Dispatches From The Bylaws Committee
August 10th, 2017by Anonymous Bylaws Committee Member
The Bylaws Committee has been working in conjunction with the Board to form a new corporate and general structure for this league to run as efficiently as possible. Our last meeting was on July 25 and was open to the public. We had representatives from about half the league attend and covered a wide range of issues concerning how everything is run.
One of the main goals of the committee and the Board is to structure the league in the most efficient manner possible, both legally and internally. We are a non-profit and our insurance has been upped to cover the league in a worst-case scenario (this does NOT mean you should start hacking / slashing / throwing each other into fences on Sundays…but your hacking / slashing / fence violence is at least unlikely to destroy the league). Interim committees have been created on several fronts to keep everything functioning during the season. The Board is overseeing this transition process and is comprised of five members. By rule, none of them are allowed to sit on any other committees or hold any paid positions for the entirety of their tenure. The bylaws committee is working on sorting out how future boards will be elected and how their terms will be structured.
The social committee has held several recent events that you may or may not remember (even those of you who attended may mysteriously have no memory of said events). The All-Star Game was a lot of fun (great work Ben) and the Olympics were as debaucherous as ever. The committee is officially made up of seven members. All members received a $150 stipend but opted to put that money back towards league booze so make sure to give them a hug when you see them. In the coming weeks, watch for more Sunday events both on the court and at the league bar of the week (the social committee has been rotating the bar of choice during the season to give new places a shot and mix it up so we’re not always at the same dimly lit spot every Sunday). There is also the first ever BTSH Prom, tentatively scheduled for September 23, and an end-of-season party / awards ceremony immediately following the championship game. Any questions or suggestions – ask Diana Marko, who is heading up the social committee, or any of the other six members (Ben, Alex, Rachel, Worky, Tracy and Lisa) when you see them. Make sure to buy them a drink first though.
The media committee, which you can assume is working smoothly if you are reading this very post, is headed up by Isaac and keeps this website running and all of you from actually doing work while at the office. If you have any suggestions or pitches for articles email BTSH.Media@gmail.com. We are currently looking for volunteers for community outreach; this is important because when we ask for permits, sponsorship, etc we must show that we give back to the community if the city is going to let us continue to play in / monopolize the park for six hours every Sunday. Please contact Jenn P if interested. Game day operations are being run by our new League Manager / Sultan, Rich G, and thus far no one has died on his watch which is a great sign.
In. the near future the website will be updated to keep you apprised of most developments. There will be a section devoted to monthly newsletter, minutes from our bylaws meetings, minutes from captains meetings (dirty jokes will likely not be transcribed) and possibly even a league history page that is actually kept updated and added to periodically. We are also hoping to implement a back-end system that will make it easier for captains to keep track of league business. All of this will help improve transparency as we continue to restructure the internal workings of BTSH. As Suz remarked in our meeting, “the main goal of this committee is to sort out what this league is and what it is going to become in the coming years.’ It’s a very exciting process and although only committee members are able to vote on committee matters, meetings are open to the BTSH public We invite all of you to attend, get involved and offer input/feedback on the future of this crazy league. Our next meeting is tentatively scheduled for mid/late November; your captains will receive all pertinent info and forward your way once we’ve set a date.
I hope the four people who read this entire update thoroughly enjoyed themselves (unlikely), and we look forward to seeing and beating you on the courts this Sunday (not literally…unless you’re into that sort of thing.)
Regards,
Anonymous Bylaws Committee Member
Three Stars of Week 15
August 9th, 2017
Third Star
Shutouts by Steven from the FA List and Scott from What The Puck
by Isaac
Earning a shutout for your team is about as close as it comes for a goalie winding up on the score sheet. Steven and Scott both posted a goose egg for their opponents that ensured their team victory and two points in the tight Michaliga division race. Not to take anything away from these goalies’ performances, but the defenders in front of them deserve some of this credit too. (Except Becca. Definitely not her.)
Second Star
Christina L (aka BONECRUSHER) from Poutine Machine
by Hornswoggle
Finally rewarded for always being in scoring position.
BTSH’s league sweetheart tallied her first-ever goal against a very confused Hookers netminder Longwell, who although won the war with his Grimace™-colored sidemen, lost one of the smaller battles by absent-mindedly allowing a simple deflection from an inbound pass. Blame the rest of the Hookers, too, on that line for thinking Christina was a weak link… she wasn’t. The rest of us Poutiners were.
From Thursday scrimmages to being part of Drunk Poutine last year at Ocean City last year (and this year), Christina has shown the utmost dedication and tenacity on the court, while being super approachable off it. To prove that tenacity exists in her, she still is pressing our teammate Nic over an outstanding bet to run around one New York City block in nothing but tidy-whiteys, after he contended that she couldn’t consume an entire order of wings by herself. She consumed that and more… a total of eighteen (18!) wings within a two-hour span.
First Star
Will G from Cobra Kai
by Isaac
Scoring three goals in one game is a feat that only a dozen or so BTSHers have accomplished this season. Scoring three goals in one shift for a natural hat trick is nearly unheard of. Well, that is until Will did just that on Sunday against his opponent. When asked for a quote afterwards while lounging on the sidelines and basking in the admiration of his teammates he nonchalantly responded with, ‘yeah, it happened…’
Honorable mention:
John from Math scored a hat trick against one of the best teams in the league. If don’t already know the story of how he joined the team, ask him. (Hint, it involves a Norris.)
Week 15 Box Scores
August 8th, 2017| Rehabs |  |
3-1 |  |
Gouging Anklebiters | Final |
| Rehabs: Alex May (8), Kyle (3), Dan Burns (2) Gouging Anklebiters: Alex Derhohannesian (5) Goalie Win: Eric Ramirez (8) |
|||||
| Corlears Hookers |  |
3-1 |  |
Poutine Machine | Final |
| Corlears Hookers: Clark (1), Tiffany Hagge (5), Brian Cronauer (10) Poutine Machine: Christina Lee (1) Goalie Win: Kevin Longwell (7) |
|||||
| Fresh Kills |  |
8-2 |  |
Sky Fighters | Final |
| Fresh Kills: David Sokol (3), Sheena Wagaman (4), Andrew Starr x 2 (5), Frank Salituro x 3 (13), Gabe Chenard-Poirier (2) Sky Fighters: Michael Teytelbaum x 2 (23) Goalie Win: Patrick Barch (10) |
|||||
| Dark Rainbows |  |
2-8 |  |
Cobra Kai | Final |
| Dark Rainbows: Jason (1), Fallon Chen (1) Cobra Kai: Peter Gallina (8), Sebastian Asaro x 2 (2), Will Green x 3 (13), Rachel Iwanyszyn (1), Rachel Longley (3) Goalie Win: Campbell Weaver (12) |
|||||
| Fuzz |  |
5-1 |  |
Butchers | Final |
| Fuzz: Jeff Laniado (12), Miles Hilder (8), Alyssa Murrett (2), Rob Walsh x 2 (4) Butchers: Georgine Paulin (2) Goalie Win: Aaron Pagdon (7) |
|||||
| Tompkins Square Riots |  |
1-5 |  |
Gremlins | Final |
| Tompkins Square Riots: Evan S. (2) Gremlins: Tim (3), Jill Lambert (1), Erich Graham (13), Alex Rockoff x 2 (6) Goalie Win: Jamie Batuwantudawe (11) |
|||||
| Gut Rot |  |
4-0 |  |
Mega Touch | Final |
| Gut Rot: Len Guinto x 2 (6), Jeff Hendricks (3), Becca Cohen (2) Mega Touch: Goalie Win: Steve Friedman (via Free Agent) |
|||||
| Filthier |  |
6-4 |  |
Mathematics | Final |
| Filthier: Sunny Mehra x 3 (12), Ryan McLelland (1), James Pereira x 2 (17) Mathematics: Michelle Ulrich (1), Jon Meyer x 3 (9) Goalie Win: Tim Kayiatos (10) |
|||||
| Instant Karma |  |
0-2 |  |
What The Puck | Final |
| Instant Karma: What The Puck: Sam (1), Zac Hogg (16) Goalie Win: Scott Heese (1) |
|||||
| LBS Inc. |  |
4-1 |  |
Denim Demons | Final |
| LBS Inc.: Nick Rolf (2), Karsten Pichon (13), Scott Kaston (10), Alex Frey (1) Denim Demons: Azi Lavi (1) Goalie Win: Mike Zisser (6) |
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Sultan’s Message
August 5th, 2017
Part 2 of the Week 15 Previews
August 4th, 2017
There’s still time to register for Ocean City, Hockey Beach! (Postcard from last year.)
Tompkins Square Riots (W/W/L/OT/L; final 3 games: Cobra Kai, Sky Fighters, Dark Rainbows) at Gremlins (W/W/W/W/OT; final 3 games: Instant Karma, Rehabs, Mega Touch)
Tompkins West, 1530
by Jerome
In spite of missing tonight’s scrimmage at Robert Moses Playground (Yahoo! groups “hockeyscrimmage” if any of you are interested this summer), which Walker helps moderate, I’ve volunteered to write this part of the column because Isaac didn’t want to be bothered having to talk about his desire for Erich…’s stickhandling skills. Right-0.
We’re more than halfway through this long stretch of games, and the Gremmies have marked their territory in the Katz Division. A robust +23 differential with four different outfielders and Jamie in the top stats lists… it’s outstanding. But their fall to Cobra Kai last Sunday is a test of whether they can really close the division or not. Although the top 12 teams will likely have a bye week in the playoffs, none of them want to lose to a dark horse (remember the 2010 Elves—a #8 seed!). The Rehabs in W17 could be a struggle but this Sunday, they should start tying loose ends and get the division.
Future HOF-er Dave GDR has been resting in the laurels of having a conference named after him (as should I; in fact, I’ll probably keep writing this as long as I write a Riots preview). But inside, he’s been struggling with what could have been, including overtime losses to Gut Rot (W1) and “how the mighty have fallen” Fuzz (W13). While the real, palpable reprieve potentially lies in their last game of the season against the Rainbows, the hard 1-0 loss last week to Poutine says something about Riots’ character: play until the final whistle, which they surely will demonstrate against the Gremmies.
Prediction: The Riots will try to make this a statement game, as their last three won’t be a walk in the park. Laura and Suz will be committed to press the entire 50 minutes, and I’m sure they’ll transmit that to the team. A Gremmies goal early may deflate the Riots’ mentality, so in order to pull a win, Sharif and the entire defensive line will have to play beyond their zones. I think Gremmies will win, but not without Riots snatching a point from them.
Gut Rot at Mega Touch
by JW
The two most BTSH teams in the league face off Sunday in this funfest. Will they even bother to keep score, or will they just decide to scrimmage and drink together instead?
Each of these teams is coming off a loss, followed by a win. 2 weeks ago Mega mounted a big comeback against the mighty Sky Fighters (partially thanks to Roman’s own goal). They came this close….but didn’t quite make it. Last week they bested Instant Karma on a late goal by newbie Jeff B. While Mega only has 3 wins on the season, Julie Katz has recruited some new talent, so the end of the season may go very differently for our jorts-wearing compadres.
Effff, Glanzer is here.
Gut Rot had to face the lethal Rehabs 2 weeks ago. They lost 5-2, but BECCA SCORED A GOAL. Last week they took down the Dark Rainbows. Diane was not present for either of these games and honestly I have forgotten what she looks like at this point. Does she even play in the league anymore?
Keys to the game:
Oh, did I mention that Roman had an own goal in the Mega/Sky Fighters game?
Prediction: Alok scores 1, but Mega still falls to the jolly green Rotters 4-2.
Filthier (SO/W/W/W/L; final 3 games: Fresh Kills, Cobra Kai, Fuzz) at Mathematics (SO/L/SO/W/OT; final 3 games: LBS, Poutine Machine, Denim Demons)
Tompkins West, 1645
by Jerome
Seeing Suvin ride off into the sunset—perhaps literally, because he moved off to California and the sun indeed goes from west to east—probably has been bittersweet for the team, so much so that they fell to LBS, Inc. the previous week. Like the Riots, what follows the upcoming matchup will be an uphill battle. However, sitting at 20 points in the top division means they haven’t terribly suffered, and they’ve still got Ann, Dana, James, and Tim K. as veteran presences who know how to stand up to pressure.
Math has been a yo-yo this season, winning one or two here and then building a losing streak afterwards, and then back to winning or gaining a point. Methinks the best friend duo (ahem, not Rich and Derk) having been split has negatively affected them. To be fair, their last two regulation losses were against Fresh Kills (W9) and Fuzz (W11), so they might be stabilizing.
Prediction: Filthier dominates this game from start to finish. Justin will be regrettably late because his kid threw up in his glove, and the Norri will be slowly recovering from a midday brunch bender. Adela might make a cameo appearance, and Tim will probably sing Roma (non si discute, si ama) to mark the departure of not only Suvin, but Rome’s very own footballer son, Francesco Totti, to mark the full ending of the 2016-17 season, and the beginning of the 2017-18 season. Filthier crushes Math by three.
Instant Karma (OT/L/L/L/L; final 3 games: Gremlins, Fuzz, Gut Rot) at What the Puck (L/L/W/L/L; final 3 games: Gut Rot, Denim Demons, Poutine Machine)
Hockey Night in Tompkins [National Telecast], Tompkins East, 1800
by Jerome
Both teams have been really feeling the fatigue during this stretch of games, scrounging a point or two in their last five. In no stretch of the imagination have any of the games been a complete breakdown for them. But each team will want to put in the extra effort: Puck will be chasing Poutine for the division, and Karma will be fending off Mega to prevent regulation.
Don’t forget about Nicole and Al. They’ve been holding it down on O and D for Karma too.
Other than their defeat to Mega last week, Karma’s last five has been trying for them. One of their players departed for greener, presumably economically securer, pastures, and word on the street is that they’re in the market to find a netminder. 28-year old veteran Chadtrick will neither confirm nor deny such a claim. Isaac might just hop on a plane to La Liga headquarters in Madrid to convince brass to sell Neymar to Karma if the deal with FFP rule-breaker Paris Saint-Germain falls through.
At the moment, Captain Emily and her “captastic” comrades battle up-and-coming Ellery’s elites for second in the Justin W. Michaliga Division (nice ring to it, no?). Just because they lost thrice to three big teams in their last five, it doesn’t mean they’ve depleted themselves of time and energy to push through the season. Sorry in advance, Noah, but if I was on that team, one look at Cara Delev—er, I mean Aisling—is enough for me to put in 1000% on every shift. Achieve more Ws together, then meet me and Poutine on championship court! I hope that’s motivation for ya.
Prediction: Battle of the beards, or Battle of Is(zac). The league’s Hemsworth Jr. Jr. is privy on keeping things tidy in his own half; Zac definitely has the hands to turn the tidiness upside down. If this battle negates itself—and there is a possibility that it will—the focus is on the ladies of both teams: will Marisa and Susie dominate the court over Lisa and Nicole, or will the opposite happen? I think Karma will be riding high by the half, but Puck will come from behind and win by one. But Karma’s one-point lead will be retained as Mega will lose to Gut Rot.
LBS, Inc. (L/L/W/W/W; final 3 games: Mathematics, Mega Touch, Rehabs) at Denim Demons (L/L/L/L/L; final 3 games: Gouging Anklebiters, What the Puck, Mathematics)
Hockey Night in Tompkins [Regional Telecast], Tompkins West, 1800
by Jerome
Our ladies and gents in private school apparel triumphed over Fuzz, What the Puck, and Filthier in one fell swoop. Three weeks of summer went through too fast. Karsten and he who must not be named lead the pack, together making up half the team’s production (21/42), and their secondary scorers aren’t that bad, either (Jake, Mike R.). With the exception of the Rehabs, they face squads that—on paper—don’t threaten their chances at a high playoff spot.
In another division, the reconstructing Demons are trying to see the positives from what’s been a season that hasn’t been so great. Jenn and Adam are carefully selecting their players and, for the most part, they’ve been enjoying each other’s company, as this league encourages captains to make teams this way. The bright part in their schedule is that they’ve triumphed over the Anklebiters in W9, but they’ll have to stave the strikeforce that LBS brings on Sunday. Josh R., Zach, and Brian have contributed, but in this fixture, expect to see Tracy and Sara get some more shift time to properly cover points and areas that may be exploited.
Prediction: The heavy-hitters in white will be throwing roundhouses all game. To counter, the Demons will have to exercise a helluva lot of patience; shot blocking, blocking lanes, and hustling like it’s your last shift are all elements of keeping the opposition frustrated, especially when it’s a strong team like LBS. Meanwhile, los blancos will sneakily cash in a couple, and they might do to go home with two points.
