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Hookers took out the Rehabs in a tight contest with Danilo and Sarah doing work.

Karma borrowed a couple Goonies to fight off the agave powered Gut Rot.

A sweet and timely goal Tarnado ensured that the Rainbows would prevail over the Riots.

LBS still remains undefeated thanks to a humongous goal by Big Mic against Fuzz.

Sky Fighters got back into the win column win a shootout win against WTP.

Campbell may have moved on but Cobra Kai didn’t seem to notice as they upended Math.

Rain Fears washed out the Diana v Creamy and Gremlins v Poutine games.

Filthier continues to be Fresh Kills kryptonite.

A Neil-less Demons team lost in a shootout to Alex’s Mega Touch.

See you next week!

Gouging Anklebiters at Butchers

By Wiliam Oliver Yetter

Oh baby the potential for drama at this game is SWEEEEEET! Because everyone knows Diana and Creamy got married two weeks ago (for “tax purposes” according to a source close with Creamy) but the fireworks will be this weekend when they have their first fight as a married couple. Marriage Fight!  Marriage Fight! Marriage Fight! Yeah Diana loves her new husband and possibly baby Oscar (unconfirmed) but the game’s the game and shit will go down. STAB! KICK! PUNCH!

DRAMA Meter (1-10): 7. Let’s be real: worst case scenario at least Oscar starts to cry and they can’t agree on who has to take a shift off and take care of him.

So many sub plots:

• It will interesting to see if Probie plays with same passion and intensity after reading (lets be real… Writing!) the whole old school vs new school thing. THEORY-  Probie wrote (or had Charlotte write) the article to stifle the play of his teammate Jason because people were starting to question who is the best player is. OMG what if the best Player is SUPER Dave?!
• DRAMA Meter: 6. Rumors and innuendo are the fucking lifeblood of this beautiful league.
• Will the commissioners deliberately sabotage Cheeky and bring her ice stick to the game, sending her into a rage and leading to a dominant performance?! I don’t know. All I know is that she will go off about something. I just fucking pray it’s a battle with Shuie because the blast radius on that would destroy everything. BURN IT ALL DOWN, BABY!!!!!!!
• DRAMA Meter: 10. OMG PLEASE! The Mere suggestion of Shuie and Cheeky drama is the crème de la crème of drama.
• Which virgin dork will have sex first – Derho or Brady? Neither. It won’t happen. They’re both unattractive and lack personality. They will die virgins.
• DRAMA Meter: 1. No real drama here, just two boring nerds. Best case scenario – both get hit in the nuts on the same shot.
• The other day I was reading an old People magazine and saw an article that said Rachel and Craig used to be an item… that shit is like the habanero hot sauce on top of this already spicy game! OMG what if one of them still has feelings? Can you imagine! Craig: “OMG I STILL LOVE YOU, Rachel!”  Rachel: “OMG!I always did like when you wore your hockey mask to bed.”
• DRAMA Meter: 3. Nah….Craig is a boring old man who is all about his kids and shit now.

Prediction: FINAL SCORE 27 DRAMA POINTS! OHH BABY that’s a LOT OF DRAMA! Also, the Biter’s will win the game something like 5-2.

LBS, Inc. at Fuzz

The BTSH equivalent of Hell in a Cell.

All bets are off when these two powder houses clash (literally, as no one is taking either this week in the Survivor Pools).  LBS may be the only undefeated team the league at 5-0-0 (10 pts), with impressive wins against Cobra Kai, Filthier and Hookers, but Fuzz has been gaining momentum over the past couple of games.  Not only that, but the media has learned that LBS’ old net minder, former distinguished commissioner T-Brown, has been duped into defending the cage full time for our greasy feathered friends.

Prediction: Timmy Baby upsets his old team by shutting down Luke & Co. and helping Fuzz to a 3-1 victory.

At 2:28 pm this afternoon an anonymous source shared with the media a wild rumor about Cobra Kai. After doing some fact checking we can confirm this to be true. We are just as shocked as you will be.

By An Anonymous Source

As you know, Campbell has moved on to bigger and better things and Cobra Kai is in need of a goalie. But did you know that the new goalie might be a DOG?!

The 2019 BTSH All Star Game will be held on June 9th following the conclusion of Fresh Kills beating the daylights out of the Sky Fighters on the West Court.

Each team will select a female and male sucker to represent their squad while the refs and organizers subject them to demoralizing hijinks.

You won’t want to miss out on heckling your peers!