btsh.org

Make-up Game 29 Sept. 2007
THE REGULAR SEASON IS OFFICIALLY COMPLETE. Gavin ‘Dutch’s Brother’ Kearney scored the game-winning goal midway through the second half as the Corlears Hookers concluded the regular season with a 3-2 victory against the Mathematics. Albert ‘Al’ Huang and Brendan ‘Dutch’ Kearney also added goals for the Corlears Hookers, while Andy Pratt scored both goals for the Mathematics, including one less than ten seconds into the game.
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THIS WEEK’S GAMES

30-Sep – play-offs week 1

Noon C1 Mexican Standoff vs. Sky Fighters
Noon C2 Gouging Anklebiters vs. Cobra Kai
1pm C1 Fresh Kills vs. Lbs
1pm C2 Rehabs vs. Filthy Gorgeous
2pm C1 Corlears Hookers vs. winner of GAB/CK
2pm C2 Unicorns vs. winner of MEX/SF
3pm C1 Denim Demons vs. Bad Touch
3pm C2 What the Puck vs. Tuques
4pm C1 Pork Fried Rice vs. Mathematics
4pm C2 Dark Rainbows vs. Mighty Squirrels
(sunset 6:40pm)

THE WICKED AWESOME PLAY OFF PREVIEW!!!
By Eli Kazin and Derek Tagliarino
(aka The Ambiguously Straight Duo)

As promised, here are capsules for each playoff match-up this Sunday. If you want to voice your own opinion, please email us at themajordeegan [at] yahoo [dot] com and/or derektag [at] gmail [dot] com, and remember to keep it pithy. No bloviating, because that’s our job.
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(15) Mexican Standoff vs. (18) Sky Fighters
Synopsis: Neither of these two teams had a clear cut starting goalie this season. Mexican Standoff played almost everyone on their roster in goal, while the Sky Fighters used nearly every other BTSH goalie at one point or another. These two teams allowed the most and second most goals this season, so a high scoring game is expected. For the Sky Fighters, their strategy will center around getting Martin the ball and for J.R. Spiegel’s open fly to distract the Standoff players (thanks, Mulva). For Standoff, the strategy will involve copious amounts of alcohol.
* 2007 Result: Week 11 – Mexican Standoff 9, Sky Fighters 0
* Eli’s Pick: Sky Fighters. The coin came up heads.
* Derek’s Pick: Mexican Standoff holds Martin to a paltry three goals and wins a tight one, 4-3.
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(16) Gouging Anklebiters vs. (17) Cobra Kai
Synopsis: The Gouging Anklebiters have never lost to Cobra Kai, winning their three previous meetings by a combined score of 17-1. The normally stoic Charles DeFranco of the Gouging Anklebiters had the following to say about the Cobra Kai roster: “Greg stinks, Ara reeks, Laurie’s garbage, Ray sucks, Dave can’t play, Morgan smells, Rick is too afraid to show up, Rem is weak, Shannon checks people, Jonathan is clingy, Brian looks like Tim Olson, Mariko plays like a girl, Alexander plays like a girl, Peter is ugly, Mary is non-descript, Jerome is short, Enayet works in retail, Stephen has leprosy, Mike has no spirit, Christina is from New Jersey, Leah also smells, Lucas is always injured, and Stefanie does not get down on the low ones.”
* 2007 Result: Week 11 – Gouging Anklebiters 5, Cobra Kai 0
* Eli’s Pick: Gouging Anklebiters. This is not a good matchup for Cobra Kai at all.
* Derek’s Pick: Chuck backs up his rant and leads the ‘Biters to a resounding victory.
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(1) Corlears Hookers vs. Gouging Anklebiters/Cobra Kai
Synopsis: Despite an impressive performance this season, there has recently been dissension among the ranks of the Corlears Hookers. Star forward Brendan ‘Dutch’ Kearney, much to the dismay of his teammates, has received all of the accolades of the fans, the media, and the ladies. Gavin ‘Dutch’s Brother’ Kearney lamented, “All of those goals he scored? I set him up with gorgeous pinpoint passes…but, does he thank me? Nooooo!” Albert ‘Al’ Huang added, “His head has just gotten too big. He is not a team player anymore.” Whether the winner of the Gouging Anklebiters/Cobra Kai game can capitalize on this inner turmoil remains to be seen.
* 2007 Result: Week 1 – Corlears Hookers 3, Gouging Anklebiters 2; Week 7 – Corlears Hookers 6, Cobra Kai 0
* Eli’s Pick: Corlears Hookers. The ‘Biters have the potential for the upset, though.
* Derek’s Pick: Dutch Fever continues and the Hookers cruise to a win.
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(2) Unicorns vs. Mexican Standoff/Sky Fighters
Synopsis: Despite missing Hector ‘$howT!m3′ Melendez for three games when he crashed through the metal fence and onto the FDR Drive, the Unicorns secured the second seed on the final weekend of the regular season. With a solid defense in front of him, Craig ‘Ug’ Lacombe finished the season tied for fewest goals allowed, while the offense was led by the fleet trio of Chris Eng, $howT!m3, and Alex ‘Villano VI’ Zabala. Of course, Dale from the Sky Fighters won the arm wrestling contest, so take that, Ted!
* 2007 Result: Week 14 – Unicorns 7, Mexican Standoff 4; Week 9 – Unicorns 5, Sky Fighters 1
* Eli’s Pick: Unicorns. They were upset in the first round last year, but that’s not going to happen again.
* Derek’s Pick: Ug plays another stellar game for the Unicorns, then forces everyone to hear about it at the Johnson’s later on.
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(3) Dark Rainbows vs. (14) Mighty Squirrels
Synopsis: How many Dark Rainbows can you name? It’s one, right…Jesus, everyone gets that one. There are actually twenty other players on their roster, but the Mighty Squirrels are too drunk to notice. The Squirrels have mastered the art of losing close games, and also boast the best cheerleader in the league, Jason ‘Cheek’ Cheek (like this: points to cheek). When reached for comment on the Dark Rainbows’ chances this weekend, Andrea ‘Vegetable Lasagna’ Schloeder shrewdly replied, “Please.”
* 2007 Result: Week 14 – Dark Rainbows 2, Mighty Squirrels 0
* Eli’s Pick: Dark Rainbows. They flew under the radar, and that’s how they like it.
* Derek’s Pick: The Squirrels manage to keep Scrappy as far away from the goal as possible, but still lose.
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(4) What the Puck vs. (13) Tuques
Synopsis: CHONNNNNNNNNN-GO! CHONNNNNNNNNN-GO! CHONNNNNNNNNN-GO! Cue laughter from Rod. Larry looks on in silence. Just another day for What The Puck as they look to repeat as BTSH champions. Oh, and the Tuques have Minkus, so they have that going for them.
* 2007 Result: Week 2 – What The Puck 5, Tuques 1
* Eli’s Pick: What The Puck. Too much offense, too many Canadians.
* Derek’s Pick: Rod plays out of his mind but loses the shutout with 2 minutes to go. WTP takes it, 5-1.
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(5) Denim Demons vs. (12) Bad Touch
Synopsis: These teams were two of the most improved during the 2007 season. The Denim Demons are led by the iron-fisted captaining of Adam ‘The Legend Killer’ Rubens and the comedic antics of ‘Hacksaw’ Jim Dandeneau, although the scoring trio of Micael Holmström, Zack Tinkelman, and Jeff Kamen contributed to their success as well. The Bad Touch is led by Coop, the meanest gunslinger in the West. Like Billy the Kid and Jesse James, Coop and his posse of Bad Touchers have stolen several victories from unsuspecting citizens. Can The Legend Killer corral these bandits?
* 2007 Result: Week 14 – Denim Demons 5, Bad Touch 1
* Eli’s Pick: Bad Touch. They wear their alternate red jerseys and totally confuse the Demons.
* Derek’s Pick: Demons. This pick saddens me.
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(6) Pork Fried Rice vs. (11) Mathematics
Synopsis: These two teams finished first and second in the 2006 regular season standings, but attendance issues, old age, and marital bliss contributed to both teams suffering down seasons. Pork Fried Rice, when all their players show up, are one of the most dangerous teams in the league. However, captain Ant ‘Father Time’ Ventolieri is day-to-day with a strained white beard. For the Mathematics, Andy and Sarah Pratt return from their honeymoon, much to the delight of backup goaltender Derek Tagliarino, who trembles in fear at urban street rapper Brian ‘Grandmaster B’ Barrett’s shot.
* 2007 Result: Week 4 – Mathematics 5, Pork Fried Rice 0
* Bob W.’s Pick: PFR shows up with three guys and one gal, ties the game with a minute in regulation and wins in a shoot out.
* Schuie’s Pick: PFR-3 MATH-2.
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(7) Fresh Kills vs. (10) LBS
Synopsis: After losing seven of their first ten games, LBS rebounded with a five game winning streak that included wins against What The Puck and the Denim Demons. They are led by Ken ‘The Alpha Male’ Poulin, who finished the season with 102 goals, breaking the previous record of 97, which was set by Ellery ‘The Nature Boy’ Gillette of the Denim Demons during the 2003 season. However, all records from that season are in the name of Gillette, who just so happened to be in charge of league statistics. Fresh Kills intends to counter Poulin with the defensive prowess of Jeff Lesser, although his turbo mode will only be available for one shift during the game, so choose wisely.
* 2007 Result: Week 17 – Fresh Kills 3, LBS 2 (OT)
* Eli’s Pick: Fresh Kills. They beat LBS last week, so the assumption is that they will do it again.
* Derek’s Pick: LBS. The Alpha Male sets a playoff record with 10 goals (beating out Ellery from 2003).
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(8) Rehabs vs. (9) Filthy Gorgeous
Synopsis: The Rehabs are another team that underachieved this season, as their chronic attendance problems shockingly reappeared each week. Despite these issues, the Rehabs still boast one of the top duos in the league in ‘Con Ed’ Lau and Jon Feldman. Although they lost some of their key players from 2006 to the two new teams, Filthy Gorgeous managed to finish in ninth place for the second straight season. They feature one of the best solo acts in the league in Paul ‘Ashy Larry’ Vernon, who has vowed to bring his team “from ashy to classy.”
* 2007 Result: Week 17 – Rehabs 2, Filthy Gorgeous 1
* Eli’s Pick: Rehabs. This low seed can make a run at the championship.
* Derek’s Pick: The Con Ed/Feldman line lights it up, sending Filthy back to the projects.
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BTSH WEEKLY RECAP – 23 SEPT. 2007
by Eli Kazin

The regular season is (almost) over. The playoffs are just around the corner, and anyone can win the title. Look for a playoff preview towards the end of the week. Catch me at the courts, the bars, or email me at themajordeegan [at] yahoo [dot] com with anything noteworthy. Onto the results…
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The Games

HATS OFF TO TOM MACDONALD. Tom MacDonald scored three goals, including two in the final five minutes of the game, as What The Puck clinched the fourth seed with a 6-4 victory against the Denim Demons. The Denim Demons, behind two goals from Micael Holmström and one goal from Mike Pereira, had rallied from a three goal second half deficit to tie the game. Darrell ‘Accurate Bob’ Hartman scored two goals and Corey ‘Chongo’ Winters added one goal for What The Puck, while Jeff Kamen also scored a goal for the Denim Demons.

GET USED TO THE NOON START TIME. In a noon matchup between two teams that could find themselves in the 15 to 18 seeded play-in games next weekend, Megan Kelly’s deflection proved to be the game winner, as the Gouging Anklebiters beat the Mighty Squirrels, 2-1. Eric ‘El Guapo’ DiPierri also scored a goal for the Gouging Anklebiters, while the Mighty Squirrels goal was scored by Mike Mincieli.

SHANE DEBLASIO HAS NO MORE GOALS IN RESERVE. Shane DeBlasio scored two second half goals, and Alexandre Frenette scored the game winner in overtime, as Fresh Kills rallied for a 3-2 victory against LBS. Karsten Pichon and Dustin Shutes each scored a goal for LBS.

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN GAMES START ON TIME. Tim Hannon scored three goals, and Brian ‘Grandmaster B’ Barrett added two goals, as Pork Fried Rice defeated Mexican Standoff, 7-2. The first few minutes of the game were played three-on-three, as Mexican Standoff had no women at the time, and Pork Fried Rice had only three players besides their goalie. Ant ‘Father Time’ Ventolieri and Mike ‘Cupcake’ Bartlett each added a goal for Pork Fried Rice, while Tommy Cho and Jeffrey Hendricks were the goal scorers for Mexican Standoff.

MINKUS CAN NOT WIN THE GAME THAT MATTERS MOST. Molly Holder and Theo Waters each scored a goal as the Rehabs doubled up the Tuques, 2-1. Pete Wilson scored the lone goal for the Tuques, while Minkus suffered his only loss of the day, as he also filled in, and recorded wins, for the Gouging Anklebiters and What The Puck.

WHY AM I DOMINO? John Nielsen, P.T. Walkley, and Sean Reynolds each scored two goals, as the Dark Rainbows clinched the third seed with an 8-2 victory against Cobra Kai. Josh Wilson and Lindsey Foehrenbach also scored goals for the Dark Rainbows, while Peter Oblamski and Ray ‘Domino’ Chan were the goal scorers for Cobra Kai.

J.P. CHAPUT AND THE REHABS DOUBLE THEIR PLEASURE. J.P. Chaput scored two second half goals as the Rehabs rallied for a 2-1 victory against Filthy Gorgeous. Anthony Romeo registered 24 saves for the victory, while Suvin Malik scored the lone goal for Filthy Gorgeous, with an assist to Jeff Giberstein.

SADLY, HE DID NOT WEAR RED PANTS. Jonathan Rick and James Pereira each scored two goals as Filthy Gorgeous defeated the Sky Fighters, 6-1. Ben Chadwick and Suvin Malik also added goals for Filthy Gorgeous, while Amy Lott scored the lone goal for the Sky Fighters.

DUTCH DOES NOT PLAY IN MEANINGLESS GAMES. With the top seed already clinched, Brendan ‘Dutch’ Kearney decided to play soccer, and missed the Corlears Hookers 3-1 victory against the Bad Touch. Kelly Buchanan, Peter ‘Purple Rain’ Putka, and Riley Olson each scored a goal for the Corlears Hookers. Amy Krawczyk scored the lone goal for the Bad Touch.

$HOWT!M3 RETURNS, DOES NOT SCORE. After missing three games with a injured foot after crashing through the metal fence and onto the FDR Drive, Hector ‘$howT!m3′ Melendez returned and provided an emotional lift as the Unicorns defeated the shorthanded Mathematics, 7-1, to clinch the second seed. Chris Eng notched the hat trick for the Unicorns, who also received goals from Allison Busch, Aaron Mullan, Brendan Grainger, and Courtney Butler. For the Mathematics, Andrew Lu scored the lone goal, and Georgine ‘Mulva’ Paulin played all fifty minutes as the only female in attendance.
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Nickname Nook With Derek Tagliarino
(please send all comments to derektag-at-gmail-dot-com)

Jerome Ramos of Cobra Kai is now Hornswoggle.
(http://youtube.com/watch?v=nda_OSWeyn8)

Mark McAdam of the Unicorns is now Boner.
(http://www.vidilife.com/video_play_371944_Boner_Stabone.htm)
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Unsung Hero of the Week

The unsung hero for this week is Caroline Currie of Fresh Kills, who took a ball to the mouth and another to the forehead in the first half (from the same opposing player, no less), uttered a few profanities, but did not miss a shift, and helped rally her team to victory. She also played in the All-Star Game as the female representative for Fresh Kills.
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2007 BTSH All-Star Game

Highlights from the All-Star Game:

– Referee Jim Dandeneau of the Denim Demons was ejected in the second half and replaced by Patrick Larsen of the Mighty Squirrels.
– Molly Jacobs of LBS jumped on the back of Eric ‘El Guapo’ DiPierri of the Gouging Anklebiters, because referee Alex Eben Meyer, also known as Coop, told her she would earn a penalty shot if she did. Unfortunately, Jacobs failed to score on the penalty shot, and took a hard fall after failing to latch on to El Guapo’s back.
– P.J. Lopez of Pork Fried Rice scored the only goal in the all-goalie halftime spectacle.
– MultiBall proved successful, as most of the goals during the game were scored in these short interludes.
– After four defeats, Black team captain Molly Jacobs finally won an All-Star Game.
– El Guapo, James Pereira of Filthy Gorgeous, and Dave Sokolyansky of Fresh Kills each scored goals during the non-MultiBall part of the game.
– At the conclusion of the game, Jim Dandeneau and The Fourth Estate successfully dumped a bucket of ice water onto league executive Jeremy Schumacher of the Gouging Anklebiters.
– Craig ‘Ug’ Lacombe of the Unicorns did not streak.
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News and Notes

Molly Holder, Theo Waters, and Dustin Shutes scored their first BTSH goals….In a last ditch effort to avoid allowing any more regular season goals, What The Puck goalie Roderick ‘Guy LeDouche’ Cruz opted to sit out the game, claiming “business emergencies.”
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Upcoming Schedule

29-Sep-2007

Mathematics (7-8-0-1) vs. Corlears Hookers (15-1)
*make up game

30-Sep-2007 – play-offs week 1

Noon C1 Mexican Standoff vs. Sky Fighters
Noon C2 Gouging Anklebiters vs. Cobra Kai
1pm C1 Fresh Kills vs. Lbs
1pm C2 Rehabs vs. Filthy Gorgeous
2pm C1 Corlears Hookers vs. MEX/SF
2pm C2 Unicorns vs. GAB/CK
3pm C1 Denim Demons vs. Bad Touch
3pm C2 What the Puck vs. Tuques
4pm C1 Pork Fried Rice vs. Mathematics
4pm C2 Dark Rainbows vs. Mighty Squirrels
(sunset 6:40pm)

THIS WEEK’S GAMES – note the earlier times!!!

23-Sep-2007

Noon C1 Rehabs vs. Filthy Gorgeous (make-up game)
Noon C2 Mighty Squirrels vs. G.Anklebiters
1pm C1 Filthy Gorgeous vs. Sky Fighters
1pm C2 Tuques vs. Rehabs
2pm C1 Denim Demons vs. WTP
2pm C2 Mexican Standoff vs. PFR
3pm C1 Unicorns vs. Mathematics
3pm C2 Bad Touch vs. C.Hookers
4pm C1 Dark Rainbows vs. Cobra Kai
4pm C2 Fresh Kills vs. Lbs
5pm C1 All Star Game
(sunset 6:52pm)
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ALL STAR GAME

the all star game will be at 5pm, sunday sept. 23, 2007.

there will be two players sent from each team, one male and one female.

contact your team captain for more information.

one new twist to the all star game this year: MULTI-BALL! there will be a
few random “multi-ball” periods in the game. an airhorn will sound, lots of
balls will be thrown on to the court, and teams can try to shoot in as many
balls as can until the horn sounds again. there will be goal judges to count
the goals during the multi-ball period.

there may also be a 5 minute all-goalie game during the intermission.

contact bobw if you’re interested in participating in the goalie game.
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LISTINGS
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WELDER NEEDED

the league needs some light welding done. we’re trying to acquire a few goal
frames from a supplier, but they need to be welded together. if anybody can
help out with this project in the next 2 weeks, please let me know.
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ALR NYC – WALK WITH US TO CURE LUPUS

Volunteer and Support the Alliance for Lupus Research
Sunday, September 23, 2007! 
Join the ALR at The Meadowlands in New Jersey and “tackle” lupus with the help of the New York Jets!  The second annual ALR Lupus Awareness Day will increase awareness of lupus, the ALR’s Mission and most importantly, raise funds for research.  Volunteers are needed to assist with donation collection prior to the game and distribute ALR Lupus Awareness Bracelets at the Stadium Gates.  The first 30 volunteers to sign up will receive a long sleeve ALR Volunteer T-shirt, a ticket to stay and watch the New York Jets game against the Miami Dolphins and a snack and beverage voucher.  Cheer on the Jets as they play the Miami Dolphins, join the crowd in recognizing ALR’s top fundraisers from local Walk with Us to Cure Lupus events and help the ALR in our quest for a cure!

ims [at] lupusresearch [dot] org
http://www.lupusresearch.org/

For more info, contact rob-skyfighters: .
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New York City Hockey Player Blog

Inspired by our very own Eli, I’ve created a new blog/website for New York city ice, roller and ball hockey players called (somewhat imaginatively) New York City Hockey Player . It’s designed to be a clearing house for news about pickup games, leagues, equipment, my rants and raves and anything else hockey related I can fit in there. I’m hoping it will also be a good way for BTSHers to keep up with each other and the New York hockey scene during the off-season. If you’ve got a league or event you want to publicize or just feeling like airing out your opinion in public, drop me a line at nychockeyplayer@gmail.com or at the site, .

Thanks,
Patrick (Mighty Squirrels)
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BEACH PARTY!

THE EIGHTH ANNUAL “BUDDY CHECK” BEACH PARTY
Saturday, September 22, 2007
from dark (9:22pm) thru the next day …
– dance the night away on the beach – run around naked or fully clothed –
– swim in the mighty atlantic ocean – warm your body by the raging fire –
– camp on the beach through morning – make love to the moon & the stars –

Location: West Gilgo Beach, NY

This is an all-night outdoor party. Accomodations will be provided by you and nature. Please prepare accordingly. The party is on rain or shine. For more info, contact Sasha (Tuques) abouis [at] gmail [dot] com
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TERRY FOX RUN FOR CANCER RESEARCH
The NY Terry Fox Run is being held on Oct 13 at 9:30am in Central Park.
In 1980, after he lost a leg to cancer, he set out to run across Canada to raise money for Cancer research. He ran a marathon each and every day for 142 days until his “Marathon of Hope” was halted because his cancer had spread to his lungs. He ended up dying months later, but his spirit lives on.
www.terryfoxrunnyc.org or contact dean-tuques for more info:
dean.keyworth [at] us.hsbc [dot] com.
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FLORIDA TOURNEY
USA BALL HOCKEY SOUTHERN REGIONAL STREET HOCKEY TOURNAMENT
NEW PORT RICHEY, FLORIDA
OCTOBER 27th-28th
FEE: $500 PER TEAM

CONTACT MATT GARRY AT 1-813-818-1312 MGARRY3 [at] TAMPABAY.RR [dot] COM
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5K RACE FOR BIG BROTHERS/SISTERS – SEPT. 29, 2007

Hey guys and Gals, a few Rehab’s are running in a 5K race to raise money for Big Brothers Big Sisters organization of NYC. Big Brothers Big Sisters provides mentors to children who need adult role models in their lives, so it’s definitely a great cause. A lot of you contributed last year, which was
great, and our team was actually recognized at the race as one of the top 5 fundraisers. If you think you might want to make a donation, please click on the link below. Every little bit helps!

For more info, go to

https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=202125&lis=1&knt
ae202125=0807EC18B0EE49BE9D0E0DB05539C35E&supId=180640055
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[bw]