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Lords & Ladies of BTSH;

Last call for Survivor Pool entries.  We’ll be accepting them up through the start of Sunday’s games.  Entry fee is $5 and can be paid on the courts via cold hard cash.  And if somehow your first pick loses before you have even paid your entry fee that day (a truly impressive failure on your part), yes you still owe $5.  Nice try.

Interested degenerates, email BTSHPool@gmail.com with your picks for the July 9 games or with any questions.  And remember – when it comes to survivor, there is no middle ground.

And now Part 2 of the Previews…

Fresh Kills (W/W/W/W/W) at Gouging Anklebiters (W/W/OT/L/L), Tompkins West, 1530
by Jerome

20 points out of 20 isn’t bad. I can say this nonchalantly because Dave the gaffer isn’t bragging about his undefeated side… at least not overtly. FK takes care of things on the court like it’s business, and comes home with a win like it’s another day at the office. Think of this team as Seal Team 6: each player has a role and is remarkably good at it, they achieve their mission in a matter of minutes, and they lay waste to the bodies across the Mediterranean. Okay, maybe not that last part. Like the very few interviews that were had with Seal Team 6, Fresh Kills remains modest about their victorious ways. Just look at Ariel’s reaction over what people thought of his shootout dangle(s).

What the…?!

The Anklebiters this year are, conversely, bragging. With Gut Rot seeking a new agenda of being forthcoming about seeking a record over .500, it means that the “funnest” team—which includes who can out-party and out-drink whom—is up for grabs. Schuie’s squad is just the team. Further reinforcing this is Probert’s reaction when a young lady on an opposing team pick-pocketed him after his fancy feet, dipsy-doodling. Nothing but smiles from the team’s scoring leader.

Prediction: With the weather perfect for ball hockey (which means water breaks will likely be for tactical purposes), I can see this match turn out to be an old-fashioned, pre-Tompkins, score-palooza. Classic Barch and iconoclast LaCombe will probably give in after Probie and Connor net a few for their teams, but they’ll realize that only one team will come out with two points after 50 minutes, so whoever realizes that first is privy on taking the game.

Who am I kidding? Fresh Kills by at least two by regulation’s end

Denim Demons at Rehabs
by Richiehero

It’s been a rough year for the Demons.  They are 3-7, in last place in the Ace Division and it loo…wait. WHY ARE OUR DIVISIONS NAMED AFTER BARS??!?!? Part of the rich history of BTSH is the divisions are named after BTSH legends. I want my fucking Katz Division back!

Anyways, the Demons are having a rough year. Hell they even lost to Fuzz and no one loses to Fuzz. But despite their poor record, they’ve only given up 9 more goals than goals scored, meaning they are in most every game. Zach has done a great job replacing BTSH HOFer Coach. Few teams position themselves better than them and despite their new annoying koombyya/zen attitude, they still hustle more than most. In other words, don’t look past them Rehabs.

But the Rehabs are on another level. Cherie and Amber just took silver in the worlds and Eric R. is quietly maybe the best goalie in the league not named Tim. Black Rob gives them veteran leadership when he shows which is needed because there is a rumor that Ramy is beta AF. I could never bash Sena but if I could, I’d say sometimes her follow through is higher than her knee. Is that allowed? We’ve changed the rules so much who knows at this point.

Prediction: The Demons led by Adam, Josh, Miles, Anshu and JR will give the Rehabs problems. Just kidding, JR will probably cowardly not show like she did last game. But the Demons team speed and great positioning is going to cause many Rehab turnovers. The Rehabs will be surprised by how good the Demons play and only win by 4. 6-2. Beer to anyone who pushes Welch lightly into a fence.

Butchers (W/W/W/W/W) at LBS, Inc. (SO/W/L/W/L), Tompkins West, 1645
by Jerome

Rachel’s tide made a mess (don’t do it, Justin!) with the Anklebiters in Week 10, leaving Probie and the rest goalless and worrying about having to face undefeated Fresh Kills this week. Perhaps Rachel threatened Arthur to the dog house if he didn’t tally one last week, especially where couples made up that match’s feature.

Not the PBR cup yet, Ben.

Our country club crew (with embroidered insignia) suffered a real blowout against (who else?) our still undefeated league leaders, but with seven consecutive weeks of hockey on tap, Karsten’s Kids could pick up where they left off and not try to be Richie’s Kids, who are just two points (and one regulation win) below them.

Prediction: Goal differential is close, so we’ll have to leave this to the defense and more importantly, the netminders. Did Ali and RK successfully recruit a goalie for the rest of their campaign? Will Tim B. stay large and guide his meat cleavers to another victory? I think not: the kid is looking to unleash his rage on Butcher’s D from being shut out last week, and it will be more than what Rosie and Creamy can put up for their own. Los blancos by two

Mega Touch (L/L/L/W/W) at Tompkins Square Riots (L/L/L/L/W), Tompkins East, 1800
by Jerome

Nearly identical in points and goal differential, both sides are looking to replicate what they did in Week 10. Although Riots’ game against What the Puck was more of a thriller, Mega Touch is no longer the failure it was before the season’s midpoint. Suffice it to say that Alok isn’t stressed out any longer because the Premier League season is over, so he’s finally been able to concentrate on a real sport. [/eyeroll]

While two points is probably the only incentive for any of these two teams to win on Sunday, I have the slightest feeling that neither of these teams wants them. Julie and Dave GDR are brilliant representatives of the squads, and they both want their teams to have fun, especially for this very late game. Hell, some people might be day drinking prior to the matchup, and that’s okay with everyone. However, at the end of the day, the Riots have to close up the court, so it must be their prerogative to end the hockey swiftly and smoothly in their favor.

Prediction: Vanck’s friend and TAR 29 partner, the articulate and breathtaking demi-goddess known as Ashton Theiss, will likely be in attendance, which means all the single (and perhaps taken, too) gentlemen will attempt to get on her good side through a lot of unsuccessful showboating, a lot of unnecessary shots—some of which are aimed at their own nets because they’re quite overwhelmed—and even some questionable water breaks so that the thirsty will try to get a word in. Like I wrote earlier, the Riots will want to snatch the two points promptly, and the razzle-dazzle from Sharif and Amy will do the trick. Riots by one. [Nota bene: Ashton will likely not be there. Calm down, everyone.

Gut Rot (W/L/L/SO/W) at Cobra Kai (L/W/L/W/L), Tompkins West, 1800
by Jerome

Both squads are picking up the pace at the right time. The Dojo brandishes two wins (one over the “Cro”okers) and the former Mexican Standoff franchise triumphed over me and my Poutiners last week. Although an entire division (literally, five teams) separates these two teams, the old adage, “It’s not the size of the dog in the fight; it’s the size of the fight in the dog” comes to mind.

GUT ROT, BITCHES!!!

Peaches’ posse gains more experience points while having fun and basking in the points it’s gained this season. Cobra Kai ties with the Gremmies, and retaining a good position for seeding starts with this mini campaign of seven consecutive games. Either team will want to be clamoring for more hockey, more goals, more opportunities, and ultimately, more points.

Prediction: Will and Liam could have a field day if Ed isn’t sharp enough. I would say that possession is key, but even more keynote is how the chances are distributed. Poutine had countless chances, but couldn’t put the final nails in the coffin, and Gut Rot struck gold where it mattered. Morgen and Gilligan will be in charge of finding the exploits in The Dojo’s defense, but it might be more difficult than expected. I pick The Dojo, victorious by three. Only because they have a win-loss pattern going on.