Sultan’s Message for Week 14

July 27th, 2017

Hello BTSH Universe. It’s is I, your Sultan. Lots going on this week. The Demons is your opening team with the beautiful and talented Boylan opening up. Honorable Isaac will close along with Cobra Kai.

The Dojo will clean up Tompkins as good as the thugs cleaned up Vancouver after 2011.

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Week 14 Previews – Part One

July 27th, 2017

ATTENTION: if you have not done so already, please use this link to sign up for this Sunday’s Olympic events. Do you think you have what it takes to win the Hot Legs competition?  (Please note that Beer Pong is only for after the Olympics and will not be an event during the Olympics.)

LBS, Inc. at Filthier
by Isaac

Despite their divisional standing, the LBS have enjoyed success this season against their divisional foes. Going 4-2-0 with a convincing win already against Filthier. Luke, Liz and Karsten might grab all of the limelight, but sturdy players such as Alex and Sascha are the reason they’ve been competitive in every contest.

Alex and Sascha’s ability to carry the ball out the defensive zone keeps their opponents on their heels.

Heavy are the hearts of Filthier after playing an emotional contest last Sunday. Rumor has it they are planning on starting only four players and a lone mouth guard to honor their comrade who has ventured out west. Ann will need to rally James, Sunny and rest of Filthier by reminding what’s on the line – divisional points.

Prediction: Filthier digs deep and finds a way to extend their win streak to 10 by defeating their longtime divisional nemesis, 5-3.

Denim Demons at Butchers
by Isaac

Can’t remember a game in which the Demons had to wear any other color than red, but it looks like they’ll have to for this one. The Demons have had their share of difficulties this season and perhaps dusting off and donning their alternate jerseys could be a breath of fresh air. Josh has been missing in action lately and their rookie Brian has been quite lately. Get these two to show and the pair could provide dividends.

Don’t go tell’n the Butchers about early season difficulties. They may have stumbled out the gate going 1-4, but have gone 7-1 in their last 8 games. What might have looked like a return trip to the Katz Division now looks like it could be an ascension to the Soko Division. MDF has brought on her bro AFD (aka Tarzan) and secured the depth they need for a late season push.

Prediction: Demons get back on track by putting a couple biscuits in the basket, but Pete and Dana are too hot to handle. Butchers win 4-3.

Mathematics at Gouging Anklebiters
by Arya Stark

Losing streak? What losing streak? The Biters are doing alllllright. (Feel better, kiddo.)

In a matchup that could determine a lot about the CMB division, Math heads to Anklebiter Arena to face the Biters.  The last time these two teams met Math won and sent the Biters into a tailspin; they haven’t won since, a span of over two months.  Can they break the streak here?  A win would go a long way towards securing the division tiebreaker against the Demons while a loss would put them squarely in the relegation danger zone.  Math’s win over Karma last week broke a four game losing streak of their own (ok two were in OT and we do grant NHL-style loser points in this league), but they’re still tied with the Butchers for the division lead.  Will the cigarette/water break heard round the world inspire Math or will the Biters draw spiritual strength from the upcoming Beer Olympics?

Prediction: Beer wins and the Anklebiters triumph 4-3 in this week’s upset special.

Gut Rot at Dark Rainbows
by Isaac

Don’t expect a great showing in the first half by the Green Machine. It’s seriously a lot to ask of group of people who’ve barely made it back from the previous night’s walk of shame. The best we can hope for is caffeinated and upright. (Kellie and Morgen, the surly duo that are never remorseful, drew the short straws this week. They’ll probably make an appearance around 2:46 pm.)

Good things can happen when you crash the net.

The Rainbows have not only been bit the season by the injury bug, but apparently they have also developed a phobia of shooting the ball. To get over it all they have to do is pass hard towards the net while the other forwards crash it. Abby has been on the mend lately, but she may need to show up this Sunday and coach her mates back into true Rainbows form.

Prediction: the healing powers of coffee and bacon take effect in the second half for Gut Rot and they barely prevail in regulation, 3-2.

Tompkins Square Riots at Poutine Machine
by Isaac

What a statement game that the Riots played last Sunday against one of the more dangerous teams in the league. Their fast paced tempo and unrelenting hustle forced an OT that the league (and some Survivor Pool players) was hoping they’d win. Christina, David and Suz have stepped up their game lately and could give teams fits down the stretch of the season.

Making a statement game of their own were Poutine against the league’s premiere team. However, unlike the Riots who banded together, the Machine’s core leadership and leading scorer ran for hills and Charlotte brought in some ringers (that were poached by Soko right after the game, ugh). Tough to say if we can take Poutine seriously as contender when they acted like pretenders.

Prediction: the Riots bring some nasty and give Poutine a taste of their own medicine, but Jerome avenges his shootout miss by netting the OT winner, 3-2.

Three Stars of Week 13

July 26th, 2017

Third Star
Sam from Mathematics
by Probie

If you’re a younger sibling in a hockey family, chances are that you’ve had to strap on goalie pads and hop between the pipes at some point in your life. That experience came in handy for Sam Norris and the rest of Math this Sunday as they survived by a score of 6-5.

A mid water break cigarette break to try and shake the painful memories of taking hundreds of clappers from the Norris clan in the driveway.

Top scorer, winning goalie, ref manager and ref, league event planner and socialite, is there anything this guy can’t do? Sam Norris continues to embody the true spirit of BTSH, always having fun and never taking this league too seriously. I think we all can learn something from this future BTSH Hall of Famer

Second Star
RJ from Poutine Machine
by Isaac

Through the thick air and oppressive humidity RJ of Poutine withstood the barrage of shots from the juggernaut that Fresh Kills are.  Lasting regulation, overtime and then the shootout, he took FK to the brink of their first regular season loss by stopping 2 out of 3 shooters.  (Guess who scored to shootout winner, Ariel, who else?)  He’s new to the league, so perhaps no one told him a Division 4 team isn’t supposed to that to a Division 1 undefeated team.

Welcome to the league, RJ.

Afterwards, with only 15 seconds to hydrate and mentally shake off that game, he hoped in net for the desperate Butchers.  (I say desperate, because their goalie has been out with an injury and finding an available goalie each week has been a daunting task.  Get off their back!)  Standing tall and playing just as solid for 50+ minutes against the Gremlins the heat and humidity finally won the real battle (health) and he refunded some of the delicious goalie union approved water.

First Star
Suvin from Filthier / Filthy Gorgeous / BTSH

Best of luck out west.

by Adam R. ‘I hated playing against Suvin because he always made me look slow and bad at hockey. More than usual I mean…’

by Rich G. ‘The award for Best Duo was never based on hockey. If it was, Suvin and James would win it every year. They knew where each other were, better than a husband who paid a private investigator to follow his cheating wife around. Classy guy and please come back to knock off FK, the Rehabs, and Gut Rot in the Playoffs.’

by Dana K. ‘Here are my 4 favorite Suvin memories:’

  1. I will miss him yelling, “James, James, James!” through a mouthguard anytime James has the ball and Suvin DOES NOT HAVE THE BALL. James, he needs the ball RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.
  2. I once went to Suvin’s Halloween party and he was dressed up as Maverick from Top Gun and James was Goose and I asked Monica, “Whose idea do you think it was for them to dress as Goose and Maverick?” and she said, “Suvin’s. Because no one has ever said, “Let’s dress as Goose and Maverick for Halloween and I’ll be Goose.”
  3. When Suvin was on the Squirrels Monica Liza and I all used to call him Suvin the Magic Squirrel. Not because he was so good at hockey, but because he once ordered tatter tots at Iggy’s and they came to the table within 5 seconds. It was truly magic.
  4. Suvin once showed up to the first game of the season years ago with neon green shoe laces and pants with neon green piping to match our shirts, only to find that we had changed the color of the shirts. He looked sad and dejected, like a little kid who was told there was no more cake.

by Sunny ‘I’m losing my brown brother in crime (and shots on goal!).  Will definitely miss his patented backhand shot from the slot.  The San Fran league will be in for a nice surprise when he shows up!’

by Ann M. ‘Suvin, sad to see you go but I’m happy the day has finally come when I’m #1 in James’ eyes…oh wait, Sunny is still around right? All jokes aside, thank you for being an awesome friend and teammate these past few years. No one could ever fill your shoes.’

by James P. ’10 years ago I lost my brother Joseph (ex-Filthy Gorgeous) to the west coast.  Today I’m losing another.  Suv has been the greatest wingman of all time, as well as the best captain, teammate, and brother. When he shows up to games, everyone on the team gets better.  I have always fed off his determination, relentlessness to better himself, and his sense of the game.  While he goes on to represent BTSH/Mofo on the west coast and continues burying it top shelf, he will always be on the rink with us in spirit.  Toast to shots at Seacrets.’

from Suvin: ‘After 13 amazing seasons and one hard-earned (ok bought) championship my days as a regular BTSH’er have come to an end.  Hands down playing in this league has been the best experience of my time in NYC.   Growing up as a kid in Toronto, playing street hockey was a great equalizer – it didn’t matter where you were from, if you played hard and clean you could always join a game, have some fun and make new friends.  BTSH has been no different (well except the beers) where thanks to all of you for a couple of hours every Sunday I’ve gotten to be that same kid meeting some truly amazing people along the way, including of course my wingman (on and off the court) James the “Gentleman” Pereira.  Hopefully I’ll be back once in a while to join in for a (playoff) game – until then I’ll sorely miss the competition and camaraderie on Sundays at Tompkins but thanks for the great memories (and a capped front tooth) I’ll be fondly taking with me.’

Honorable mention:

Alex aka AFD aka Tarzan from Butchers
by Rachel G

Sometimes your little sister does awesome things, like introduce you to this amazing ball hockey league to help you waste your Sundays. Sometimes she does less awesome things, like let her pup eat the family Butchers pinny. Result: You look like Tarzan playing ball hockey on slick pavement. BTSH thanks MDF for her hand in creating this spectacle, and the butchers thank you both for bringing Danberg-Ficarelli-Ficarelli Danberg magic to the courts. Let’s not forget the toothless mouthguard, it adds an extra-special touch. Also…RIP righty.

Tarzan.

Week 13 Box Scores

July 25th, 2017
Gouging Anklebiters 1-5 Corlears Hookers Final
Biters.: Nick Gardella (2)
Hookers: Bill Ling (9), Sam (1), Lee (2), Brian Cronauer (7)
Goalie Win: Campbell Weaver via Cobra Kai
Rehabs 5-2 Gut Rot Final
Rehabs : Joey Batista (9), Mark (1), Sena Bell (1), Cherie Stewart x 2 (8)
Gut Rot: Becca C. (1), Tommy Cho (2)
Goalie Win: Eric Ramirez (6)
Poutine Machine 2-3 Fresh Kills Final (SO)
Poutine Machine: Conor (1), A.J. (1)
Fresh Kills: Gabe (1?), Nick (5)
Goalie Win: Patrick Barch (9)
Gremlins 4-1 Butchers Final
Gremlins: Tim x 2 (2), Cody Capps x 2 (12)
Butchers: David St-Jules (5)
Goalie Win: Jamie B. (10)
LBS, Inc. 5-2 What The Puck Final
LBS, Inc. : Scott K (9), Avery x 2 (3), Michael Roberts (5), Jason Bogdaneris (2)
What The Puck: John Capalbo x 2 (3)
Goalie Win: ?
Filthier 7-0 Dark Rainbows Final
Filthier: Ann Matthews (5), Suvin M. x 2 (9), James P. x 2 (15), Sunny (9), Becky Novick (1)
Dark Rainbows
Goalie Win: Tim K. (9)
Instant Karma 5-6 Mathematics Final
Instant Karma: Matt Stabel (2), Brianna Vernoia (3), Cory Vernoia x 2 (5), Al Liu (3)
Mathematics: Will x 3 (3), Justin P. (4), Bradley (1), John (1)
Goalie Win: David Liang (5)
Game Notes: Instant Karma used Walker despite having 5 guys.
Cobra Kai 4-0 Denim Demons Final
Cobra Kai: Liam Martens (11), Will Green (10), Rachel L (2), Tom L. (6)
Demons:
Goalie Win: Campbell W. (10)
Tompkins Sq Riots 3-4 Fuzz Final(OT)
Riots: Suz P  x 2 (3), Evan S. (1)
Fuzz : Brian Hicks (6), Rob Walsh (2), Gil (5), Alexa Taubman (1)
Goalie Win: Aaron Pagdon (6)
OT Goal: Hicks 
Sky Fighters 4-3 Mega Touch Final
Sky Fighters: Mike T. x 2 (21), Roman T. x 2 (3)
Mega : Julie K. (5), Jeff B. (2), Joe L. (3)
Goalie Win: James Stein (5)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BTSH OLYMPICS RETURNS

July 24th, 2017

Yep, you read the headline correctly.  The BTSH Olympics returns this Sunday, July 30th at the Parkside Lounge (E Houston and Attorney) starting around 7 pm.

The dirty, obscene and glorious evening comes back to you with all of your favorite competitions:

  • Hot Legs
  • Over the top Arm Wrestling
  • Flip Cup
  • Tecate Chug
  • Phallic Fluffer Eating Contest
  • Bar Napkin Love Poem
  • Two Girls, One Cup

Plus, there will be new devious challenges that have been hatched in the minds of BTSH’s brand-spanking new Social Committee.  Be prepared!

Phallic Fluffer Competition

What are they saying:

‘I went the the Olympics last year and ate hotdogs. The next year, I had a division named after me.’ – Justin M.

‘Last year, I ordered a pizza to Parkside during the BTSH Olympics. About a week later, I ordered from Seamless again, forgot to change the address and never got my food. I figured out later that it also went to Parkside,’ – Diana M.

‘Last year, I saw Craig’s junk. But I realize that doesn’t make this btsh social event different from any other.’ – Rachel K.

‘I made out with my wife for the first time after we both puked at the Olympics. Now we have a three year-old. Thanks Olympics!’ – Alex and Sascha

Not only is the evening filled with life-changing fun, it’s also dirt cheap.  How much will it all cost you?

  • Event beverages – FREE
  • Pizza – FREE
  • High Life bottles – $3
  • Tecate cans – $3
  • PBR draft – $3
  • Car bombs – $8

Coming soon is the event’s sexy new website with event signups.  (Not to worry Liz & Cheeky and Heather & Morgen, you’re already signed up for cup one.)

See you there!