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The Biters blanked the Gremlins and now have a date with Cobra Kai next Sunday.

Filthier defeated a hungry Mega Touch and now have the pleasure of hosting Fresh Kills.

LBS nearly held the Demons off of the scoresheet and will have a much tougher time trying that trick against Poutine Machine.

Fresh Kills got one heck of a good scare against the ferocious Pucks and better have Gabe when they clash with Filther.

Fuzz would have preferred to have Mike T against Meyer-less Math and he might be in attendance next Sunday against Rehabs.

Rehabs and Hookers played a game I didn’t watch, but I do know that the Rehabs are moving on to face Fuzz.

Dark Rainbows lead for a brief while against Cobra Kai before their PBR Cup hopes sailed out the window like a deflating ballon.  The evil dojo will face the Biters next week.

The Poutine and Karma game went to a shootout with Jerome’s fancy feet winning it for the Poos again.  They’ve earned the privilege of losing to LBS next Sunday.

10. Corlears Hookers at 7. Rehabs
by Richiehero

The Hookers are like Adrian Gonzalez. An aging first basemen who shows flashes of greatness, but had to retire because he just wasn’t as good as the younger players. The Hookers still have some really good players, but they are no longer the threat they used to be. Tiffany, Sara, Cro, are all solid. But Noelle isn’t. She’s a little banged up and not the player she used to be…a below average player who gets hyped by the media bc she could tap in a rebound after Jason did all the work.

Meanwhile Hicks is really good. Is he still on the Rehabs this week? If so, the Hooks are in a lot of trouble. He might score four goals, the same amount of games Carlton played in. (That’s the rumor, I don’t know if that’s true or not.)

Prediction: I’m bummed we missed the Cro/Probie game this year. But how good are things going for Cro? Outside of getting killed by Hicks/Herr in the general BTSH election, the Phins are 3-0, Penn State coaches haven’t molested children in a lot of years, and the Pens are still really good. He’ll have a lot to look forward to after his team loses 5-1. (more…)

19. Dark Rainbows at 1. Cobra Kai
by Richiehero

This aint no play-in game Rainbows. Cobra Kai came in first for a reason. After getting upset by Math last year, there is almost no chance Lauren and her crew takes this game lightly. Liam, Lauren, Dani will shut down most teams offense, and the shots that get threw will be gobbled up by Campbell. Don’t believe me? Check out this save. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3PJtz7KdFI Their plus 37 goal differential (Walker is having a stroke reading +37) is second in the league.

Meanwhile, as great a turnaround as the Rainbows have been this season, they are still -39. But their turnaround is real. They didn’t get lucky vs. the Butchers, they earned that W. While they don’t have a superstar like Liam, they have many players who could play on any top division team. Their girls aren’t at the level of Tiffany, (either) Charlotte, or Alyssa, but they are young and run like heck. Ica and the C/Kats really bring energy to this team. And with a tear in my eye, I have to say the leadership of Cat and Greenwald is pretty awesome to watch. This team can win the Southeast Division next season.

Prediction:  Arthur (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082031/) was a drunk. He had millions and millions of dollars but couldn’t find happiness, until he no longer cared about the money. At the end of the movie, he was given a choice, do you want the money or not? Of course he fucking took the money. So I’m going to take Cobra Kai. 4-1. But much respect to the Rainbows for a season well done. And sorry to all for spoiling the ending of Arthur. It’s a fantastic movie with one of the best closing songs of all time. (more…)

After having back to back MENS LEAGUE (read: Open League) hat-trick/7 point efforts denied by a post off its non-existent moorings (when the heck will any of you American leagues codify a floating goal line rule in black and white, or red and white…or red/yellow/blue or whatever the goal line and surface are coloured**??), I’ll try to keep that salt saved for my non-btsh activities and not have that interfere with these much belated Week 18 scoring highlights.

Writer’s Aside: Fortunately, the BTSH social media calendar got taken up the past couple nights on some very engaging material- something new (Commissionherr romance???), something old (this belated box score post), something borrowed (PBR’s new baby the Schlitz Cup), and something blue but in this case also blue, red, partisan, and political (but it was deleted – you amateurs don’t take screenshots of funny stuff on your phones to gossip/joke around with others these days?) – so the salt rubbed off from this writeup during that extra time I waited to post this (finally), but don’t worry it’s as snarky as ever…so back to the regularly scheduled (but very late) writeup originally prepared!

Speaking of other leagues and their games this past weekend, that is also somewhat related to why I did not attend prom on Saturday. For those that went, it looked like you had a good time, or at least, portrayed your life on social media like you had, so a job well done and thank you to the social committee for running another great event!!

On to the box scores…

 

Hookers 5 @ Sky Fighters 4

Hookers – CJ (8), Bryan via ‘Bows x2, Tiff x2 (8)

Goalie Win – LeEBUG (1-0)

SKY – Matt R (6), Christian H (1), David C (2), Jake T (3)

Goalie Loss – OG James (4-10-1)

Game Notes: There was a last second game winning goal, and a not so last second game tying goal. Exciting finish, nonetheless!!

Quick Shifts: If your name is spelt Bryan and not Brian, I guess they aren’t garbage (time) goals? …We also need a weekly segment dedicated to Ryann aka Girl Ryann from Fuzz aka RNV’s gamesheets, as I’m not sure how best to re-report Jake Tiner as Jake the Snake with 1 assist 9/16!! on Matt’s goal….Cro kicking or not kicking the ball into his own net which was described as a “boo hoo”… and then someone’s name being crossed out for a goal being scored one second too late as time expired.

 

Poutine 3 @ Demons 2 F/SO

Poutine – Mike Pelts (5), Mike Pags (4)

Shootout Winner – “JVR” aka “Hornswoggle” aka “Ballon d’jeORome”

Goalie Win – RJ (5-4, GAA of 1.44)

Demons – Miles before the rain (6), Zach the Dark Helmet ChooChoo Train (6)

Goalie Loss – Zach L (3-6-2)

Game Notes: Since JVR is neither Linus Omark, nor a rookie, and a BTSH veteran (am I allowed to say that??), there were no pressers commenting on his shootout goal showmanship. Guess aging (don’t read: maturing; this is BTSH after all) has its benefits, too.

 

Gut Rot 2 @ Demons 5

Gut Rot – #TheOriginalScottK (8), #AkhilNation (9 but not 10)

Goalie Loss – Goalie Ed (4-10, GAA of at least the Sharks got EK65….!@?&*$$$ you man.)

Demons – Zach “he so Fine” xFOOOOUUUURRRRR (10), Zach T (7)

Goalie Win – Zach L (4-6-2, GAA of 2.92)

Game Notes: I think Chadwick gifted Izzy his mathematical scoring model, unfortunately, it worked against Akhil’s favour**, once again.

 

Poutine 3 @ Bows 1

Poutine – Sulli x2 (completes game with 7^th), Nicolette (2)

Goalie Win – RJ (6-4, GAA of something between 1.30 and 1.44)

Bows – Bryan L (still at 5)

Goalie Loss – Greenwald (4-10)

Game Notes: With multiple goalies playing this game and RJ playing a half without giving up a goal, the stats clearly get a little confusing!

 

Bows 2 @ Karma 5

Bows – Brett H x2 (2)

Goalie Loss – Greenwald (4-11)

Karma – S’Corey V x3 (9), Derek ZED (7), Big Ben Chadwick (4)

Goalie Win – Steve F (6-7-1)

Game Notes: You thought I forgot to bring it back, but no how could I forget my man Elon Musk who has been in the news recently for some questionable privatization communication over Twitter…

Quick Shifts: It’s a tampering/poaching/insider trading joke, people.

 

Math 2 @ Butchers 5

Math – Eli the guy with the hand-eye (4), Guy Numero Sept James (1)

Goalie Loss – Liang (3-10)

Butchers – “Tattoo guy with Jean Shorts” aka Brady C x3 (9), Pete D’A (7), Mike M (4)

Goalie Win – Tim Brk (4-7-1)

Game Notes: Would be a shame if the Butchers followed up their season by losing to another Michaliga Southeast Division 4 team in the(ir) first round like last year!

Quick Shifts: According to our ref notes, Math uses their girls more, so maybe they have a better chance of winning their upcoming play-in round playoff game?

 

Poutine 3 @ Pucks 0

Poutine – Mike Pelts (6), Kevin M (2), JVR (3)

Goalie Shutout Win – RJ (7-4, GAA of now around 1.30; 2 shutouts on the season)

Goalie Loss – Scott H (5-9)

Game Notes: Late in the contest Poutine sealed their 3 win day by firing off two empty netters, Dallas Stars style (from that year they won their division with all those empty net goals, you know?).

 

GANK 2 @ Filthier 3

GANK – Jimmy who? x2 (2)

Goalie Loss – Steve F via 2017 Karma Waiver Wire

Filthier – Salt Boy Sean M (4), Jaime D (7), Ann (5)

Goalie Win – Tim K (13-5, GAA of 1.89…only 1 shutout though, meh)

Game Notes: Wait, I thought a prerequisite for being a Salt Boy was playing on Gremlins?

 

Mega 2 @ CK 9

Mega – Alex EM (4), Ryan (1)

Goalie Loss – Mike T (5-9-2)

CK – Pete (3), Connor Q x2 (2), JJ x2 (5), Liam (9), Chris T (1), Nabatty (2), Gill Ween (Ate)

Goalie Win – Campbell (12-0-2, GAA of 1.21; 4 shutouts)

Quick Shifts: I guess this was an improvement from what… a 9-1 score line last year? It was within only a PAT converted touchdown this time (one score game basically).

Game in a meme: I presume that for some who played, this one went similar to a game from this past weekend… I’m just trying to keep the outdated posts relevant with current events here.

 

Rehabs 5 @ Fuzz 1

Rehabs – HICKSY xFOOOOUUUURRRRR (10), Cherie (11)

Goalie Win – Crazy Cam via FA

Fuzz! – Jeff L (17)

Goalie Loss – Scott H via WTP

Game Notes: I guess the Pavel Barber videos didn’t work; Hicks needed to see someone like Gabe score 4 in the same day in OC to finally light the lamp a little bit more. Bonus! I guess Gabe showed him some tips on how to propose too, right down to doing it in the rain. Congrats Hicks & Herr!

Quick Shifts: Like his (in)famous teammate, Jeff also scores more in his non-Manhattan MENS LEAGUE. Can confirm.

 

Sky 1 @ FK 7

SKY – Mia (3)

Goalie Loss – Tim Brk via PigKnifeRansom

FK – Tom x4 (12), Nate (4), Gabe (11), Ariel (10)

Goalie Win – Dave GdR via FloatingGoalieGoalines

Game Notes: Tom qualifies for the playoffs by ensuring he scored in all 5 games he showed up to…hard to argue games played on that basis!

Quick Shifts: FK and WTP both beat SKY by 6 goals this year…so it’s a totally even Round of 16 matchup on paper then, right? ….Soko doesn’t even want to win this year, they win every third year anyway.

 

Gremlins 2 @ CK 4

Gremlins – Marcella (4), Ryan M (2)

Goalie Loss – Jamie B (9-6-2, GAA of 2.29; 4 shutouts)

CK – Siena “Foligno” (3), F Will G (10), Olivier (2 – oh, now GLZNR’s random picture collage from some random week’s 3 stars post (…or was it three not stars?) makes sense)

Goalie Win – Campbell (13-0-2, GAA of 1.27; 4 shutouts)

Game Notes: I guess Losing Just wasn’t in the CK amended version of the btsh glossary this year (in regulation). I don’t think they won any games in shootouts though…

Quick Shifts: Marcella’s early deft deflect wasn’t enough as CK overcame a short bench on the heels of a back to back to outlast the Gremmies.

 

POUNDS 3 @ Hookers 4

POUNDS – Buffalo Zach who is rostered for WTP in the playoffs…! x2, Avery (5)

Goalie Loss – Zisser (10-4-2, GAA of 1.94; 2 shutouts)

Hookers – Tiff H (8), Bryan L x2 via Cro’s Bros, Sarah N (3),

Goalie Win – Dusty (7-5-2, GAA of 2.07; 2 shutouts – impressive for a team that was struggling early this year to say the least!)

Game Notes: Avery didn’t show up for this one. But then he literally did, and then scored shortly thereafter, but the early surge from the Hookers was too much to overcome, as Frey was not able to stick it to Cro. Apparently people have fun doing that… or trying to.

Quick Shifts: Lol it’s like the Hookers got a Bryan who is better than Brian…the same way that WTP got a Zach who is better than…hey wait a minute here…

 

Gremlins 6 @ TSR 4

Gremlins – Erich x3 (18), Iannis (3), Courtney x2 (3)

Goalie Win – Jamie B (10-6-2, GAA of 2.39; 4 shutouts)

TSR – Kevin ZED (3), Max C x2 (2), Margot S the S stands for Sniper (5)

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (2-12-1)

Game in a meme: Well, you could probably guess this one was coming. Oh and he almost missed an open net. Which of course is a lie, even though it says he did on the gamesheet notes, because he never shoots.

 

Schlitz Cup 2018
by Sam N

Welcome to the inaugural Schlitz Cup, also mentioned herein as “The Schlitz”. 

Why does anyone want the Schlitz, and why are we starting it now?!

The idea of the Schlitz Cup started roughly 3 years ago when BTSH Super Teams became palpable and started cropping up in nearly every division, resulting in many teams to stop adopting “new-to-hockey” players as part of their roster.  During this transition, several teams have continued to slot beginner hockey players and/or not care about winning as a definitional trait of their team. By sticking with the BTSH mantra of hipster hockey, and not really coming close to ever holding the PBR Cup, This Cup’s for You!

For those who do not know what the PBR Cup is, it’s a mini Stanley Cup inspired trophy made out of PBR beer cans and likely a kitchen mixing bowl that only a few teams ever win.  The Schlitz Cup has a little bit more intrigue, partly because you get a keg of beer to drink.

Fun fact about Schlitz: Schlitz beer is a subsidiary of PBR. (more…)