btsh.org

By Richieohero

Third Star

Happy Little Elves!!

The last two times the Elves played were not good. In 2015 Ben Chadwick eliminated what he loved most in life, by beating them 3-0 in the play-in game, and 3-0 in the overall Karma vs. Elves series. The Elves then disbanded and became the evil Fuzz. The Elves returned for one game against Gut Rot, and proceeded to do what they did best. Lose in humiliating fashion.

On Sunday Sarah T. and Chadwick proudly wore their Elves shirts in the ASG, and both scored a goal.* (*= I seriously doubt either scored a goal)

Dark Rainbows gave the Biters a run for their beer, but a late surge pushed the Biters to victory.

The Hookers rode the Demons for another impressive win. Keeping them in the race for the division crown.

Fresh Kills bounced back from last week’s hiccup by swatting aside those pesky Sky Fighters (who are a lot more talented than some writers are giving them credit for).

Zach and Math won the Couch Bowl over Diane and Gut Rot. Now that’s where he’ll be spending his nights for the foreseeable future.

Stupid Cobra Kai knocked Ryann out of Survivor Pool Part Deux by losing to Mega Touch. Great play in net Jeff!

Rehabs continued their dominance over the Jamie-less Gremlins. Welcome back Ramirez!

Steven and Instant Karma owned the first half against Filthier, but then Ann, James and Sunny did their thing. Sigh.

LBS came back against the Pucks to steal a win in regulation thanks to the defensive heroics of Hilldawg and Alex.

The Fuzz and Poutine brawl went extra innings with old man Walsh getting body slammed into the pavement by Nicorette, but Fuzz laughed last. Fun fact about Rich, he is the proud owner of a Ronkonkoma condo’s.

The Riots shocked the league by upending the heavily favored Butchers. Nice win today Dave GDR! 

What the Puck at LBS, Inc.

By Tracy Demon

Such is the anticipation around this matchup that members of The Media were literally* fighting (*not at all literally) over who would write the preview. In one corner, we have the still undefeated LBS, and while you kind of want to hate them, many of them are nice people who engage in acts of charity like trying to teach me hockey and keeping Blink-182 relevant. In the other corner, we have the sometimes-defeated but always scrappy What the Puck, best known for having top-notch graphic design, at least two cute dogs that I know of, several players with cool hair, and also being nice and fun people goddamn it. Make no mistake: the niceness ends at puck drop, and the Pucks are gonna give this Div 1 team a fight.

Prediction: The Pucks win our hearts and minds, but victory stays in Poundtown this weekend, 4-2. Hoggy consoles himself by murdering another sandwich. Justin shakes it off and goes on to design the best Twin Dekes shirt the Ocean City tournament has ever seen.

Gouging Anklebiters at Dark Rainbows

The Anklebiters and Dark Rainbows are kicking off All-Sunday in pure BTSH fashion.  They have an agreement in place that the team that scores must polish off a tall boy between all five players on the asphalt rink before the faceoff.  (Somewhere in Cleveland Sam N is smiling.)  With Greenwald rumored to be in net for the mighty Bows there is a good chance that the collective Biters squad will be hammered midway through the second half.

Prediction: the BTSH gods approve of this debauchery and bless both teams with an absurd amount of puck (ball) luck with the Biters winning 12-9.  Neither team’s representatives finish the All-Star Game.

The 2019 BTSH All Star Game is this Sunday, 6/9 (Nice) at 6:30 pm on the West Court following the conclusion of Fresh Kills steam rolling Sky Fighters.

It looks like it is going to be a beautiful day, so clear your schedules, rest your vocal chords and stock up on liquid courage.

Gigantic sandwiches will be arriving to the sidelines around 4 pm.  Yum!