2016 BTSH Award Nominations
October 19th, 2016It’s here! The moment you BTSHers have been waiting for…
The 2016 BTSH Award Nominations!
The final nominations were not easy to agree on. The committee reviewed several minutes of video tape, fed stats into Derek and Eli’s simulator, took a couple shots and with one eye open were able pair their lists down from seven to five players for each category. And without further ado here they are.
Best Duo
- Vernoia family from Instant Karma
- Diane and Zach from Love’s Eternal Glory
- Ambiguous Straight Duo (Derek and Eli) from Mathematics
- Heather and Morgen from Gut Rot
- Jamie and Walker from Gremlins
Rookie of the Year (male)
- D. Perko from Gut Rot
- Mike from Poutine Machine
- Jimmy from Butchers
- Alex from Rehabs
- Seffi from Denim Demons
Rookie of the Year (female)
- Morgen from Gut Rot
- Alyssa from Fuzz
- Alexis from Sky Fighters
- Nicole from Instant Karma
- Charlotte from Poutine Machine
Bob W. Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence (Captain of the Year)
- Jo-Ann and Brian from Poutine Machine
- Ali from LBS, Inc.
- Julie from Mega Touch
- Tommy from Gut Rot (BITCHES)
- Olivier and Caroline from Sky Fighters
Best Defense (male)
- Liam from Cobra Kai
- Pat from Fresh Kills
- Sam from LBS, Inc.
- Zach from Mathematics
- JJ from Filthier
Best Defense (female)
- Coco from Gouging Anklebiters
- Steph from Mathematics
- Sena from Rehabs
- L-Mac from Tompkins Square Riots
- Tiffany from Corlears Hookers
Best Facebook Commenter
- J. Perras from Mathematics
- Bubblebath from Gouging Anklebiters
- Mike-D from What The Puck
- Abby from Dark Rainbows
- Hopper from In Memoriam
Minkus Award – for flamboyance and extraordinary feats in goaltending
- Jamie from Gremlins
- Nick from Cobra Kai
- Dave GDR from Tompkins Square Riots
- Newman from The Free Agent List
- Tim from Filthier
Most Underrated (male)
- Max from Mega Touch
- Mike from Butchers
- Drew and Joe from Tompkins Square Riots
- Chuck from Gouging Anklebiters
- Ilanis from Gremlins
Most Underrated (female)
- Susie from What The Puck
- Allison from Gremlins
- Scoops from Sky Fighters
- Tracy from Denim Demons
- Christina from Tompkins Square Riots
Upset of the Year
- Dark Rainbows shutting out Filthier
- Mega Touch winning the Hi-Fi Division
- Sky Fighters defeating Fuzz in the Quarterfinals
- Fuzz making the league actually upset
- Cheeky picking Mega Touch over Gremlins and Mathematics
C Dubs Award for the player with the sweetest disposition
- Tim from Butchers
- Christina from Poutine Machine
- Gilligan(s) from Gut Rot
- Isaac from Instant Karma
- Bernstein from Dark Rainbows
Rachel Greene Award for Snark, Style and Finesse
- Diana from Gouging Anklebiters
- Alexa from Fuzz
- Roxy from Mathematics
- Emily from What The Puck
- Tia from Dark Rainbows
Norris Trophy – Inaugural Award for Best Fake Family
- Stewart: Cherie and Isaac
- Moore: Sarah, Emily, Amber and Pat
- Dudelovich and Batuwantudawe: Mike and Jamie
- Green(e): Will and Rachel
Bumptious Chump Award for the BTSHer that is self-assertive or proud to an irritating degree
- All of Fuzz
- Brian Cro from Corlears Hookers
- Walker Ha from Gremlins
- Bill from Dark Rainbows
- Brian SA. from Poutine Machine
Clavvy Award for long form submission of an article
- Hornswoggle (Jerome) for Premier League Equivalent Article
- Ophelia Bauls for Rehabs Article
- Tia for Commish Article
- Byron Clavicle for Facing Backwards 1 (Clavicle)
- D. Perko for Stick Retrieval
Congratulations to each of the nominees. The winners will be announced LIVE during the end of season party at the Parkside Lounge this Sunday, October 23rd. The festivities kick-off around 6ish with plenty of drink specials to keep you believing everyone is beautiful. We’ll see you there!
Three Stars of the Quarterfinals
October 19th, 2016by Triple racH
Dear BTSH Readers: I sincerely apologize for the tardiness of this post. But when your 3 Fantasy Football teams go 0-3 (thanks for nothing Big Ben, Hopkins, and the rest of you jabronis) and your ‘BTSH Team That Isn’t Yours But Was Your Second Choice to Win the PBR Cup Because You’re Team Glanzer the Heroic (did i do it right? idk i’m just fangirl. that’s kewl, right?)’ Team gets knocked out after a heartbreaking playoff shootout against a sub goalie, you need to take some time to yourself before writing something as joyous as the 3 stars. It only took a few nights of crying myself to sleep, but I hung this poster over my bed and I think I’m finally through this dark time:
THIRD STAR
The Timmies
Both Tims played killer games this week in their match-up. Both teams had some insane chances, but Timmy and Timmy both goaltended their faces off and kept what could have been a 6-5 game to just a 2-1 nailbiter.
SECOND STAR
Craig’s Crotch
Before anyone else does, I’ll just point out that this is the second time I’ve written about Craig’s crotch on the BTSH blog (first being Olympics). That’s an alarming rate given how new I am to writing here, but then I think about how many times Derek and Eli must have written about Craig’s crotch over their many years (PAUSE), and I feel a little better. Craig was a true hero standing up for people everywhere when he snatched Brian “Croveruser of Cro puns” Cronauer’s Make America Great Again hat and rubbed it ALLLLL up in his junk. I guess an honorable mention goes to the wine bottle Cro was nursing over the day, which made him lose enough sense to put that hat RIGHT back on his head. The hat was in Craig’s crotch, and then the hat was on Brian’s head. So, by the transitive property, Cro’s head was in Craig’s crotch. Right, isn’t that how it works? Yeah, I went there.
FIRST STAR
LBS player who ghosted on his game with 5 minutes left
According to my sources, the LBS player seen running off the courts with 5 minutes left in his game (when the LBS were only up by 1 goal, even) was actually rushing to the hospital because his wife was in labor. On Sunday, I was the first to say “Wait…where is that guy going? Does he know the game didn’t end yet? He must not, because who leaves their playoff game with 5 minutes left?” But I’d like to publicly acknowledge I was wrong. Hero.
Honorable mention: the v*gina couch. Strong sideline move by whoever brought that.
Also, whoever made this:
Quarterfinal Box Scores
October 17th, 2016
| Fresh Kills |  |
5-3 |  |
Butchers | Final |
| Fresh Kills: Tom Rush x 2, Nick Scott, Gabe Chenard-Poirier x 2 Butchers: James Kinney, Georgine Paulin, Peter D’Angelo Goalie Win: Patrick Barch |
|||||
| LBS Inc. |  |
2-1 |  |
Filthier | Final |
| LBS Inc.: Luke Sellick x 2 Filthier: Shafiq Perry Goalie Win: Tim Brown |
|||||
| Gouging Anklebiters |  |
2-5 |  |
Rehabs | Final |
| Gouging Anklebiters: Joseph Polowczuk, Ben Probert Rehabs: Carlton Ruth, Alex May, Eric Ruben, Bradley Starr, Joey Batista Goalie Win: Eric Ramirez |
|||||
| Sky Fighters |  |
3-2 |  |
Fuzz | Final(SO) |
| Sky Fighters: Gregory Cohan, Michael Teytelbaum Fuzz: Jeff Laniado x 2 Shootout: Winner by Greg Infanti Goalie Win: Jordan Gerow (via What The Puck) |
|||||
BTSH Experts Predict the 2016-2017 NHL Season
October 12th, 2016The 2016-2017 NHL Season is kicking off today! And to get everyone fired up about it, we’ve assemble a vast panel of the most respected Hockey minds in our community to predict how the season will play out. They’ve analyzed all of the off-season moves, team’s training programs, player’s vacations and current relationship status to give a definitive answer. Here are their findings:
(Note: Byron Clavvicle sustained an injury prior to submitting his predictions. It is unclear at the moment if the unfortunate incident will impact his decision making on selecting the winner of the 2016 Clavvy Award.)
What team will win each division?
Clavvicle: 8
What team will be the surprise sleeper from each division?
Clavvicle: Bridgeport Sound Tigers
Which teams will make the playoffs from each division?
EASTERN CONFERENCE
Clavvicle: Gilgamesh
Clavvicle: Washington!
WESTERN CONFERENCE
Clavvicle: there is no western conference
Clavvicle:
Which teams will represent their conference in the finals and which one will win the Cup?
Clavvicle: Ak Bars Kazan
Which team will win the President’s Trophy for most points?
Clavvicle: Metallurg Magnetogorsk
Who will be MVP?
Hopper: Sidney Crosby, Pittsburgh Penguins
Eli: Jamie Benn, Dallas Stars
Sif: Alexander Ovechkin, Washington Capitals
Isaac: Carey Price, Montreal Canadiens
Clavvicle: Bob Boughner
Who will be ROY?
Hopper: Auston Matthews, Toronto Maple Leafs
Eli: Patrik Laine, Winnipeg Jets
Sif: Patrik Laine, Winnipeg Jets
Isaac: Auston Matthews, Toronto Maple Leafs
Clavvicle: ROY WILL BE ROY
Who will win the Selke Trophy?
Hopper: Who cares. Probably Toews or some shit.
Eli: Anze Kopitar, Los Angeles Kings
Sif: Anze Kopitar, Los Angeles Kings
Isaac: Nicklas Backstrom, Washington Capitals
Clavvicle: John Walker, obviously
Who will win the Norris Trophy?
Hopper: Erik Karlsson, Ottawa Senators
Eli: Erik Karlsson, Ottawa Senators
Sif: Shea Weber, Montreal Canadiens
Isaac: Brent Burns, San Jose Sharks
Clavvicle: Zach Norris
Who will be Coach of the Year?
Hopper: Guy Boucher, Ottawa Senators
Eli: Peter Laviolette, Nashville Predators
Sif: Barry Trotz, Washington Capitals
Isaac: Bruce Broudreau, Minnesota Wild
Clavvicle: Zoltan Istvan
Who will lead the league in points?
Hopper: Connor McDavid, Edmonton Oilers
Eli: Connor McDavid, Edmonton Oilers
Sif: Evgeny Kuznetsov, Washington Capitals
Isaac: Jamie Benn, Dallas Stars
Clavvicle: Eli Kazin
Who is most likely to be traded?
Hopper: Martin Hanzal, Arizona Coyotes (LOCK)
Eli: Ben Bishop, Tampa Bay Lightning
Sif: Marc-Andre Fleury, Pittsburgh Penguins
Isaac: Henrik Lunquist, New York Rangers
Clavvicle: 1. Eli Kazin. 2. Penguins to KHL.
Who will be involved in an off-ice scandal? And what will it be?
Hopper: 1. Patrick Kane and Evander Kane will literally blow up a hospital, Joker from Dark Knight style, and face zero consequences. 2. Montreal fires Michel Therrien then makes the playoffs with a different coach. 3. The first team to fire it’s coach will hire Ralph Krueger, the Team Europe guy (unless it’s Montreal. Maybe Islanders or Detroit?).
Sif: One of the lesser known Kardashians will start dating an NHL player on a team in the Western Conference. Leading to front office groans, fan disgust and protest, and an almost trade.
Isaac: During the All-Star break Phil Kessel will visit Hershey Park, PA for the first time, never to be heard from again…
Clavvicle: Donald Trump
Three Stars of the Rained out Quarterfinals
October 9th, 2016There were Rain Fears but fear not young BTSHers, that doesn’t mean we’re not doing the 3 Stars. Unfortunately, we still can’t upload new pictures (did Danielle only pay half the bill?) so we are going to have to go with the same pictures we always use.
Everyone’s favorite picture
