Recap of the PBR Cup Final
October 31st, 2016Congratulations to the Rehabs on their 2016 PBR Cup Championship! Our sideline reporter, Dana, has the scoop on the action from the day. This is her story.
2016 PBR Cup Champs!
It was a chilly day at Tompkins, we knew it was chilly because Rosie had broken out his Baja and appeared to be hiding inside it, like some kind of magical creature from The Hobbit. A motley group of playoff losers (i.e. everyone not on Rehabs or LBS, Inc.) lined the sidelines, ready for some action.
Not among those losers were Rachel Greene and Meredith Danberg-Ficarelli. Both of whom were stuck in traffic. I sent them the following texts during the game to keep them up to speed. This is an actually transcript of our texts. In cases where they names have been left out it is because I don’t know them.
Mdf: Dana, what’s the score?!
Me: 1-0 LBS!
Mdf: Go LBS!
Me: But Rehabs are dominating
MDF: NOOOO
Me: They just aren’t scoring. Emotions are running high. Water break. (was that a haiku??)
RG: In traffic, be there in 45.
Me: Rehbas just tried to score a goal with their body. It’s a goal but the guy is thrown out for running the goalie.
MDF: Running the goalie, I don’t even know what that is?
Me: It’s like, the guy is inside the whole net, and Tim is also in there… somewhere
RG: Ugh
Me: Tim might be hurt. Ok, he’s shaking it off, back in the net.
Sorry kid, but running over a goalie is two thumbs down.
Me: Holy crap, LBS just scored again and it was pretty. Cherie got it!
MDF: go LBS!!!!!
Me: Even Eric looks impressed.
Me: Oh god, Rehabs just scored again.
MDF: Who scored?
Me: Ryann.
RG: Mixed feelings on that, love her.
These boobs were made for walk’n.
Me: Worky just walked onto the court with Laura on his shoulders, Eli just told him to get the F off the courts. It was very authoritative. Despite the fact that he couldn’t stop smiling.
Me: One of the guys from LBS is wearing a Blink 182 tank top. This does not bode well.
MDF: DANA WHAT IS HAPPENEING?
RG: YES DANA WHAT IS HAPPENING?
Me: Everyone’s drinking. Oh, you mean in the game – it’s half time.
Me: The guy from Rehabs who tried to run over Tim is back.
Me: Now he’s limping off, I think he hurt his knee. Karma’s a bitch.
RG: Did you just Chadwick a bitch??
Champion.
Me: Oh no, stupid shorts scored.
Me: Bryan just called the sun vicious. The Rehabs are playing against both LBS and mother nature. AND THEY ARE WINNING.
MDF: F*cking traffic.
Me: omg, another Rehab just tried to score with their body. They forgot the ball this time. YOU CAN’T SCORE WITH JUST YOUR BODY REHBAS! You need the BAAAALLLL
MDF: What’s the score now, 4-2?
Me: Rehabs just cheered their own water break….
MDF: Uhh, what?
Me: the asshole chants have begun. Also, the heckle wall is screaming “heckle” which seems lazy to me? JSB thinks it’s post modern. I’m not sure I agree.
Me: Now Bryan is narrating things that are not happening, such as “It’s a goal!” (no one scored)
Meredith: Daaaannnaaaa what’s happening???
Me: Rehabs won.
RG: Let’s go drink.
Facing Backwards on 2016 – Part 1
October 28th, 2016Facing Backwards on 2016 is a short series by the media team in which we reflect on the season and what it meant to us. We hope you enjoy. Here’s Part 1.
Freedom Isn’t Free (But Free Agents Are)
by JW
So, when I asked Isaac how I could help out with the Facing Backwards piece for the website he suggested that I write a piece about new free agents added to the league this year, to show how cool new people get added when captains use the free agent list. I of course knew right away why he picked me for this portion of the article – because myself and some others went on a (umm….crusade?) this season to get people to use the free agent list, rather than borrowing players from other teams. Without further ado, let’s meet the new free-agent-turned-full-timers:
I’ll pick a team at random to start with, hmm, I dunno, let’s say………. The Gremlins.
The Gremlins
by JW
The Gremlins added 3 new people this season (it just occurred to me, that is certainly a team record for us). Since I love all 3 of them equally, I will profile them in chronological order of when they were added:
Cody C.
Marist Hockey baby! Big ups to Poughkeepsie, NY.
Continuing in the long tradition of cool and skilled BTSHers from The Sunshine State (Rox – this kid is a Lightning fan!) Cody was the first person we added, at the beginning of the season. He made his impact felt right away – he scored in his first game, and assisted me in that same game. Additionally, right away he fit in with the Gremlins ethos, and with almost the same immediacy……he broke his ankle and was out for the whole middle of the season. Sigh. However, he returned toward the end of the season and it was like he never missed a beat.
Alex R.
Go Sabres!!
My fellow upstate NY brethren. A couple of us met Alex at the preseason free agent scrimmage but unfortunately we didn’t have space for him right away. About a third of the way through the season we realized we had a spot, we contacted him and he was ready to go. I believe Alex scored in his first game as a Gremlin also, and he also fit right in with us right away, but his most triumphant moment came when he got stung by a bee during a game and kept playing, with the stinger in his arm the whole time. (This is hardcore, for BTSH, people.) In addition to being the most hardcore person in BTSH history, he is also a super cool and laid-back guy, and a skilled hockey player.
Marcella C.
So Canadian. So, SO Canadian.
This gal puts the “cool” in Coulson (wait, is that how you pronounce her last name? Crap, it is probably pronounced like “Moulson”, isn’t it? That really backfired.). I reached out to Marcella via the free agent list and she jumped right in, it was like she was born to be a Gremlin, and born to be a super fun new part of the league. She is also THE most Canadian of any Canadian in the league, as far as I can tell. I will leave what that means up to your interpretation.
Skilled, supportive, and fun, she is the type of teammate any team would welcome.
Wait, I am fairly sure she ALSO scored in her first game as a Gremlin?? Is it possible that I am the best talent scout in league history??
Well, one thing is for sure: With these 3, I am definitely the best coolness scout ever.
Cobra Kai
by Seb
Rachel I.
Rachel has been a great addition, always up for hanging out afterwards and team bonding. She runs her own fashion blog and is an awesome person. She even scored her first goal late in the year to wrap up her rookie season!
(Editor’s note: I can attest to Rachel’s awesomeness, AND I was playing in net for Kai and witnessed her score that goal!)
Dark Rainbows
by Abby
Dan S.
Not knowing how BTSH works (Let’s be honest, who does?), Dan showed up to the one of the last scrimmages of 2015 instead of the Open/Free Agent scrimmage of 2016. Suspecting (correctly) that we may lose a guy or two in the off-season, Tia Lendo “Calrissian” got his contact info and endorsed him solidly. He started with the Dark Rainbows this year and has been a fantastic addition to the team bringing strong defensive play, a positive outlook and sunny disposition, and lots of team spirit. Instantly dedicated to the Rainbows, he also brought on Emily Gregg — another excellent addition — mid-way through the season!
Mega Touch
by JW
Alex E. M.
He looks like such a good guy…….until you get to know him.
Mega used the free agent list to bring on this guy midway through the 2016 season, and he has been a disaster ever since. Consistently rude, crude and breaking Rule #1 whenever he gets the chance, I am surprised this fella even made it through half a season without being tossed out of the league. He NEVER agrees to ref, he does nothing for the league, and all he cares about is winning, winning, WINNING. Mega has a long, proud history of being one of the coolest teams in the league and this jerk has all but ruined that in 9 weeks. Let this be a cautionary tale to us all: The free agent list doesn’t ALWAYS yield cool new players.
Hall of Fame Class of 2015 – $h0wT!m3 of the Rehabs
October 27th, 2016by Richiehero
While the vast majority of us have played in many other sport leagues (including mens leagues) BTSH is where most of us call home now. We are more than a hockey league, we are a community, maybe even a family. I truly believe there isn’t a greater social league in the world than BTSH. And if you make the BTSH Hall of Fame, its typically not because you’re a great player (though that can help), but its because you’ve done great things for our little community. Like Bob W., coaching little kids, or Alex E.M. reffing every week or Altman murdering one of those skateboarders. So without further ado, the 2016 Hall of Fame Class!
OK…hold on, before we get to 2016, we have to finish off 2015. You see I wanted to do something special for the last person inducted in 2015, but he kept backing out of the video. So I never got the chance to induct him. But it is none other than $h0wT!m3.
$h0wT!m3 is probably the most recognizable player in BTSH history. For a long time he was the face that runs this place. While we all make jokes about his fake injuries and fake retirements, the guy has heart. I remember in 2010, we were sitting at a bar after a Zog game and he told me he didn’t take sports too seriously, until his Dad died, and then he realized, whenever you step on the field/court, you should always play with passion.
$h0wT!m3 hustles on offense and is a relentless forchecker. He’s a great general manager, as the Rehabs will be contenders for years now.
When it comes to helping out the league, $h0wT!m3 is always one of the first people to volunteer. Yeah, Tim Brown would argue he’s a little flaky, and that’s probably true, but whenever he told me he’d ref he would be there and take it seriously. He certainly wouldn’t ref a playoff game with a cigarette, beer and wearing Bartolo Colon’s underwear, that’s for sure.
$h0wT!m3 is not only great at hockey, but he also gave a great speech on one of the only 3 movies men are allowed to cry (Chill anti-Patriarchs, its just a joke).
I love $h0wT!m3, but not in the way that got him his six kids from 7 different mothers. There is no one I respect more in BTSH than you. You’re a great guy, an ok friend and a very deserving member of the 2015 Hall of Fame class!
Good luck in your title game vs. Filthy. I’m sure you’ll win.
Three Stars of Championship Sunday
October 26th, 2016
THIRD STAR
NYC Parks Department Staff
Thanks!
Upon arriving to the courts late Sunday morning a deflating discovery was made in the southeast corner of the East Court. Stacks and stacks and stacks of guardrails used the previous day for the annual Tompkins Square Halloween Dog Parade were piled up threatening to delay the start of the scrimmages. Reluctantly, I dragged my half-dead ass over to the spot to assess the workload, put down my backpack, opened the gate and began to move them one by one. After barely making a dent, the ladies of the Park Dept. came to the rescue by calling in reinforcements (motley crew that hangs on the benches) and had them moved in no time. Allowing the Gut Rot/Mathematics/Mega Touch/Instant Karma scrimmage to commence as scheduled. Thanks NYC Parks Department!
What is it about that corner? It seems to be our version of Waco, TX. Possessing just about anyone that ventures into it’s space to do strange things like smash bottles, disburse party favors, use it as an outhouse and sometimes a temporary storage space. Perhaps that’s why all refs avoid it like the plague (can you image the calls?).
SECOND STAR
Amber and Ryann of the REEEEHHHAAAABBBBSSSS
The Rehabs cycle through women like Johnny Rehab cycles through women. Early last week Welch and Showtime cast their weekly wide net to this year’s Lady Rehabs inquiring about their availability, ‘Come on, baby. Just give me one more Sunday. Xoxoxo – Johnny.’ With a role of their eyes and a shrug of their shoulders Amber and Ryann were the only two that answered his text. (To be fair, Sena was in Japan.) Both played back-to-back games without a sub and delivered championship worthy performances. Ryann swiftly handed out dimes with stealth and swagger on offense. And Amber put in Sena-esque defensive work by dishing out pain, jumping up in the play and shutting down the opposition’s offensive flow. Well done!
Somebody get Amber a Snickers! Ryann’s bruised leg is not a snack.
FIRST STAR
Diana and Sam, Hosts of the Awards Ceremony
Pre-award shots to calm those nerves.
These two were phenomenal on Sunday night. Delivering a crowd-pleasing performance that had something for everyone in attendance. There was comedy (Diana), drama (bumptious acceptance speeches), controversy (Longwell), tasteful nudity (Sam) and even horror (French Rich). It’s not easy to entertain you cynical bastards glorious people, whether it’s writing for the smoldering inferno that it is the BTSH website or getting up on stage in front of your peers. Being judged can be a scary thing but Diana and Sam fear no hecklers and were able to pull it off with the type of charm and charisma that have earned them the right to host next year. (Suckers!)
French Rich
But don’t just take my word for it:
‘Their witty banter and improvisation was thrilling. We can’t wait to come back next year!’ – Cat and Nicole.
Honorable Mentions:
Each BTSHer that threw on some goalie pads and jumped in the cage for scrimmages. Even that Herr brother who warmed up in Timmy’s gear. (Side note: it appears that the Herr’s are this generations’ Norris 2.0.)
The bartenders and staff at Parkside Lounge that tolerated our unruly behavior and kept feeding us more liquids despite it. (Thanks for handing out those drink tickets, Scoops!)
2016 BTSH Award Winners
October 25th, 2016Thank you to everyone that came out Sunday evening to cheer on the award nominees and celebrate the end of the 2016 season. Here are the winners:
The winners of the 2016 BTSH Awards.
BTSH Regular Season Scoring Champion (male)
Mike T., Sky Fighters
The game plan is simple: stop this guy.
BTSH Regular Season Scoring Champion (female)
Cherie S., LBS, Inc.
Yeah, these are Puffins. So what?
Best Duo
Diane and Zach from Love’s Eternal Glory
Chivalry is dead.
Rookie of the Year (male)
Jimmy from Butchers
“I can’t believe I got hooked/held/shoved/slashed by fuzz again.”
Rookie of the Year (female)
Charlotte from Poutine Machine
Poutine’s spinach.
Bob W. Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence (Captain of the Year)
Tommy from Gut Rot (BITCHES)
Gut Rot 2016
Best Defense (male)
Pat from Fresh Kills
Best Defense (female)
Tiffany from Corlears Hookers
Best Facebook Commenter
J. Perras from Mathematics
(insert caption here)
Minkus Award – for flamboyance and extraordinary feats in goaltending
Newman from The Free Agent List
How awesome a picture is this? Look at how happy we were for Newman when he got his shutout!!!
Wrong, its actually when the Rainbows hit the crossbar and we started hitting Newman. We don’t tolerate goals against Newmie.
Most Underrated (male)
Chuck from Gouging Anklebiters
Most Underrated (female)
Allison from Gremlins
Upset of the Year
Mega Touch winning the Hi-Fi Division
C Dubs Award for the player with the sweetest disposition
Isaac from Instant Karma
Rachel Greene Award for Snark, Style and Finesse
Diana from Gouging Anklebiters
Marko is PISSED she’s had to read this many words without one being “cheekbones”
Norris Trophy – Inaugural Award for Best Fake Family
Moore: Sarah, Emily, Amber and Pat
Bumptious Chump Award for the BTSHer that is self-assertive or proud to an irritating degree
Brian Cro from Corlears Hookers
Clavvy Award for long form submission of an article
Ophelia Bauls for Rehabs Article
Snubby Award – dedicated to a worthy player that was unintentionally snubbed
K. Longwell from Dark Rainbows
Congratulations to each of the winners!
