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Instant Karma at Sky Fighters

By The Meatbox

Gather round BTSH loyal subjects for I am about to tell you a story. The story is about my dear friend Robert. Robert is very similar to a lot of you. He cares deeply about his community (he’s a crime stopper after all), he has a thing for moms, and he loves the game of hockey. The one thing Robert has that you don’t is a Ronkonkoma Condo. But if you pay close attention to this tale, you too may find a way to own one.

Now, Robert didn’t just wake up one day and say “today I will buy a condominium in the legendary neighborhood of Ronkonkoma”; nobody just wakes up and purchases one of those illustrious pieces of land. Years of blood, sweat, and tears went into this. Robert trained for hours to rise up the crime stopper ranks to make this happen. He became an expert at answering the phone on the first ring, he became a legend in his local cross fit gym- soccer moms were always on the brink of destruction, he perfected counting to fooooooouuurrr, and then he poached a shit ton of BTSH players, rebranded his team to make one of them happy and went on to win a BTSH title and later buy a condo. The end.

Now looking at this matchup Karma seems like a team that could be on the cusp of Robertdom. They’ve put in their blood, sweat, and tears. They’ve trained for moments like this, putting in hours on the blacktop and at the bar. They’re really, really, ridiculously good looking which generally means things come easier for them in life. They’re just a poach or two and a rebrand away from something special… dare I say, bangin’, no, dare I say uber bangin’.

On the other side of the court we see what happens when you don’t protect your assets. Assholes like Poutine befriend them, threaten to rip your throat out, and steal all your brand new players. Dear readers, let this be a lesson to all of us: the devil comes like a thief in the night. And the Devil’s name is Brian Sullivan. However, the Sky Fighters still have Stein, Mia, Caroline and Infanti, members of the legendary Sky Fighters team that upset Robert in his first bid at BTSH glory and Ronkonkoma home ownership. Can these four rally the troops to collect the Sky Fighters first winning streak of the young season?

Prediction: Friedman brings his A-game and the post shootout jump into Derek’s arms is completely unneeded as this game doesn’t go to a shootout. The Sky Fighters keep it interesting, but in the end Chadwick’s height, the Tremble sisters’ charisma and Isaac’s Hemsworth-esque looks are too much for them to overcome. Karma wins this one 4-1, pushing their win streak to 3 games and letting the league know that they’re not just here to be really, really ridiculously good looking. Buckle up.

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What The Puck at Gremlins

By Regina George

The Pucks skated by the Riots last week. I forget the score but it was a lot to a little. Meanwhile, the Gremlins had their hands full with the Rainbows, beating them in a shootout.

And now for a comprehensive list that has almost nothing to do with hockey. DISCLAIMER: If I say “no offense” you can’t be offended. It’s the law.

Better hair: WTP in a landslide (Henry and Mike D with the flow but even Hogg has a fancy haircut. Anyone ever notice how guys in a relationship have better hair than when they were single?)  

Better goalie: Gremlins (No offense Ed, but Jamie has this on lock. You want to hate him but he’s just too nice and happy. Has anyone seen him frown? The media would appreciate a hot tip.)

Better fashion: WTP. Walker wears band t-shirts from when he was 18 and Cody has that eyesore of a hat. (no offense Cody). (just like, get a better hat). 

Better ladies: WTP has Sam (who scored a hat trick last weekend), Annie and Emily but the Gremlins have Marcella, Allison and Courtney. I’m calling this a tie. 

Better chill factor: I’m not saying the Gremlins can’t hang but I’m also saying a certain member (it was Erich okay, twist my arm) said he doesn’t hang out after games. I’ve seen more WTP players stick around than Gremmies. You can score all the goals in the world, ERICH (and salt boyzzz), but if you can’t chug a beer after a game WHAT’S THE POINT.

Both of these teams are pretty good this year but I’m going to give the advantage to the pucks. While the Gremlins have had some great victories (beating fresh kills) WTP has been more consistent.

Prediction: Pucks win 3-1 and Cody gets hit in the nads 0 times.

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By Jess

Third Star

Liz from LBS

After being savaged by Rich in the previews, Liz scored the first goal of the game for the Lbs and more notably the first goal of the season against the Hookers. +1 for feminism and -1 for the patriarchy!!!! 

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By Charlotte & Jess

One of the most fun Saturday’s of the year has come and gone and we have learned nothing in terms of appropriate number of beverages to drink in between charity hockey games. Please enjoy this highlight filled recap of the day.

BTSH vs People too old to still care about lacrosse

The day started off with some washed up lax bros trying to steal the rink. Gold star to the parks department, who issued a double permit to two different intramural leagues. Cries of “but i have permits” could be heard around the LES as a 70 year old lax goalie tried to muscle Rachel off of our rink. But if you’ve played against Rachel you know it’s pretty hard to muscle her off of anything and she held strong. Our lord and savior of the parks dept (BSA) redeemed Poutine in the eyes of many by making one swift phone call to the CEO or Emperor or whatever.

The basketball courts vs the Mofo Rink

A tough surface to play on with many a ball lost, all teams playing on the basketball courts made the best of the situation and still were able to play some pretty amazing hockey. Hats off to you guys.

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MDF and the Butchers upset the heavily favored Rehabs and in the process vanquished Rich from another Survivor Pool!  

The Demons fell behind 3-1 in the second half to Instant Karma, but surged back to force OT, which eventually went to a shootout with Cory and Steven playing hero again for Karma. 

BSA bounced back up from a Charity faceplant to help his Pous to defeat resilient Mega Touch team. 

Mike D put on a memorable performance on Friday night and kept on rock’n against the Riots.  

Dark Rainbows feel behind early due to a goalie snafu, but Yetter lead his Bows back against the Gremlins, who won in a shootout. 

Must have been shootout day, because the Biters and Filthier had to decide their contest with a skills competition.  Two points to House Filthier.  

With Campbell back in next Cobra Kai got revenge against Fuzz in the rematch of last year’s championship game.  

LBS came from behind on the Hookers to celebrate Zisser and Hildawg’s birthday with Liz scoring the game tying goal a day after Rich savaged her in the preview.

Sky Fighters and Gut Rot was arguably the game of the day as their shootout went seven rounds (!) with SF prevailing. 

Fresh Kills finally got their first win of the season against Mathematics.