btsh.org

Sky Fighters		3-2		Dark Rainbows	Final
Sky Fighters: Michael Teytelbaum x 3 Dark Rainbows: Brett Hiker, Mike Toriello Goalie Win: James Stein
Gouging Anklebiters		3-2		Mega Touch	Final(OT)
Gouging Anklebiters: Chuck Defranco, Ben Probert x 2 Mega Touch: Nadya Salcedo, Alex Eben Meyer Goalie Win: Craig Lacombe
Denim Demons		2-1		Instant Karma	Final(OT)
Denim Demons: Zach Fein, Josh Rosen Instant Karma: Matt Stabel Goalie Win: Zach Lewis
Gut Rot		1-2		Tompkins Square Riots	Final
Gut Rot: Michael Gilligan Tompkins Square Riots: Evan S., David Frost Goalie Win: Kat G

Third Star
Gut Rot 2017
by Diana

Gut Rot had a hell of a season this year, especially considering the season they had in 2016. Not only were they as entertaining as ever, they put up some amazing W’s along the way (8 wins to be exact).

Let’s go over the highlights of the green machines this year:

1. Getting Ed P. in goal.

2. Staying awesome on the scene.

3. Then there was the most precious moment of the season – Peaches getting some rough play around the crease from Fuzz, burying the winning goal, and saluting his opponent on the way out.

Bravo, bitchezzz, bravo.

Second Star
Charlotte M. from Poutine Machine
by BTSH Media Team

Cat B. showed up to her Rainbows playoff game without sneakers. (Oh, Catherine.) Once Cat realized her error, the Rainbows and friends were standing around brainstorming, trying to think of who might have sneakers in Cat’s size to lend her, but no one at the courts was able to help.

A friend to the Rainbows happened to know that Charlotte was on her way to the courts, and that she (presumably) has smaller feet, like Cat. They called Charlotte and she immediately sprung into action. (Well, as much as a person with a broken foot can spring into action.) Charlotte stopped at her apartment, grabbed a pair of sneakers, and rushed to Cat’s rescue.

Upon arriving at the courts, Charlotte used the Force to levitate the sneakers over to Cat, but when Cat and the Rainbows turned around to thank her…she had vanished. Her work there was done.

Cat-in-Charlotte’s-sneakers and the Rainbows played incredibly well and (almost) won the game.
Charlotte did all this even though she sadly cannot play right now, due to the aforementioned broken foot.

Helping your fellow BTSHers…..it’s the BTSH way.

First Star
Probie from Gouging Anklebiters
by Jerome

The Anklebiters have had a 2017 that pundits initially banked on to be successful, namely with a stellar goalie tandem in Timmay and Craig. But smack-dab in the middle of the season they hardly gained traction—1 point in a string of 6 games—and the inevitabilities of participating in the play-in game were becoming more apparent. Well guess what… Phil’s platoon of blues and golds didn’t care about that, and that goes for the game-winning goalscorer as well.

Probie, tallying a robust 13 goals for the season, lasered in a postseason brace last Sunday to help some happy humans reach the sweet sixteen, notably the overtime goal that sent his team into euphoria. Way too tired after the felicitations, nearly the entire team sat and drank on the court, but our All-American still wanted to get a decent run at the scrimmage. And yet, it’s his kind of the running that becomes a threat for other teams; he’ll run with the same speed with or without the ball, and opponents know he can produce lethal results with it.

So with the injury report and the season record thrown out the window now that October is fully here, the ‘Biters have a tough agenda on Sunday facing the Hookers. But the ‘Biters extra game and result could be catalyst that launches the squad to another victory.

Honorable mentions: 

The Demon who scored the OT winner with 11 seconds left.  Didn’t catch your name, but that breakout and shot saved your goalie (and team) from utter humiliation during a shootout.

Greg A. from Mexico (formerly Cobra Kai?) for jumping in net with the league gear to play goalie during the scrimmage when one of the goalies backed out at the last minute.  Without him, we would have had to settle for downed net.

Hey guys, this is the playoff schedule, Round of 16. Please do not join the 12 p.m. exhibition game unless invited. Don’t ask if you can play and put someone in an awkward position to say no.

12 p.m., any court they want Karma/Gut Rot vs. Mega….a few sprinkles of Rainbows mixed in

Gouging Anklebiters (14) at Corlears Hookers (3) – 1:15 WEST
Sky Fighters (13) at Filthier (4) – 1:15 EAST
Tompkins Square Riots (18) at Fresh Kills (1) – 2:30 WEST
Denim Demons (17) at Rehabs (2) – 2:30 EAST
Mathematics (12) at Cobra Kai (5) – 3:45 WEST
Butchers (10) at Poutine Machine (7) – 3:45 EAST
What The Puck (9) at LBS Inc (8) – 5:00 WEST
Fuzz (11) at Gremlins (6) – 5:00 EAST

Hello my loyal Sultanites. A few of you have been very bad and calling me mean names like, “Commish.” Do I look like I have a blonde pony tail and infiltrate Ranger games?

I tried to find a pic of Tim in the penalty box but it was taking too long so I am using this one instead. Anyways, click Read More to see the schedule!

Read the rest of this entry »

The playoffs have arrived and to kick them off in style we’re treating you, our loyal readers, to a Super-Sized Special Previews.  Here’s an in-depth look at each team – Part 2.  Enjoy.

18. Tompkins Square Riots (4-12-2, 10 pts.; L/L/L/L/W) at 15. Gut Rot (8-9-1, 17 pts: W/W/L/L/L)
by Jerome

Preamble
The last article I wrote ‘with Gut Rot being one of the teams’ had me receiving some pushback because I tried [unsuccessfully] to play the gamesmanship card but violating rule #1 in the process. Will this article be like that one? I sure as hell hope not, but it turns out some of us media personnel tend to show a little more “creativity”. With the 2017 playoffs officially starting, it’s important to note that albeit BTSH being a social, co-ed league, this is the time where players take things a little more seriously since the stakes are higher. That said…

On this part of the ring: TOMPKINS SQUARE RIOTS (4-12-2, 10 pts.; L/L/L/L/W)

The road so far: Vanck’s vanquishers have stumbled into the playoffs fortunately seeing a double-digit point tally this year. Some of the biggest shocks of their season were forcing overtimes with Gut Rot (W1) and Fuzz (W13), a narrow victory over Hoggystyle’s What the Puck (W10), and keeping close quarters with Poutine (W14).

The history books: Not sure about this. Will HockeyDick (erm, HockeyRich) be so kind to reach within his hockey database and confirm this?

Injury report: If the Riots haven’t played some ball or ice hockey in the past two weeks (e.g., not going to the 1^st Annual Walkar Tournament or participating in the women’s scrimmage or the scrimmage thereafter), your body will likely be in for a shock.

One player to watch: David F. has a quiet demeanor on and off the court but his pace is OP (overpowering). He’s tallied 6 for the season, including a brace against the Rainbows (W18).

Key number: 3—they’ve thrice secured wins scoring this many goals in a game. Should the Riots reach three goals before the Rotters do, all they’ll have to do is play clean up and close out the session.

Dominant narrative: Some players in this league think that certainly, a team like the Riots may be permanent fourth-division incumbents, and while that may be true, the postseason is a time to prove that a team is more than the sum of its players.

The big question: Are all players named Christina nice? I mean Poutine’s Christina is awfully nice but I also would think Christina R. would be, too?

Bandwagon ability: Recently-elected HOFer Dave GDR has been a fan favorite for a while. Almost succeeding in the Walkar Tournament with America, why wouldn’t anyone want to root for him in the postseason? Unless you’re Gut Rot, obviously. Let’s not forget there’s a mathmagician and celebrity in Vanck, whose ascendancy in the entertainment world overshadows his disdain for Minnesotan sports teams. Someone who works as hard as Vanck or Dave GDR on the court deserves some recognition?

One good reason to root for them: A championship named after a squad that gratuitously pays homage to the park in which they play is only fitting, no?

On the other side of the ring: GUT ROT, BITCHEZ (8-9-1, 17 pts.; W/W/L/L/L)

The road so far: Other than a nail-biter with What the Puck (W9), it’s been either win or lose for this team. But something’s different: this group has been racking up more wins than the Gut Rot of old. While postgame activities are still a constant for Ashley M.’s aces, goals seem to occur with regularity. They’ve let more than what they’ve put in, but they’ve put 4 more past opposing goaltenders than division winners Poutine. Appearing to have a losing record, anything close to .500 is refreshing for the former Standoff franchise.

The history books: As I alluded to in the previous point, the Rotters had perennially been the team privy to give other teams an automatic W… until this year. They’ve upset division winner Butchers (W2) and Soko division squad Fuzz (W6), and blanking Poutine in their revenge match (W10).

Injury report: I doubt anyone’s facing a serious ailment, but if I had to guess their methodologies, the healing process overlaps with their postgame drinking.

One player to watch: Although Peaches quarterbacks the entire operation, Edward P. is the field general. Goaltenders are like panopticons; they see pockets of space for their teammates to pass or run through, and they spot vulnerabilities in their own teams’ formations. On multiple occasions, Ed has stood on his head to stave off opponents and keep the upper hand of the scoreline by a single goal.

Key number: It’s the number of likes people have received for telling Becca how to sign up for the BTSH Olympics (it must be a big number by now).

Dominant narrative: “18 games in a span of just over 5 months” represents one part of the season, and just because the Rotters held themselves to a pretty high standard from March to early September, it doesn’t mean they stop doing it when their playoff campaign begins.

The big question: Does Ellery have a celebration that doesn’t involve partial nudity? Or does Peaches own a pair of athletic shorts?

Bandwagon ability: When Gut Rot eked out playoff wins a couple of years ago, just as Leicester pulled some major wins in the Champions League knockout phase last season, heads turned and the “what ifs” were on people’s minds. With the knowledge that the Green Machine would likely face a juggernaut if it stymied the Riots from moving on, spectators would hope that in a David and Goliath-esque matchup, history would repeat itself and the Rotters would advance to face the next big challenge. In short, everyone loves an underdog and perhaps Gut Rot has the swagger for shaking things up?

One good reason to root for them: When you think of the histories of BTSH franchises, some teams stick out more than others. The Sultan points out—please don’t eyeroll—the Elves history, when they evolved from one win in their inaugural season to taking it all two seasons later. The Sky Fighters were one of those teams as well. This year, Tommy and Len could be the ones that help Gut Rot follow suit. When you think about it, there a few people on this team that haven’t had the chance to lift such a great trophy. So why not?

Prediction: Defeating a team in your division twice in one year can be a difficult feat to accomplish, but doing it for a third time is sometimes nearly impossible.  Gut Rot may have taken the first two meetings, however we see the Riots prevailing on Sunday, 3-2.

 

17. Denim Demons at 16. Instant Karma
by Sultan

In this corner: DENIM DEMONS (5-13, – 22 goals differential),who finished 17th in total points for the 2017 season.

The road so far: It’s been a weird one, thanks to a rebuilding season (stolen directly from Isaac’s Rainbows preview).  Several new parts were added to this squad and it has taken them a full season to get acquainted with one another. (Also stolen from Isaac’s Rainbows preview.)

Sultan’s Non PC take: When you lose Kamen, Paul, Angry Zack T., Coach, Christina…you better replace them with solid hockey players or you may go 5-13 with a -22 goals differential.

The history books: Throw it out. The ol’ #1 seed Demons are dead. But so are the combative assholes who no one wanted to play against, or party with. This is a fun team and if you still hate the Demons (Unless you’re Brian Hicks) then it’s on you, not them. The Demons are really cool fun people outside of one asshole. (She knows who she is. She is JR.)

Injury report: How the hell should I know?

Key number: 7 – that’s how many points below the Demons were to their nearest competitor in the Soko Conference. (Or whatever conference we named it, for some reason the standings reverted back to the stupid bar names.)

Dominant narrative: The Demons don’t really have a dominate narrative anymore. They have a clean slate to build a new narrative. Good for them.

The big question: Will the sun go down in time for them to even make it to the game? With so many Jews…they better pray real hard because God might smite them if they leave before sundown on Roshonkonkoma.

Bandwagon-ability: The Spirit of BTSH is everyone holding onto grudges. Try to let this grudge go and root on a team that really deserves our support.

One good reason not to root for them: Maybe their last memory should be of the losing a very tough 3-2 game to Karma, instead of 7-0 game to Fresh Kills…which could happen if they win.

And in this corner: INSTANT KARMA (5-13 (Sultan treats all losses as equal, you get no extra point for that shootout/OT loss in my world)), -27 goals differential, who finished 16^th in total points for the 2017 season.

The road so far: Rough sledding for the boys in teal. It seems they could use a little more team spirit and an identity of their own.

The history books: This is their 3rd year and it’s been a downward spiral since they eliminated the Elves from BTSH with a dominating 3-0 victory in 2015. A win to get into the playoffs will help Karma recruit some mid-level prospects next season.

Injury report: Ben’s back is always injured.

One player to watch: Brianna is always near the net and I’m not sure I ever saw a game where she didn’t get a golden opportunity to score. Her brother Cory is no slouch but I’m only allowed to pick one.

Key number: 18. That’s Rob Walsh’s #. Demons, make sure he’s not subbing for Karma.

Dominant narrative: Can the fun team that doesn’t care about winning beat the Evil Demons?

The big question: Will they match the Demons intensity? They better if they want a chance.

Bandwagon-ability: #notmybandwagon (until they use the FA list). But who can root against Cory and his Mets hat?

One good reason not to root for them: Does anyone but Walker and I realize Karma isn’t actually “the fun team?” They constantly use league players in lieu of the free agent list, and then Chadwick rambles on about hating Fuzz. Use the free agent list and stop asking Walsh, Walker and Jamie to play!

Prediction: Man this is a hard game to predict. I know the Demons are going to go balls to the wall for the W. I think Karma will too. While the league is starting to know Brianna, I think Nicole still might be a secret to most. The old vets from the Tuques still are there and Karma has the ability to bring it. Meanwhile, the Demons seem younger, faster and prob want it a little more. But that my not be a good thing. Does either team have a full-time goalie?!?!  I’ll go with the Demons 3-2 in a nail-biter.