kicks the ball at center court, and if by mistake it goes backwards the ref should blow the whistle. Luckily for Jerome, Zac Hogg is Ref Manager and will probably not teach that. So with all the missed calls and their great D, great goalie and great hustle, I expect Poutine to roll through this division and get a top 3 seed in the league. They also added a D1 woman from Princeton, Sweet Baby James and two of his friends from the Sky Fighters. With their 8 lines they should never be tired. 15-3 with a final total of 31 points.

by Jess and Hornswoggle

With the season just around the corner it’s time to start talking shit writing hard hitting journalism about all of the teams (ah what are we kidding, let’s shitpost all of them anyway amirite?).

Fuzz

Fuzz won the championship last year and suffice to say it was the best year of Glanzer’s life (he might say 2010 but it’s a toss-up really).  This is a team focused on strategy, quick shifts, cut-off sleeves and WINNING. They did not come here to make friends. Although some of them are really fun to chill with after the game. Basically, Fuzz is an evil disney villain: you like them, but you don’t want to see them win.