Week 18 Previews – Part 1
August 16th, 2018Tompkins Square Riots at What the Puck – 12:30 pm, EAST
by Izzy
The Riots are not to be overlooked as they have impressive wins this season against the powerhouse Cobra Kai and surging Dark Rainbows. Despite last week’s hiccup this is the time of year when News Hour Mac’s rebellious burgundy brutes crank it up a notch or four. Plus, league underrated, but team appreciated, Kevin on defense has one of the most destructive inbound shots.
The Pucks can’t afford to be careless with Mega right on their heels.
We’re not sure which Pucks team is going to show up this Sunday. And no, we don’t mean what line combinations they’ll come up with out of their 20+ players. What we do mean is that the latest scuttlebutt coming out their clubhouse is that Susie and the gang are already looking forward to Hockey Beach next weekend. (And who can blame them?) With Mega Touch right on their heels for the Division 4 crown they better refocus and smell the salts for this divisional clash with the Riots.
Prediction: game goes to a shootout with Margot being the hero for the Riots, 3-2. Read the rest of this entry »
Three Stars of Week 17
August 15th, 2018
by Cat
The Media has been getting some heat for resting on our laurels, jokes wise. “Why don’t you have any new material?!” they say. Rain fears! Is a hot dog a sandwich! ROTY snubs! Lol shootouts! The most original thing out of the Media in 2018 is filling out a Mad Libs book that Isaac picked up in the checkout line at the Duane Reade. Look, we can’t all be Big Russ and Old Brett (another feud I’m trying to make happen while working on the beef beat) coming up with #newcontent to entertain the masses!
Big TYSM to Greenwald for sending this picture of himself at the Hot Legs competition to illustrate my points
Still, I didn’t major in Creative Writing to not put it to good use – so enjoy these #hottakes I came up with for a blog about a beer league:
Third Star
Sara K from Denim Demons
In spite of the heat and the double-header, the Demons went into Sunday with only three girls: new-Media-sweetheart Tracy, the free-agent-slash-honorary-DD Elaina, and insane-person-who-never-tires Sara. While Tracy and Elaina rotated on forward for their games against both Instant Karma and LBS, Sara played the whole damn time without any shifts.
Meanwhile, my roommate-slash-attendant Paolo (you may have seen him wearing a fringed crop top on the sidelines holding a fan that said “THWORP” – he’s taking custom crop top orders for next year) served me homemade hibiscus iced tea on the sidelines while I complained it was much too hot to only have 5 girls on our bench.
Yes, the Demons did actually lose both their games, but if you wanted Stars for winners only you can get Rich to write them next time!!!!! Sara is a goddamn champ!!! Read the rest of this entry »
Around the League – Week 17
August 13th, 2018
By Arya Stark
Karma gave up an early lead but topped the Demons 4-3 in OT.
Cobra Kai proved one preview writer to be genius as they did indeed win a tight 3-2 game over Filthier. The win along with the late game Poutine loss clinches the division for Cobra Kai and keeps them only one point back of Fuzz with a game in hand.
The LBS beat the Demons 3-1 in a close game featuring enough physical play and stick-work to feature an appearance from angry Eli. A regulation win over Filthier next week would clinch the top division for Poundtown.
The Rainbows beat Math in OT, giving them their first win streak since a three game streak on September 11th, 18th and 25th of 2016 which covered their last two games of that season and a playoff victory.
Karma won their second game of the day, upsetting heatstroke and the Butchers. The win keeps them in the 10 spot and in line for a first round bye.
The Fresh Kills pulled away late and beat the Gremlins 5-3 on a slick short side rip from Nick. No word on where Gabe and Ariel were though some people have floated their own theories.
The Hookers took care of business with a convincing 8-0 win over Cro’s favorite BTSH team, the Riots. Alas, he scored none of them and tried to avoid touching balls whenever possible.
What The Puck poured it on in the second half, burying the Skyfighters 6-0. Ball Hogg got the surprise start in net and picked up a shutout.
Mega kept pace with a surprise 3-0 win over a depleted Biters squad. The win keeps them one point back of WTP in the Southeast Division race with each team having two games left and Mega bearing the slightly tougher schedule.
Alas, there was no fairy tale ending this year as Fuzz took down Gut Rot. The win keeps them in the top slot although Cobra Kai has a game in hand. Fuzz clinched their division a few weeks ago.
The Rehabs beat Poutine 4-2 in a tight late game battle. Cherie buried a couple while Sully had one for Poutine. The win moves the Rehabs all the way up to the #5 seed in my totally unofficial and unverified league standings, which I have added below. This is not guaranteed to be accurate in any way. Game in hand means they’ve played 15 games as opposed to the 16 that most teams have completed by now. Poutine still has extra games over everyone as they’ve only played 14.
Unofficial Standings (follow at your own risk)
1 – Fuzz
2 – Cobra Kai (game in hand on Fuzz)
3 – LBS
4 – Filthier
5 – Rehabs
6 – Fresh Kills (game in hand)
7 – Poutine (two games in hand)
8 – Biters
9 – Gremlins (game in hand)
10 – Karma
11 – Hookers (game in hand)
12 – WTP
13 – Mega
14 – Butchers (game in hand)
15 – Math
16 – Sky Fighters (game in hand)
17 – Gut Rot
18 – Demons (game in hand)
19 – Rainbows (game in hand)
20 – Riots
2018: Week 15 Box Scores – Scoring Highlights
August 11th, 2018I’m preparing these in between chell games here at my friend’s place in the 6IX (see video linked below if you don’t know which city that is) before watching some tennis by York University. Hopefully we won’t get too close to Jane and Finch, but I did successfully make it through 4 months living in Weston so these box scores should hopefully be finalized before Sunday unless my work laptop is robbed by Roberts point (Suns out, guns out = snipe = gun = snipe = Roberts = NEWMAN).
Well, we made it (finally…!) On to the box scores…
FK 1 @ ‘biters 3
FK – Gabe (7)
Goalie Loss – Patty B (6-3-1, GAA of 2.40)
GANK – Probert x2 (18), Chris B (4)
Goalie Win – Timmy B (4-2 and shortly 4-3, GAA of 2.00 but rising)
Game Notes: Are Fresh Kills just lulling us all into a false sense of security? Yes, just remember that win against Rehabs just a few short weeks ago! (Oh look, such detailed box scores, much wow).
Gut Rot 2 @ Rainbows 5
Bitzez – #AkhilNation (6), Ramon S (7)
Goalie Loss – Ed “just post my GAA already” P (4-7, GAA of 3 point Johnny T)
Rainbows – Dan C via FA, Michael “I don’t always score – since I play for Rainbows – but when I do, I score in bunches” Yetter x2 (4), Juan-Karl-0 Stanton (2), Kat “Dragon” C (1)
Goalie Win – David “#myHotLegs2018” G (2-9, GAA of 3.33)
Game Notes: Greenwald emailed me the game sheet for his own game. Which I thought was odd, but then I presumed the inevitable, a defeat for the Gut Rot at the hands of some Dank Rainbows.
Quick Shifts: Did Rainbows just replace Gut Rot as league sweethearts? (I just threw up a little in my mouth typing that, but I’m sure that’s related to my travel and not typing out that preceding sentence)
‘biters 1 @ Fuzz 4 (game started Week 13, 17 minutes completed on Sunday from 2-1 Fuzz)
GANK – Probert (was his 15th, still at 17)
Goalie Loss – Timmy B (4-3, GAA of 2.29)
Fuzz! – Miles x3 (completed hat trick on Sunday for his 15th), Mike Teyt (16)
Goalie Win – Coach (10-1-1, GAA of 2.42)
Game Notes: There was little shade to be thrown around on Sunday, hopefully everyone had some sunscreen on.
Math 1 @ Fuzz 3
Math – Zach of the Norri Clan (3)
Goalie Loss – David L (3-8, GAA of whatever a gallon is, in litres)
Fuzz – Mike Teyt (17), Jeff x2 (16)
Goalie Win – Coach (11-1-1, GAA of 2.31)
Game Notes in a Meme:
The new dank meme in Mathland. Unfortunately last time I checked the standings, Fuzz wasn’t and isn’t straight trash (although they might have been alluded to as such, in reference to 2017 standings in a previous box score post, when Hicks played for them last year). They were straight dehydrated on Sunday, however.
Quick Shifts: Since Fuzz now have three players with more than 15 goals…is that the equivalent of having three 40 (or 50?!) goal scorers in the show?
Demons 3 @ Riots 1
Demons – Rubens (1), Zach “he be” Fein (5), Brian Bats (1)
Goalie Win – Zach L (3-7-1, GAA of 3.18)
Riots – David “Danton’s Favourite Agent” Frost (3)
Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (3-9-1)
Mega Clutch 2 @ DaPucks 0
Mega – Jeff “The B stands for Brains and Brawn” B (8), Jeff “The H doesn’t stand for Height” H (4)
Goalie Shutout Win: Tuckman (4-7-1, 2nd Shutout)
Goalie Loss – Scott H (5-8, GAA of 3 point Ovi)
Game Notes: Shelly, Alex EM and Tuckman (but mostly Shelly as she played the whole game) fended off DaPucks for what is probably a franchise record (low) 5th shutout this season (after not being shutout all of last year) in a high event hockey game that saw Jeff B and Eric D take it to WTP all game with their dump and chase gameplan. Jeff showed WTP what it looks like if you play big out there in Orange (and White and Black) a la Eric Lindros, being the clear difference maker with his GwG midway through the second frame. He also made sure to knock over Bagel Zac as he tried one of his not for the faint of the Brooklyn heart post-up power moves, making him look like a Beta Soy Boy in the process (this bit is just included so Hicks can get a laugh; the integrity of the statement is as accurate as saying Sig knocked down some ‘biters to get the shady side of the courts on Sunday). The B in Bagel stands for Beta.
Trending: Scott leaves for a couple weeks in August and left his best effort out there on court on Sunday, making numerous miraculous (how did that not go in?) saves in the first half to keep it scoreless at the break but the goose egg was not to be as Mega finally broke through in the second half and never looked back.
Northern Lingo: Will Arnett would say that Julie was totally being a goal suck. She could have at least tried some deking. (Again, this passage is just to post the link, and is as accurate as saying that the Shortis snubbed me off their OCMD roster…I would have defected anyways)
Rehabs 2 @ Pounds 6
Rehabs – Brian “I only screen for sunscreen” Hicks (5), Andy “Bathgate” M (2)
Goalie Loss – Eric R (5-3, GAA of 2.25)
Pounds – #NotTheOriginalScottyK x3 (18), Jake “Charlie” Chaplin (4), Ajay “Anze” G x2 (3)
Goalie Win – Sizzler (7-3-2, GAA of 1.92)
Game Notes: Why did the other Div 1 teams plan their weeks off against Los Blancos this year?
Gremlins 1 @ Poos 4
Gremlins – “Inanimate Carbon” Rod (2)
Goalie Loss – Jamie B (8-4-2, GAA of 2.07)
Poutine – John C x2 (4), Mike “I really hope we got the name right” Pelt (4), Brian “Recently got a haircut” Sulli (5)
Goalie Win – Teddy (2-0, GAA of 2)
Game Notes: If you’re a fan of the water (who isn’t if they live in the NY Metro?) and up for some seafood on your curds, Garde Manger in Old Montreal is known for its Lobster Poutine.
Quick Shifts: Casilli looked like Casillas out there as Jerome might say, looking to be in champions league like top drawer footy hockey form with two snipes early in this game….Sulli is now not only rocking a new do but a 3 game goal scoring streak….Walker was a minus 2 early, but good thing they play – oh nevermind, don’t look at next Sunday’s game, it might not get any better.
Kai 3 @ Karma 2 (F/OT)
CK –Liam (8), Rachel “I’ll just tie it up late and then score a not quite controversial OT winner” Longley x2 (2)
Goalie Win – Campbell “the W stands for Win” Weaver (10-0-2, GAA of 1.08)
IK – “S”Cory V (5), Brianna V (5)
Goalie OT Loss – Steve F (3-6-1)
Game Notes: Looking ahead to 2019 after such a controversial goal to end this game, Friedman’s presser after the game went a little like this.
Quick Shifts: When told that CK won in OT, our CK beat reporter asked if the final score was 3-2, (since we know they haven’t let in more than that, sans shootouts, all season). Campbell was reportedly shocked (where is that Photo from the OCMD Crab Shack when you need it?) when we got it spot on, but what else is new?
Trending: Outside of Week 4 (Brianna) and Week 5 (Cory), Brianna and Cory have markers in the same games, respectively – weeks 2, 3, 11, and 15 are no anomaly!
Filthier 3 @ Butchers 1
Filthier – OP James x2 (13), Sunny (14)
Goalie Win – Tim K (12-3, GAA of 1.80)
Butchers – SUPER DAVE (3)
Goalie Loss – Ed P via Gut Rot BITZES an approved League Sub?
Game Notes: SUPER (fka Fast) Dave hit thirty speed on Sunday. (American English LINK)
Quick Shifts: If we had a segment going over the errors in our posts, we’d note that we had Tim for win 10 twice last week and that he was 11-3 and now 12-3, hence the inconsistency between write ups.
Sky Fighters 2 @ Corlears Hookers 0
Sky – James McQ (8), Amanda A via FA (1)
Goalie Shutout Win – OG James (3-8-1, 2nd Shutout)
Goalie Loss – Dustin (5-5-1, GAA of 2.17)
Game Notes: RNV noted that there was a foot in the crease calling back a goal for the Hookers, not that you wouldn’t have heard about that already! #FactualNews
Tweets of the Week
Bobby Luu gets a feature for Week 15, well not really a true feature as we could never do his great social media work any justice on this BTSH “segment”. #DoubleClick
Week 17 Previews – Part 2
August 10th, 2018Attention: the L train is not operational this weekend in Manhattan and parts of Brooklyn. For those of you that rely on this train to get to the courts, please research alternative routes and budget additional travel time in order to arrive before your game.
Gremlins at Fresh Kills
by Jess (apparently the resident haiku master) D
Gremlins
Sad Poutine beat them
Even more sad Erich left
Rod scored the lone goal
In last week’s decimation
New player Courtney
Could possibly give them life
Which is shocking cuz
Walker hates milennials
Plz score you guys thx
Fresh Kills
A truly strong team
Check out some of these players
Gabe switched to defense
Nicole can kill anyone,
arm wrestling champ
Sheena deadlifts more than Gabe
Canadians suck
Oh yeah back to street hockey
This team is scary
Prediction:
Wallowing Gremlins
Vs Unstoppable Fresh Kills
Fresh Kills win 4-1 Read the rest of this entry »
