btsh.org

GAME OF THE WEEK

What the Puck at Lbs. Inc.

Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM

Game Keys:

Welcome back, BTSHers. While everybody comments on each other’s tans and catches up on vacation stories (yes, several more league members are now banned for life from SECRETS), wily old veterans know that this is the time to prep their teams for the last few games. And they don’t come any wilier (or older) than Sascha and Larry. We would have picked this game as GOTW because it’s a classic matchup between two of the league’s most venerable franchises. But it’s also a 4-point game in what is arguably the league’s tightest playoff race. WTP’s weak divisional record and low goal differential mean they need to win the division. If they end up tied with La Famiglia for the top spot, Larry’s Orange Army may lose the coveted #2 seed and a chance to play a more predictable opponent. There’s a log jam below the division leaders so finishing second could mean facing down any number of wildcards. Meanwhile, earlier in the season, the LBS. looked like a lock to take the first spot. With summer attendance woes no longer an issue, they’re close enough to still make a run at the title. A win here is a must, especially since WTP and La Famiglia face each other next week.

Keys to the Game.

1) Babysitters

While Zimm and company continue to lobby the League office for BTSH sponsored daycare, an outbreak of chicken pox or kid’s birthday parties could have a devastating impact on their bench.

2) Venerable=Old

While parenthood has aged the Puckers, the simple progress of time has done the same thing to the LBS. core trio of Sam, Ken and Carsten. Have the rigors of an 18 game season finally started to take their toll. Are the LBS. the BTSH equivalent of the 2010 Detroit Red Wings. Or do the Three Amigos still have one last campaign left in them?

3) Wherefore Art Thou Romeo?

It’s getting awfully close to the big day. That means WTP goalie Anthony Romeo is in the best shape of his life. It also means he’s 50/50 to make the game. Life before hockey, right, Romes?

4) The game is on the East Court

I have no idea how this impacts things but I figured I should add one more factor to give this write-up an Eli-like obsessive amount of detail

Game Prediction: If ever there was a game you would expect to go to OT, it would be this one. It’s all down to who shows up on Sunday and who wants it more. With a lot more at stake for Sascha’s Bashers, we’ll give the edge to the LBS.

Dark Rainbows at Mega Touch

Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM

Game Notes: Two teams that are better than their records indicate come together to show the league what they’ve got. It feels like I write a variation on that statement every week, but both the Bad Touch crew and the Hippies have pulled off some well deserved upsets (and lost some heartbreakers) in recent weeks. Both teams have also managed to stay true to their character. Unfortunately, for the Megas, they’ll be without team Captain Julie Katz and scoring threat Adriano “Andiamo” Bratta who are prepping for the playoffs with two weeks in Italy (Tiramisu is not a superfood, Bratta). Also, the Rainbows are mean if you get them riled up. Especially, Meisterman. With only, Eric Devlin matching the intensity of Sean, Josh, Brice and co. this one goes to the multi-colored multitude.

Butchers at Poutine Machine

By Rich “So Tired” Glanzer

Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM

Game Keys: While this game features the 1st Place Machine vs. the tied for 2nd place Butchers, it really has very little meaning for Poutine. They are six points ahead of both the Butchers and Cobra Kai and need just 1 point to clinch first. Yes, Cobra Kai actually has 8 wins despite not having 8 people with hockey talent. I guess Will Kuhns and JJ *are* that good! We sure know its not Peter Lang. But I digress.

Poutine will be the 3rd seed going into the playoffs and Patrick is viewing this game as the Jets did their last pre-season game. The Jets didn’t play Sanchez or Tebow and refuse to run their new NEDI…I mean Wildcat formation. Sven says, “I too will not start Tebow, Sanchez, Provencher or that blonde chick that plays good but not great D. I think her name is Charlotte.” It’s Chelsea, Sven.

Over on the Butchers side Ben B. and Chris D. are taking this game as serious as a playoff game. Which means they could care less if they win or not. In O.C. they beat Richie’s Kids 1-0 and if they remembered it, they could rub it in for a year, but luckily for me and my teammates I’m pretty sure the latest round of mind altering substances washed away the memory of the game for them. (Didn’t put their last name so if future employers of Chris googled his name the mind altering substances reference wouldn’t come up. Ben probably would have gotten a few more gigs if I kept it in)

As for the hockey…I see Poutine pulling out the W here. Tim Brown gets a shutout, 2-0.

Editor’s Note: New readers may not know that a Glanzer pick is the equivalent of the SPORTS ILLUSTRATED cover curse. Guess Poutine will have to wait at least another week to clinch the division.

 Happy Little Elves at Filthy Gorgeous

By Abby “So Over Them” Meisterman

Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM

Game Keys: I believe there are three teams about which Sven likes to see me write: Filthy Gorgeous, Cobra Kai, and Happy Little Elves. While I could’ve written up the Cobra Kai v. Mathematics game to make it up to Justin Perras — who only wanted me to write the preview so he could see his name in “print” — and Derek Tagliarino, The Org decided to make it up to Trevor Beauclair and Rich Glanzer. (These four being, apparently, the only people, aside from Denim Demon’s father figure, Joe Tinky, who read the blog.) Why he chose the latter two, and thus the Elves, will remain a mystery to me. So, without further ado…

Blah blah blah… Top Filthies scorers: James Pereira and Sunny Mehra… Blah blah blah… Goalie with anger management issues, Shaun DeLacy, and ego-riddled captain, Rich Glanzer… Blah blah blah… When these two teams first met this year, only two games had been played: FG had gone 1-1 and the Elves were not too happy* with their 0-2 record. As we near the end of the regular season, these teams are boasting similar records; with FG trailing with one tie to the Elves win. However, it’s worth it to note that FG has won all of their divisional games while the Elves have lost theirs. That being said, and because I like Monica, I’m saying the pretty ugly ones should have this.

Sort of related, I’m really torn about who would win the Cobra Kai v. Mathematics game… There’s a lot of talent on both sides! I guess I could decide on this the way I decide other athletic competitions: which team has better looking players.** (Oh, shut up! You totally do this!) Hmm…

* Get it? Get it?! Ahhh, shut yer hole.
** I will not be rooting for the Jets.

Editor’s Note: This may be the first time that Shaun DeLacy’s name has been spelt correctly on the blog this season.

 Gut Rot at Gouging Anklebiters

By Monica “So Happy For You” Russo

Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM

Game Keys: Are we paying attention? The Anklebiters have a lot more wins than losses, this season. Unfortunately, not the case for Gut Rot. However, I think you guys both got schooled the last time we played, no? Anyway,  it’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, the break is over, and they’re all anybody’s game.

That said, I think it’s time for some shakeup. I want to see a goal apiece for Jen Harlan, Bill Tucker (yep), Matt Workman (post-wedding goals are the sweetest), and Amy Barrett Donahue. I love seeing these teams play each other, and that’s truly no joke. Sorry I have no more to say. Catch me next week.

Part 2 of our Week 17 previews will appear tomorrow.

Mega Touch at Gut Rot

By ORG Stringer Monica Russo

Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM

Game Keys: Mega Touch vs. Gut Rot: and this isn’t game of the week?

Poutine Machine at Gouging Anklebiters

Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM

Game Keys: If not for the Kehoe/MDF lovefest that took over this site yesterday, this might have been Game of the Week. Between them Poutine Machine and the Anklebiters have quietly compiled two of the best records in the league. And while both sides have been less prominent at the ACE bar this year, they’re still known for being social squads as well. So what’s the key to their mutual success? Students of the game might say it has something to do with their strong defenses, top level goalies and balanced scoring. But we like to think it’s down to the fact that both sides have a star player named Jo. For the Anklebiters, that’s Joe P., a high profile, off-season pickup who’s been dominating games with his soft hands and dazzling speed. For Poutine, it’s the other Jo P. (JoAnn Provencher) who has been dominating games with her confusing mix of French and English and her heckling of the refs (particularly Eli). The success of both strategies has led several Filthy Gorgeous members (well really just James) to suggest that Monica “Front Office” Russo makes some trades and puts together an all Jo P. line that includes Filthy in absentia Joe Periera. When asked for comment on the proposal Monica replied with a phrase that Adriano has told us is the Italian version of Poutine’s signature “Tabernac” cheer. Still with the rumors flying, expect both players to put on a show in what should be one of the most hotly contested matches this Sunday.

La Famiglia at LBS, Inc

Location: Tompkins East 4:30 PM

By La Famiglia Consigliore Bill Tucker

Game Keys: 

In a matchup so intriguing, you would think it was written by Christopher Nolan, The Corporation and La Famiglia meet this week in a crucial divisional contest.  Safely entrenched in a four game winning streak, The Family has been flying high as of late.  Team mainstay and Wes Anderson fan Alfred Liu has attributed this rise to team cohesion, smart offensive play and a newfound dedication to Scientology.  John Travolta would be proud.  With a 9 – 4 record, the Microsoft of BTSH has had themselves a fine season, thanks to a balanced attack and the clutch goaltending of Seth “The Save” Watchell.  According to inside sources, Sascha Owen isn’t concerned with Famiglia’s hockey prowess.  It’s the newly re-formed Heckle Wall that has the LBS captain spooked.  The new core of Matt Workman, Heather “Cut a Bitch” Aspergen and Jamie “IPA” Crosby caused mayhem during last week’s Math / Anklebiters game and if Gut Rot’s vocal miscreants reappear during this contest, focus will be the key to victory.   With only two points separating the first place WTP from the third place La Famiglia, the winner of this game may shape who’s getting a bye in the October playoffs.

Dr. Hunter S. Tompkins’ Official Prediction:  Due to an unfortunate miscalculation and a pint of raw ether, Dr. Gonzo and I found ourselves in Atlantic City.  Monuments to decadence towered over the beachfront as the sad and sagging plunked their life savings into the one armed bandits.  I was struck by a harsh reality.  Corporations were to blame for the fall of this sleepy seaside town and as a result, I can’t pick LBS to win this contest.  3-2 in favor of the Omnipotent Octopi.

Sky Fighters at Butchers

Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM

Game Keys: Summer is not the Sky Fighters friend (as witnessed by last weeks 6-1 loss to the Hookers). The Cloud Punchers tend to struggle with attendance in these warm weather months and then put on a surge towards the end of the season. And this year looks to be no different. Meanwhile, the Butchers are also doing what they always do. Winning some games. Losing some games. Drinking a lot of Vodka and Vitamin Water. The fact that Creamy is now bringing his own lawn chair to the matches is an indication of how intense these mid-season games are for the Meat Maulers. Expect this week to be no different. Our prediction is that team Captains Dan Hopper, Ben Bloom and Rachel Greene will allow the goalies to settle this match via the new Goalie Union approved method known as “Funky Arbitration”. This involves both keepers swapping equipment and seeing who can handle the stench longer (Interesting side note – neither Tim Brown or Craig LaCombe have ever lost in Funky Arbitration). While Eric and James see who has the stronger stomach, the rest of their mutual squads will decamp to the nearest watering hole to watch the sport of the summer, dressage. Well played, Captains, well played.

Mathematics at Happy Little Elves

By ORG Stringer Abby Meisterman

Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM

Game Keys: Wait for it, Eli. Abby wouldn’t let you down. Her writeup will appear later on today.

Filthy Gorgeous at What The Puck

Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM

Game Keys: Two of the best looking teams in the league throw down in what’s sure to be a tight (and sexy) match. Sure WTP has exercise video star Larry Zimmer and teen heartthrob Corey. But the FGs have their own VANITY FAIR model in newcomer Justin as well as BTSH’s answer to Channing Tatum, James Periera. Zimmer has been particularly ruthless in making sure that his team fits certain aesthetic standards, signing many players to what can only be described as “Abercrombie & Fitch” style contracts. Rumor has it that this is the real reason behind the departure of Adriano Bratta and the less than frequent Sal appearances in recent years. Meanwhile, the Dirty Prettys aren’t above playing the looks card either. Monica has apparently instructed her squad to “make the V necks even deeper” and it’s clear that Kamdyn Moore was brought on to the side to teach the Filthys the “sexy stretch” method of warming up that she has used effectively in other leagues. With the competition so close, it may come to down to the simplest of questions … does anyone have a brush they can lend Suz? If the answer is no, expect the decision to go to the team in (not very stylish) orange. Of course, if the only factor were pure hockey skill we would have to give this one to FG. But has there ever been a BTSH game where that was the only factor?