The There Stars of Week 14
July 26th, 2016By Rachel
THIRD STAR
Chuck of the Biters
That’s him, to the RIGHT of Cheekbones.
This long time stalwart ankle-biter finally has his day of glory. We in the media are guilty of focusing too much on Phil’s epic Johnson’s Olympics, Princess Joe’s frequent injuries and Diana’s Cheekbones. But Chuck has been consistently grinding away for years and has one hell of a shot. Anyone at the courts Sunday saw Chuck score two of the three regulation goals for the biters and then snipe the crap out of the Rainbow’s goalie in the shootout.
SECOND STAR
Mega Touch, featuring Mike Tuckman
Mick Tuckman, he’s a regular Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
Mega Touch, this Hi-Fi division darling who probably hasn’t had a winning season since….ever? In Sunday’s heat they out-hustled the Hookers with a strong message, “Make BTSH Great Again.” In a league that is trending towards getting more competitive every year, Mega still takes players who don’t know how to hold a stick, and are winning.! Also, TUCKMAN?!?!?! Two shutouts in a row! He made Danillo look like…well, someone who can’t score.
FIRST STAR
Jimmy Kinney
Look at that perfect example of waist high stick rule.
Does he get a star because it’s so much fun to say Jimmy Kinney? Maybe. But also maybe because he scored five goals in one game. Three of those on his backhand. Can I make up another fun word to say? back-trick? Not sure if you read this kid’s rookie profile last week, but he’s making good on his word. Ben Probert, your puppy is coming for you.
Honorable Mentions:
The Website
Thanks for finally giving us division names. Special thanks to Mike Mincielli for the genius idea. Double special thanks to whoever gave us the Johnson’s division.
Aaron Friedman
For nominating the guy who beat his team in an OT shootout. Classy.
Tim Burke
Dude played TWO games in net yesterday. It was like a bajillion degrees and he stood in the net wearing goalie gear for TWO HOURS. Also, he won both games. Atta boy, Timmy.
Week 14 Box Scores
July 25th, 2016
| Mathematics |  |
4-1 |  |
Tompkins Square Riots | Final |
| Mathematics: Liz Hirsh (1), James Bobber (1), Derek Tagliarino (3), Sam Norris (9) Tompkins Square Riots: Sebastien Malo (3) Goalie Win: David Liang (5) |
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| Gremlins |  |
4-5 |  |
Sky Fighters | Final |
| Gremlins: Maire Lane (6), Ryan Mills x 3 (6) Sky Fighters: Olivier Brassard x 2 (3), Michael Teytelbaum x 2 (15), Robert Kucera (3) Goalie Win: Peter B. (via Free Agent) |
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| What The Puck |  |
2-3 |  |
Fresh Kills | Final |
| What The Puck: Jaime Delia x 2 (5) Fresh Kills: Andrew Starr (3), Ariel Imas (4), Gabe Chenard-Poirier (8) Goalie Win: David Liang (via Mathematics) |
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| Rehabs |  |
5-1 |  |
Gut Rot | Final |
| Rehabs: Eric Ruben (3), Ryan Mccormick (3), Joey Batista x 3 (4) Gut Rot: Michael Gilligan (2) Goalie Win: Eric Ramirez (8) |
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| Butchers |  |
6-3 |  |
LBS Inc. | Final |
| Butchers: James Kinney x 5 (10), Jason Rosenstock (4) LBS Inc.: Scott Kaston (7), Dustin Shutes (1), Cherie Stewart (1) Goalie Win: Tim Burke (8) |
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| Instant Karma |  |
2-5 |  |
Filthier | Final |
| Instant Karma: Pete Wilson (6), Cory Vernoia (8) Filthier: Sunny Mehra (5), Jj Anderson (2), James Pereira (9), Shafiq Perry x 2 (4) Goalie Win: Tim Kayiatos (6) |
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| Gouging Anklebiters |  |
4-3 |  |
Dark Rainbows | Final(SO) |
| Gouging Anklebiters: Chuck Defranco x 2 (2), Ben Probert (13) Dark Rainbows: Rem Garavito Bruhn (5), Aaron Friedman (2), Mike Roberts (2) Shootout: Winner by Chuck Defranco Goalie Win: Craig Lacombe (6) |
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| Fuzz |  |
5-3 |  |
Poutine Machine | Final |
| Fuzz: Alyssa Murrett (5), Brian Hicks (12), Gil Valdez x 3 (7) Poutine Machine: Natalie Oshin (1), John Schwartz (2), Mike Marron (5) Goalie Win: Aaron Pagdon (8) |
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| Corlears Hookers |  |
0-5 |  |
Mega Touch | Final |
| Corlears Hookers: Mega Touch: Adriano Bratta x 2 (12), Max Temesca x 2 (3), Brady Caldwell (1) Goalie Win: Mike Tuckman (6) |
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| Cobra Kai |  |
1-3 |  |
Denim Demons | Final |
| Cobra Kai: Not Reported Denim Demons: Zach Fein x 2 (7), Eric Slosberg (3) Goalie Win: Tim Burke (via Butchers) |
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Have You Paid Your Taxes?
July 25th, 2016
It’s time to pay your taxes!
Week 14 Previews Part 2: Sweaty and Sexy
July 22nd, 2016Instant Karma at Filthier by Richiepoothang
In this inter-conference matchup, Filthier takes on Instant Karma.
While Denis, Shaq and Tim K. spent last year drinking out of the PBR Cup, La Famiglia died, and turned into Instant Karma. There was no Karma for them however, as Filthier won their matchup last year, and then the championship.
But revenge is a dish best served cold and you get another chance this year. Look, lets be real here. Beating Cobra Kai last week (with the help of a crooked official who bet on the game and waved off two of their goals) felt nice. You probably high-fived, drank a beer and never have thought of that game again.
But look at this picture. It’s Amy from the Anklebiters scoring a shootout goal (which doesn’t count as a regulation or OT goal Justin). Look at the utter glee. That’s what sports is about people. So play hard, come back on D, cover the point and the streaking Filthier player without the ball. And make them earn all their scoring chances.
Not exactly what you guys expected to find in those bags.
There’s a rumor going around that the Dark Rainbows brought cupcakes to the courts in order to thank Camber and A. Freeman for their services – And. Didn’t. Share. With. Anyone. Shame, shame, shame. No one likes a selfish bastard.
Well the Anklebiters put together one of the best BTSH All-Star games ever and shared several heroes and beverages with all of us. We like food. And we like to be entertained.
Prediction: Bill slams back another Four Loko and twitches around the court like Peter Griffin’s friend William Shatner, confusing the eff out of the Biters, but not enough for a victory. Biters win 5-2.
BTSH’s favorite team may have had their season-defining moment last week. Oh sure, we all knew Fuzz has talent, but last week they also showed grit. If you’ve been too busy searching for Mewtwo to know the story, Fuzz found themselves down three late in their game against Filthier. However, they kept fighting, slowly winning over the hostile crowd like like Rocky when he fought Drago in Russia. And just as Balboa did, Fuzz delivered the final blow, knocking out the machine on the strength of a Richie G. shot from the point in OT.
Even Fuzz’s harshest critics were moved by the team’s heart.
Poutine Machine is no pushover, however. They’re riding a three-game winning and are only a point out of first place in the “Fourth” Division. Goalie Andrew F. is among the league leaders in GAA and is primed to stymie the Fuzz’s league-leading offense.
Prediction: We, the media, have learned that Jeff, Paul, Miles, and Sig are all out for Fuzz, leaving Alyssa and Injured Gil to do all of their scoring damage. It won’t be enough, and Poutine steals a 4-3 shootout win (goal by Hornswoggle, of course).
Corlears Hookers at Mega Touch by Isaac
The Pittsburg Putz, swollen with pride from this week’s RNC, will be out to make the Hookers great again. No, he’s not leaving. Sam and Noelle have pulled him aside and promise that he’ll be on his best behavior by bringing down the obnoxiousness from a level 10 to an 8.6. Regardless of what level he’ll be operating at, Sarah and Tiffany are more concerned with what level of moxie Brady, Shaleen and other Mega Touches will be at.
Prediction: a seesaw of a contest with Mega Touch winning 5-4.
Summer Fiesta Party at Double Wide!
July 21st, 2016Sponsored by Jen Popack and those adorable Demons
Hey awesome BTSHers! Everyone had so much fun bringing back the old school traditions of BTSH this past week during the All Star Game (big props to the folks who made that happen!) why not keep the boozing with friends theme going??
You may not be able to swing at this Adam Rubens piñata at the bar, but feel free to #BlameRubens anyways.
Double Wide (E12th and Ave A) is hosting a Summer Fiesta party for the league this Sunday so that we can get all sweaty and sexy on the courts and then drunk enough to actually believe that we all still look sexy while sweaty at the bar.
Things that happen when you party like a rockstar…JR manages to fit her entire body in Paul’s pants. Even though Paul defected to Fuzz we’ll still let him show up to the party…
Beer Pong, Flip Cup, and Battle Shots (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHiWiTBac4c) will all be happening so that you can continue to dominate your friends off the courts. And don’t worry Rich Glanzer, there will be a table left for you to challenge every player in the league to an arm wrestling match.
– $3 Tecates or $12 buckets of 5
– $12 Coors/Bud Light pitchers
– $5 Margs
– $6 ground beef or chicken tacos
– $6 loaded tots
– $6 wings
Start heading over after your game, since they’ll be welcoming us starting at 2:30 and throughout the day and night until you pass out…or realize there’s someone waiting for your drunk ass at home…
This guy. This guy is a reason to join this league and then stay forever and DRINK!
(I’m not on the media team, so I’m not sure why I should be making this reference, but hell….Poutine and Brian Sullivan are pretty awesome at Beer Pong, so you should definitely show up and challenge them!)
