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There’s still time to register for Ocean City, Hockey Beach! (Postcard from last year.)

Tompkins Square Riots (W/W/L/OT/L; final 3 games: Cobra Kai, Sky Fighters, Dark Rainbows) at Gremlins (W/W/W/W/OT; final 3 games: Instant Karma, Rehabs, Mega Touch)
Tompkins West, 1530
by Jerome

In spite of missing tonight’s scrimmage at Robert Moses Playground (Yahoo! groups “hockeyscrimmage” if any of you are interested this summer), which Walker helps moderate, I’ve volunteered to write this part of the column because Isaac didn’t want to be bothered having to talk about his desire for Erich…’s stickhandling skills. Right-0.

We’re more than halfway through this long stretch of games, and the Gremmies have marked their territory in the Katz Division. A robust +23 differential with four different outfielders and Jamie in the top stats lists… it’s outstanding. But their fall to Cobra Kai last Sunday is a test of whether they can really close the division or not. Although the top 12 teams will likely have a bye week in the playoffs, none of them want to lose to a dark horse (remember the 2010 Elves—a #8 seed!). The Rehabs in W17 could be a struggle but this Sunday, they should start tying loose ends and get the division.

Future HOF-er Dave GDR has been resting in the laurels of having a conference named after him (as should I; in fact, I’ll probably keep writing this as long as I write a Riots preview). But inside, he’s been struggling with what could have been, including overtime losses to Gut Rot (W1) and “how the mighty have fallen” Fuzz (W13). While the real, palpable reprieve potentially lies in their last game of the season against the Rainbows, the hard 1-0 loss last week to Poutine says something about Riots’ character: play until the final whistle, which they surely will demonstrate against the Gremmies.

Prediction: The Riots will try to make this a statement game, as their last three won’t be a walk in the park. Laura and Suz will be committed to press the entire 50 minutes, and I’m sure they’ll transmit that to the team. A Gremmies goal early may deflate the Riots’ mentality, so in order to pull a win, Sharif and the entire defensive line will have to play beyond their zones. I think Gremmies will win, but not without Riots snatching a point from them.

Gut Rot at Mega Touch
by JW

The two most BTSH teams in the league face off Sunday in this funfest. Will they even bother to keep score, or will they just decide to scrimmage and drink together instead?

Each of these teams is coming off a loss, followed by a win. 2 weeks ago Mega mounted a big comeback against the mighty Sky Fighters (partially thanks to Roman’s own goal). They came this close….but didn’t quite make it. Last week they bested Instant Karma on a late goal by newbie Jeff B. While Mega only has 3 wins on the season, Julie Katz has recruited some new talent, so the end of the season may go very differently for our jorts-wearing compadres.

Effff, Glanzer is here.

Gut Rot had to face the lethal Rehabs 2 weeks ago. They lost 5-2, but BECCA SCORED A GOAL. Last week they took down the Dark Rainbows. Diane was not present for either of these games and honestly I have forgotten what she looks like at this point. Does she even play in the league anymore?

Keys to the game:

Oh, did I mention that Roman had an own goal in the Mega/Sky Fighters game?

Prediction: Alok scores 1, but Mega still falls to the jolly green Rotters 4-2.

Filthier (SO/W/W/W/L; final 3 games: Fresh Kills, Cobra Kai, Fuzz) at Mathematics (SO/L/SO/W/OT; final 3 games: LBS, Poutine Machine, Denim Demons)
Tompkins West, 1645
by Jerome

Seeing Suvin ride off into the sunset—perhaps literally, because he moved off to California and the sun indeed goes from west to east—probably has been bittersweet for the team, so much so that they fell to LBS, Inc. the previous week. Like the Riots, what follows the upcoming matchup will be an uphill battle. However, sitting at 20 points in the top division means they haven’t terribly suffered, and they’ve still got Ann, Dana, James, and Tim K. as veteran presences who know how to stand up to pressure.

Math has been a yo-yo this season, winning one or two here and then building a losing streak afterwards, and then back to winning or gaining a point. Methinks the best friend duo (ahem, not Rich and Derk) having been split has negatively affected them. To be fair, their last two regulation losses were against Fresh Kills (W9) and Fuzz (W11), so they might be stabilizing.

Prediction: Filthier dominates this game from start to finish. Justin will be regrettably late because his kid threw up in his glove, and the Norri will be slowly recovering from a midday brunch bender. Adela might make a cameo appearance, and Tim will probably sing Roma (non si discute, si ama) to mark the departure of not only Suvin, but Rome’s very own footballer son, Francesco Totti, to mark the full ending of the 2016-17 season, and the beginning of the 2017-18 season. Filthier crushes Math by three.

Instant Karma (OT/L/L/L/L; final 3 games: Gremlins, Fuzz, Gut Rot) at What the Puck (L/L/W/L/L; final 3 games: Gut Rot, Denim Demons, Poutine Machine)
Hockey Night in Tompkins [National Telecast], Tompkins East, 1800

by Jerome

Both teams have been really feeling the fatigue during this stretch of games, scrounging a point or two in their last five. In no stretch of the imagination have any of the games been a complete breakdown for them. But each team will want to put in the extra effort: Puck will be chasing Poutine for the division, and Karma will be fending off Mega to prevent regulation.

Don’t forget about Nicole and Al. They’ve been holding it down on O and D for Karma too.

Other than their defeat to Mega last week, Karma’s last five has been trying for them. One of their players departed for greener, presumably economically securer, pastures, and word on the street is that they’re in the market to find a netminder. 28-year old veteran Chadtrick will neither confirm nor deny such a claim. Isaac might just hop on a plane to La Liga headquarters in Madrid to convince brass to sell Neymar to Karma if the deal with FFP rule-breaker Paris Saint-Germain falls through.

At the moment, Captain Emily and her “captastic” comrades battle up-and-coming Ellery’s elites for second in the Justin W. Michaliga Division (nice ring to it, no?). Just because they lost thrice to three big teams in their last five, it doesn’t mean they’ve depleted themselves of time and energy to push through the season. Sorry in advance, Noah, but if I was on that team, one look at Cara Delev—er, I mean Aisling—is enough for me to put in 1000% on every shift. Achieve more Ws together, then meet me and Poutine on championship court! I hope that’s motivation for ya.

Prediction: Battle of the beards, or Battle of Is(zac). The league’s Hemsworth Jr. Jr. is privy on keeping things tidy in his own half; Zac definitely has the hands to turn the tidiness upside down. If this battle negates itself—and there is a possibility that it will—the focus is on the ladies of both teams: will Marisa and Susie dominate the court over Lisa and Nicole, or will the opposite happen? I think Karma will be riding high by the half, but Puck will come from behind and win by one. But Karma’s one-point lead will be retained as Mega will lose to Gut Rot.

LBS, Inc. (L/L/W/W/W; final 3 games: Mathematics, Mega Touch, Rehabs) at Denim Demons (L/L/L/L/L; final 3 games: Gouging Anklebiters, What the Puck, Mathematics)
Hockey Night in Tompkins [Regional Telecast], Tompkins West,  1800

by Jerome

Our ladies and gents in private school apparel triumphed over Fuzz, What the Puck, and Filthier in one fell swoop. Three weeks of summer went through too fast. Karsten and he who must not be named lead the pack, together making up half the team’s production (21/42), and their secondary scorers aren’t that bad, either (Jake, Mike R.). With the exception of the Rehabs, they face squads that—on paper—don’t threaten their chances at a high playoff spot.

In another division, the reconstructing Demons are trying to see the positives from what’s been a season that hasn’t been so great. Jenn and Adam are carefully selecting their players and, for the most part, they’ve been enjoying each other’s company, as this league encourages captains to make teams this way. The bright part in their schedule is that they’ve triumphed over the Anklebiters in W9, but they’ll have to stave the strikeforce that LBS brings on Sunday. Josh R., Zach, and Brian have contributed, but in this fixture, expect to see Tracy and Sara get some more shift time to properly cover points and areas that may be exploited.

Prediction: The heavy-hitters in white will be throwing roundhouses all game. To counter, the Demons will have to exercise a helluva lot of patience; shot blocking, blocking lanes, and hustling like it’s your last shift are all elements of keeping the opposition frustrated, especially when it’s a strong team like LBS. Meanwhile, los blancos will sneakily cash in a couple, and they might do to go home with two points.

Rehabs at Gouging Anklebiters
by Rachel G

Gouging Anklebiters 2017

The Biters FINALLY stopped their skid last week with a timely OT win against Math. Veteran/leader/spirit-animal Phil sank the game winner, restoring hope in their squad. Have they finished celebrating? Caroline drained that magnum of champagne? OK, well sober up kids, this won’t be an easy week. Will the Rehabs have Eric or Hector in net? Does it matter. Alex will keep scoring at will, Joey will dance around you, then offer you delicious Portuguese desserts. Cherie, Sena? Well, you know what they can do, because they play the whole damn game.

Prediction: Rehabs prevail 3-1.

Corlears Hookers at Poutine Machine
by Rachel G

Typically you don’t expect a super exciting game from a D3/D4 match-up, but I’ve got my eye on this one. These two teams have similar records and similar all-out playing style. Poutine sits comfortable atop their division, poised to move up(Jerome, I’m serious about that completely unauthorized swap). Don’t look now, but the Hookers are still in the running to clinch D3 and get back into D2. However, they’ve got some seriously tough competition to knock off. I know, I know…gender bias – but I’m super excited about the girls on both these teams, The Hookers have THREE women in the top 10 goal scoring list. They are going to face some serious competition this week from Jo-Ann and Charlotte.

Also BSA Alert and cue unnecessary Cro comment.

Prediction: we’ve got a feeling that Poutine takes this in OT.

Fresh Kills at Sky Fighters
by Rachel G

Sky Fighters 2017

Ugh Fresh Kills. Enough already! I am BORED of you and all your winning, but also really, really impressed when I watch you play. It’s also impossible to hate this team, they just play a nice clean game – a game that is better than yours. Also Sheena is my Olympic hero. That being said – who scores more goals than Mike T? Nobody. So maybe if the Sky fighters unleash Mike T and hope that James is in town and everybody wears Greg’s face again they will win?  Probably not though.

Prediction: Fresh Kills continues to roll 5-3.

Dark Rainbows at Cobra Kai
by Rachel G

The Rainbows are having a tough season, but they manage to do it with a smile. Overheard in their huddle, always optimistic Tia, “guys, we probably aren’t going to win this one, but lets just go out there and have fun!” and you know what? They do. Cobra Kai also appears to be having fun…having fun with all that winning. Pete even figured out how to score while Will Green complained about the stats being updated quickly enough.

Prediction: with Cat rampaging in Nashville this weekend her Rainbows fall to the evil dojo 5-1.

Fuzz at Butchers
by Isaac

Have you seen this women’s right glove? If so, call 1-888-555-4568.

These two teams could be trading places by seasons’ end with the Butchers ascending to the Soko division and Fuzz dropping to CMB division.  Not too surprising either.  With all the talent both of these teams have only one seems to be harnessing it properly.  BTSH will always be a community based beer league, but hockey has always been a team sport.

Prediction: the Sultan’s stumbles continue and Rachel walks away with not only the W, but also bragging rights 5-4.
(Sultan Edit): We may lose the game, but at least all our players will go home with our gloves.