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Friendly reminder that we have the ASG coming up next Sunday. Stay for Four-Foot long sammies (no jumbo bagels) and the skills comp.

On the box scores…

Hookers 3 @ Rehabs 1

Hookers – Sarah N (1), CJ “not the running back” Anderson (2), Joe M (1, EN)

Goalie Win – Dustin O (4-0, GAA 0.49, 2 shutouts)

Rehabs – Hicks (5)

Goalie Loss – Max the FA

Game Notes: Whoah, Hookers beat Rehabs. Cool. Must be because of that all-star goalie. Look at those shiny numbers!

Advncd Anlytcs: Wait, since when did we have the ability to track empty net goals?

Gut Rot 3 @ Instant Karma 5

Rout Rot – Akhil (1), Jeff x2 (2)

Goalie Loss – Sam (0-4)

IK – Brianna V (1), Brett C x2 via FA, Sara via FA, Scory Cory V (2)

Goalie Win – Charlie O’D via Goals Allowed Anonymous

Game Notes: Apparently if Gut Rot continues playing after a ball hits someone in the face, it’s okay, and they can keep playing until they score? Can old school and new school figure out what to do here, notwithstanding any bullock’s sexual innuendos it raises, and whether or not it changes a certain sweetheart perception?  

Advncd Anlytcs: 6/7 karmas don’t care about advanced stats. Or is it 6 foot 7 karmas…

Dark Rainbows 2 @ Tompkins Square Riots 1

Dank Bows – Tarnado (1), Ryan M (1)

Goalie Win – David “he knows his stats aren’t good [but now they look better]” G (2-4)

Riots – David “Mike Danton’s v fave agent” Frost (2)

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (1-3)

Game Notes: No baby powder was harmed in the production of these two points.

Pounds 3 @ Fuzz 2

Pounds – Macayla (1), Jake C (1), Denis via FA

Goalie Win – Mike Sizzler (5-0, GAA 1.60)

Fuzz – Gil’s nephew’s uncle (3), Miles (1)

Goalie Loss – Tim Bwn (2-2, GAA 1.75)

Game Notes: When does Teets McGee come back for his scoring title? Week 8? Pushing it a little bit man.

Sky Fighters 3 @ What the Puck 2 F/SO

SkyF – Matt (1), Wes (1)

Goalie Win – Peter Parker B via FA

Shootout Winner – Infanti

WTP – Annie A (1), Sam McI (4)

Goalie Loss – Ed P

Game Notes: After meeting WTP founder Larry Zed-mer earlier in the week, Annie scored her first goal for DaPucks to get her side back on the board, bringing the score back to 2-1 in the first period. After another girl goal, tying the game shortly thereafter, Annie almost had another but for a diving Peter Parker stifling a back door scoring chance to keep the game tied going into half time. After being lulled to sleep by their opponent’s lack of positive corsi for the duration of the game thereafter, WTP failed to score on any of their shootout attempts.

Advncd Anlytics: Poke check on every shootout attempt. Is foolproof.

Cobra Kai 5 @ Mathematics 2

CK – Liam (2), Big “Greedy Provider” Russ (2), Eff Gill Ween x2 (4), Rachel (1)

Goalie Win – Max via FA

Math – John M (1), Eli (1)

Goalie Loss – David L (2-3, GAA 2.75)

Game Notes: Forget about goalie, I think if Cobra Kai added a dog to the roster, the pupper might outscore some of the players on the rooster. Russ has only two so far, but the doggo likely could snip 3 on a Fourth Division beatdown day game.

Fresh Kills 1 @ Filthier 2

FK – Nate (6)

Goalie Loss – Barch Not Piled (1-3, GAA 2.20)

Filthier – Ann (1), Sunny (4)

Goalie Win – Tim K (4-1, GAA 1.57)

Game Notes: Obligatory “Filthier got the job done without making a barch pile” game note.

Advncd Anlytcs: After getting one called back last week, Ann made sure to get one that counted this time around, setting the tone for two filthy points.

Gouging Anklebiters 3 @ Butchers 0 PPD

GANK – Probert x2 (4), Sarah M (2)

Goalie of Record – Craig LaC (3-1, GAA 0.80)

Butchers – Nada de Pig Knife Ball in Net

Goalie of Record – Tim Burke (1-1, GAA 2.00)

Game Notes: After playing through the first monsoon, on the west court of all things, play was suspended after the secondary rainfall hit Tompkins Square Park with roughly 5 minutes left in the game. Jason Bourne couldn’t retrace his steps to the rink this week, but luckily Probert found his scoring touch, putting up a pair of his own for a change this year.

Mega Touch 2 @ Denim Demons 1 F/SO

Touch em Mega – Natasha (1)

Goalie Win – Mike “Waffelboard” T (2-3, GAA 2.69)

Shootout Winner – Joe

DenDems – Miles S (7)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Zach L (2-2-1, GAA 1.35)

Game Notes: A tight contest was decided in the 9^th round of the shootout (the only successful shootout attempt to boot, and better yet, no full parabola rebound bounces were necessary to score this time).

Advncd Anlytcs: Louie/Louis/Lewiiiii held up his standard performance of 2019, only allowing a goal through 55 minutes and only on more in a 9-round shootout. Unfortunately for the first time all-star, his counterpart on this day –big waffleboard T-man – was just a little bit better, stopping every attempt in the shootout and leading Mega to the extra point.

Poutine Machine @ Gremlins PPD

Game Notes: Walker may lament about the lack of playing time but we all know he’ll forget about it the day they have their double header. Too bad that smart (ass*) guy James won’t still be around to ruin it though (*in accordance with old school methodology, he was good at something; therefore, he shall be sl00t shamed and declared a dick!).

Advncd Anlytcs: Still not sure why Walker never ended up being a goalie, especially an FA one…dat playing time arbitrage doe.