First Annual Mid-Season Power Rankings
July 7th, 2016Alright, so maybe we are past the midway point. But what better way to usher in the new league website than with a Power Rankings post! And it is about time we started doing this…
1. LBS, Inc.
The most all around sound team this season in BTSH. The young pup Jake with old man Karsten make them a two-punch scoring threat along with Liz and Ali applying pressure from anywhere on the courts. And Timmy Baby has been superb in net.
Trending: Elite
2. Rehabs
Damn. Have you seen this team play over the past couple of weeks? They are effing stacked. Aside from the additions of Ramirez in net and bringing back Ryann, Welch has built this team with outside talent and promoting from their farm affiliate. Staying true to their roots, the defense has been setting the tone and Sena has made it extremely difficult for any offense to find their way onto the scoring sheet. You’ve done well Welch.
Trending: Strong
3. Fuzz
While the Rehabs built their team with outside talent, Rich & Co. decided to build from within the league to create this Super Team. That might have put a little stink on them, but they don’t care. Jeff, Hicks, Paul and Coach are getting the job done every week. And they could possibly be drinking from a certain cup by the end of the season.
Trending: Up
4. Fresh Kills
No longer concerned with being the dominant team throughout the regular season, the Kills have figured out how to have fun and win at the same time. Their core of Barch, Soko, Natasha, Gabe and Ariel have remained sturdy all season. Plus the additional scoring from Tom and Sarah have been a breath of fresh air.
Trending: Steady
5. Denim Demons
Despite offseason losses of key players, and fighting the injury bug throughout season, the Demons have remained competent and competitive. But how long can one team’s luck last? Therefore Zach, Josh and Popack will need to continue to prop this team up if they want to remain in the hut for the division title.
Trending: Sideways
6. Cobra Kai
Don’t fall for their record. The evil dojo may have started the season off quiet, but they have been making some noise lately. Rachel and Will are in the top ten in scoring and Liam can turn it on anytime he wants to. The question down the stretch is does he want to?
Trending: Up
7. Filthier
After overcoming early season adversity, Filthier or Filthiest or #whogivesashit have found their mojo again and been having fun putting it on display. That being said, they’ll need to prove it against a top five team before we can consider them as a repeat offender contender.
Trending: Sideways
8. Butchers
The Super Team of the formerly-known-as-Showtime Division! Crisp passing and spacing have been their winning formula along with Pete seeming to always be in the right place at the right time. With Drake crashing the net and MDF back in the mix we don’t see this team slowing down anytime soon.
Trending: Up
9. Sky Fighters
How’s the formerly-known-as-Katz Division taste? Not too good, huh. As polished as this team is defensively, their goal differential of a -11 is a bit eyebrow raising. Aside from Mike, nobody else has been able to regularly find the back of the net.
Trending: Down
10. Gouging Anklebiters
Talk about quietly playing up to par. The Biters have been keeping it 100 despite the frequent absences of Probie, Joe P, Derho and Worky. Cheekbones has done a formidable job at protecting Craigers and the rest of their defenders will need to continue to follow her lead.
Trending: Sideways
11. Mathematics
Too talented to be in this spot. Plain and simple. (Having said that, I can’t get rid of this nagging feeling that Sam, Cherie, Zach, Justin and Roxy are playing coy with us. Just coasting through the season until the playoffs begin and then bringing their game faces.)
Trending: Underachieving
12. Instant Karma
The best part about this team is their goaltender. Mike has been playing at an all-star level and has given them a chance to win every game. Unfortunately, inconsistent scoring and untimely turnovers has plagued Karma. With the hardest stretch of their schedule still in front of them we’ll learn a lot about this team right before the playoffs.
Trending: Sideways
13. Mega Touch
Grit and gusto and so much more have vaulted this team into the middle of the pack. Julie, Brady and Adriano have developed the chemistry we’ve been waiting for and the other Touches are playing an inspired brand of ball hockey. The recent acquisition of free agent Jeff and inevitable return of the rugged Gunner has this team on the up and up.
Trending: Up
14. Corlears Hookers
The Hookers have been like a box of chocolates this season, from week to week we never know which team we are going to get. Gone are the days of being a destructive force and say hello to the Cro-daddy era. Tiffany, Sarah and Noelle have stayed true to form, but when are the rest of them going to show up?
Trending: Down
15. Poutine Machine
For the second year in a row the Machine has had to start their season off with a brutal schedule. Despite facing offensive powerhouses they have only allowed 17 goals thus far. Hornswoggle is back from his travels and this is the time of year when he begins to heat up.
Trending: Up
16. What The Puck
Lack of consistent play has the Pucks down a couple more spots than where they probably belong. Emily has been a warrior all season (and should consider a permanent switch to defense), but she’ll need more of the same from her team to make a strong push through the second half of the season.
Trending: Down
17. Gremlins
Currently in danger of being pushed back down to the formerly-known-as-Greene Division due to lack of consistent scoring and help in front of the net. Ryan and Walker had an opportunity to address certain needs in offseason, but decided to toss limes and feast on french fries instead. BREAKING NEWS: their all-star forward, Erich, has suffered a career threatening knee injury and will never be the same. He will forever be remembered as ‘the legend that never was.’
Trending: Down
18. Dark Rainbows
Abby has done a virtuous job with this year’s squad and could potentially be up for Captain of the Year. She has these mystical creatures giving a respectable showing each week and believing that they can compete with anyone on Sunday. Just ask Filthier.
Trending: Sideways
19. Tompkins Square Riots
You get the feeling that this team is one extra ingredient away from being a winning recipe. Already featuring some of toughest ladies in BTSH, the gentlemen need to step and play at their level. And by the way, where in the world is Vanck??? (No, seriously, Jonesy is getting a little worried.)
Trending: Sideways
20. Gut Rot
Yes, I know they just earned their first win of the season, and possibly deserve a little more love here, but they need to replicate that effort before moving up in the Rankings. And we’ve got a hunch that they might just do that. Early season jitters from Tommy, Ashley and Scott have been calmed by the vigorous emergence of rookies Morgen and Perko. Let’s see what the darlings of the league can put together during the rest of the season.
Trending: Sideways
Trending definitions:
Elite: the top team in the league.
Strong: playing just as well as the top team.
Steady: playing at the level of Ranking.
Up: improving each week and moving up in the Rankings.
Sideways: exactly where they were when the season started.
Underachieving: not living up to expectations.
Down: less activity and interest.
10 PRINT “THE SITE IS BACK”; 20 GOTO 10
July 1st, 2016Ok, this time the website’s back for real!
Now with 85% more LIME TOSS coverage!
Week 10 Previews: Father’s Day Edition
June 17th, 2016By Rachel G. and Sam N.
Note to the reader: Isaac passed down the order that this week’s previews should be Father’s Day themed. What Isaac says, Isaac gets. You know, that’s a lot harder than you’d think. Sam and I spent many hours toiling away on my patio (and in Zach and Diane’s backyard) trying to meet the editor’s challenge. By many hours, I mean maybe two hours, but many beers. So…sorry in advance. Also, Happy Father’s Day. You all should thank your Dad for making you the incredible hockey talents that you are. The NHL is jealous.
(ed note: I probably forgot to call out a lot of fathers. Sorry.)
Gut Rot at Tompkins Square Riots
Oh Daddy, this is a good one. Gilligan, you already have the Dad bod, the Dad jokes, and soon enough you’ll be an actual Dad. Now go score for your team. Tommy has been team Dad long enough. Guys, Ellery is actually a father. REPEAT, Ellery is actually a father. Happy Father’s Day. Dave Gil de Rubio, I hope you stop more goals than you have children. Although everyone wants to see a Gut Rot win, as designated Dad on your team, I don’t think this will be the week.
Prediction: TSR by 2, Dave stands tall in net.
Instant Karma at Dark Rainbows
Father and daughter.
Does Kali allow Father’s Day to be celebrated on her team? Sam thinks she prefers to celebrate her own golden stick #donttouchthestick. Rainbows were the first fathers of BTSH, the original baby-makers. We all miss that tent and dem little blond kids. Sam says he can pitch a tent, LADIES!?!?! Suuuuriously though, here’s to the Dads on Karma. At the very least, Bill comes in from Long Island and leaves his kid by the wayside. Alf will be drinking his Maker’s to celebrate his own fertility.
Prediction: Karma by 2, twooooo many kids.
What The Puck at LBS, Inc.
WTP used to be a team with a lot of babies, now it’s a team full of babies. I mean young. Like young and happy. Not like whiny babies. Um…Happy Father’s Day? Lotsa baby daddies on the LBS. Seth, Karsten and Sam. The difference in this game, all dem babies on WTP are going to go see their Dad’s on Father’s Day. Meanwhile, the Dads on LBS get their wish…to play hockey all day. LBS’ line up is stacked; they’ll get back in the W column this week.
Prediction: LBS by 3, Daddy’s getting his groove on.
Rehabs at Sky Fighters
Father.
Which Daddy’s got more kids in this game? Stein or Showtime? Ladies on the court, watch out…these guys might get you pregnant if you get too close to the crease. Welsh has a kid now too, seems like his kid has taught him a thing or two….about whining. On the Fighters bench, this must be a tough day for Roman. Sam says he’s been begging for anyone to call him Daddy for years. #daddyissues.
Prediction: Rehabs by 2, Showtime sure knows where the five hole is.
Cobra Kai at Poutine Machine
Sebby just got engaged….Happy Father’s Day? A year ago, there’d be a joke in here about Poutine’s Daddy needing to teach ‘em a lesson to sportsmanship, but alas they got their shit together and Sam and I can’t make fun of them. They are now setting the proper father figure tone for the league. Kudos to you guys for having a great season so far. That being said Cobra Kai knows how to one past the goalie.
Prediction: CK by 2, childless…but not scoreless.
Gouging Anklebiters at Mega Touch
Proud new papa.
Sam is really impressed that Craig finally learned how to wipe his ass after Fumi demonstrated on Jojo, a couple hundred times. Konichiwa. Happy Father’s Day! Alex Eben Meyer, proud new papa. Congrats. Maybe Jojo can teach you too? Jojo’s got his shit together. We all know Tuckman’s a Dad (and damn that kid is cute), but who is going to watch Tito this week? Also shout out to Larry, Phil, Zach and anyone else I might have missed. Maybe Probie too? Who knows.
Prediction: Biters by 3, too bad Amy’s babysitting for this one.
Filthier at Denim Demons
Demons.
Filthier, Demons….do you guys procreate? What will happen to BTSH if you guys don’t contribute? Also, Sam wants to know what method of birth control you use, otherwise we’ll have mini-math in a couple years, LADIES?!?!?! (ed note: um if you guys have kids…sorry about that) But let’s get real for a minute, is Jeff playing this week? Because then this is a game to watch.
Prediction: Filthy by 2, they’ve gotta stop the slide.
Corlears Hookers at Gremlins
Will this be the day that all of the old proud papa’s come back and play for the Hookers? Eitel? Putka? Remember when Putka had kids to soften his image? That worked for a few months. Maybe Jamie can bring his adorable nephew/ball boy and we can call him Daddy? Gremlins need to work on putting one past the goalie, literally…not in the baby makin’ way. I know it’s not Thursday anymore, but how about a TBT for Chris Eng, old school Gremlin/Unicorn great that taught us all a thing or two about sportsmanship and fatherhood alike, while still schooling us all on the court.
Prediction: Hookers by 1, they can’t disappoint the kids.
Fuzz at Fresh Kills
Father.
Gil and Gil’s son would be the perfect father’s day duo. Still, Ariel manages to sneak out some to play hockey with two kids. Maybe this week Gabe will allow him to score two goals for his two kids? Screw it, calling a hatty. Soko’s been working so hard architecting this mega-team, no time for kids? Glanzer is this your plan? Sam says: Everytime Glanzer gets his balls near the net while trying to score everyone says “NO! Not the high stick, Glanzer! Not the high stick!”
(ed note: this makes way more sense if you say this in Sam’s voice)
Prediction: FK by 1, Gil’s celebrating father’s day?
Mathematics at Butchers
Who cares about the Dads on this team? Justin Perras, you won’t even be there anyway. Sam says: Derek “I can’t be captain this year because I’m focusing on having a family” Tagliarino….took one week off…..geez that was fast. Happy Father’s Day. Sam and I are going to settle this game over a match of quarters on my patio. Guys, you don’t need to show up. But Butchers…um, please show up? JSB, I’m talking to you.
Prediction: Butchers by 1, house rules.
TBT (aka Facing Backwards), BTSH Photo Challenge
June 16th, 2016By Rachel G.
BTSH Photo Challenge
Johnson’s Olympics, 2006
On this day, four score and seven years ago (okay, a decade), BTSH celebrated itself and its competitive drinking and eating abilities with a time honored tradition, the Johnson’s Olympics. Luckily for us, Phil Donahue’s phone recently vomited up this photo. Let’s get back to our competitive roots and see who can identify the most people in this photo. Winner gets a courtside beverage of my choosing.
Please submit your guesses to Rachel with the subject ‘Photo Challenge’ by Wednesday, June 22nd and we’ll announce the winner by the end of next week.
Happy Hunting!
BTSH KARAOKE CONTEST
June 15th, 2016By Caption D and Cheekbones
BTSH KARAOKE CONTEST
Photo credit: Anklebiter Productions
It was promised, and now it’s time.
Anklebiter Productions brings you the first in a trilogy of summer social events – BTSH’s first-ever Karaoke Competition, right after the games this Sunday at HiFi bar.
Yes, clean out those pipes (which ones? you choose) and join hosts Worky McParty & Diana M Cheekbones who will guide you through your karaoke adventure while accompanied by musical interludes from DJ Bubblebath.
How do you win? Show up and rock the mic. Audience approval will send you to the finals where once again the crowd will determine the champ.
What do you win? A kiss from the host of your choice. If you choose Craig, you also get a handy. Plus, there’s a cool mystery prize for bringing home the gold.
Hungry? We got you. Check out the classy hot dog bar at the back of HiFi along with other fun eats.
Here’s the summary:
- What? Karaoke, son!
- When? After last games at Tompkins.
- Where? HiFi, fool.
- Can I eat for free? Yes.
- Are there free beers? We ain’t that rich.
- What is the meaning of life? Ask the bartender.
See you Sunday at HiFi, suckas!
