btsh.org

THE PLAYOFFS ARE HERE!  THE PLAYOFFS ARE HERE!

Yes!  They have arrived and to kick them off in style we’re treating you, our loyal readers, to a Super-Sized Special Previews.  Here’s an in-depth look at each team – Part 1.  Enjoy.

20. Dark Rainbows at 13. Sky Fighters
by Isaac

In this corner: DARK RAINBOWS (0-17-1, -82 goals differential), who finished last in total points for the 2017 season.

The road so far: It’s been a weird one, thanks to a rebuilding season (but we’ve seen signs that point towards a positive future).  Several new parts were added to this squad and it has taken them a full season to get acquainted with one another.

The history books: The Rainbows have made noise before in the playoffs.  To the decibel level that it caused tremors throughout the league.  There’s something about pressure that brings out the best in them.

Injury report: They’re mostly healthy heading into the playoffs, except for their leader Abby who is still on the mend and Cat’s recurring Sunday morning pounding headaches.

One player to watch: Wes H.  We mentioned before about signs of brighter days ahead and he’s a good reason why.  As one of the up and coming defenders in the league, he remains pretty cool under pressure while disrupting offensive assaults.

Key number: 15 – that’s the total number of goals the Rainbows scored all season.  Averaging less than a goal a game doesn’t get the job done and it didn’t for them this season.  But that’s not to say they don’t know how to score.  Another number to consider is 2 – they’ve had multiple games this season in which they scored more than a single goal.

Dominant narrative: The Rainbows didn’t win a game this season.  And I’m sure they’re sick of hearing about it.  But that makes them super-sleepers, like in a coma with a slight pulse.  If they wake up and start spanking teams in the playoffs, well, you heard it here first.

The big question: Will Aaron answer the call and come help his Rainbows?  Also, where will the after party be?  One of the best kept secrets in the league is how this team throws down after a game.

Bandwagon-ability: It depends on whether you can get past the whole ‘didn’t win a game this season’ thing.  But having said that, it is also is a pretty good reason to support them.  So yeah, we’re onboard.

One good reason not to root for them: None.  Everyone is rooting for them!

And in this corner: SKY FIGHTERS (9-9-0, -6 goals differential), who finished 13th in total points for the 2017 season.

The road so far: Finishing at .500 isn’t anything to hang your hat on, but they did rescue themselves from the circling the bowl at one point this season.  And that is enough to say that they know how to overcome adversity.

The history books: The Sky Fighters are one of the more dangerous playoff teams.  They earned a championship less than a decade ago and knocked out the favorite last year.  They’re playoff tested.

Injury report: Olivier is nursing a bruised ego from Alok being named Prom King and the brothers are still learning to understand the emotion we call ‘happy’ displayed by smiling.  Aside from that, well who doesn’t have a couple bruises at this point.

One player to watch: Alexis N.  For a player the constantly claims she doesn’t know how to play forward, she does a pretty damn good job at it.  Versatility is key in the playoffs and if she starts hopping up into rush to collect garbage instead disposing of it it’ll cause problems for opposing teams.

Key number: 27 – that’s how many goals Mike scored this season while running away with the scoring title, again.  If he’s trigger happy on Sunday then it could be a long game for the Rainbows.

Dominant narrative: Can anyone on their team without the last name Teytelbaum score a goal?  Well, alright, perhaps more a question than a narrative, but Mike and Roman do the majority of the heavy lifting for this team.

The big question: What the hell is up with Stein?  No, not the stench coming from the vicinity of his pads, although, yeah what’s up with that?  It is more a question about which one shows up.  If bizarro Stein makes an appearance then the defense will have their work cut out for them.  However, if the real Stein is between the pipes then we could be looking at an early playoff shutout.

Bandwagon-ability: Pretty effing high.  This team made the frozen four the past two years and with the majority of the core roster intact from those years they could make another deep playoff run.

One good reason not to root for them: You’re kind of sick of them by now.  The brothers make the headlines, Greg steals all the fame, and Amanda doesn’t own a dark blue shirt (or so she claims).  We’re ready for something new.

Prediction: The Rainbows go down swinging as the Sky Fighters put them down gently, 6-1.

19. Mega Touch at 14. Gouging Anklebiters
by JW

In this corner: MEGA TOUCH (3-13-2, -29 goal differential), who finished 19th in total points for the 2017 regular season.

The road so far: It’s been a rough year for Mega in their bump up to the 3rd division this season. They are looking forward to getting back to the 4th division, which they’ve always called home.

The history books: This is the first time I ever remember Mega being in the 3rd division. See above comment.

Injury report: Mega are healthy heading into the playoffs……but not in their choice of snacks. Julie will be sure to have bags of sugary sweets handy for her team, during this matchup.

One player to watch: Jeff. I don’t know this guy, but I know he’s good. Julie picked him up this season, and he makes his presence known on the court.

Key number: Somewhere between 4-6. The number of times Brady will try blasting a shot from behind his own goal line, all the way down the court.

Dominant narrative: Alex’s Pizza Lightning shirt is back and available for purchase.

The big question: Who will show up wearing jorts?

Bandwagon-ability: Incredibly high. I have always said that Mega are one of the few remaining teams who embody the BTSH spirit.

One good reason not to root for them: You’re on the Anklebiters.

And in this corner: GOUGING ANKLEBITERS (7-8-3, -15 goal differential), who finished 13th in total points for the 2017 regular season.

The road so far: Finishing under .500 has not been a habit for this team in recent years. They don’t like the taste of it, and will be looking to make a deep playoff run in order to make up for it.

The history books: The Biters upset the mighty Fresh Kills just 2 years ago. Wait, was that 3 years ago?  (Man I am getting old.)  In any case, if they did that only 2 years ago, they should be able to beat Mega Touch today.

Injury report: Joe P. is probably injured.

One player to watch: Sarah M.  Watch her as she scores on you because you left her wide open on the back door (like every team always does for some reason that I will never understand).

Key number: 324. The number of total drinks consumed by Biters who attended the prom.

Dominant narrative: Caroline. Her narrative is DOMINANT. (And by this I mean loud. She is loud.)

The big question: Will any of the Biters even make it to a 12:30pm game??

Bandwagon-ability: Also incredibly high. Nobody parties like the Biters do. Hockey is secondary (as it should be, in BTSH).

One good reason not to root for them: You’re jealous of their karaoke skills.

Prediction: Part of me feels like Mega will pull the upset. But that’s not my official prediction…  Probert nets 2 or 3 and the Biters win this one, 4-2.

by Arya Stark

For those who don’t follow the Facebook group, we have two pools currently running.  The Second Annual Playoff Pick’Em already has more entries than last year’s; it’s free to enter, just fill out the linked Google Form for a chance at a free bar tab.  Make sure to follow the directions closely.  Scoring last year’s pool and taking a cursory look at this years entries has demonstrated that a surprising number of people in this league don’t understand how reseeding works.  Each round, the top seed plays the lowest seed in that round, second highest plays second lowest, etc all the way down.  So to all the people who picked both Cobra Kai and Math to advance to the quarterfinals – great teams, sexy people, but that shit is literally impossible.

We also have a BTSH Fantasy Pool where you can actually pick yourself, your teammates, your friends, your sex partners past and present, that dude you see passed out every Sunday…the possibilities are endless.  Entry is $10; rules and scoring are outlined within.  Pete Jensen of the NHL Network seems pretty confident in his picks; do you?

Deadline for submissions is noon on Sunday 10/1; any questions can be directed to btshpool@gmail.com.  Good luck to everyone, even those who don’t understand reseeding

Hazy Memories
By Anonymous

The first ever BTSH 80s Prom was Saturday night and it was a huge success, especially if success is measured in alcohol and random hookups. Even before entering the actual bar, walking down 30th street with my date we noticed a bunch of girls in front of us dressed in modern attire with one dude in their group rocking a mullet with shiny silver pants and his arms around two of them. While my date tried to convince me these people had to be on their way to the 80s prom I told her the girls were dressed normally, the dude was probably just a random weirdo. Upon reaching Dewey’s, the girls walked towards the hotel next door while the guy they were with pivoted into Dewey’s and told them to get changed and join him at prom. That random weirdo turned out to be non-other than ScottyK who had just met them on the street. That none of those girls came back and slept with him is one of the great tragedies of this fine event.

Memories of prom are sadly limited but here are some beautiful moments:

– Photoboth photoshoots that usually devolved into pure chaos.

– Tables of people eating wings while watching The Goonies (I wonder how many times that’s happened at a bar in the last 20 years).
– Absolute pandemonium when Africa came on.
…followed by some very questionable dancing.
– Cherie’s wig, even more impressive than her slapshot.
– Some of the most outrageous hairstyles I’ve ever seen.
– Hicks partying days after ditching the walking boot and definitely making up for lost time, and Charlotte doing the same on a broken foot (dancing too!).
– Scotty discussing plans to be sperm donor for a league couple (not a euphemism).
– Another appearance by the Hogg handlebar mustache.
– Tia taking down someone’s number in the middle of the dance floor, not in a sexual way, but so she could pick up the goalie pads first thing in the morning (also not a euphemism).
– A few hammered league members trying to do the venue math at 1 AM and pay the tab in between rounds of shots.
– An impressive amount of making out that will never be discussed again.
– And finally, the massive round of applause when JW won The Farmer Ted Award for “Most Likely To Have Graduated High School A Virgin.” Well deserved buddy.

Thanks to Marko, Cheeky and the Prom Committee for putting on a truly magical 80s evening; they never gave us up, and they never let us down. It was truly an unforgettable night, even if we can’t remember half of it.

Prom Award Winners

photo credit: probably Cheeky?

A comprehensive list of your prom award winners, as best as our collective memories can recall:

Thank You list

Written by JW

There were far more than 3 stars this week, so I decided to do a thank you list instead.

Special thanks to all of the following people:

Marko, Chair of the Prom Committee – We had all been talking about BTSH prom for 10 years or more, and Marko came along and MADE IT HAPPEN.
In addition to formulating the best prom committee ever, I can’t even begin to list all the things she did, or all the hard work she put in.
This event would have never happened (or been as awesome) without her.

Cheeky – For co-chairing the decorating committee with Sarah, for handling all the awards, and MCing the awards show. (And several other things I am forgetting right now. Cheeky REALLY stepped up.)

Sarah – For co-chairing the decorating committee with Cheeky, for handling all the awards, and for dealing with JW’s incessant messages about how she needed to help a certain person finalize her outfit.

Tim K. – Craig had planned to DJ but was unable to, due to an illness in the family. Tim stepped in at the last minute and absolutely KILLED it. Hit after 80s hit, he kept us moving all night long (all night).

photo credit: Tia

Liza – For helping to pick out the (awesome) music in advance, for arranging for Peaches to do the photobooth, and for bringing awesome 80s DVDs to play on the screens. (Does this count as Charlotte having finally seen The Goonies??)

Peaches – For putting together the pièce de résistance, the photobooth. (I feel like we should have one every week at BTSH.)

Alex F. – For securing the venue, doing the prom lottery, and managing to restrain himself from gambling on anything for an entire evening.

Tia – For running around collecting all the balloons in advance, showing up early to the venue to help decorate (when all of the rest of us were late), and for feeding Tim K. some CHOICE 80s requests to play.

Klion – For running the budget. Side note: I can’t even imagine the FOMO she must have.

A special shoutout to the milliennials: I know we’ve had our differences (haha), but I have to give credit where credit is due. You were on the prom committee, you helped decorate, you all showed up and danced the night away, you knew all (ok, most of) the songs, you helped make the night what it was and what it was supposed to be: 80s as fuck. (Sorry, Cheeks, but I refuse to type “af”.)  I was incredibly impressed.  Big ups to the next generation of BTSHers.

Last, but not least, the entire prom committee, the entire decorating committee (and everyone who helped decorate on the night of), and anyone else I may have forgotten.

Thanks again to all of you listed above, you the made the night what it was: The best BTSH party ever.

(More photos to come…)

The 2017 regular season is in the books and we’re all set for teams to begin their quest for the PBR Cup!  Here are the final standings of the 2017 season and playoff seeding with opening round playoff match-ups.

Well, hold on for a minute.  Before we get to that let’s review each Division.

SOKO Division
Winner: Fresh Kills posted a ridiculous 50 goal differential by only allowing 19(!) goals all season long.  Their historical season has earned them the No. 1 overall seed in the playoffs.
Loser: Fuzz may be moving down a division next year, but right now they are one of the hottest teams in the league and an even hotter playoff sleeper pick.  (#dontsleeponfuzz)

CMB Division
Winner: Butchers stumbled out of the gate this season but eventually found their footing that lead to an impressive winning streak.  While they might not be looking forward to ascending next season, no team is looking forward to facing them this season.
Regulating: Denim Demons may have ended up as last year’s Hookers, but we’ve got a feeling that a change of scenery in 2018 will do them just as much good as this year’s Hookers.

KATZ Division
Winner: Corlears Hookers made a return to being a league powerhouse and added a division crown to an already crowded trophy case.  How’d they do it?  By restocking (cough, poaching, cough) on talent before the season.
Consigning: Mega Touch couldn’t be more delighted about returning their rightful place next year. And after suffering through 2017 we can understand why.

MICHALIGA Division
Winner: Poutine Machine isn’t exactly the prettiest team doing it, but they get the job done nonetheless.  After spending two years rebuilding their squad they exploded this season by earning 24 points with only two OTLs.
Searching: Dark Rainbows didn’t have the historical season they envisioned, but they fought valiantly in every contest.  Unfortunately, someone has to finish with lowest point total each year and this year it is them keeping the seat warm for Math.

2017 Playoff Seeding

1. Fresh Kills (35 pts – division winner)
2. Rehabs (28 pts)
3. Corlears Hookers (27 pts – division winner)
4. Filthier (27 pts)
5. Cobra Kai (26 pts)
6. Gremlins (26 pts)
7. Poutine Machine (24 pts – division winner)
8. LBS, Inc. (24 pts)
9. What The Puck (21 pts)
10. Butchers (21 pts – division winner)
11. Fuzz (20 pts)
12. Mathematics (19 pts)
13. Sky Fighters (18 pts)
14. Gouging Anklebiters (17 pts)
15. Gut Rot (17 pts)
16. Instant Karma (11 pts)
17. Denim Demons (10 pts)
18. Tompkins Square Riots (9 pts)
19. Mega Touch (8 pts)
20. Dark Rainbows (1 pt)

And the Opening Round match-ups are..

Playoff Opening Round Match-ups
20. Dark Rainbows at 13. Sky Fighters – 12:30 pm on EAST
19. Mega Touch at 14. Gouging Anklebiters – 12:30 pm on WEST
18. Tompkins Square Riots at 15. Gut Rot – 4:30 pm on EAST
17. Denim Demons at 16. Instant Karma – 4:30 pm on WEST

End of Season Overreactions and Playoff Predictions
We’ve had a wild up and down season and it wouldn’t be proper to end this post without doing a little playoff predicting.  So here.  We.  Go!

Opening Round
(Fight!)

20. Dark Rainbows at 13. Sky Fighters
Prediction: A surprising nail bitter that makes Olivier and his Fighters sweat a little more than usual, but eventually pull they away in the end, 6-2.

19. Mega Touch at 14. Gouging Anklebiters
Prediction: A rematch of last year’s playoffs that goes to another shootout with the Biters victorious again, 2-1.

18. Tompkins Square Riots at 15. Gut Rot
Prediction: UPSET!  Frost, Suz and GDR defeat their divisional nemesis and give us the first upset of the playoffs, 4-3.  In unrelated news, Rotters spotted at a bar.

17. Denim Demons at 16. Instant Karma
Prediction: Two teams that will be seeing quite a bit of each next season deliver a memorable performance with Karma eventually winning in OT, 4-3.

Sweet 16!
(Pour some sugar on this, baby.)

18. Tompkins Square Riots at 1. Fresh Kills
Prediction: Closer than most people think with Fresh Kills moving on, 9-0. 

16. Instant Karma at 2. Rehabs
Prediction: Who does No. 2 work for?!  Apparently Karma as the Rehabs knock them out of the playoffs for the second time in three years, 5-2.

14. Gouging Anklebieters at 3. Corlears Hookers
Prediction: No team has more OTLs over the past couple of seasons than the Biters and they’ll drop this contest in OT too, 4-3.

13. Sky Fighters at 4. Filthier
Prediction: Don’t sleep on the Fighters in the playoffs as they’ve made it to the Frozen Four two years in a row, but Filthy won the title one of those years and win this one, 6-4.

12. Mathematics at 5. Cobra Kai
Prediction: Math was our playoff darkhorse pick last year and we’re making the same mistake this year.  Evil dojo do work, 5-2.

11. Fuzz at 6. Gremlins
Prediction: Congrats on a great year Gremmies!  As a reward you get a hotter-than-your-momma Fuzz.  Former Demons on Fuzz get revenge for the 2015 early playoff exit by winning 5-3.

10. Butchers at 7. Poutine Machine
Prediction: Despite the success they had this season Poutine’s playoff woes continue as they fall in this one, 4-2.

9. What The Puck at 8. LBS, Inc.
Prediction: Pucks are probably a couple spots too high and the LBS a couple too low.  Doesn’t matter.  LBS handles the Orange Crush with ease, 6-1.

Quarterfinals
(Getting closer…)

11. Fuzz at 1. Fresh Kills
Prediction: The team that wins this game will make it to the Finals and we’re going with Fresh Kills, 4-2.

10. Butchers at 2. Rehabs
Prediction: The reigning champs might be the stronger team on defense, but Butchers have better all-around chemistry as they upset the ‘Habs, 3-1.

8. LBS, Inc. at 4. Filthier
Prediction: Rematch of last year’s quarterfinal with Filthy avenging their loss, 3-2.

5. Cobra Kai at 3. Corlears Hookers
Prediction: From a fan’s perspective we are just giddy with the possibility of these two meeting again.  If so, we like Cobra Kai having the last laugh, 3-2.

Semifinals
(The Frozen Four of BTSH.)

10. Butchers at 1. Fresh Kills
Prediction: If Creamy is in town the Butchers only lose by 3.  If he is out of town they lose by 1.  Despite his status Fresh Kills moves on, 5-2.

5. Cobra Kai at 4. Filthier
Prediction: Filthy controls possession for most of the game, but an early gaffe by JJ that leads to an LJ score ends up being costly.  Campbell makes his case for ROY by playing out of his mind and leads CK to a 1-0 victory.

Championship Game
(All about the Cup!)

5. Cobra Kai at 1. Fresh Kills
Prediction: Earlier in the season when these two met it produced an instant classic.  A clean, fast-paced game that had CK pushing FK to brink of a regulation loss.  At first glance we thought it was a wake-up call for Soko’s gang and a confidence builder for team Rachels, but upon further review we’ve concluded that it was for real.  And the Championship Game will produce an even better contest with our first Finals OT and Fresh Kills accomplishing what this season was all about to them: winning the BTSH PBR Cup.

2017 BTSH Champs!

THIRD STAR
Spirit of the Tournament
by Isaac & JW

Team Boatsex doing team shotguns.

Did anyone witness that Team Boatsex show of unity by shot-gunning beers before one of their games?  That is what the day (and league) was all about.  Playing a laid back, low-key style of hockey while meeting new people and having fun doing it.  To understand that then look no further than Scotty K (more on him later), who was hyping up teams with his pre-game rants and providing helpful in-game commentary by instructing his teammates.  Big-ups to all who came out for some Sunday fun and contributed to making it a fantastic time.  The tournament was great…because of you.

(insert caption here)

And to everyone, such as myself, who needed the assistance of additional advil, a greasy breakfast, trenta iced coffee, or possibly even a walker to arrive at work on Monday morning, we salute you.

SECOND STAR
Justin M.
by the BTSH Media

This is Justin.

When it came time for him to draft his team, Justin did so with his heart, rather than with his head. Choosing people that he felt embodied everything that is great about BTSH over people that had a better chance of winning him the tourney, he went down the line, pick after pick, assembling a fun and spirited squad. As if this weren’t commendable enough, he also helped organize the tournament, reffed multiple games, AND when the garbage was all piled up at the end of the day with no bags…he went and bought garbage bags and handled all of it. And I mean HANDLED – rumor has it that his hands still smell like stale beer and rotten banana peels.

Justin, for getting what this tournament was all about (and what BTSH is all about) we here at the BTSH media award you 2nd star of the week.

FIRST STAR
Tournament Organizers
by Isaac

Tournament Organizers and Rich.

Enormous round of applause to all of the organizers (not named Rich) of the tournament!  They saw an opportunity to take advantage of one of our unneeded rain dates to create an event and turned it into one of the best ones we’ve ever had.  A lot work went into making the day a success.  The planning through hundreds of emails (some of them lengthy debates), creating multiple schedules with a point system, organizing conference calls, reaching out for volunteer refs (like Sam and Hicks who couldn’t play but helped out anyways), and coordinating efforts from open to close has earned them their rightful place as the First Stars of the Tournament.  Thank you!

And a special thanks to those that pitched in by arriving early to set up the courts and staying late to clean up the heaps of rubbish.  Beers to all of you

Honorable mentions:
by JW

Isaac, Rebel Scum – Isaac was miraculously able to get team shirts made in 2 days (?!). Much to the delight of his team he showed up to the courts with a brand new (and awesome) Rebel Scum jersey for each of his teammates. The rest of us were all suitably impressed, and jealous.

Scott K, Fire Starters – We all know Scott is a loud and enthusiastic guy (and we all love him for it)…..but he took it to another level for this tournament. I can’t think of 5 minutes during the day that I didn’t hear his voice at an incredible decibel level, from wherever I was in Tompkins. Whenever I saw him he was jumping up and down, pumping up his team, giving encouragement, and generally personifying what the tournament was supposed to be all about – fun.

My favorite part of reffing his team’s semifinal game was his coaching (see: yelling) to Jamie throughout THE ENTIRE GAME, ‘Jamie, get back!”, “Jamie, cover (insert the name of every player from the other team)!”, “Jamie, don’t let Ariel shoot on his forehand!!”.   Jamie was laughing about this the whole time, as was I.

Scott, your usual level is already an 11, thank you for bringing it up to a 12 for us on Sunday.

Team KamiKazin (by Hatr Steak) – the favorite heading into the tournament made short work of teams and earned the No. 1 overall playoff seed.  With an assist from the setting sun (and one of the refs) they won the 1st Annual JW yadda-yadda-yadda and took home the Care Bear Cup.