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Happy National Donut Day, BTSH!

Gut Rot at Sky Fighters, 2pm, West

How does Mia get this open every game?

Corlears Hookers (W/W/L/W/W) at LBS, Inc. (W/L/W/SO/W), Tompkins West, 1500

by Hornswoggle

Both teams arrive this week with something to prove, as they are in highly competitive divisions. While half the season hasn’t rolled through yet, it’s quite early to assert the idea that they are identical in certain aspects.

First thing’s first: last week, the Hookers suppressed the hype of Gut Rot’s popularity this season, winning 4-1 with a brace from Cro. Similarly, LBS also won, but against division rivals Fuzz, and not after a lengthy stoppage in the second half, which the refs took time to settle and restart. Scott ended up with a hat trick in that game and has 9 goals to his name.

As written above, these lineups are similar. Bill L. on the Hookers squares off well with Luke in terms of pace, and both are ridiculous with stickhandling. Kamen and Scott are quite offense-oriented, and although Scott has the edge in physicality, Kamen parries with agility.

However, the differences are enlightening: LBS have no females on the scoresheet; the Hookers have three. An even distribution of scoring gives the Hookers an advantage, as well as a focal point for them to limit possession on Scott and Karsten when they’re on the court, possibly through double coverage or keeping more skilled players on them. Having said that, the most critical difference is goaltending: the LBS still don’t have a committed goaltender and their wins come from free agents, though recent call Mike Z. could be an interest. Meanwhile, the Hookers have relied on Longwell, whose work ethic has risen and resulted in great dividends.

Prediction: That said, the Hookers may as well take this one if they play their cards right. It’ll likely be after regulation, and in a shootout. We’ll probably expect a degree of chippiness, but that’s the expectation when both sides are stacked and ready to play. Hopefully, they’ll all shake hands and go to Richie’s party afterw—oh, that was two weeks ago. My bad.

Fresh Kills (W/W/W/W/W) at Cobra Kai (W/W/W/L/W), Tompkins East, 1630

by Hornswoggle

At this critical juncture in the season where the temperature after this week rises dramatically because such is the catastrophic state of global warming—particularly inside the New York City area—it is quite a feat that Fresh Kills has remained undefeated in all aspects of the game. Even Filthier’s Tim sulks in resignation with this knowledge, after having given up an (ironically) filthy penalty shot winner to Ariel in Week 7.

#willyhero

The Dojo bounced back from a tough loss to the Anklebiters to coasting through Mega Touch 4-1 last week. Important in the campaign is consistent attendance, so with Memorial Day marking the unofficial start of 18,472,350 water breaks and jostling teams (even those not currently scheduled to play) for shade, a healthy showing for the company in urban camo is necessary.

Prediction: Expect Sheena, Gabe, Connor, and Ariel to provide significant contributions to the score sheet, with captain Dave (and his on and off knee) and Eugene to hold the back line. At times the defense will yield to the dipsy doodle, hard-shooting techniques from CK’s Will and Liam, but it’s the Kills’ offense that will ultimately suffocate The Dojo if it doesn’t dominate possession. Dave and the blues will be victorious by 3.

Instant Karma (L/W/W/L/L) at Filthier (L/W/L/W/SO), Tompkins West, 1630

by Jeromie-Romie-Rome

Approaching the midpoint of the season, Chadtrick’s Karma clan hasn’t yet stabilized a clean enough record to clear the bar of not having to play the play-in game (yes, I know, too early). Our evil monsters in yellow, spearheaded by helmet-wearing Walker himself, put an 8-3 spook on Karma in Week 7.

Meanwhile, Filthier’s 1-1- 1 record in their last three means a somewhat satisfactory 3 points of a possible 6, but the result is from facing two top tier—and very much in form—squads in the process. On paper, this upcoming matchup seems like the best remedy to make themselves much apparent as a top division member.

Even though Ann M may be the only Filthier personnel representing her team on the stats page, the league may see Sunny M and James P on the list soon. Karma should expect staunch defending from Lesser Hemsworth Jr. Jr., but word on the streets is that he’s a no-show because he’ll be engaging in talks with FC Barcelona manager Ernesto Valverde about a possible free transfer of fullback Rafinha to Instant Karma. With Isaac’s absence, it’s the team’s hope that Nicole C staunchly defends the Karma half while Cory V, Alfred L, and Lisa Heartbreaker contribute offensively, peppering shots at Filthier’s Tim K.

Prediction: Considering the forms of both teams, neither will have it easy. Lack of rhythm on the court (hockey-wise, and perhaps musically, too, due to the cacophony from punk rockers on the other side of Tompkins) will make this an awful affair, from which Filthy will be victorious by only one goal.

Mathematics at Dark Rainbows

by JW

The Rainbows and Math. Math and the Rainbows.  We all know quite a bit about how each of these team plays hockey. But how to they fare at…….swimming? Because that’s about all anyone is going to be doing at Tompkins Square Park this Sunday.

This one’s getting rained out, kids.

(Dear Math and the Rainbows: If we miraculously play Sunday, I will whip up a real preview for your 2 teams on the spot Sunday morning. Because I am just that good.)

If this guy doesn’t show up on Sunday, then JW will whip it out for you guys.

Ok, ok, out of love for these 2 teams and self-imposed guilt, I’ll write it now…

The Norris clan of Zach, Sam, Becky, Nathan, Bartholomew J. Norris, and Chester Copperpot Norris have continued the long tradition of Math being one of the most fun teams in the league. But, they’ve also added some talent.  Math are currently sitting pretty at the top of the Ace bar division (4-0 in their division!), and Chester Copperpot Norris has had nothing to do with that (no offense bud, but your family is way better at hockey than you are). Who HAS had something to do with that are whoever this new guy John is, and also Sarah H. locking down the D. Combined with all their skilled veterans, this team is now a well-oiled machine. They’ve been flying under the radar a bit this season, but nothing gets past this seasoned (read: weathered) old reporter. Math are a team to beat.

Meanwhile, the Rainbows are in a rebuilding year. They’ve embarked upon this rebuilding year the RIGHT way, the BTSH way. Tia and Josh are building camaraderie whilst showing the new Rainbows the ropes on the rink as well. Team BBQs, hanging after the game, team photo shoots, aquarobics classes together, morning bingo at the local senior citizens center (ok, so maybe I’m mistaken about some of the specific things they’re doing together, but the point is that they’re bonding). This all MIGHT not be enough to beat Math this week, but it is enough to win…….our respect.

Prediction: I say “might” not be enough to beat Math because much like the Jamie vs. Tia photo competition…..this one is going to be a lot closer than you think.  Tune in at 5:30 on the east rink to find out.

Fuzz at Gremlins

What’s going on with the Fuzz this year? All of the core pieces from last year’s dominant squad have returned, but the chemistry seems to be missing. Or are Alexa and Jeff that important? If they are absent again this week then steam will be shooting out of Richiepoothang’s ears before the end of the ref’s first beer.

Uh, who knew Cody is this good? (back-to-back hat tricks, ugh!) Captain Mills has been beaming with pride from finding this diamond in the Free Agent rough. (or was that Cathy or Buschie? I can’t keep up with this happy-go-lucky group) If he can make it to this week’s game then it’s game over for the Fuzz.

Prediction: the battle of the helmets between Walker and Jeff will come down to who wears it better. It’s Maire. Gremlins continue to roll, 5-3.

Gouging Anklebiters (L/W/W/W/W) at What the Puck? (W/W/OT/L/W), Tompkins East, 1300

by Hornswoggle

Two of the league’s decently vulgar sides will engage in a soiree that will erupt in physicality. Yes, the “1, 2, 3, F*ck” chants will be off the charts as the Orange Crush—note: not the Philadelphia Flyers—will be protesting with not their team name, but a smidge more offensive variant.

Crush’n delicious.

The Anklebiters weren’t biting Math’s ankles, but their own nails, having just edged Eli and company 4-3 in Week 7.  They join the Gremmies with a 4-game win streak, and with Worky second at the team’s helm with 5 goals, things are swell for GM Schuie and his crew.

WTP will face a comfortable schedule the next four weeks, but should they win this week against a team with a very enviable record, they could confidently bulldoze through low- to mid-table teams into the summer. Zac H notching a haul last game possibly marks the watershed for Puck’s offensive onslaught that veteran Corey “Chongo” W would be proud. Additionally, Mike D’s relentlessness to play both sides of the ball may just be a contributing factor to Puck’s +7 goal differential.

Prediction: Because Tim—or as Jo-Ann P would say, “Timmay”—will be rolling on grass in the Emerald Isle for the upcoming matchup (and he promised to pick up a fife for me btw), Craig will have to sit between the pipes. If it’s another goalie, the result potentially ends the Anklebiters’ win streak. Puck leads in goal differential, but it’s chemistry that will take the day. Phil and Caroline will lead the charge, Alex D. and Probert will finish. But Emily M will be steadfast and help the team keep its shape, with Puck devotee Fatou surreptitiously emptying out Anklebiters’ water bottles and replacing them with Everclear. Alas, the Anklebiters will keep the streak alive, just, with a two-goal difference, including an empty-netter in the late stages of the game.

Tompkins Square Riots at Butchers

by Izzy

I’ll admit I haven’t watched enough of the Riots this year to form an opinion of them.  But I do know that their forwards and defense don’t seem to be on the same page.  Overheard a couple weeks ago was a critique from one of the blueliners that ‘goals are scored by shooting on net.’  I couldn’t agree more and issue a challenge to Suz, Drew, Frost and fellow Riots to pepper Tim B with lots of hot fire.

On the other hand, I have watched quite a bit of the Butchers this year and in the past couple of games they’ve returned to last year’s form.  At this point I don’t think there are many in the league that can keep up with Dave.  That dude can maintain perfect possession of the ball while operating at top speed.

Prediction: (Big-Bank) Vanek (aka VL) accepts the challenge and also manages to pace Dave.  Catching the Butchers in a trap game I see the Riots pulling off an upset, 3-2.

Denim Demons at Poutine Machine

by Izzy

This game has the potential to awaken the sleeping nasty that was the Demons old identity.  Zach, JR and the Rosen that plays defense might have learned to play with a smile, but they still don’t take crap from anyone.  And they’ll need to bring that mindset to the courts on Sunday.  Just make sure Ruebens communicates with his teammates instead of the refs.

Reading’s 16-17 kit was the inspiration behind Poutine’s new jerseys.

Pesky Poutine (who could be considered the new old Demons of the league) have developed a propensity for getting underneath the skin of the opposing team.  Their pre-game ritual of ingesting Viagra and Red Bull transform them into an uncontrollable raging force that most prefer to avoid.  However, AJ usually prefers to go straight to the Four Loko or whatever it is that turns him into an detestable ogre for an hour (light’n up, bro).

Prediction: league sweetheart, Christina, works her magic to distract Sefi and create turnovers, but Josh blushes for nobody and the Demons squeak by 4-3.

Rehabs at Mega Touch 

by Richiehero

OK OK…you’re thinking I’m going to post this meme.  And I am.

He means Cheeky.

But if we break it down, maybe there’s a chance for Mega?  After all, the Rehabs aren’t perfect.  When Amber gets pressured in the defensive zone, she often resorts to lofting the ball high in the air.  After 3-4 penalties, maybe the ref tells her to sit 2 minutes?  Welch is terrified of fences and Alex is very good at fore-checking, passing and shooting, but since the Rehabs never have the ball in their own zone, his back-checking skills are yet to be determined.

Meanwhile, Lops and Yuri will be there for Mega!!! LOPS AND YURI JERRY, LOPS AND YURI!!!!

Prediction: Look at it this way. If the Patriots beat the terrible Redskins 7-0 no one would think the Skins played all that poorly.  Seriously Mega, look at it that way. But if you do win the game, then $25 of beers on me.