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Amy A (via Math) — Are you looking for that wholesome meat and potatoes girl who enjoys reveling in large quantities of cheese and sausage, then she’s your girl. Drink beer?! Why certainly. And probably more than you.

Danielle H (via I. Karma) — Are you looking for someone who loves cooking, cleaning, and wage discrimination, while you sit back and play video games after “daddy’s” put in a long hard week at work? You may have found a perfect candidate.

Rachel G (via Butchers) — Do you fancy yourself a true progressive and need a woman to dress you up in Brooks Brothers suits and serve refined bourbon cocktails from her whiskey bar? Do you sometimes ask yourself, am I a city slicker trapped in a Midwesterner’s values? You may not need look any further! 

Diana M (via B. Anklebiters) — Do you sometimes take a real look at yourself in the mirror, and wonder, “damn, how has this mirror stayed so clean?!” Well, beauty is in the mirror’s beholder, and any Southern man will tell you, if she likes kids that much, you may just be what I’m looking for!  Wait, a woman with a college degree?!  Forget about it–I’m a Southern man–I don’t want any woman more educated than me…