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Hey guys, this is the playoff schedule, Round of 16. Please do not join the 12 p.m. exhibition game unless invited. Don’t ask if you can play and put someone in an awkward position to say no.

12 p.m., any court they want Karma/Gut Rot vs. Mega….a few sprinkles of Rainbows mixed in

Gouging Anklebiters (14) at Corlears Hookers (3) – 1:15 WEST
Sky Fighters (13) at Filthier (4) – 1:15 EAST
Tompkins Square Riots (18) at Fresh Kills (1) – 2:30 WEST
Denim Demons (17) at Rehabs (2) – 2:30 EAST
Mathematics (12) at Cobra Kai (5) – 3:45 WEST
Butchers (10) at Poutine Machine (7) – 3:45 EAST
What The Puck (9) at LBS Inc (8) – 5:00 WEST
Fuzz (11) at Gremlins (6) – 5:00 EAST

Hello my loyal Sultanites. A few of you have been very bad and calling me mean names like, “Commish.” Do I look like I have a blonde pony tail and infiltrate Ranger games?

I tried to find a pic of Tim in the penalty box but it was taking too long so I am using this one instead. Anyways, click Read More to see the schedule!

Read the rest of this entry »

The playoffs have arrived and to kick them off in style we’re treating you, our loyal readers, to a Super-Sized Special Previews.  Here’s an in-depth look at each team – Part 2.  Enjoy.

18. Tompkins Square Riots (4-12-2, 10 pts.; L/L/L/L/W) at 15. Gut Rot (8-9-1, 17 pts: W/W/L/L/L)
by Jerome

Preamble
The last article I wrote ‘with Gut Rot being one of the teams’ had me receiving some pushback because I tried [unsuccessfully] to play the gamesmanship card but violating rule #1 in the process. Will this article be like that one? I sure as hell hope not, but it turns out some of us media personnel tend to show a little more “creativity”. With the 2017 playoffs officially starting, it’s important to note that albeit BTSH being a social, co-ed league, this is the time where players take things a little more seriously since the stakes are higher. That said…

On this part of the ring: TOMPKINS SQUARE RIOTS (4-12-2, 10 pts.; L/L/L/L/W)

The road so far: Vanck’s vanquishers have stumbled into the playoffs fortunately seeing a double-digit point tally this year. Some of the biggest shocks of their season were forcing overtimes with Gut Rot (W1) and Fuzz (W13), a narrow victory over Hoggystyle’s What the Puck (W10), and keeping close quarters with Poutine (W14).

The history books: Not sure about this. Will HockeyDick (erm, HockeyRich) be so kind to reach within his hockey database and confirm this?

Injury report: If the Riots haven’t played some ball or ice hockey in the past two weeks (e.g., not going to the 1^st Annual Walkar Tournament or participating in the women’s scrimmage or the scrimmage thereafter), your body will likely be in for a shock.

One player to watch: David F. has a quiet demeanor on and off the court but his pace is OP (overpowering). He’s tallied 6 for the season, including a brace against the Rainbows (W18).

Key number: 3—they’ve thrice secured wins scoring this many goals in a game. Should the Riots reach three goals before the Rotters do, all they’ll have to do is play clean up and close out the session.

Dominant narrative: Some players in this league think that certainly, a team like the Riots may be permanent fourth-division incumbents, and while that may be true, the postseason is a time to prove that a team is more than the sum of its players.

The big question: Are all players named Christina nice? I mean Poutine’s Christina is awfully nice but I also would think Christina R. would be, too?

Bandwagon ability: Recently-elected HOFer Dave GDR has been a fan favorite for a while. Almost succeeding in the Walkar Tournament with America, why wouldn’t anyone want to root for him in the postseason? Unless you’re Gut Rot, obviously. Let’s not forget there’s a mathmagician and celebrity in Vanck, whose ascendancy in the entertainment world overshadows his disdain for Minnesotan sports teams. Someone who works as hard as Vanck or Dave GDR on the court deserves some recognition?

One good reason to root for them: A championship named after a squad that gratuitously pays homage to the park in which they play is only fitting, no?

On the other side of the ring: GUT ROT, BITCHEZ (8-9-1, 17 pts.; W/W/L/L/L)

The road so far: Other than a nail-biter with What the Puck (W9), it’s been either win or lose for this team. But something’s different: this group has been racking up more wins than the Gut Rot of old. While postgame activities are still a constant for Ashley M.’s aces, goals seem to occur with regularity. They’ve let more than what they’ve put in, but they’ve put 4 more past opposing goaltenders than division winners Poutine. Appearing to have a losing record, anything close to .500 is refreshing for the former Standoff franchise.

The history books: As I alluded to in the previous point, the Rotters had perennially been the team privy to give other teams an automatic W… until this year. They’ve upset division winner Butchers (W2) and Soko division squad Fuzz (W6), and blanking Poutine in their revenge match (W10).

Injury report: I doubt anyone’s facing a serious ailment, but if I had to guess their methodologies, the healing process overlaps with their postgame drinking.

One player to watch: Although Peaches quarterbacks the entire operation, Edward P. is the field general. Goaltenders are like panopticons; they see pockets of space for their teammates to pass or run through, and they spot vulnerabilities in their own teams’ formations. On multiple occasions, Ed has stood on his head to stave off opponents and keep the upper hand of the scoreline by a single goal.

Key number: It’s the number of likes people have received for telling Becca how to sign up for the BTSH Olympics (it must be a big number by now).

Dominant narrative: “18 games in a span of just over 5 months” represents one part of the season, and just because the Rotters held themselves to a pretty high standard from March to early September, it doesn’t mean they stop doing it when their playoff campaign begins.

The big question: Does Ellery have a celebration that doesn’t involve partial nudity? Or does Peaches own a pair of athletic shorts?

Bandwagon ability: When Gut Rot eked out playoff wins a couple of years ago, just as Leicester pulled some major wins in the Champions League knockout phase last season, heads turned and the “what ifs” were on people’s minds. With the knowledge that the Green Machine would likely face a juggernaut if it stymied the Riots from moving on, spectators would hope that in a David and Goliath-esque matchup, history would repeat itself and the Rotters would advance to face the next big challenge. In short, everyone loves an underdog and perhaps Gut Rot has the swagger for shaking things up?

One good reason to root for them: When you think of the histories of BTSH franchises, some teams stick out more than others. The Sultan points out—please don’t eyeroll—the Elves history, when they evolved from one win in their inaugural season to taking it all two seasons later. The Sky Fighters were one of those teams as well. This year, Tommy and Len could be the ones that help Gut Rot follow suit. When you think about it, there a few people on this team that haven’t had the chance to lift such a great trophy. So why not?

Prediction: Defeating a team in your division twice in one year can be a difficult feat to accomplish, but doing it for a third time is sometimes nearly impossible.  Gut Rot may have taken the first two meetings, however we see the Riots prevailing on Sunday, 3-2.

 

17. Denim Demons at 16. Instant Karma
by Sultan

In this corner: DENIM DEMONS (5-13, – 22 goals differential),who finished 17th in total points for the 2017 season.

The road so far: It’s been a weird one, thanks to a rebuilding season (stolen directly from Isaac’s Rainbows preview).  Several new parts were added to this squad and it has taken them a full season to get acquainted with one another. (Also stolen from Isaac’s Rainbows preview.)

Sultan’s Non PC take: When you lose Kamen, Paul, Angry Zack T., Coach, Christina…you better replace them with solid hockey players or you may go 5-13 with a -22 goals differential.

The history books: Throw it out. The ol’ #1 seed Demons are dead. But so are the combative assholes who no one wanted to play against, or party with. This is a fun team and if you still hate the Demons (Unless you’re Brian Hicks) then it’s on you, not them. The Demons are really cool fun people outside of one asshole. (She knows who she is. She is JR.)

Injury report: How the hell should I know?

Key number: 7 – that’s how many points below the Demons were to their nearest competitor in the Soko Conference. (Or whatever conference we named it, for some reason the standings reverted back to the stupid bar names.)

Dominant narrative: The Demons don’t really have a dominate narrative anymore. They have a clean slate to build a new narrative. Good for them.

The big question: Will the sun go down in time for them to even make it to the game? With so many Jews…they better pray real hard because God might smite them if they leave before sundown on Roshonkonkoma.

Bandwagon-ability: The Spirit of BTSH is everyone holding onto grudges. Try to let this grudge go and root on a team that really deserves our support.

One good reason not to root for them: Maybe their last memory should be of the losing a very tough 3-2 game to Karma, instead of 7-0 game to Fresh Kills…which could happen if they win.

And in this corner: INSTANT KARMA (5-13 (Sultan treats all losses as equal, you get no extra point for that shootout/OT loss in my world)), -27 goals differential, who finished 16^th in total points for the 2017 season.

The road so far: Rough sledding for the boys in teal. It seems they could use a little more team spirit and an identity of their own.

The history books: This is their 3rd year and it’s been a downward spiral since they eliminated the Elves from BTSH with a dominating 3-0 victory in 2015. A win to get into the playoffs will help Karma recruit some mid-level prospects next season.

Injury report: Ben’s back is always injured.

One player to watch: Brianna is always near the net and I’m not sure I ever saw a game where she didn’t get a golden opportunity to score. Her brother Cory is no slouch but I’m only allowed to pick one.

Key number: 18. That’s Rob Walsh’s #. Demons, make sure he’s not subbing for Karma.

Dominant narrative: Can the fun team that doesn’t care about winning beat the Evil Demons?

The big question: Will they match the Demons intensity? They better if they want a chance.

Bandwagon-ability: #notmybandwagon (until they use the FA list). But who can root against Cory and his Mets hat?

One good reason not to root for them: Does anyone but Walker and I realize Karma isn’t actually “the fun team?” They constantly use league players in lieu of the free agent list, and then Chadwick rambles on about hating Fuzz. Use the free agent list and stop asking Walsh, Walker and Jamie to play!

Prediction: Man this is a hard game to predict. I know the Demons are going to go balls to the wall for the W. I think Karma will too. While the league is starting to know Brianna, I think Nicole still might be a secret to most. The old vets from the Tuques still are there and Karma has the ability to bring it. Meanwhile, the Demons seem younger, faster and prob want it a little more. But that my not be a good thing. Does either team have a full-time goalie?!?!  I’ll go with the Demons 3-2 in a nail-biter.

THE PLAYOFFS ARE HERE!  THE PLAYOFFS ARE HERE!

Yes!  They have arrived and to kick them off in style we’re treating you, our loyal readers, to a Super-Sized Special Previews.  Here’s an in-depth look at each team – Part 1.  Enjoy.

20. Dark Rainbows at 13. Sky Fighters
by Isaac

In this corner: DARK RAINBOWS (0-17-1, -82 goals differential), who finished last in total points for the 2017 season.

The road so far: It’s been a weird one, thanks to a rebuilding season (but we’ve seen signs that point towards a positive future).  Several new parts were added to this squad and it has taken them a full season to get acquainted with one another.

The history books: The Rainbows have made noise before in the playoffs.  To the decibel level that it caused tremors throughout the league.  There’s something about pressure that brings out the best in them.

Injury report: They’re mostly healthy heading into the playoffs, except for their leader Abby who is still on the mend and Cat’s recurring Sunday morning pounding headaches.

One player to watch: Wes H.  We mentioned before about signs of brighter days ahead and he’s a good reason why.  As one of the up and coming defenders in the league, he remains pretty cool under pressure while disrupting offensive assaults.

Key number: 15 – that’s the total number of goals the Rainbows scored all season.  Averaging less than a goal a game doesn’t get the job done and it didn’t for them this season.  But that’s not to say they don’t know how to score.  Another number to consider is 2 – they’ve had multiple games this season in which they scored more than a single goal.

Dominant narrative: The Rainbows didn’t win a game this season.  And I’m sure they’re sick of hearing about it.  But that makes them super-sleepers, like in a coma with a slight pulse.  If they wake up and start spanking teams in the playoffs, well, you heard it here first.

The big question: Will Aaron answer the call and come help his Rainbows?  Also, where will the after party be?  One of the best kept secrets in the league is how this team throws down after a game.

Bandwagon-ability: It depends on whether you can get past the whole ‘didn’t win a game this season’ thing.  But having said that, it is also is a pretty good reason to support them.  So yeah, we’re onboard.

One good reason not to root for them: None.  Everyone is rooting for them!

And in this corner: SKY FIGHTERS (9-9-0, -6 goals differential), who finished 13th in total points for the 2017 season.

The road so far: Finishing at .500 isn’t anything to hang your hat on, but they did rescue themselves from the circling the bowl at one point this season.  And that is enough to say that they know how to overcome adversity.

The history books: The Sky Fighters are one of the more dangerous playoff teams.  They earned a championship less than a decade ago and knocked out the favorite last year.  They’re playoff tested.

Injury report: Olivier is nursing a bruised ego from Alok being named Prom King and the brothers are still learning to understand the emotion we call ‘happy’ displayed by smiling.  Aside from that, well who doesn’t have a couple bruises at this point.

One player to watch: Alexis N.  For a player the constantly claims she doesn’t know how to play forward, she does a pretty damn good job at it.  Versatility is key in the playoffs and if she starts hopping up into rush to collect garbage instead disposing of it it’ll cause problems for opposing teams.

Key number: 27 – that’s how many goals Mike scored this season while running away with the scoring title, again.  If he’s trigger happy on Sunday then it could be a long game for the Rainbows.

Dominant narrative: Can anyone on their team without the last name Teytelbaum score a goal?  Well, alright, perhaps more a question than a narrative, but Mike and Roman do the majority of the heavy lifting for this team.

The big question: What the hell is up with Stein?  No, not the stench coming from the vicinity of his pads, although, yeah what’s up with that?  It is more a question about which one shows up.  If bizarro Stein makes an appearance then the defense will have their work cut out for them.  However, if the real Stein is between the pipes then we could be looking at an early playoff shutout.

Bandwagon-ability: Pretty effing high.  This team made the frozen four the past two years and with the majority of the core roster intact from those years they could make another deep playoff run.

One good reason not to root for them: You’re kind of sick of them by now.  The brothers make the headlines, Greg steals all the fame, and Amanda doesn’t own a dark blue shirt (or so she claims).  We’re ready for something new.

Prediction: The Rainbows go down swinging as the Sky Fighters put them down gently, 6-1.

19. Mega Touch at 14. Gouging Anklebiters
by JW

In this corner: MEGA TOUCH (3-13-2, -29 goal differential), who finished 19th in total points for the 2017 regular season.

The road so far: It’s been a rough year for Mega in their bump up to the 3rd division this season. They are looking forward to getting back to the 4th division, which they’ve always called home.

The history books: This is the first time I ever remember Mega being in the 3rd division. See above comment.

Injury report: Mega are healthy heading into the playoffs……but not in their choice of snacks. Julie will be sure to have bags of sugary sweets handy for her team, during this matchup.

One player to watch: Jeff. I don’t know this guy, but I know he’s good. Julie picked him up this season, and he makes his presence known on the court.

Key number: Somewhere between 4-6. The number of times Brady will try blasting a shot from behind his own goal line, all the way down the court.

Dominant narrative: Alex’s Pizza Lightning shirt is back and available for purchase.

The big question: Who will show up wearing jorts?

Bandwagon-ability: Incredibly high. I have always said that Mega are one of the few remaining teams who embody the BTSH spirit.

One good reason not to root for them: You’re on the Anklebiters.

And in this corner: GOUGING ANKLEBITERS (7-8-3, -15 goal differential), who finished 13th in total points for the 2017 regular season.

The road so far: Finishing under .500 has not been a habit for this team in recent years. They don’t like the taste of it, and will be looking to make a deep playoff run in order to make up for it.

The history books: The Biters upset the mighty Fresh Kills just 2 years ago. Wait, was that 3 years ago?  (Man I am getting old.)  In any case, if they did that only 2 years ago, they should be able to beat Mega Touch today.

Injury report: Joe P. is probably injured.

One player to watch: Sarah M.  Watch her as she scores on you because you left her wide open on the back door (like every team always does for some reason that I will never understand).

Key number: 324. The number of total drinks consumed by Biters who attended the prom.

Dominant narrative: Caroline. Her narrative is DOMINANT. (And by this I mean loud. She is loud.)

The big question: Will any of the Biters even make it to a 12:30pm game??

Bandwagon-ability: Also incredibly high. Nobody parties like the Biters do. Hockey is secondary (as it should be, in BTSH).

One good reason not to root for them: You’re jealous of their karaoke skills.

Prediction: Part of me feels like Mega will pull the upset. But that’s not my official prediction…  Probert nets 2 or 3 and the Biters win this one, 4-2.

 

by Arya Stark

For those who don’t follow the Facebook group, we have two pools currently running.  The Second Annual Playoff Pick’Em already has more entries than last year’s; it’s free to enter, just fill out the linked Google Form for a chance at a free bar tab.  Make sure to follow the directions closely.  Scoring last year’s pool and taking a cursory look at this years entries has demonstrated that a surprising number of people in this league don’t understand how reseeding works.  Each round, the top seed plays the lowest seed in that round, second highest plays second lowest, etc all the way down.  So to all the people who picked both Cobra Kai and Math to advance to the quarterfinals – great teams, sexy people, but that shit is literally impossible.

We also have a BTSH Fantasy Pool where you can actually pick yourself, your teammates, your friends, your sex partners past and present, that dude you see passed out every Sunday…the possibilities are endless.  Entry is $10; rules and scoring are outlined within.  Pete Jensen of the NHL Network seems pretty confident in his picks; do you?

Deadline for submissions is noon on Sunday 10/1; any questions can be directed to btshpool@gmail.com.  Good luck to everyone, even those who don’t understand reseeding