Save the Date – 2018 All-Star Game on June 10th
May 30th, 2018
Mark your calendar – the 2018 BTSH All-Star game will be held on Sunday, June 10th at 6:30 pm on the West Court.
More details to follow next week.
Three Stars of Week 7
May 24th, 2018In honor of Rich Glnzr’s birthday we are shining the spotlight on the strong performances by just a couple of the many awesome ladies in our league.
Third Star
Noelle from Corlears Hookers
There’s a lot to smile about this past Sunday’s effort.
Noelle was focused and locked in on Sunday against Math. Each shift she was causing havoc all around the rink and even managed to score two goals. The second one was a top shelf beauty (that I hope to replicate at some point during my meh career). Perhaps this isn’t a big deal because she’s no stranger to scoring, but her performance was outstanding and star worthy.
Second Star
Kelsey from LBS, Inc.
Put a beer on those.
To be the best you need to beat the best. And to do that it takes guts and sacrifice. Against the team that has made three straight BTSH Finals appearances Kelsey sacrificed her limbs to help her team earn a victory. We’ve previously mentioned her snail’s pace of a transition to street hockey this season and are pleased to announce that things now seem to be clicking. Read the rest of this entry »
2018: Week 7 Box Scores – Scoring Highlights
May 22nd, 2018On Sunday I learned how to open the courts. Anyone ever done that real time before? Need a manual for all those different board(er)s in and around the courts.
Spoiler: Hopefully everyone had the over in every game but Filthier-FK.
Sky Fighters 1 @ Butchers 3
Sky Fighters – Jake T (1)
Goalie Loss – James S (1-5-1)
Butchers – SUPER Dave (1), Arthur R (3), Brady C (3)
Goalie Win – Tim Brk (2-4)
Game Notes: This game was closer than the score suggested as both teams traded coolly placed snips in the first period, with Sky not being able to make the most of a few grade A chances in the late stages of a 1 goal game and the crease was victim to another disallowed goal.
Quick Shifts: Butchers definitely David Leggio’d on two different occasions. Watch out for that, stripes.
Gut Rot 1 @ Poutine 5
TheBitzez – Akhil Nation (3)
Goalie Loss – Eitan via #RosterHim
Poutine – Andy P (1), Brian S (2), Jo-Ann “The” Pro x2 (2), Mike “Pelt Board” (1)
Goalie Win – RJ F (3-1, GAA of a Rouge)
Game Notes: Jo-Ann scored a BTSH hat trick; a goal (or two), a disallowed goal, and a (few dozen) beer(s) at the bar. That’s probably much sleeker than the would-have-been hat trick.
Quick Shifts: T-minus 5 minutes after going live until I get corrections on the above. Can’t beat the consistency!
Rainbows 0 @ Pucks 4
Goalie Loss – Greenwald (0-4)
WTP – Bardown Bandit (2), Paully P (5), Captain Emily! M (1), Justin M (1)
Goalie Win – Eitan via #DidntPlayAgainstHimThisTime
Game Notes: Eitan enjoyed playing for WTP for a change in the first half. Not sure if the second half counted though, he said he didn’t get a shot on goal for that part of the game.
Quick Shifts: When going from Corsi to Fenwick, Rainbows’ relative scoring chances got a bump up from 5 to 25 percent. Arguably the most underrated team in blocking shots. I guess they get a lot of practice at it though.
Greenwald’s new mask screams Dark Rainbows of BTSH – nice upgrade from the not regulation baseball cat eye mask and that human grease fire smelling USA decal scrub mask he sported for a week or two
Pounds 4 @ Rehabs 1
Pounds – Karsten (9), ScottyK x3 (9)
Goalie Win – Longwell via Ligue 1 free transfer market
Rehabs – HICKSY (1)
Goalie Loss – Eric R (2-1, GAA of a Deuce)
Game Notes: Los Blancos brought a goalie without a real mask to a two-piece stick fight and it caught Rehabs by surprise coming off two straight bye weeks.
Quick Shifts: Era adjusted, Karsten’s 9 would count for 29 back in the pre BTSH, I mean, NHL, lockout era of 2004-05, or whenever he started in the league. They still aren’t very pretty, and low on style points, though.
Instant Karnage 0 @ Cobra Kai 7
Goalie Loss – Steve F (2-2)
Cobra Kai – Not top shelf Tommy L x 2 (6), Liam M x2 (4), Pete G (1), JJ (2), Siena “Foligno” (2)
Goalie Shutout Win – Campbell W-W-W-W-W-W (6-0, 2 shutouts, but not 3, .83 GAA)
Game Notes: Taking one on the chin for him in one of the several of skirmishes in this heated blowout, Will lets the girls of CK fight his battles for him, and the Dojo win 7-0 to go 7-0 on the season. Needless to say, this game was not as clean as Campbell’s save percentage on the day. Lol. Will, do I have your [team’s] goals right today?
Quick Shifts: The God of Thunder is still without his hammer and I’ll wait a week or two to update you all on the Bezos/Musk memes.
But who is the Loki of BTSH?
Quick Maths (0 plus 1 is…) 1 @ Fish Market’s Bait and Hook 7
Math – James “Bobberhead” W (1)
Goalie Loss – David L-L-L-L (0-4, GAA of ouch!)
Hookers – Noelle “13 clicks (km’s) is a light stroll” x2 (2), TJ (1), CJ “I won Peyton his second super bowl” Anderson x2 (4), Justin #NotMyPrime Minister Trudeaun’t (1), Tiff H (2)
Goalie Win – Tim B via there’s like 5 Tim B’s in this league who did this game sheet and thought this was okay?
Game Notes: Very competitive game. I mean, the game started zero-zero, am I right?
Quick Shifts: Tiff has gone back to GM duties for the Hookers and made the smart move of rather than poaching division 4 players (my texts from Cro have fallen significantly in the past week…) she brought in a new class of Dartmouth talent.
Filthier 2 @ Fresh Kills 1
Filthier – James (4), Sunny (5)
Goalie Win – Tim “Just another Sunday” K (5-2, GAA of 1.57 and change)
Fresh Kills – Ariel (4)
Goalie Loss – Barch Pile (3-2)
Game Notes: First star (or at least a participation medal Glnzr HM) goes out to Tim K for pulling out a more impressive win than against Pounds in Week 2. He was stellar early in this one to give his team a chance to pull out a big dub (in what I presume was) late in this contest.
Fuzz 7 @ Anklebiters 6
Fuzz – Jeff x2 (6), Ryan H (2), Mike Teyt (6), Ryann “RNV” G (6), Rob W (1), “Hall” Gil (2)
Goalie Win – Coach (6-1, 2.57 GAA)
‘Biters – Jared P x3 (6), Alex D (4), Carrie R (3), Jason B (1)
Goalie Loss – “DJ” Bubble Baths (3-1, GAA of could have used a second rinse, lather, repeat with the rubber ducky on Sunday morning)
Game Notes: This game was back and forth. There was so many goals being scored I just picked up my stuff and left so I could get a head start on recording box scores knowing it was going to be a long Monday (….aaand Tuesday).
Quick Shifts: Coach’s SV+% is probably now halved after Sunday’s game. In the fleeting moments of the game’s final seconds, video review would have shown the ball being struck at waist height, but with no time remaining on the clock. NO GOAL!
After review, the puck (ball?) was struck in under the cross bar, kind of around the waist….but when we finally looked at my wrist watch…there was…some…no…NO TIME ON THE CLOCK. NO GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mega Touch 2 @ Riots 1
Mega – Liz Boylan (???) via Riots clearly know no one in the league, Michelle P (1)
Goalie Win – Jeff H (not sure if he’s an FA, but he’s got a solid GAA!)
Riots – Kevin “Zed” (1)
Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (0-4-1)
Game Notes: This was such a great matchup on paper, that the referee assigned to the card had to be replaced by R3T!R3DT!M3
Quick Shifts: This was Liz’s first goal since being moved back to defense for Los Blancos, except it won’t show up on the stats sheet, so it’s really not. Sorry Liz!
Gremlins 3 @ Demons 2
Gremmies – Erich “just another day at the office” G x2 (10), Cody “Don’t forget about me” C (3)
Goalie Win – Jamie “Comments are the best comments” B (4-2-1, GAA of Two point Blue-Forty-Two).
Demons – Brian M (3), Zach “Lawrence Taylor” (2)
Goalie Loss – Charlie O’D via Zog Rule 5 draft
Game Notes: With all these one goal games for the Gremlins, I feel like I know who Marcella recruited for the Women’s scrimmages drills…if Rockoff is going to want to get his client a max contract 2019, he might want to get him off a team running the 1-3-1 in the “land unmarked for hand passes” zone.
Don’t you dare score! Don’t make me remind you about our goal differential rule (just kidding, I already am!)
Week 7 in Tweets
Phew, gold star if you made it this far this week. I’m going to need another shot of P-I-N-O-T PINOT GRIGIO when I’m in Vegas watching game 7 (what do you mean VGK didn’t have home ice for the WCF and that that is the wrong series entirely?!) #Doubleclick
Around the League – Week 7
May 20th, 2018
Poutine continued their roll by defeating Gut Rot. Akhil got the lone biscuit for Rot and JoJo was denied a hat trick by the ref. Jerk.
Creamy returned to action and helped the Butchers contain the wily Sky Fighters.
Rainbows gave a valiant effort, but it was Emily’s goal that propelled the Pucks to victory.
LBS overcame the Jewish holiday and the Rehabs. Karsten continues to defy father time.
Math knocked the Hooker’s eye out, put it back in and then knocked it out again.
Cobra Kai remains undefeated. And we’ll leave it at that.
Filthier appears to be Fresh Kills’ cryptonite and Sunny gets behind the defense way too often.
Within the first 10 minutes Fuzz jumped out to a 7-3 lead, but the Biters whittled it down to a goal. And with a second left they appeared to have tied the game, however, the ref called it off due to a high follow through.
Going out on a limb here without knowing the outcome of the final two games… God punished the Demons for not observing Shavout. And the Riots ran wild on Mini Touch.
UPDATE: Mega regained their Mega status by cheating. They used Boylan and someone named Michelle.
Week 7 Previews – Part 1
May 18th, 2018Gut Rot at Poutine Machine
by Christo the Red-Tailed Hawk
CAW! Ahem, sorry, let’s try that again. Okay, so I wanted to make a few remarks before I get to the preview. First of all I just wanted to tell you I love your little hockey league. You guys tend to smell pretty, uh, fragrant, after a game, and you leave a lot of little bits of food laying around. That one-two punch attracts a lot of rats, and boy howdy do I love rats. I mean, who doesn’t?! Woo-ee!
And don’t get me started on the tributes, I mean you have like what, five teams with me on your shirts? Well okay, two just have winged logos, but three have birds. That What The Puck one is pretty stylized, looks like a fuckin’ chickenhawk. I guess that’s the hen layin’ those bright orange eggs you’re always swatting around, am I right? But hey, I’m cool with diversity, I’m down with intersectional ornithology, dig? And it’s definitely me on those Fuzz shirts. What I’m trying to say is, unlike you, I’ve got two foveae in each of my retinas, so I notice little things like that, and I appreciate it. I’ve been going through a rough patch with Dora, so your unflinching support means a lot to me. Back at ya, homies, right back at ya. As my way of saying thanks I’ve decided not to eat your dogs and children.
So here’s what these foveae foresee. Gut Rot? They got some succulent meat on those bones. Perko may be Drew Carey’s love child but he can whack balls like nobody’s business. As long as they’re on target, Gut Rot has a chance. And how ‘bout that Kovac-Cohen-Kollar combo? I could watch them all day… and I do! By the way, can I just finally say this, with apologies to Jimmy Clanton: Peaches is Beavis in blue jeans. I’m just kiddin’, folks. But sticking with the cons, Ed hasn’t been guarding his nest too well this year. Gotta watch for cowbirds and starlings stashing their eggs in there, bud. But let’s blame the defense because it’s never the goalie’s fault (hawkeye roll). So if you know me you know I always root for the team with the shabbier record. That’s why Sunday at 1pm you’ll hear me screeching “Akhil! Akhil!” Read the rest of this entry »
