btsh.org

Auditions, Auditions, Auditions!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omncM4ylAKI

Have you ever wondered what you have in common with Gil from the Elves?!  It’s probably not scoring nonstop, but it likely is auditioning for the first 3 spots to be Chelsea Piers’ male snow bunnies for the Women’s Summer Hockey League at Chelsea Piers!

Now, you’re probably asking yourself, who is going to play in this league? Well, you have two options, if you’re a guy, audition to be a snow bunny. Auditions take place in the last stall of the Tompkins Square Bathroom and usually last about 30-45 seconds depending on the judge—Derek advises undergarment creativity.

If you’re a girl, you have two options: 1) you like hockey and want to play for love of the sport, but are a bit rusty or still developing your game—join the B/C league; 2) you’re good at hockey, played a high level for a good part of your life, and aspire to one day be on the Mathematics—join the A Division.

Click here to officially register and pay for some awesome summer hockey nights (with Rich Glanzer likely watching you from the dark corner of the rink)!

Are you surprised by all these men wanting to cheer on these ladies? You shouldn’t be—despite BTSH being ran my all men, it is the most progressive sports league in America—name any other league that cancels for Mother’s Day and Flag Day, but forces you to play and neglect Father’s Day as a holiday like so many fathers neglected us!

Click here to find out more, unless you already clicked the first link!

And, with a league this progressive, there are going to be individuals brimming for more.  It’s not just the NWHL and the NWHL’s reporting hype man they are so unknowingly in desperate need of:

or Rich Glanzer’s go get’em reporting style:

But, it is also home to Math’s own Roxanne Gaudiel forming this league at Chelsea Pier’s.  Have any questions?

Click here! Click here! Click here! Click here! No, literally, click here and pay—I’m super late on this post and registration ends soon!!!

Don’t you hate when you get out of the shower in July and have sweat on your forehead?  Well, guess where that won’t happen—in an ice rink shower, dummy!  But guess where you will instantly get sweat on your forehead while being on ice?  That’s right, on the rink as you watch the eye tantalizing treat of male snow bunnies every 10 minutes, ladies!!!  BTW, Rich, you’re not allowed to audition.

Two years ago, when Sven was running this site, he thought BTSH should have its own Hall of Fame. We all thought it was an amazing idea. So this season we are going to try and get your opinions (privately) on who you think is HOF worthy. We’d rather not have it in the comment section because we want the election to be a surprise. So if you have someone you think is deserving, please let me know. We are also forming a Veterans Committee of people who were around before the Modern Era (2008-Current). If you were around from the beginning and wish to be on that committee please let me know. All the committee will do is email each other who they think is deserving, come up with one candidate and they will be inducted. The criteria is you need to have played 5 years.

With that said, lets give a brief review of the 7 BTSH Hall of Famers.
Read the rest of this entry »

Are you wondering who’s game of the week this week? I hope so, but the thing is—you already missed it! It was the Mets game this past Monday, which went to the 11th inning and stopped Toronto’s 11-game win streak.

Game of the Week

If only Rich could coach the Elves as good as he can the Blue Jays, maybe they’ll win versus the Pounds

LBS v. Happy Little Elves
Now, if you have read anything, talked to anybody in the league, even if you’ve shown up just once, or even happened to walk by Tompkins and not even known there was a street hockey league that played every Sunday, you would still know one thing—the Elves are completely defeated this season. You would actually know two things: 1) the Elves are completely defeated; and, 2) it’s going to stay that way until maybe July 19th when they play some team, which will hopefully get rained out, much to the league’s chagrin of keeping this losing streak alive!
That said, and I know the above may be a bit understated—my apologies—but the Lbs. beat the Demons 4-0 last week, so it appears they will cruise the courts of success this week as well, but not before Tommy C. gets ejected for exposing himself for absolutely no reason in the second half.
Pounds 6 – Elves 1

Poutine v. Hookers
Poutine has had it rough so far this season and has had trouble securing any win. Unfortunately for the French Canadian Fries, another loss may be on its way as they face a team that has more BTSH championship game appearances than Elves losses this season
Will Jerome, Jo-Ann, Claire, and Mia be able to mount a victory against Sarah, Sam, Noelle, and all the people I do not know on the Hookers?! Probably not, but it’ll be a hell of an upset if they do—the upset of the season!
Hooker 6-1

Demons v. Kills
It was Sunday, April 19th and fog surrounded Tompkins. It was dark, too, and oddly mysterious, for rats scurried in the bushes and homeless people drifted here and there like bathroom zombies. Some said it was only 3:00, but no one really knew for sure.

For nobody really remembers that fateful day—the reported day the Demons beat the Fresh Kills—some even claim it never happened.  Who was there?  How did it happen?  Was there foul play involved?

Did people live in this fog?  Am I loosely jacking the intro from the movies The Fog or The Mist?  I cannot say for sure, but one thing is for sure: while this isn’t the Game of the Week, it sure is the Grudge Match of the Week!  

Who actually was there on April 19^th for the Demons?  Who was there for the Fresh Kills?  And, who is going to be there this Sunday?!  That’ll answer who will win, so here’s the breakdown: If Lee and Paul are there for the Demons and Gabe or Pat Moore are not, I’m going Demons 3-2 OT.  If Paul, Kamen, or Rubens is not there and Gabe or that blond hair guy is there, I’m going Fresh Kills 4-2, empty net goal.  If Coach is there and Popack and Scheld are there, hopefully more Demon girls show so they don’t have to play the whole game, but if they do and Ariel doesn’t show, Demons 3-2. If Rubens shows up 4 ½ minutes late, I’m thinking Demons will win 2-1, provided Barch isn’t in net.  If Barch is in net, but Coach doesn’t play with his jersey on, I’m going FK 4-2, no empty net goal.  If Barch is in net, but Coach does play with his jersey on, I’m going FK 4-2 again, but there is an empty net goal at the end.  If Sokos spins around twice, then touches his toes every time before he shoots, and Coach isn’t wearing his jersey, FK 5-1.

Karate Kids v. WTP

I can’t believe the site says Cobra Kai is 3-3 right now.  Are they really 4-3 or 3-4 right now?! Jeez, this is a dangerous team—and they’re going to be more dangerous in the playoffs.  WTP on the other hand is good again—and they’re on a mega win streak.  This would have been the game of the week, if the Mets weren’t so good.  Actually, tomorrow is the game of the week—talk about a pitcher duel! Sorry guys, but you just got demoted to the 3^rd most important NYC-based game this week.

I’m not sure which way this game will go.  Both of these teams are defense oriented, but the Mets lack the bats.  Will Dickey’s knuckleball work well in Toronto’s dome?  Why on earth would you trade for a knuckleball pitcher when you play in a dome—there’s no wind or external forces that will make his bread and butter pitch even trickier.  At least the Mets made one good trade.  Mets 4 – Blue Jays 2.

Karma v. Sky Fighters

Karma has been the team to beat this year—granted they played the Elves twice, so it’s a bit of an inflated title—but this will be a good game.  Sky Fighters on the other hand haven’t been showing up.  Where were Roman and Hopper last week?  I actually know where Roman was, but where was Hopper?!  Damnit, I need answers!!!

Meanwhile, Chadwick is on a 3 game scoring streak, but has yet to score one goal, get one assist, hurt his back, and have Rich yell at him at least 10 times in a game to get a Chadtrick—if Rich is reffing or on the sidelines, maybe this Sunday is his day!  If Ryann is there, that’ll make defending Karma quite difficult, too.  If Geldner is there, Karma 4-2.  If she’s not, Cherie keeps her scoring title and this game is going into OT!

Gut Rot v. Ankle Gougers

Gut Rot is kind of like the Islanders.  They are the best team in the league, but just happen to lose more games than win, which make people think they are just okay and therefore “upset” the good teams.  Those are not upsets, that’s them playing normal. 

The Biters are a team that can shoot from the arc, but will they be able to beat Ramirez?  Well, after they shoot, they better mark up Sarah Moore because she’s they’re go to backdoor rebound slammer!  We’ll see what happens: Gut Rot is coming off of an average performance and the Biters are well-conditioned from last week’s game against Filthier.  I don’t have a prediction—it’s going to be a good game!

Butchers v. Rehabs

The whole BTSH universe is asking: how will the Rehabs respond to their loss last week?  Will they get another winning streak back in action or will they lay dead for a few games?! 

The Butchers also took an L last week, but to division rivals (and perfectly predicted game, I might add).  This game is a big one for the $h0wT!m3 Division, as it’ll tie the Rehabs with WTP or push the Rehabs farther down into the homestretch!

Keys for the Butchers to win: Rachel has to stop going on vacation; Jeff has to light the lamp; defense needs to keep them wide and out of the center on their fast breaks; the Butchers have got to stop giving away their players to Math

Keys for the Rehabs: Brush off the loss to FK and keep playing with your fast break speed; mark up Jeff

Rainbows v. Grems

It turns out that the BTSH Universe is talking about a lot of things these days, and one of them is the new powerhouse team of the Kazin Conference, the Gremlins!  Just like Instant Karma, they won our hearts because they represent the BTSH Dream.  Fun people, clean hockey, and beers after the game.  But, last season they got sick of that and, as Ryan told me during the playoffs last year, “we’re going to beat the living shit out of every single team next year; we will literally kill them, then piss on their eyes, then give them to a savage new team to reincarnate…”

HOLY SHIT!!!  While just recalling what Ryan talked about, that new team is none other than Instant Karma!

Wow, I am not sure what is actually going on between these two teams and why they’re so good—I don’t want to know—but if I did, damnit, they already made a movie on this… why are none of my stream of conscience writing topics original?!?!

Grems water themselves and Karma stays out past midnight

And to think we thought both these teams were so cute and cuddly….

The Rainbows on the other hand are coming off a nice shootout victory over the Riots from an Aaron Friedman double deke, allowing the Rainbows to grab their second win.  Will they shut down the Grems undefeated streak and start going on one of their own?

I’m sorry, but not in this prediction: Grems 3 – Rainbows 1

Tompkins Square Riots Play Street Hockey

The Riots will play a team this Sunday.  It will be close, as it’s a healthy Kazin Conference, Greene Division rivalry.  I think the one team will do well, but their name doesn’t come to me at this time.  Such team has had a tough time scoring, though they’ve got some nice almost-mega-nipple-touching shirts. 

Meanwhile, the Riots hit the post 3-4 times last week during regulation time in their 2-1 shootout loss.  Nobody says hockey is a game of inches, but if they would have last week, the Riots would have won by a wide margin on those post shots.  This game will be decided by a goal—whichever team has a faster and quicker breakouts will take this game!

Math v. Filthier

Well, I hope nobody from Math is reading this, and if you are—please stop reading here. 

Now then, Filthier is stacked: they’ve got offense, they’ve got defense, they’ve got a goalie who loves to go down—Tim, how many times do I have to tell you to stop doing that in public?!

Math: Cherie and Michelle are MIA, so are both my brothers, I think Langer is backpacking somewhere, and everyone else is going to be tired from being in the sun on Saturday all day at the Mermaid Parade.  Filthier, hit me up if you’d like to join us at the Parade; it’ll balance the game this Sunday.

Damn, well hopefully this one goes into OT and James (Stewart) puts one in early because that’s all we can rely on at this point!

Keys for Filthier to win: triple team anybody and wait for us to pass it to him/her for an easy interception

Keys for Math to win: [placeholder for key to win]

It was difficult to whittle the stars down to 3, this week.  400 people entered, 3 people left (with a star). Well….4, really. 

3rd star:  Gabe, Fresh Kills

Since Gabe is such a prolific scorer, him scoring a hat-trick only warrants a 3rd star. Sorry man.  You’re always 1st star of the week in my book, buddy. 

2.5 star:  Aaron Friedman, Dark Rainbows

Aaron scored the shootout winner with a great move to end his team’s winless streak.
When asked by this reporter how he did it he replied “i eat my Wheaties.  Oh, and being in my mid-20s helps”. 

congrats to the Rainbows on notching their first W of the season.

2nd star: Joe Kozlowski (free agent) and James Stewart, Math

As stated above, it really was too difficult to whittle down to 3 this week.  Sorry for having to create a shared star.
Joe K. notched a shutout against the always offensive Demons (check the double meaning there, son). Lbs. were out a goalie at the last minute and Joe stepped up from free agency to get them the shutout victory.  This may have been his first career shutout.  I’m not certain.  but, then, I don’t have to be certain.

James Stewart, perhaps best known for being Cherie’s much nicer brother (#sorrynotsorry, Cherie. love you boo. ha) went on a tear yesterday, scoring 2 out of 3 of Math’s goals, including the OT game winner. Both goals were scored within seconds of an opening whistle (his 1st goal within 10 seconds of the start of the game, and his OT winner less than 30 seconds into OT). 

(i can’t seem to log onto Facebook from this computer to lift a photo of James or Joe.  it’s really annoying me right now.)

1st star: Eric Ramirez, Gut Rot, bitches!!!

It was brought to my attention that Ramirez single-handedly both:  1. found the parks dept. permit, and 2. dispersed the unruly basketball players so that the 1pm game could start (not) on time.
It is true acts of valor such as this which earn you 1st star in JW’s book.  Not something like scoring a hat-trick for your team (again, I’m really sorry Gabe). 

Wait, here is another one:
Honorable mention:

It was suggested to me that I give an honorable mention to Benjamin J. Chadwick.  
Everybody’s favorite Dr. Clavicle scored a goal his 3rd week in a row to keep his scoring streak going AND completed the season sweep of his old team, the Happy Little Elves. 
I GUESS I agree with this honorable mention suggestion.