Caption Contest Hump Day Edition Winner
August 12th, 2016
“Always on the day I forget to apply my spray-on abs…” – Justin P
Week 16 Previews: Part Dos
August 12th, 2016Gut Rot at Cobra Kai
Last week Liam took the Riots over his knee in the second half and now it is the Rachels turn to go H.A.M. (Did anyone find his yellow shortis t-shirt that was accidentally left at the courts?) But Rob and Gut Rot still have a lot of farts left in them. They’re shaping up to be that team nobody wants to face in the playoff play-in game.
THIS JUST IN: Vegas has Gut Rot as the early favorites heading into BTSH Olympics (stay tuned for more).
Prediction: All the Rachels are winners and so is Cobra Kai by 5.
The return of Erich this Sunday will be a welcome sight for the Gremlins.
Butchers at Gremlins
Written by JW
The Butchers and the Gremlins tend to trade wins back and forth each time they play. As perennial divisional rivals, these two teams have always been pretty evenly matched. That is, until this season. Some heavy artillery acquired by the Butchers in the offseason + the Gremlins struggles this season = not the matchup this used to be. The Butchers are currently tied for 2nd place in the whole league while the Grems are 2nd to last. Earlier this season the Butchers routed the Grems 6-0 in a game that was even more dominant than the scoreboard showed. The Gremlins will have to pull out all the stops if they want a chance of winning this one.
Game prediction: Tied at 3-3 with 1 minute left in regulation Rachel and JW start bickering about some inane thing on the rink while play is still going on. Jamie starts cracking up laughing at their lame argument, which causes Arthur to easily be able to score from the point.
Butchers win, 4-3. That’s a big minus, J Dubs.
What The Puck at Gouging Anklebiters
The Pucks and Biters could potentially face each other again as soon as next Sunday in BTSH Olympics Final event. Both feature some of the most high functioning sauce consumers the league has ever known. And also have the stamina to sustain extra rounds on or off the courts.
Prediction: Jaime D’s performance last week was no fluke and the Pucks pull of an upset 4-3.
Tompkins Square Riots at Poutine Machine
Question: ‘If you could fight anyone, dead or alive, who would it be?’
Answer: ‘Abe Lincoln. Skinny dudes fight till they’re burger.’
At no point during a contest against either one of these teams can you relax your game.
No matter how hard you fight against the Riots they just keep getting up and coming back at you. They are the Jason Voorhees of BTSH. Run and ride all you like, but Suz and Drew are right behind you.
If there was a fitbit algorithm to calculate how much Jo-jo runs her mouth during a game she’d have earned the Explorer to Pluto badge by now. But we’re not here to talk about that. We’re here to highlight the thought and effort Poutine puts into each game. Regardless of the score or time remaining in the match Steve and Natalie always keep them believing that they’ve got a chance.
Prediction: Christina gets on the score sheet and Poutine evens the season series 3-1.
#Glanzersplaining
Filthier at Sky Fighters
When last these two squared off the website was down, it was June and there was hope that cock would be made great again. So much has changed since then…
The Sky Fighters are fresh off of 4-goal game from Mike (currently leading the league in scoring and scowls) and are out to prove that they belong in the East Village Tavern division. However if they want to do that others better start scoring. And if they would like to stay out of the BTSH doghouse they need to start using the FA list to find a goalie. (Tim Burke and Jamie in the same game? Who approved that?! For shame.)
Filthier doesn’t have that problem. They are oozing with talent, multiple lethal line combinations and a guy that just won’t get the f*ck up out of this country already.
Prediction: Scoops and Mia score for the Fighters, but Jess gets a hat trick. Filthy 6-2.
Week 16 Previews: Part Uno
August 11th, 2016
How many teams can you name in this photo?
Dark Rainbows at Fuzz
This one screams TRAP GAME for the Fuzz. With second place in their division all but locked up there’s not a whole lot to play for. (Well, maybe playoff seeding, but everyone’s playing for that.)
The Rainbows however do have a lot to play for. They are holding onto second place in the Hi-Fi diviosn by only 1 point and every game is a playoff game from here on out for them.
Prediction: Bill gets under Walsh’s skin and leads to an ejection, throwing the Fuzz out of rhythm and into the L column. Rainbows by 1 in regulation.
Instant Karma at Denim Demons
Good vs. Evil. Hi-Fi vs. Double Wide. The age old battle that all Hollywood movies are founded upon.
Too bad this weekend is a Jewish holiday, keeping most of the Demons at home or temple or cave. So Popack and Rubens lets make a deal: we’ll say Karma won 1-0 with the loan goal being scored by Zach in his own net. Sounds good? Sweet!
Prediction: Good triumphs over Evil by 1 and the league continues to use Hi-Fi for one more week until…
Mark you calendar: the BTSH Olympics return Sunday, August 21st at the Parkside Lounge!
Fresh Kills at Mathematics
Repeat of last season’s warm up for the playoffs. And this year is another perfect opportunity for both teams to gauge where they are now before heading down the stretch.
It would do Fresh Kills some good to rediscover that killer instinct that has made them so feared over the past six years. Without it the rest of the league will be licking the chops at a chance for payback.
Math has found their groove over the past month and the return of Eli should continue to provide an additional spark. It just doesn’t feel like Math without the ambiguously straight duo out there doing work together.
Prediction: Sarah and Steph carry over their heroics from last week and net 2 apiece for a Math win by 2.
Timmy likes where this is going, but Eli might not.
LBS, Inc. at Corlears Hookers
Jackie and her Hookers welcome their old divisional nemesis, the LBS, and couldn’t be catching them at a better time. The LBS have been stuck in a rut since being named first in the mid-season power rankings. They’ve fallen behind early in each contest due to lack of urgency and communication on defense. If they don’t regain their early season mojo it’ll be a purple parade.
Prediction: Timmy ‘Baby’ Brown, Luke and the LBS get back on track 4-1.
Mega Touch at Rehabs
Last year’s surprise team against this year’s ABOUT F*CKING TIME team. Mega Touch is the epitome of what makes BTSH the best f*cking league in America. And we’re pulling for them to win the PBR Cup this year (assuming the Butchers, Karma, Fuzz and Anklebiters are already out of the running).
Plus Cheekbones owes Alex EM more than a beer after using the photo of him caught in the moment of needing to make the decision of is it ‘like or love?’
Prediction: yeah, not likely. Welch and Ramy continue streaking (W10) by 1.
Caption Contest: Hump Day Edition
August 10th, 2016(insert caption here)
Meet The Commish!
August 9th, 2016Written by Tia Lendo
The original Commish.
No, not that one! This one:
Our BTSH Commissioner, Danielle Haselton.
Of course I’m talking about Danielle Haselton, the Commissioner of BTSH. We’re just over halfway through the season, and I realized that many of you may not yet know the new commissioner. I had the chance to get to know Danielle in December when she and I were both part of the Slayher ladies’ team that traveled to Feasterville for a tournament. Given that Danielle is a bit introverted I decided to write this article to help you get to know our fearless leader.
She really is quite introverted!
Danielle’s passion for hockey, organizational skills, and desire to bring people together for good-old-fashioned fun have made her a great commissioner. Since taking the helm of BTSH she’s increased communication with a regular email newsletter, gathered increased input on big decisions via captains and their teams, ensured the games start on time (thank you!), and created more opportunities for socializing- from throwing a cereal party at Hi-Fi to recruiting a great team that resurrected the All Star game. If you’ve seen her on the sidelines you may know that she is the proud owner of a pug named Doughnut.
Danielle’s beloved pug, Doughnut.
Those are some of my observations about Danielle, but I wanted to make sure I gave her the chance to speak for herself too. So I posed some burning questions to her.
What is the first sporting event you remember attending?
My first sporting event was a Dartmouth hockey game. I grew up near the campus.
When Danielle was growing up in New Hampshire (pic at top), her first sporting experience was watching hockey. She played in high school (pic in middle) and still plays ice hockey regularly in New York (pic at bottom).
What is your pet peeve?
People who get on the subway and don’t move to the center of the car. Don’t they know there are 20 people behind them trying to get on?!
What do people learn about you that they find surprising?
I’m half Asian. My mom’s side of the family is Chinese.
One of the first things you did as commissioner was oversee the voting on some rule changes. Where can people see the new, updated rules? Which rule had the biggest debate when you discussed them with the captains?
Here are the rules so that people can check them out. When I met with the captains before the season began the biggest debate was about the shootout rules.
You don’t do this all alone. Who are the other folks that work in the league and what are their roles?
Outgoing commissioner Tim has still been a huge help. Ashley has been an outstanding ref manager while Zach and Diane are the ref schedulers. Eli and Derek made the schedule. I’ve had lots of help from all of the captains, refs, and writers and it would be impossible to mention everyone. We are still seeking more guest writers, game coordinators, and a head of the disciplinary committee. Come join us!
You mentioned ex-commissioner Brown. You know, he has a side job working the penalty box at MSG. If you could have a side job working in sports, what would it be?
I’d hang medals around the Olympic winners’ necks. (Don’t worry, Karma. She won’t be going to Brasil this year so she’ll be here for your games.)
A rare photo of a meeting of the BTSH Illuminati. Three commissioners in one place!
Speaking of sports who’s going to win the Stanley Cup in 2017?
Go, Bruins!
More importantly, who’s going to win the Fairy Tale Cup?
Unicorns are dead. Elves are dead. The fairy tale is over folks. (Note from Tia: I was so disappointed that Danielle didn’t say “Rainbows” that I am now no longer talking to her.)
What question did I not ask you that you wish I had?
What’s my favorite ice cream flavor?
She REALLY loves ice cream.
But did she answer the question? No! So you’ll have to find her and ask her in person. Or just find her to say hello and thank you. Being the Commissioner is a huge job and I think you’d all agree that we don’t thank Danielle, and the other folks who help with BTSH, enough.
