btsh.org

by RichieHero

Former Elf Garrett C. once said, “Winning wouldn’t feel so good, if losing didn’t suck so much.” While we heaped praise on the many winners this past Sunday, unfortunately there was a lot of losing going on. So much, that we had to forgo the 3-Not-Stars and turn it into the “Five Failures.”

5. Sam N. Ref Manager. A ref manager should keep his composure and not yell at other refs during the game he is playing. Especially when the ref is right and the Ref Manager is wrong.  BTSH Rules.

Dick.

4.  Six weeks or so ago, Fresh Kills were drinking on the losers of BTSH’s tab. Conquered opponent after conquered opponent were forced to clean their garbage, and pay their bar tab. But no more! After Fresh Kill’s disgraceful loss in OT to Math, the league sat by and jubilantly watched Fresh Kills clean the whole courts. Somewhere Heather is smiling. Read the rest of this entry »

by RichieHero

Sorry Sarah T., you picked the wrong week to score the most beautiful goal of your life. With the Olympics, upsets and individual great performances, this is one of the toughest weeks to get a star. Thank God the Rainbows failed to get their first same day win in almost two years or the Star Snubs would have been off the chart. But enough babbling, more starring.

Third Star
Joe P. from the Gouging Anklebiters

No pity point for you Lbs.

With just two ticks remaining before OT, Joe P. rifled one past Zisser, denying the Lbs. even a pity point. Speaking of pity, Joe P. was once one of the greats in BTSH. He started  in 2010 and was wildly considered one of the best players in the league. But injuries, Father Time and the infusion of young talent like his teammate Probie, has left Joe behind. Plus the time Ellery whipped him during a game, screaming, “You aint no RG1! Rex Grossman sucks. Robert Griffin III 4 Lyfe” didn’t help. But the ol’ man proved he still has the skills to excel in our lovely league. Read the rest of this entry »

Bear with me here. I’ve got a couple in me at this point. 

BTSH Olympics are right around the corner and if last year’s lack of productivity for the following week are any indication, it is surely an event you don’t want to miss. Sunday will feature food, drink and feats of strength that would make even the legendary Frank Costanza proud.  Come for the flip cup and bar napkin lovemaking, stay for the arm wrestling MCed by our very own freedom of speech hating Rich Glnzr (tag him at your own risk).  Food will include pizzas at Parkside and this beast of a sandwich at the courts, imported fresh from Hoboken by our very own @ballhogg.  Drinks will include $3 high lifes, $5 tall boy tecates and possibly some of Hicks’ favorite courtside beverage (from what I’ve heard, like drowning it gets better once you get used to it).    Sign up here or forever be branded a coward and possibly a misogynist.

And now here is part 2 of your Preivews!

Tompkins Square Riots at Instant Karma
by A Young Padawan and their Jedi Master

By now, you know the drill. We don’t write regular hockey previews. Because they’re boring. No offense to the (boring) people who like them. Instead, we imagined what if BTSH decided to host an Olympics and the events were all drinking-related and/or absurd. Oh wait, that sounds like foreshadowing to an upcoming event. (Shameless plug)

That’s right – this Sunday, at 7:00pm, Parkside Lounge will be hosting our sorry asses for a night of competitions and debauchery. Be there or be……at work the next morning.

Now back to our regularly scheduled preview…

You guessed it, we’ve decided to put Karma and the Riots to the ultimate test — the BTSH Olympics.

Immediately following the conclusion of Sunday’s games Isaac will be carrying the torch and leading us to Parkside like a bunch of gnats drawn to light (or, in our case, alcohol).

Arm Wrestling Competition – Amy J. versus Isaac — let’s just say, size doesn’t always matter.

Tecate Chugging – Wait, why isn’t this a Miller High Life or Pabst chugging contest?

In any case, Karma wins it. Steve and Nina have a lot to do with this. (MacNeil put up a valiant effort for the Riots, though.)

Nina looks a lot different off the court.

Flip cup – Brianna, Cory, and Derek vs. Alex, Margot, and Christina. (In case you were utterly confused by Hogg’s box scores/stats, that’s each team’s top 3 scorers). Are you allowed to puke and still win?  Because, Derek pukes.

2 girls, 1 cup – Lisa H. went rogue and managed to defeat everyone, all on her own. 1 girl – 1 cup!

Bar Napkin Love Poem contest – Chadwick’s award-winning words stole the show in this competition, however he was too busy tripping over 5 backpacks while playing lime toss to hear the announcement. Nicole accepts the award on his behalf.

Phallic Phluffer Eating Contest – For this, size DID matter, and Max showed off his phallic eating skills by throating, not one but FIVE hot dogs at once. The judges were so impressed they awarded him bonus points for the bonus boners. NEW RECORD!

Hot Legs competition – OBVIOUSLY Greenwald wins again this year. And to our treat, and his own, he gets to eat a cupcake out of his own ass.  (Gil de Rubio was the runner up.)

We’ll let you decide which of these teams was the overall winner here, but let’s face it: When BTSH has events like the Olympics, we all win.

Oops, we forgot these two teams are playing hockey against each other Sunday, aren’t they?

In that case…

Prediction: The Riots’ woes continue, as Karma takes this one 4-2. Chadwick scores a tap in that even a small child couldn’t possibly miss. Read the rest of this entry »

BTSH Olympics are right around the corner and if last year’s lack of productivity for the following week are any indication, it is surely an event you don’t want to miss. Sunday will feature food, drink and feats of strength that would make even the legendary Frank Costanza proud.  Come for the flip cup and bar napkin lovemaking, stay for the arm wrestling MCed by our very own freedom of speech hating Rich Glnzr (tag him at your own risk).  Food will include pizzas at Parkside and this beast of a sandwich at the courts, imported fresh from Hoboken by our very own @ballhogg.  Drinks will include $3 high lifes, $5 tall boy tecates and possibly some of Hicks’ favorite courtside beverage (from what I’ve heard, like drowning it gets better once you get used to it).    Sign up here or forever be branded a coward and possibly a misogynist.

And now here are your Previews!

Butchers at Fuzz
by RG1 and RG2

RG2: OK Rachel, despite Marko’s continued cyber bullying of me, I want you to know that I have feelings and cried during the following movies. Brian’s Song, Rudy, and of course Field of Dreams. Yes, I have Daddy issues.

RG1: Thanks for sharing. I think you’ve mistaken this for Glnzr therapy hour. It isn’t. It’s about sneaker hockey. As I’m sure you’ve all noticed, our game is at 12:30, instead of 1pm. Because Princess Laniado has a softball game. SOFTBALL? Boo. sneaker hockey wins. But the Butchers are ok with this, because we were promised doughnuts.

RG2: Fine, I’ll be RG2. But yes, this is why I’m being nice to you this week. We need to get this game over with so half our team can play softball. So please tell Tim limited water breaks. I need another favor from you. It’s kinda important.

RG1: Ok, what is it? Just to preempt you, I will not ask Marko to stop cyber bullying you. It’s in the best interest/amusement of the league.

RG2: OK, never mind then. Let’s get on with the previews. Who do you have this week? Who is missing?

RG 1: You think I am going to give away our secrets? NEVER. Georgine would kill me. Have you ever seen her pissed? You don’t want to.  Also, I legitimately have no idea. I’ll tell you one thing, nobody knows if Fast Dave is coming until gametime. Not even Fast Dave. I hope Alexa is there, so I can touch her butt and then shake her hand. Since BTSH stands for (consensual) Butt Touching Shaking Hands.

RG2: I get in enough trouble from league feminists without (consensual) Butt Touching Shaking Hands so I’m going to try and stay out of the #MeToo offenders. But I will say this, you’re going to lose. I saw MDF’s shootout attempt and our strategy is to just let her go on 40 breakaways, and then pass to Gil with around 20 seconds left.

RG1: Are you playing defense? I’m sure MDF can figure out a way to make sure you score an own goal.

RG2: Yeah. Shit.

RG1: Dana is going to distract Coach by asking Chuckles if he wants a cordial.

RG2: 1- I thought I was special when Coach called me Chuckles. I feel so used. But anyways, I guess it will be 1-1 and hopefully our two jerky captains lets us shoot in the shootout to decide who wins. Loser buys the winner a beer?

RG1: I know, right? I thought I was special too. That guy is a dick, we should both unsuccessfully try to score on him.

RG2: I’m glad we settled this. Coach is a dick. You get doughnuts and beer, and loser buys winner a beer. And we can agree on something else…the 2019 Super Bowl champs! J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS!!! Read the rest of this entry »