btsh.org

by Cat

Monday I made the Walk of Shame back to Royale to retrieve my credit card from behind the bar, earning myself the first of many Not Stars this week. You know I put extra time into my outfit so that Ella would realize I’m a Responsible Grown Up with a Real Job (also see: my approved membership into the NYC Ball Hockey LinkedIn Group) and not a Degenerate Overly Invested in a Recreational Sports League. She wasn’t there. Nobody at Royale complimented my work onesie.

As much as I delight in using 3 Stars as my personal livejournal, enough about me:

Third Star
Alexa from Fuzz

There’s no video shootage, and I am running on deadline so I’m not going to ask anyone what happened, but here’s what I am pretty sure happened, based largely on a very blackmail-y email from Glanzer and a basic understanding of how hockey works:

• LBS scored some goals.
• Fuzz scored some goals.
• In fact, now that I think of it, they scored the same number of goals.
• The game went to a shootout.
• Meanwhile, Rich/JW/Jenn P were engaged in a Marx Brothers-esque juggle for a camcorder, which apparently still exist, even though everyone has smart phones these days.
• Alexa scored a goal.
• Thusly, Fuzz won.

This goes without saying, but Not Stars to Rich, Walker, and Jenn. Get your acts together.

She also fills in as a ref from time to time.

I’d also like to say to Alexa, a multi-talented person who can goaltend and score goals, a true renaissance woman, and it has nothing to do with what Rich has against me: Damn gurl! Read the rest of this entry »

BTSH Lore: A Lexicary and Anthropoturgical Primer

We’re proud to announce that the BTSH website now has a page dedicated to a Cultural Glossary! And it is about time too. There are so many odd references in our precious league that they are sometimes met with baffled incomprehension. So here you go!

The BTSH Cultural Glossary page can be found under About BTSH.

There’s still time to sign up for Hockey Beach!

by Hicks

No rain at halftime meant the Demons had to play their whole game which ended up being a loss to the Gremlins.

Filthier took out Fresh kills in a shootout for their second win against the champs this year. (LOL Shootouts)

Cobra Kai took care of business against Poutine in a tightly contested defensive battle.

Lbs and Fuzz went to a shootout with Fuzz prevailing and moving their win streak to 7 in a row. (LOL shootouts, again.)

The Rainbows hopped out to an early lead, but the Pucks proved too much once they got the shade in the second half.

Math and the Hookers went to the third LOL shootout of the day with Math coming out on top and Cro complaining about a “rigged system.” Read the rest of this entry »

Corlears Hookers at Mathematcis
by Hicks

Generally at this point in the year, you can begin to evaluate teams and figure out who the contenders/pretenders are in the race for the PBR Cup. However, the Hookers are not one of those teams. Not only have they played only 8 games (seriously, only my dog is more frightened of water than them), they seemingly throw out a new roster each week. I guess they finally realized that Hogg meant it when he said “Cro, stop calling me, I’m not joining the Hookers” and have begun to host weekly tryouts. The only aspects of the Hookers roster that are consistent week over week are an eLEEt locker room glue guy, Cro acting as league weather boy/boy who cried weather fears, and Danilo and their women putting the team on their backs.

Help us, Emeritus. You are our only hope.

Meanwhile in the land of PEDMAS, it appears the dreaded Math summer vacation is upon us. I’ve been informed that there will be no Norri in attendance this week. You know what they say about that: no norri, no bueno. Math fans are dying to know will John be there? What about Langer or Amy? Before you write everyone’s favorite subject off though, keep in mind that this is a team that has made a name for itself over the past few seasons by winning games they weren’t supposed to win (anyone remember the playoffs against Cobra Kai last year?). I even remember a Fuzz vs. Math game from 2016 where the Mathletes were without Sam and they still beat everyones favorite poachers team. They’ll most likely need Perras to score another (sort of) hat trick in this game, but if that happens, I’ll give this team a puncher’s chance (especially if Eli goes full goon and punches someone. He’s emeritus, he can do that).

Prediction: Cro spends all of the first half cherry picking, not for goals, but because it’s the side with shade. Second half comes around and he switches to defense because weather is scary. Meanwhile despite effectively playing 4 on 5 for portions of the game, the Hookers onslaught is too much for a shorthanded Mathnasty leading to an outcome similar to the first time these two teams met. 6-2 Hookers. Read the rest of this entry »

Fresh Kills at Filthier
by Chairwoman Rachel

Speaking as someone who his the (dis) pleasure of playing these both of these teams twice a year: Yes, they are that a good. It’s infuriating, they run circles around you and then are super nice about it, so you can’t even be that mad. JJ will take the ball from you and apologize with his extreme Canadian accent “sore-ry, Rachel,” Soko might say “npocth,” but probably not. I think Sheena is the face in that relationship. Obviously you’ll see an amazing display of talent, but also a shining example of how games should be played in BTSH. These teams exemplify the golden rule. They show us that apparently, you can be good at hockey without being a dick. Except Tim K, man that guy is a dick. Good think they keep him between the pipes, amirite? Yoshi can’t save you now, Tim.

OK, now onto the actual game prediction: Last time these two teams faced off, Filthier edged out the Kills by one lil’ goal. However, it looks like the Kills are getting their championship vibe back with Tom’s triumphant return, Soko actually scoring goals, and the trust-worthy ever present sub Jeff. On the other hand, Filthy does not look to be bemoaning the loss of Suvin or Dennis. Seems their departure just clearing the way for Sunny to shine. Maybe this will be the week for Danielle to pot one against Patrick “Girls don’t score on me” B?

These two teams have both won championships in the last few years, and although the Kills have lost a few this season, I think they’ll start picking it up as we’ve passed the half-way point of the season. I think they will split the series, 2-1 Fresh Kills. Read the rest of this entry »